Nellie - BTW, this is a really good thread, because it's hitting on some very basic issues. I think there's a tendency for a lot of us on this forum to get OVERoptimistic about the chances of rescuing our spouses from their EMR's. You've given us a good reality check.

I don't consider reality checks necessarily negative. I wish I'd done more of this kind of thinking before I married my present W. You see, I was in my 1st marriage for a long, long time w/ a woman who cheated serially on me I don't know how many times, with both sexes. (1st time she told me about - never after that.) You'd think I would have learned. But N-O-O-O-O-O-O!!

TNT is right on when she says [QUOTE] I think you are right in questioning whether us betrayed's can choose a partner that is trustworthy and sincere.[QUOTE/]

So what do I do? When I'm courting my present W (#2), she tells me in graphic detail about just about every man she ever had (even a brief) relationship with. Turns out she cheated on virtually every partner that she was in a long-term relationship with, including H#1. She used to tell me stories of how she cheated on H#1 with his best friend while he was staying with them. Idiot that I am, I was amused. I guess I got what I deserved!

--Wex