What I am getting from you sound like rationalizations to justify your actions. If I, an uninvolved stranger, think that, what will your daughter think?

Accept the fact that you can not control your adult daughter, and do those things that will maximize your chances for a good relationship with her in the future.

married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us