Immediate family all know of A - I emailed OW a letter in the beginning and her boss scans email - told her she could be fired for moral clause. Did nothing to end it. His close friends from home do not know - but I don't want that either - town is so small - I figured families were enough they are the ones that matter. Friends come & go and sleep w/ your Husbands!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

betrayed by 2,

I agree w/ you to make use the time to plan A you rear behind off. Plan B could be done later. What to write in plan B ? ... Just copy the sample from SAA or search the forum for it. It is a love letter actually but with a request of NC in it.

-rh-

I want to ask so many questions before I go - I have kept mouth shut.

But I do want to know what she had that I didn't? Is that wrong to ask? He really has never completly stated his ENs. Just a little at a time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by betrayed by 2:
<strong> I want to ask so many questions before I go - I have kept mouth shut.

But I do want to know what she had that I didn't? Is that wrong to ask? He really has never completly stated his ENs. Just a little at a time. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are always welcome ... I am bored here on man-ning the phone line.

You know the answer to that ... you don't have WH's fantasies, you are capable fillin his ENs.

Guess his ENs ...

-rh-

Well, I began packing last night w/ H's help. We came across wedding pictures & videos - on the video is a photo that was not a posed pic - I said I love this pic because it shows how happy & "in love" we were that day. He looked and agreed. Later, I caught him looking at it and I could see the pain in his face. I asked if he wanted to look at the album - said not now - later back east. He had me pack some of his things to move.

Maybe he wants this just to be a "break". Am I reading into this the wrong way? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by betrayed by 2:
<strong>Maybe he wants this just to be a "break". Am I reading into this the wrong way? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you trust a drunken man to drive ? NEVER !. He is high on whatever it is (dopamine) or low/guilty from it ... One thing for sure you can't put your life on his hand. He is WH not H !.

Dont' guess or speculate let him tell you and you match it with his actions.

Hang in there.

If your h has ended the affair and is NOT in contact with ow, then you should not do Plan B.
You should not separate, especially immediately after he has ended contact with ow.
He may want to stay away from ow butif you separate, he will wonder why he should stay away from her.

He offered up some info on A - He said he thought I would think the second I was gone he would contact her but he wouldn't. I didn't say very much - just babbled - let him do the talking. He said he was in a different place - hadn't talked to her in over a week and he actually liked not talking to her.

He told me his plan of action while we were gone. Work extra hard - look for extra shifts, work out at the gym 5 days (currently only 3 days), begin taking guitar lessons again & read anything I wanted him to read (ordered him After the Affair). I responded that was a good plan - seemed like he would be busy. Then he said & you just don't know - maybe I'll surprise you and show up on your doorstep.

I tried very hard to "babble" & held back all tears - just smiled & laughed alot. Today he held me before he went to go wash car & I told him I loved him & he said he loved me too (big deal - was only saying before "You know I love you too" & I always said no, I don't know) So all in all it was a happy morning.

I want to believe that this a "break" - but I know I have to look at this with BOTH EYES WIDE OPENED. I know actions speak louder than words - so I'll take it slow, plan A, leave him wanting more, hopefully the "h" will return.

RH - how did you get so wise. I appreciate all your advise & great wisdom. I just wish your situation turned out better for you. Your wife must surely regret her decisions. Thank you!

But I do want to know what she had that I didn't?
Nothing. Affairs are almost never about the op being better than the spouse. In fact, the op is almost always worse than the spouse in most ways.

Wh said on Easter that I was more woman that she could ever hope to be. Would never leave me for her - I was nicer, better looking, etc - said all that but if that is the case - why the straying? Or did he discover this after the A? Remember she was in my life daily - she was my friend!

I guess I really want to know what she did last year that could make a man of such high standards fall so hard? Last night he said he had a hard time looking himself in the mirror.

A ? ...

1. Unfulfilled ENs
2. Let OP to fillin
3. Spending time w/ OP to fillin ENs

Remember fillin ENs could be achive by a daydream/fantasy with OP too.

You should answer Chris's Q ... why separate & plan B ?

-rh-

Chris -

I missed your post - I think I was posting the same timeframe. I apoligize for missing it.

I am going to Plan B because I am basiclly just tired. I have been Plan Aing for over 13 months to no avail or so I thought. He only just ended it when I made the decision to move. I honestly believe if I stay it will give him the impression that I am not serious. I have enabled him to do as he pleases for far too long.

I do believe that the thought of life w/out me has now had some benefit. He is showing signs of former "good" husband. I also believe this time away will let me heal. I have cried so much & have no support here. We are both from the same small town and both of us have been wanting to go back - it's so very sad that we are not doing it together.

This time is for me to get strong. I have already scheduled some "fun" activities for DD & myself w/ family members.

And of course I am doing the best Plan A I can for the next 3 weeks - I going to leave w/ him wanting "MORE". Or so I hope!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I going to leave w/ him wanting "MORE".
And then not give it to him. In fact, just the opposite.

If your h has ended the affair and is NOT in contact with ow, then you should not do Plan B.
You should not separate, especially immediately after he has ended contact with ow.
If you are simply going to stay with family for a short time (weeks, not months) then, I don’t see much a problem.
Plan B is you stopping all contact with him until he ends the affair.;
When the affair is over, you discuss what needs to be done for reconciliation.
You are leaving. That tells him???

What do you plan on putting in your Plan B letter?

Have you considered calling Steve or Jennifer Harley? (see below)

<small>[ May 10, 2004, 10:18 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

WH says he has ended contact - but at this point I don't believe it entirely. I asked about seeing cell phone bill & having the # changed - he's still shaky on that - said he'll think about it. Not the response that I am willing to settle for any longer.

He also says all the typical fog talk - I love you, just not the way you should be loved, etc. Still seems distant, he also seems really bitter towards OW. He said he was upset before when he found out she had a boyfriend, but now he was fine w/it. But why the bitterness? Why the continued contact from her - if she actually has a boyfriend? And I know that I still want him & I love him so very much. So this is to protect me.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor's - follow-up for the nasty thing that the OW shared with us both - HPV. The doctor running a HPV DNA test to find out what strain I have - she said she was concerned because of the two tests previous were abnormal. She also gave me a prescription for a low dosage of Prozac. Anyone ever used this? I am nervous about taking it - never used anything before.

I am writing my Plan B letter now - I'll share it soon - will definitely need critique! I am hoping Plan B makes him realize what we could have! I just can't cry anymore!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

[]bI am writing my Plan B letter now - I'll share it soon - will definitely need critique![/b]
Please do share BEFORE you send it.
IUt needs to say what it needs to say , NOT necessarily what you might want it to say.