I confronted W 10 days ago (Monday) that I knew about her A. She had brought up divorce in the past and denied the A on the advice of a lawyer she had contacted about divorce. On Friday she admitted the A and told me that she and OM had decided to break all contact and work on the marriages. She also said that she couldn't jump in bed with me and just act as though we were happily married. That I needed to be patient and she needed to figure out what she wanted. She's not sure if we will get back together or end up divorced, but needed to end the A so that she can make the right decision. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter.

We've chatted about things a couple of times. It is hard to be patient and not talk about our relationship but I am trying. I want to not talk about our relationship in good Plan A, but it is very hard.

I have written a letter to WW basicly expressing my feelings of how she's hurt me, but that I am still very much in love with her and will do my best to be patient and hope that we can find our love together. I feel like I need to write the letter just so that she knows where I am coming from, without having a conversation about it again. I want to be able to concentrate on creating a happy, fun, loving home, but feel there are still things that need to be said.

We are still living together, but sleeping in separate rooms right now.

Should I give her a letter like this?

I will post the letter if you think you need to see it to make a good recomendation. I'm torn.

The letter is in an envelope and ready to be delivered. Right know I plan to give it to her. I think that it is a good letter and consistent with the plan A principles. I've shown it to a friend who said, "how could you not give it to her? It would make me think of how lucky I am to have you." But then again, she doesn't understand everything and is certainly not thinking as one that's just had an affair, so I question if she has the right perspective.

Please let me know if the whole concept is a big mistake!

No.

Just express your thoughts face to face. If this will piss her off, don't say anything about the relationship. Just perform Plan A actions.

The only letter that should be on the table is a no contact letter to the OM.

You should assume she is still in contact with OM.

Do you know if OM's wife knows of the affair?

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>