I failed on Plan B with WH after two days, I replied to his email(now WH is not writing anymore,fine, WH told me that he regreted that he wrote me, fine too) I called him up last night to check on him make sure he is ok...WH told me that he has not heard a thing from OW for probably 3 days now? OW is still in Denver till 7-5 on vacation...since OW is not responding.WH is upset & wonder if OW is with OM blah3x. Of course WH also accused me of doing something to OW hence OW
is not responding, WH has always accuse me of ruining their happiness or back stabbing them,OW calls me backstabber to WH...
WH had left me two angry messages with threat to mess me up at work that he would call my work and announce his A etc..then he apologized that he was just angry...now OW is playing hard to get and that way WH will beg and crawl back to OW that OW can sit on her thrown, fine too, all expected. My WH is daze and confuse as usual that he will wait till OW returns to discuss their lovey-dovey-possibly-happy-affair-turn-into-marriage thingy???
Then WH can dump me and divorce me and go on with
his beautiful exciting future...I am not angry but still very sad. I need support, I am working at the office on a Saturday so that I can get work down and not be depressed esp. the weather is gorgeous today and I am not doing any family activity on the beach or park??? I feel sad. But I know I am not alone, I have you all to hear me venting...Thanks.

You may not believe me, Wangi, but I know because I have been in your position.

As bad as you may feel in PLAN B, it is so much better than being involved in a triangle with WH and OW. I encourage you to get out of their world. It will destroy you. You are much more likely to reconcile with him if you get out of their web. He will keep you there forever.

They keep you from thinking clearly. Just think, Wangi. Why should you be concerned at all about their relationship with each other? He is disrespecting you highly for making you feel indebted to him for keeping their relationship together. That is the bizarre thinking of WSes who are not rational. You have to take hold of reason so that you can be put together yourself when and if he ever returns. Otherwise, we start acting and sounding crazy (for want of a better word) like they are.

Wangi, rescue yourself from him if you can! Today try to begin reading any of these books: CODEPENDENT NO MORE, BOUNDARIES or LOVE MUST BE TOUGH. At least, do SOMETHING positive for yourself if you can.

Take Care.

<small>[ June 28, 2003, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Thanks Mimi, I really appreciate your support, I will take care of myself though we have arranged to meet with MC next week, I guess it is not to reconcile but to talk about the situation and what can be done etc?? I guess WH wants me to divorce him so he can be with OW...I know I know, I just do not wish to see him get hurt or deliberately being hurt?! I care about WH deeply and I know he can't and won't see it..and I should stay strong and not be a part of the sick game anymore, just that today I am alone working and most of my friends are unable to company me today and I feel sad, but I am leaving now to do something good for ME. Thanks.

Try to get tough with him. Remember that is the only possible way that you will reconcile.

Wangi,

Have you met Orchid? She is my MB mentor.

Survived and repaired marriage despite efforts from a wacked out and totally toxic OW.

I managed a few months battling xH and OW. Realized if WH wouldn't change then it's something I can't control and I didn't want to be in their web of lies.

If OW has OM and then this triangle becomes a rectangle. Wierd. I say get out. OW will LB on her own.

And you never know... If H is aware you are here on MB, she may be too lurking.

there was an Ow on divorcing board where I usually post about two weeks ago. They are here to learn our secrets to use against us? Yep. for sure.

I am not conspiracy theory here, just the facts. I am only here usually providing support for those on d and d board but came here just to help a bit.

I always am advocate for going stealth. YOU be the one quiet. You be the one with the planning. You be the one to take the control back of your life.

Let whiney H who thinks he can cry to you about OW and her "what's she doing...it's your fault" poop go and find her.

I actually got a call after OW1 dumped him last fall. He was crying and blaming it on me. Said she broke his heart. It was hilarious. I wanted to laugh but I ended up crying when I saw how pathetic my stbxh had become and how it was only all about him.

Get outta the web now. Show them you are indifferent and don't care. Trust me the only good feedback I got was when I pulled myself out of the poop and started doing my own thing and not bothering him with any of my life at all. Then they wonder what's up with us? And even think we are becoming as foggy as they are.

That's your best chance for reconciliation. Get outta thge web and do stuff alone and act as if it doesn't matter and you don't care. Do a Plan A for yourself and tell him that "well I am going my own way and if you don't wan to change then that's that. sorry I am moving on." That will definitely get the kind of response you deserve and you will also generate respect.

