to max<BR>I know who the OM is. It is the Father of my son's best friend. I have already confronted the two of them together. His wife left him about 2 years ago after carrying on an affair for 3 years. She is no longer with her OM. The big difficulty I have is that my son wants to spend time with his son. My wife then goes to pick him up, and is there for 2 hours, while I wait at home with my two girls. I think that this spending time that she does at that time is at least as damaging as the times when she is out at night at his house and having the physical part of the affair. I feel that spending time with him in the light of day with our son and his son around makes it a more real part of her life than if it was all secretive. I want to put my foot down and say "I'll pick our son up". She says that would be uncomfortable for both of you (me and OM). From what I understand, I'm not supposed to make demandsin Plan A, so I give in and let her go. This week OM and his son framed a picture for her. I'm not sure what the OM is thinking if he wants it secret to be giving presents to my wife, particularly with his son as an accomplice. Either his son or my son (both 12) have got to start asking soon, why is OM giving presents to W?. We have yet to discuss situation with any of the children involved. I still have her at home, and we have been enjoying each other's company. Unfortunately, right when I feel the walls between us coming down, our son asks to go to his friend's house, and she disappears with him for 2 hours to take him. By the time she comes back, I feel everything has regressed. She still sleeps in the bed with me (no sex), falls asleep holding my hand, snuggles me in the bed. All of these are things I'm giving that he doesn't, at least not every night. We went to a comedy club Sat. night and had a great time. But then Sunday, our son needed picked up. AS I said, in the spirit of making no demands in Plan A, I don't see how to restrict her. I'm doing my best to make every interaction I have with her positive, but I feel I can't compete with the newness of him. I asked my son to try to spend some time with other friends. My excuse to him was simply that more friends puts you in a better place when one of them isn't around. I worry he may bring up conversation with W. Thanks for the responses, I'll start looking at more books.<BR>