yeah, I'm one of those optomistic types, but I certainly wouldn't advocate putting blinders on and strolling through life unhappily. My husband too didn't express all the negative feelings about our marriage until I was face to face with a computer screen reading an email where he was telling his EA that he was pretty sure I knew it was over. (Up until that point I had no idea it was even close to over.) He concealed his emotions, but only started lying while the affair was in full force. I guess I seperate the dishonesty of an outright lie from just lack of communication. He's not a talker, never has been, never will be. He doesn't communicate feelings, he communicates facts. From other books I've read this is a common male behavior pattern. What this site has helped me do is be a little bit closer to having ESP. I can make educated guesses to what he might need, when he won't or can't tell me himself. It has taught me to ask the right questions to get the info I need to help build a relationship on a better rock. Maybe I was cynical about marriage from the beginning, and that is why it is easier for me to accept this now. I walked down the aisle on my wedding day and heard the worse over the better. I saw the worse as challenges to meet rather than obstacles too large to overcome. Gee even the song we danced to on our wedding night has the lines "Tell all the friends who think they're so together that these are ghosts and mirages all these thoughts of fairer weather. But, we'll sit here in our storm and drink a toast to the slim chance of love's recovery." There wasn't even a thought of infidelity in either of our minds at the time. Marriage takes work. All good things in life take work.