Raven,<P>Thank you for being specific about what your husband wants you to you. I certainly had the wrong idea of what it was that he was asking of you. Since you have specified the activities, I need to revise my advice. I would like to address each of these in turn.<P>1. Handcuffing and gagging me<BR>This is not something I suggest you allow. Your husband has cheated, and he has not redeveloped the trust, and it would be very difficult for you to enjoy this anyway.<P>2. "Light" S/M<BR>Sado masochism always involves pain for one person. I cannot see why pain should ever be involved in such a beautiful act as sex. <P>3. Videotaping<BR>There is probably nothing wrong with this in itself, but if you both agree to erase the tape as soon as it is made it is probably harmless, but if you are willing to make love with him so often, why does he need a videotape?<P>4. Inviting someone to watch us<BR>There is no need for this, and it could harm your marriage. <P>5. Him watching me with another woman <BR>(preferably the OW)<BR>-I say this is a definite no no.<P>6. Him watching me with another man <BR>(preferably my old college boyfriend)<BR>This is adultery and is another definite no no. <P>7. Anal sex<BR>There is probably nothing inherently wrong with this, but it would require a lot of marital trust, is a matter of personal choice, and does involve a risk of bacterial infection for both of you. <P>Please forgive me for misinterpreting your post, I had previously thought that you were merely refusing to engage in something else. Some of these, in my opinion, are definitely out of the question and others are things that I believe that you have every right to refuse. I guess I just thought you were refusing to wear lingerie and engage in oral sex. That is what I get for assuming, I sincerely apologize. <P>It appears that your husband's sexual tastes have probably been affected by pornography. He has seen these things depicted, and is obsessing with them. I really think that he has a sexual addiction. You have stated that he is a Christian. I really think that some kind of intervention would be appropriate. I suggest that you speak to your minister about this, he has probably heard of this sort of thing before. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John
