SAdly, my wife's affair is both a PA and EA. Note that I said "is". At this point she has yet to reach the point where she believes our marriage is worth saving, and as a result, continues to see the other man. She says she tries to stay away, but after about a week feels she must see him. An interesting development occurred this weekend, though. We decided we needed to talk to our 12 year old (at my insisting for several weeks) about it. We brought it up and he immediately said " I already know". It seems that he and the OM's 12 year old have both spent some time snooping around in their parents' rooms, and the careful lovers who claim "Nobody knows about it, we've been really careful", have been uncovered by a pair of 12 year old sleuths. I'm hoping this will help to put pressure on the relationship, and begin to bring it down to earth. Unfortunately, of all the things I have read since D-DAy, the one that seems most applicable is the "soulmate" type affair of Greg and SUe in "Surviving an Affair". So much of it strikes resonant chords with me, but I can only hope that it will not drag on as long as that one. One other aspect is that the OM is 13 years older than her. Mid-life crisis was brought up. Of course her response was "I am not his midlife crisis". I said, "How many midlife crisis affairs believe that they are?". At least with the discovery by the 12 year olds it changes some of the dynamics. The whole situation has been seemingly unchanging for the past several weeks, and perhaps it will begin to evolve now.