Hello everyone, I’m new here!

I feel so silly asking this, but I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of 3 and a half years, but immediately afterwards I started having immense bouts of anxiety, stress, and depression over whether I actually loved him or not, if I was making a terrible mistake. This was a month ago, and while the anxiety has gotten better, it has still left me shaken and doubting if my feelings were ever “love”.
We never really had a “honeymoon phase” and do not have great sexual chemistry (he struggles to perform as well, but honestly I don’t mind this very much as my libido isn’t terribly high). The lack of honeymoon phase makes me afraid the foundation for real love was never set because I never had that initial burst of feel good chemicals in the brain to associate with him!

I was only ever in love once before, in highschool, and that crashed and burned spectacularly. My fiancé is my first and only sexual experience and real “adult” relationship. (I am currently 24 and he is 30)

Despite this, I desperately want to marry him. I genuinely think he is an amazing man and I would be a complete fool for letting him go! He is kind, sweet, generous, patient, loving, affectionate, and provides for my every need. I love to cuddle him and be near him, and I generally have a good time when we go for trips together, but we do have issues with maintaining conversations, which can be difficult for me.

I want to marry this man with every fiber of my being, but I worry I am making a mistake or being selfish. I feel nauseous and break out in tears when I imagine a life without him, I do not want to let him go, but I worry the correct love feelings aren’t there!

Am I foolish for hoping to ignite this between us? Is it possible for us?

Edit: I also worry about being too inexperienced or young to make this decision, but I know that my life is better with him in it and I do not want to let him go at all, so those feelings generally override any concerns I have over not having “played the field” enough, so to speak!

Last edited by Zai; 07/29/21 01:06 PM. Reason: Added additional information