Thanks Mimi and Peachy....I am trying, and yet worry about WH throwing his life away, it is indeed whether or not the M can be restored depend on whether OW will take WH back when she returns from her trip, WH is not studying...I guess I MUST let go of these cheaters huh. Yes, I know Orchid she is great and has been supportive..I am blessed that I am not the only BS here...thanks again. I don't think OW knows about MB, unless WH told her so..WH even suspected I emailed OW what he posted on MB, isn't it crazy? WH has been all freaked out about his A not working when he kept lying to me that he must do it RIGHT...not to have an A while still married...and there he goes again...anyway, it is time to focus on me, perhaps somehow somewhere someone truly care about me and value me..God knows. Thanks.

Keep reminding yourself that you are POWERLESS over him. Only GOD has the POWER to help him CHANGE. It took me forever to realize this. LET GO AND LET GOD!!!!

If he fails at his coursework, that was HIS CHOICE to focus on the OW rather than what's most important in his life. Can't you see how this is like an addiction? A drug addict only wants to get high on the drug!!

Hang in there. I know it's tough but you can make it.

Wangi:I am trying, and yet worry about WH throwing his life away,

Orchid: You can't keep up this 2 sided swing and still walk a straight and sane line. Eventually you will wear yourself out. But it seems like many a BS must try this so just letting you know we understand.

Wangi:.I guess I MUST let go of these cheaters huh.

Orchid: Yes you must but more important you are able to recognize it. Good progress. Now you will have to work on feeling it. It takes a while for the heart and mind to get in sync. It might for many other things but in this A area, the BS often losses their perspective. Not as bad as the WS but kind of.


Wangi:.I don't think OW knows about MB, unless WH told her so..WH even suspected I emailed OW what he posted on MB, isn't it crazy? WH has been all freaked out about his A not working when he kept lying to me that he must do it RIGHT...not to have an A while still married...and there he goes again...

Orchid: IMHO, keep blah freaked out..... LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Blah knows better but his heart, mind and pants are running in three different directions. As a result he doesn't look quite together and it will show. Yep even in his studies and work. You though have to remain sane. At least for yourself.

..Wangi:.anyway, it is time to focus on me, perhaps somehow somewhere someone truly care about me and value me.

Orchid: Yes it is time to do just that. Much harder to do since you will be drawn into thinking how you can fix him or educate him but you are headed in the right direction.

Wangi, I am in the Bay Area, if you ever need to talk. Let me know and I can send you my e-mail addy.

take care,
L.

Wangi:

I just want to say that I understand that focusing on yourself is at this point is EASIER SAID THAN DONE. It took me a long time and a lot of BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS to get to this point.

Thanks Orchid and Mimi(twice)I was feeling very lousy last night and from today on, I shall Plan B him,he sent me an email and ask of me to divorce him(if that's what I really "want", he added)Anyway, whatever happen in his life I am not a part of it, either he makes it or fails, I shall not worry, I am going to take good care of me and be sane, I lose it every now and then, I guess by staying away from him and his business, I should be able to focus on me, Yes, Orchid, how did you guess??? Hey, I am in the Bay Area too, SF it is! Email me wangiaja@yahoo.com, perhaps I can get more mentoring from you, like peachy..plus, I love orchid, I have a beautiful orchid in my office in case you wonder, flower makes me smile.. wangi means fragrance (in Malay)
Thanks a bunch, I should have began posting since DDay..I should have huh. Mahalo.

Wanji,

Your H's attempts to get you to D him is what I went through. ARrrgggghh... Maybe that's why Blah was soooo easy to read!!! LOL!

Ok, let's get you stronger ok? Blah previously said he was in CA. Then I think something about the Bay Area.

I work in Pleasanton. I will e-mail you later, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Have more to say to you about Blah's attempts. Hm..... 'you think he will be curious now??!?! Good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take care,
L.

Orchid, thank you, it has been a busy day at the firm, anyway, thanks for the email. I don't think Blah will post as long as he is in paradise with OW, he only come here when he thought he wanted the M?! Anyway, it is up to him whether or not to change his life, perhaps he is changing it by leaving me for you-know-who, for better or worse, that is his personal choice, unfortunately he will not have my blessings if OW is chosen, as unreasonable or cruel as I may seem, I am not THIS generous in sharing my H or give my H to an untrustworthy and unfaithful OW. As screw up as my H is, I won't tolerate WH to be with OW when OW has OM that WH wants to believe that OW is faithful or trusting? Whatever, thanks Orchid, I hope to meet with you and continue to have your supports and others' as well. Mahalo.