I would like to hear from those in the marriage who had the affair/OC, husband or wife. I can't get over the fact that my H was intimate with another W, shared special feelings, looked at her in the special loving way he looks at me, etc. How can he say he loves me when he did all those things with her and enjoyed them and was happy with her? He can't explain it. Says he loves me. It was a mistake. He was a different person, very unhappy with himself. Was able to compartmentalize things and not think about us. What was it like for those of you that had the affair? DId you think of your spouse? How can you say you love your spouse now? Did you think of your kids while you were having affair? Do you think of OW/OM now? How did you justify affair in your mind? How were you able to go home and look at your spouse and your kids in the face and not feel bad? I don't mean to be accusing of anyone, but my H can't seem to answer any of these questions. If you are past where I am now, maybe you can help.