I hope I can make this as brief as possible but I wanted to update everyone on two separate aspects of my situation.
1. My DD18 returning and living at home now.
2. My job relocating me back near my hometown.
1. DD18 returned a couple weeks ago (most here know the back story from previous posts).
As advised here, we welcomed here back and did our best not to be critical of her and the decisions she previously made leaving the home unannounced to everyone. DD18 has been staying in our guest apartment (by her choice). Of course things are not the same, but most conversations are relatively peaceful.
We began to allow her to use the car in an effort to have her try and get back on her feet. She does go see her boyfriend and it is our understanding that he kind of goes place to place with old friends looking for a place to lay his head.
We know that DD18 has tried or actually had the boyfriend at our home when we were not present. This is not speculation, but my wife observed the two of them pull up in car together shortly after we left for a 2 day trip out of town. After returning home I also found partial cigar pieces on the patio and we don't smoke.
As of yesterday DD18 started job at old Sports Bar employer. DD18 has expressed that "as of now" her intentions are to try and save up enough money to secure her own apartment with boyfriend in the local area. DD18 told wife that she gave the boyfriend more or less an ultimatum that he needed to secure employment and start making progress or she would be making decisions on how she wanted to handle her future.
I guess my question is simply; Do we continue to allow her to use the car to tote this guy all over the place? DD18 has not made a payment in 3 months and has not put gas in the tank. DD18 woke up today and told me she was heading out to drive "someone" to school. (High School). I said "oh;ok. It is likely a friend of her boyfriend.
2. As many of you know we located here 5 years ago after wife's affair. There were additional reasons for the move to include job for wife (that included college tuition discount) and an opportunity for me to return to a state job I had left years ago.
My employer has now offered me somewhat of a promotion to return to the western part of PA. I would be tasked with basically developing and running a smaller version of the unit that I work in here. This will place us close to our hometown.
I have been evaluating how I feel about this, but we are pretty far down the road of accepting the position and the relocation. I have been to hometown several times over the past 5 years; and don't seem to be affected by "triggers" and the past. I know with a great deal of certainty that wife has had no contact with OM and understands (we both do) how to protect of marriage. Wife would not be working with OM, be living close to any of his family and nor would I be working where I would be exposed to him.
Our other DD22 still resides there as do all of both of our families.
DD18 has indicated at least at this time that she is going to try and remain here with her boyfriend "If all goes good" but would decide in the next month if she would consider moving back close to home?
Wife has indicated that she would like to be closer to family but asked how I felt about moving to our hometown area.
I have mixed feelings; but all that we have been through and learned I feel we have to be able to protect and understand how to live in our marriage and that should allow us to be wherever geographically we chose to be.
Like it or not our entire families reside in this area and we have to be able to function there as well. We both have returned several times over the years for family needs ect; and would continue to have to do this throughout our lives.