I also wrote this on page one of that blurry thread!_______________________________________
cardinal
Member
Member # 26811
posted June 03, 2004 08:49 AM
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Suzet, I am glad for you that you have now made boundaries. If you talk as though you have zero control over whom you will fall in love with, just because...(any reason that means a lot to you)...then you are showing the opposite of clarity.
Many folks work alongside others, and enjoy many aspects of working with them. Promoting the talk and the thinking that keeps it professional will keep you out of loving "strangers" to the marriage.
H/O in your relationship with your own spouse is the most important thing in your world. If you have that kind of love with your own H, then you won't be falling for anyone else. If you still have falling in love problems with other people, then there is probably IC issues that are not fixed at the MB site. That would involve the personal nature of the self, and whether your own personal boundaries are kind of blurred. I think probably a lot of WS experience this to an extent. Some worse than others.
Values that are upheld by you are the values that shine through in your daily living. If you value something you give it the utmost care. When you know that it can break, you will give it the finest care to avoid that.
Talking about love as though it were just something you can share with other people other than your spouse, shows something integral to your belief system. There is a flaw there.
To say that I can love my H and my children and my extended family in a certain way is one thing. To say I can love another man in the same exact way that I love my own H is preposterous. I live and give my H what no other man can have. I won't offer my love up to another. Why would I? It is not in my best judgement to even begin to believe that I can love two men at the same time, the way that I love solely my own H.
What the betrayal means in a marriage, is that there was a betraying judgement, and allowance of trying to get something outside of the marriage, without having to pay for it.
You choose which kind of investments you make in your own stock. You pay for it with your own money. If it is family money, you ought to share what choices you make before you go and just play it on a feeling that fleets on through you.
When we got married we made a vow to each other. That there would be not another to share this special thing with. If you don't defend your marriage and uphold your vows you will pay a high price. Delusional talk will not protect you, only causes a large cataract over your eyes and then you can not see anything.
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When we continue to have the same thought process that got us into the problem in the first place, then we are not going to be entirely secure in the fact that we could again..."fall" into the same trap again, albeit different circumstances/situation.
Clearly seeing what our self-control has to do with our own destiny and linking em together helps. IC's are very busy people. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
