Ok... I know the guys are the gender with the mondo-huge sex drive, but I'm curious if more than a handful of women are being "short-changed" sexually.

This is a serious problem in my marriage and I want to know if my situation is unusual or is this a common problem that we just don't talk about?

Picture this. Scene is last night. H is in bed. I nibble his ears, his neck, his lips. I glide my body over his, rubbing against him. I pull out our "toy" we bought at the Fantasia party-a vibrator with a ring on it to fit over his penis. I kiss his body all over, rub his legs, stroke his penis, start giving him oral. I then slide the toy over his penis, turn it on to vibrate, and suck him quickly to orgasm. He is shaking. I look at him, his eyes closed.
I clean him up, then ask if he is going to return.

What do you think my response was???

You are not alone. I think it is becoming more and more of an issue for women. No longer is it just the man who complains to their buddies that the "little woman" just isn't "putting out" often enough for them. I think tho that women are reluctant to confide in their friends that their husbands aren't having sex with them or satisfying them when they do because we are too embarassed. I know I personally feel like a "failure" that my husband just has no desire for sex although he tries to reassure me that the reason is not me. Yes, we have ruled out sexual abuse, porn, other woman, other man (gasp), etc. He just has no desire and sees it as my problem, not his.

I even had my H's testosterone tested.
I get SO JEALOUS and cringe when I hear wives complain because their H is jumping them all the time.
Grr.

He: Did you get any of your reading done yet?

Me: No I haven't had a chance to get any done.

He: Well, maybe you'll get some in tonight.

Me: Well, I'd like to get SOME of SOMETHING tonight.

He: Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.

So tonight comes around. I get all ready. He comes to bed nude. I take a feather and tickle him all over with it for about 15 minutes. I kiss him and rub him also in the mean time. He falls asleep and starts snoring!!!!!!

I was po'd.

So, I leave and go on the couch. Later he calls for me and then says he is po'd cuz I didn't wake him up. I had told him to put on his mask as he was snoring and he didn't respond. So he gets mad at me because I just left him and then tries to blame me for leaving him thus he would get a headache if he didn't have his mask on all night.
I'm thinking: You are a big boy, you know what you have to do. So he says let's get on with it.
Do you think I'm in the mood then? Not really, but I don't want to have a fight, so we kiss alittle and get on with it, but he seems to want me to do all the work and it just doesn't go well initially, but then we do get into it, but it definitely could have been better.

Note: he wasn't too damn tired to watch the damn tv for 2 hours though.

Have I said I hate that tv? Oh, when we went to bed he said, see we could have a tv right here, click....
Me: NO WAY!! FORGET IT!!! The day a tv comes into this bedroom, that's the day I'm out for sure!!!

I knew there had to me more girls out there in the same situation.. soooooo what's a girl to do?? We've only been married 7 months. We are not young by no means.. I'm 39 and he's 54. But we are not dead either. My gosh... I sleep nude and that has not made any difference. I'm ready to play anytime and anyway. H tells me to "relax" and it will happen but it doesn't happen. When he does get in the mood about once a week---if I'm lucky---- it's predictable and over in a flash! Then I'm left all pumped up and no where to expend my sexual energy. What IS a girl to do?? I see this as a huge problem in my marriage.

He knows I'm not happy with how things are going but he dismisses my frustration or just avoids discussing it.

I'll say yes, I know that feeling too...

<small>[ October 06, 2002, 01:10 AM: Message edited by: PacificPrincess ]</small>

Suzy.. been there, done that too. 17 years...we divorced and I'll be %$#@# if I didn't get into another unsatisfying marriage. What really hacks me off is that he wasn't like this before we got married.
I've heard men say that there wives don't want sex. Well here we are... willing and ready. Like you, I'd give up shoe shopping for regular romps of good sex.

<small>[ October 06, 2002, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: PacificPrincess ]</small>

I used to be one of you frustrated married women. Then my x left. And I became a frustrated single woman. Now I'm in a long distance relationship with a man who lives MANY miles away. And I'm as frustrated as ever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> There is no fairness!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ladies hope you don't mind me butting in....but I do feel for you. I just cannot imagine a man not wanting sex everyday. I drive my wife crazy over this. WHile she likes the passion to build till she can't stand it anymore I'm ready no matter how tired or stressed I am.
Wife does accomadate most times. Figured it was normal for to be having sex at least 3 times a week if not 5...now wife does not like it if I come home in afternoon and then want it again at night, but suppose I should not complain.

Not trying to put ideas or doubts in anyones mind for I sure have enough of those myself, but figure if the man does not want a bit of relief he must find relife through some other avenue such as by himself. Probably should not have said that but just can't understand that.
For I know that if my wife started to rub her body against mine I've never fallen asleep. Even remeber after getting home from hospital after surguery and wanting it pretty soon thereafter.

Again sorry for butting in on this if it was just for woman but just wanted to put my input in.

Hey, WHATEVER it is in the wells around there, can you bottle some & ship it to me? I wanna pour it in the ice maker ... let it thaw into Mrs. O's caffiene-free refreshments.

I thought I was gonna bust ... thankfully, this morning worked out a lot better than last night did ...

No problem with your butting in Tornheart. I wish I could get into my man's head. But since you did butt in ... let's get a man's point of view. There is no ice in my veins. I'm uninhibited and would love sex twice a day on any day... good day, bad day .. any day. This once-a-week bull is for the birds. Why would a man sleep next to a naked woman night after night and never touch her??? He says he just can't meet my needs. Yet he has no physical problems that prevent him from meeting my needs. Any more thoughts on the matter?????

