Nellie

I didn't say we go into marriage just to have our needs met. That's ridiculous. But I thought having married for "love" and having found a true "soul-mate" that the love would carry us through. It doesn't. Meeting each other's needs is a learned behavior, and I did a really bad job because I did not understand any of this. I too thought of him as better than he was, and it wasn't good for either of us.

We all need to be loved and accepted as we are. While I loved him as this wonder-man, he found someone else to love him as he truly knew himself to be. He could tell OW #2 about #1, something he had been holding inside.

I'm not defending him, but I've been trying hard to understand better so we can get on with our lives.

I read a really good book the other day by a former divorce attorney - How to heal a painful relationship. It deals with letting go and making peace with the other person, even if it is to divorce as friends not to restore the marriage. It's by Bill Ferguson.