b2bF,

IF you indeed are going to end this A and are truly looking for support, then by all means stay and be welcome.
This is just not the message I was reading (not that I am the end all........just this was not coming across to me as strongly as your BELIEF that the A is Right & true).

I agree that any one who "has" sinned can be forgiven. Just appears to me that you are still deep in the very act of sinning. Big Difference.
If it is over, then again......my bad.

Hope you are being honest (mostly with yourself) that you are indeed ending this.
I'll stay tuned to see if you actually Do.

What are you waiting for?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Born2bfit,
You don't seem to want to face the truth. It is
just an affair, you need to see that. You think he loves you and his wife? He loves the fact that
two people are meeting his needs, just as you do.
It is a fantasy, you feed off each other, time
to wake up. Send a no contact letter and STICK
with it, change your email, go to a different
church. Stay away from him, it's an addiction,
not love. Stop making excuses.


What have you done to end it?

I am the FS and it just burns me that you as once the WS you would have the nerve to hurt another woman that way.

You sound just like the OW that my husband had his A with. Excuse after excuse and you know it's wrong but. You can't say you don't regret anything you have been through together but in the same breath you do regret hurting your families...you say you don't want to be a hipocrit, well you best take another look at yourself. I agree with top rope that there is no remorse from you, you are trying to justify everything your doing. God can't forgive anything you've done because your still doing it. Maybe once you get your head out of the clouds then you might have a chance.

You as someone who has been the BS, I can't even imagen why you would want to put the W through the pain that comes with the discovery.

You asked (in another post) why people say things can't work between you two. Would you be willing to admit to everyone how you met? That you were the other person who broke up his marriage. If there are children involved would you be willing to tell your children that he was the man you "stole" from someone else. If he has children is he willing to tell them you are the woman who took their daddy away from their mom? If you two have children, explain that. The cover up just doesn't end if you two leave your spouses and get married. It will keep coming back and back. And don't you think that if he did it to his current wife, he'll do the same to you. If you think otherwise, you need to get a reality check.

I hope you do what is right!

I am the FS
What is an FS?

<small>[ June 04, 2004, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Yikes - Not a lot of support here. Hopefully you will keep posting, or go to the other site. I really know what you are going through. I do believe that you got into this mess by accident.

I think that a lot of people do not realize how hard it is to quit the affair. My WH is in that place right now. He is a Christian, and knows he is doing wrong, but really cannot stop. I feel sorry for him and OW.

<small>[ June 04, 2004, 04:44 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

FS - Faithful Spouse or I can use BS - Betrayed spouse...not sure which one is use more in here. I was just using Acronyms off the list....

You can use whatever you want <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , but BS is what eveyone knows.

b2b, you wrote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> God knows my heart and that is what is important. I have sinned YES I have. No matter what my emotions are, the act of what I have done is WRONG. I KNOW THAT. I am not looking for your compassion. I am looking for encouraging words to help me through this NOT SOMEONE TO make me feel belittled (I get enougth of that from my husband). OH and everyone else here is perfect right?? There are NO other WS right? WRONG!!! Let he who cast stones huh? DONT PUT ME DOWN. I am trying to do the right thing! POINT BLANK!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is all true. But knowing God as you do, and valuing your relationship with Him ABOVE ALL ELSE, then you must do the logical thing now and repent.

That simple. It can be done, even after many tries. Trying and failing repeatedly for years means nothing except that you are weak humans. It does not mean that your love is meant to be or whatever. Don't go there.

You simply must stop. If you truly love God, you will stop. Remember that God created marriage, and regardless of your intentions, you are vandalizing something He created daily, in your association with this man.

B2B,

You can find help on other boards -- help to get out of this affair that you want to end. Help that is REAL is not a scapegoating opportunity for others.

Face Reality used to be good -- I haven't been in awhile.

TOW has a lot of support for people who want to end affairs. Go to ENDINGS.

There are also christians there -- let people know you need some christians to talk to, and you will receive PMs (private messages) and responses right on your thread.

Other women are safe at TOW, as are BWs who go there for purposes other than harming...

Don't buy what some people say -- TOW is NOT pro-affair, it is PRO-YOU.

People will give you all kinds of help in saying goodbye to your affair -- and they will do it in a loving way.

Do try Face Reality, also. I have a friend who received much help there.

Facereality.com and gloryb.com.

Cecily

<small>[ June 05, 2004, 12:03 AM: Message edited by: Cecily ]</small>

It is INSANE to be told you are judging or not being nice or helpful...

if you point out some of the realities of what our actions cause or even potentially cause..

in the world of full disclosure...there is nothing judgemental in disclosing that lying to people hurt thems....

there is no judgement in disclosing that cheated on spouses have the right to know...in the sense that they have the right to make informed decisions about what whether they want to be married to someone who cheats on them....

people here get that it is hard
that is hurts
that they are in love...

none of the emotions change the reality of the actions.....
none of the emotions give one pause to say...oh yeah it's gonna hurt if you stop the deceipt...so don't stop it...just to avoid the pain...

ark

For anybody to conclude that they are being "harmed" here must include a certain amount of psychological projection.

How can we possibly "harm" anybody?

Because we say things that are painful to hear??

If anybody is harmed by reading painful reality, the harm they have done themselves is just catching up.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cecily:
<strong>Don't buy what some people say -- TOW is NOT pro-affair, it is PRO-YOU.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But affairs are PRO-YOU!! That's the problem - it's all about YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU !! Self centered and selfish.

So, Cecily, did saying this harm anybody, or merely inflict some tough love?

If you'd like to know about the "harm" of an affair, I'd be glad to discuss it.

Dear B2BF

In order for your affair to be real......you MUST really live it! Once you have done that....you will know how real the love is between you and the OM.

You will also become aware of the real feelings of your H, your OM, the OMW and even yourself.

So....expose the affair....and see how it falls.

You and your H are products of your current environment... and right now it is obviously a very unhappy one for your marriage.

You were a BS once....remember the pain and anguish you felt?

Patti

She said she is an OW, WS and was a BS in her first marriage? She is verbally, mentally, and on occasion physically abused by her present H. To reveal her A would put her in danger, she said, "he would kill me" and she is worried about custody of her son.

My best advice and opinion is that she get medical, psychological, and legal intervention. Seek out a shelter if she is truly in danger, emergency room if he beat her, and report her problems to the proper authorities.

If this is a "real story", then it is far too much for a "chat room" to work on.

Well yesterday afternoon, after I got off this Discussion Board, I talked to (emailed) HIM. We discussed things and ARE going to end this (remember we said this last week, but were together Wednesday). BUT this time we ARE!!!! We have both added each other to the BLOCK list on our computers so we WILL not email! We have to close those lines of communication. We cant use phones because of our spouses anyway). NEITHER one of us want to leave the church and that is ok.. WE can be strong in that setting. He actually starts counseling next week and really wants to work it out with his wife. He said no matter what we feel for each other, what we have done this past year is wrong. AND I agree completely! I know his wife and she is a good woman. She doesnt deserve this! I want them to be happy!! I will say it again... I want THEM to be happy! As far as me and my husband.. I dont know where that will go. Again last night he puts me down, talks negative to me. BUT I will plant seeds of love to him and maybe they will grow. Maybe the love we once had will sprout again and bloom!! I will NOT be moved by what I see, but see by FAITH what GOD says He will do.. and I know if I put my trust in God and stay foccused on Him and His Word, then everything will be ok. Nothing is impossible with him. SO.. lets say I was a FWS and a FOW.. (former).. Wish me luck.. Keep me in your prayers. This will be HARD BUT I will do it. I am sure I will go through withdrawls by missing my lover/because he was also my best friend...BUT when I feel weak or hurt I will remember what is right.. what is RIGHT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am very happy about this step...

people here get that it is hard and it hurts...but it is the right thing....

blessings and Grace to you...

ark

We will support you, born.

cardinal is right - if you are in danger from your husband, caution is in order. Abuse in any form is unacceptable and you should seek help locally if you fear physical abuse is a real possibility.

WAT

A way to start on your journey is to find the emotional needs questionaire on this site and print out two copies - one for you and one for your husband. If he won't participate, don't push, but try to ease him into it over time.

WAT

B2B,

That is a beautiful post... God can heal your heart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

GOD is "PRO-US."

"Pro" each of us here...

Hold on to those sites, honey... also a BW friend of mine who is very dear and loving says that SI (SurvivingInfidelity.com) is good.

Some people here seem to really want to help you -- which is very beautiful, considering what they've been through.

But you're also going to be attacked a lot by people in tremendous pain who aren't thinking clearly.

Do try these sites -- especially gloryb.com.

Also, get counseling, because you are about to go through tremendous pain...

love,
Cecily