I have no idea how a man could sleep next to a lady and never feel the need to reach out to her.
One of the things I have enjoyed so much with my wife is our time together in bed even when sex in not involved. We do not have a TV in the Bedroom and we will lay in bed and read or talk at night. Now the term cuddle does have a different meaning to me than it does to W. I think cuddle and that will lead to sex in the not to distant future.
But anyway back to how a man could be that way. I know this is shallow and please don't anyone take offence but how a woman looks has a drastic effect on how a man feels about sex. If they say other wise I'm willing to bet they are lying.
Men are stimulated by visual cues where a woman finds stimulate from other means. I know for one when my wife finds it more sexy to see me dressed in a suit or a turtleneck and a tweed blazer rather than a polo and trousers. Yet if I keep telling her what I want to do to her all day buy the time we get home she can't stand it.
I also know that there are some outfits that my wife wears that are always triggers to me, and she knows that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Now my wife never sleeps in the nude, think she figures she would never get any sleep...which is probably true.

Now what I find as sexy if not more from my wife being in the bed nude is when she is laying there in one of my T-shirts. Sometimes something subdued can me more of a turnon than say a skimpy teddy or even nude. I always like the aspect of taking off what my wife has on.

Just don't know how much of a help I am but I know what is in my head and most the time its sex. Then again think they say pilots have higher sex drives than most mortal men anyway.

Have you tired having the room lite by candlelight and him finding you laying in bed with a new outfit and hair and makeup done very seductivly. Wife actually bought some wild makeup with glitter and other stuff that was really wild. Although if you read my post you might see that is part of my problem. Every man wants his wife to be creative but as soon as they do then they ask who taught you that. So you just can't win.

Other thing have you tired different perfumes, nothing strong so that it overpowers but rather just something different than normal.

While every year our sex life has improved we have worked at it together. We have always been a partnership in life, one of the couples that others would talk about, till I started being a jerk about 2 years ago yet she stuck with me. Suppose that is part of my fear is that when I forgot her EN she went looking somewhere else. THough she swears she never did and that she just turned inward and towards God for support. I just see it as me being such a jerk could not have blamed her for anything and mind does not comprehend she could be so great.

If you have not notices I tend to get sidtracked.
Would just suggest again to focus on the visual stumulation. I know that I never see my wife out unless she is dressed and hair done. Friend told me long time ago you can tell a lot about a woman by how they take care of their toenail.
I know my wife never wears slippers of anytype around the house and never goes it public wearing sweatsuit or any of those loose fitting pull over clothes that are made to go from the gym to home. Although she never dresses sleassy she is always very tailored and hair and makeup look great. You know I do appreciate that. It is nice to take a woman out that looks like she takes pride in herself. So many times when we have been out and about during the day just seeing her all day and I can't wait to get her home. Just the other day we ran some errands and after the last one I said lets drop by the house before going back to the office. Just seeing her made me want to take her home.

Could also be genitics also for I know my father was always a good looking man and woman always after him. My youngest sibling was born when my father was in his 50s so you never know.

Don't know if my ramblings have help...I do know that I'm not the typical male and all adice could therefore be useless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As odd as it might be for a woman to say I could take it 3 times a day if I could! In fact, I'm only 4 weeks post-partum and my husband and I were back at it a week ago! I'm THAT crazy about my husband! (At least I am now)

Present company excepted, not one of my male friends, NOT ONE, is happy with his sex life with his wife. My stbxw's line was "Hurry upl Ally McBeal is coming on". There is some great truth behind the joke "What food kills a woman's sex drive?......Wedding cake"..........I hope all of you women are telling the truth.....none of the women I know have sex with their H's. If I told my male friends that women on the MB site wanted to have sex with their H's, they would not believe me...........c++_guy

Ok, here's another guy's opinion. Read my posts here to see what's going on in my head. Carrina's thread

My wife is contemplating a tatoo, one that a friend of her's who died 10 years ago September, that was on her shoulder. She is thinking shoulder, under the bra strap so sleeveless won't show it off. I have been pushing her to get it on the small of her back. We were talking about it today, and she asked why and I told her tats on the small of the back really turn me on. She said, "great, just what I need, a turned-on husband" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I told her I thought since I was being so supportive of her decision, I should be able to have the input of having it placed where it would be most attractive to me. She said we would probably come to a compromise about it. I hope that means small of the back...

c++ guy,
Have you spoken with the women whom you say don't have sex, or is it their husbands who are saying it? I'm just curious, because I certainly don't talk to men about my sex life. Except here where we are anonymous. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It could be that many here have been touched by infidelity and had a sad dose of reality hit them in the face. I have always enjoyed SF with my H, but it was not until we both read HisNeeds,HerNeeds that we realized how little we understood each other's needs and how they directly related to our sex life.

Most people here are working hard to restore or improve relationships, we have learned the hard way...

When both partners needs are being filled, they are usually looking for ways to make each other even more happy. Hence, if SF is a higher need for one and he/she fills the needs of their partner, the reward will be increased SF! This works with all the needs, but SF seems to be the one most often complained about.

I'm not saying that it is an easy fix for every couple but I can speak for my own marriage. As my H met my needs, I wanted more SF and now it's increased to about 5-6 times per week.

Sorry to go on and on but I had to respond when I read that none of the women you know have sex with their H's. I certainly know the pain of infidelity personally and would do anything to help others avoid it. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />