What brought me to research marriage conflicts is; why do two people who are so much in love, grow to dislike and possibly learn to hate one another? I personally do not know of any couple married for many years truly happy. And i know many elderly couples.

From a man's point of view i personally learned alot on the subject the last 6 months, and have read things with my mouth open in surprise of what i didn't know. However, the one thing that stood out and helped me recover, was once women have children, they change their EN's. I find many men, myself included, did not understand this.

We are still buying flowers and doing romantic things that brought us high love unit deposits in the beginning ,that now only draw a sigh.

Until I showed considerably more interest in doing things with the kids, that brought on better relations with the wife. and i continue it to this day. I learned my lesson. I feel sorry for so many men, who find this out too late.

I still long for the island vacations, and romantic days, but now i go to disney world instead. Don't get me wrong I love my kids, but they come first, and the husband second. Its hard to take a back seat.

I wonder somtimes if mother nature does not want long marriages. Why are men attracted to sexy young women? Why do women go for younger men? Its all about reproduction. that's it. Are we fighting nature by staying with the same spouse? Maybe man is meant to be with multible women. With the number of marriages failing at 60%. It really gets you thinking.

Look at the TV shows, there are so many affairs going on TV. The talk shows, affairs, and women trying to look younger.

Our society, wants wants, but do not want to give. We are selfish individuals heading in the direction of Satan.

Seeing the advertisements, all these boobs, and sexy bottoms, and the men wearing hardly anything. Everyone is toned, beautiful bodies, and hair glowing, and flowing, so beautiful. Teeth perfectly lined, and pure white. Commericals are on whitening the teeth. Commercials are on how to make yourself look better, and cleaner, prettier, straighter, younger,healthier, and those tight thight pants.

How can a middle age compare to these models. We can't.

I believe if there is God in the marriage, there will be a loving marriage. I know of a couple, Lillian and Walt. They have been married for 72 years. They love each other. I talked to her awhile back, and she said, sure there were arguments. But they knew God would help them. Now, they are experiencing the death of one of them. Walt has esophagus cancer. They go to Florida for the winter, and come back to Michigan for the summer. She told my mother, which both couples were very good friends (my father died 1 years ago), that she didn't know if she would be coming back this coming spring with Walt her husband.

I know that my husband and I could have a good marriage. We love each other, and care about each other very much. I am giving this to God, and bringing God into my heart, more and more every day. Thankyou Lord for my husband, and please take care of him and I, and our famly.

The Bible has never taught that doing the right/best thing for a person is going to be the most fun and desirable thing. The devil is a master at painting sin as desirable, that's the only way he can assure that you will partake of it and hamper your relationship with God. Give the devil his due, he's doing a pretty good job of it these days. What is bothersome is how easily it is for us to get caught up in it. How fulfilled do you think you'd really be when you are 90 with a 30 year old wife who instead of taking care of you is out looking for a 21 year old guy? Look at the big picture, no one would ever be trully happy in the situation you described.

God said it best in the bible! One man, one woman. Let no man put asunder what God has joined together. No, nature is not the way to be happy by allowing ourselves to bed hop constantly!
NO marriage will not see troubles and problems. It's about problem solving together and making the marriage work. It doesn't just happen.
As for you W and the kids, I don't think the kids are first and you second. But if it's true then her priorities are in need of fixing. Actually, Christ is to be the center, spouse second and family next. An order to things. However, when children are young, they do require more of our time! I'm all for the island vacations, romance, etc. and those could be worked in if you can afford them while raising the kids. You just need a trusted family member or friend who will take the children while you go! And couples should continue these romantic get aways as they can afford them.
Our children are grown now and H retired. So now is our time to go do those things we couldn't while rasing a family. There is a time for everything, Wokeup!
When you marry and have a family, it changes things, but only for a season. And it's a time to enjoy those things as well because the children grow up all too fast.
I suspect your W is a good mother, and giving a great deal to the children for their stability and well being. It is possible however to arrange time for you and her without the children. Time to encourage it if she's not been willing. You might tell her you're not willing to wait until your 50 to enjoy life again!
A wonderful book in how to organize and prioritize relationships is "Handbook to Happiness" By Charles R. Soloman. If you're wife is a Christian, then she would learn much from the book!
So don't feel you are not as important to her as the children. It's just they require a lot of time! It's not easy being a mom and doing a good job of it if you just allow the kids to go on their own and not have supervision.
Work with her. Plan things that are just for the two of you. Even arrange the sitter yourself, one that you know she will trust and feel comfortable leaving the children with. I'm sure she could use a rest from the responsibilities for a couple of days at time. Maybe arrange the sitter a day in advance to give her a chance to just relax before going away. Where she can nap, get her hair done, nails, whatever she would like. Time just for her so when you do go away, she's not so frazzled all she wants to do is sleep.
God Bless, LouLou

The following is an exerpt from todays Los Angeles Times obituaries:

"Robert and Linda Braidwood, archeologists who were married 66 years and worked side by side at the University of Chicago, have died. He was 95, and she was 93.

Robert Braidwood died of pneumonia Wednesday just a few hours before his wife succumbed to the same illness. Both were being treated at the University of Chicago Hospitals.

The couple, who had been living in LaPorte, Ind., trained some of the country's best-known archeologists and co-wrote dozens of scientific publications. They were so well-known as a team that they were often refered to as 'Lin-Bob.'"

........ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Neat-o!

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />