My wife just left to out with friends and boyfriend. she knows I know and she saids she feels bad ..yea right. Plan A is supposed to put up with this.. What about my self respect. How can she ever respect me for just sitting by as she walks out the door. If I just got away from her and did not talk to her except for the kids it would be easier..this sucks

HAve you thought about contacting Steve Harley? Frankly, if a spouse were so brazen and destructive with their affair, I would move to Plan B. I don't get the sense that your W is having affairs out of unmet needs so I don't know that Plan A would help. Can you counsel with Steve HArley or Penny Tupy?

Her parents and friends tell me is not me and she is making a big mistake. They know how I treated her. I know people say that she should move out... but... if i were to move out to a house next to my inlaws on their land it would make it easier on me with my work hours that way i will not have to load them up in the company truck at 3 a.m. and take them over there. I could just leave and got to my call. She in turn would have house, yard, and pool, dogs ,cat up keep...probable be harder on her and easier on me...is that normal to be so brazen and rub it your nose like that. how do i get a hold of steve and penny

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 05:35 PM: Message edited by: swimming alone ]</small>

Costs lots of money to counsel here, but I think it is worth it. They can often get right to the point.

Penny can be found at Saveyourmarriagecentral.com. Also they have marriage coaches there, which may help you.

If you read here, you will notice there are many men in your same position. Here they say several months in Plan A. At SYMC, they recommend a shorter time.

Swimming Alone, as a fully recovered FWW, and I mean fully recovered - total success - I would just like to add my 2c.

Quite frankly if I had done what your w has just done I would have got home and found all the locks changed.

But...as I promised absolute NC from the moment my H found out and kept to it completely, it just wouldn't have happened. I also promised to tell my H if there was any contact from the OM - and I did tell him when I received an e-mail just before christmas. Total honesty is how we work now.

My H did a brilliant Plan A but there were definite boundaries to how much he would take. Sometimes he absolutely lost the plot with me. That was ok too. Sometimes those awful fights with name calling, "I'm out of here" threats from him, the works, were needed as well. I know that's against MB principles but I can tell you, as an FWW, the LB's worked too.

It is totally, totally unacceptable behaviour from your w.

Jenny

totally unacceptable. the kids are closer to me than her because of this. she thinks i will turn them against her. she doesn't look at her own actions. she is going through a cycle again 6mths to a year she gets on this party thing for freedom. her dad runs a half way house and he says she needs to crash and burn before she straightens up. she knows she is wrong but cannot stop. if it was not for the alcohol she would not be acting like a horses.......i think time to separate and give her what she wants time,space,freedom..i made sure today that i love her uncondiditonally and she has a safe place in me to turn to. tomorrow she will be made because it is not going to turn out her way. she wanted me to move out but wants to move anywhere but next to her parents. if they know too much of our business it actually makes things worse but they do not have to know details.her family does not play around with irresponsible life styles especially when you have 2 children..I think tomorrow will be a rough day