Joey -

Always watch their actions, and pay no attention to their words. Words are meaningless. My WH still tells me he wants to stay married, while shacked up with OW.

I hope your custody hearing goes well.


Graycloud -

I hope that she gets some evidence. I would think a judge would not let OM have custody if he is having the Sparrow overnight. Tell car4love that she will be in my prayers. For some reason, I think leaving a pregnant wife is the lowest of the low. But usually these men do go back to their family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong>
Dutchboy - Have you figured out something to do to keep from being bored? Hope you are doing some things to take care of yourself.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep,
Today I was on the phone all afternoon while taking a walk and having a sandwich at Subways.
Called all my old friends and relatives. The last time I spoke to some of them was at my wedding (3 years ago). Shame on me...

Good luck on the financial agreement.

By the way: I saw something in a post about pictures? Where can you post those?

Hey guys. Read toosoon's link to a great article.

Dutchboy - There is a MB photo album by Faith on the general questions forum. I will bump it up.

Just wanted to post a little info and let the boys know I’m thinking of ya’ll.

GC, good luck this week; what a horrible situation. Just so you know, swearing a false affidavit is considered perjury up here and falls under criminal jurisdiction. Defining “living together” and proving her/his definition and he “knowing the document to be false” would be the tough part. Different rules for family court likely. I, like believer, feel their relationship is doomed.

I’ve had a busy month as I’ve had the kids for the entire time. Lots of work, but a good time…usually. Plan B is solid. All Emails were directed to a buddy without my reading them; she has since begun playing by the rules. I have a display phone and do not answer her calls, but give the phone to my son to speak to her. He’s not a go-between, she simply wants to talk to him and our daughter and I don’t stand in the way of that. The children exchanges are brief, and I don’t chat with her. My son usually walks my daughter to the door.

As the school year approaches, communication will have to be more frequent especially with hockey/swimming etc beginning too. Also our 13th (how appropriate) anniversary is fast approaching. I’m good with not addressing it, but am curious as to what the MB advice is on that.

Oh my feelings now. I’m a good case study for doing an appropriate plan A. I was way way to compliant with WW and allowed myself to be pushed around way too much. I’m angry at myself now too! I feel resentful at her and some of our friends for their take on the situation. I will be changing myself as well as my criteria for the friends I will take in the future.

I’m off now to see a buddy for a week to help with some house renos. My son will be in a day camp there too. It’s the same city that OM lives in…hmmmmm, no I better not, and I think he’s off sailing with WW on the west coast anyways.

I’ll check up on you boys when I get down there as my buddy has a puter. I’m always lurking, but have been trying to keep posts down as it’s hard to do with two kids jumping on my head.

Believer, read your other thread…..yeesh. I can’t and won’t do this for that long. You’re a saint.

Binder -

As soon as I get done with financial meeting with WH, I'm going fishing. The bonita (small tuna) have been hitting here all week. They are delicious to eat.

GC,

Good luck this week. Goodness it'll be a tough one for me too. May be the last one with my kids for awhile. Going to see the judge, WW wants me to move out of the house. Don't know how I'll swing it. Be hard to run two households on the same money. Have a rental property that could be available but will be hard to pay the bills without the rental income.

But of course, worrying about paying the bills has always been my job for the last 15 years. WW is of the opinion that there is no reason for that to change. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi all

I haven't posted in a week or so. Life got busy and delightfully strange.
W spent 4 days in hospital last week. Her diabetes was out of control and the doctor switched her to insulin. She now is off work until at least the end of the month.
She got out of the hospital on Tuesday and took me out to dinner. Afterward we came back to my place and had a good talk. I told her about my fears, worries and suspicions about other men. She talked about each of them. Told me she hadn't had sex with any of them and had been looking for male comapionship, with no sex. They all wanted more than that and she dumped them all.
We talked about a couple of things that she felt were standing in the way of her coming back to me. By the end of it she was talking about us getting back together and the next day we started looking at houses and apartments for us to move into together.
On Wednesday she told our son she was thinking about us getting back together again.
Nothing carved in stone yet and I am trying to be calm and take it one day at a time.
Things feel very good right now and I am hoping for big changes in our lives soon.

TS2BC, that is a good article. I read it a while back, and it did help me.

TJ - I think your week is going to be more eventful than mine, with your mental patient of a WW trying to kick you out of your house. For my part I'll hear about consequences of some things, and I'll learn about OM's and car4love's situation, but I probably won't be in the middle of much outside meeting with my lawyer and responding to service. Unless the sparrow contacts me this week. Which time away and talking to Granny may lead her to, but I'm not holding my breath.

Juke - if you're reading, your WW is close. Time is short, and I don't know where you are in your own feelings, but if your WW can learn that the best place for her to keep her past is hugged close into her chest, she'll be where she needs to be. Three weeks is a short time, though.

Dreid - good luck. Your deal sounds like it's moving in a good direction.

Binder - I went out alone on my 10th anniversary, three days after getting served. I went to my favorite restaurant, had a couple of glasses of wine and a great meal, and it was a huge surprise - made me feel terrific.

Believer, I'm getting on that other thread of yours. Bah! I'm wanting to get all these WSes locked up. Not hurt them or anything, just get them isolated and off the streets so they can stop doing so much damage.

GC

THANKS A LOT GUYS,

Dutchboy I'm sorry you're in the same boat. You should take comfort in the fact that you're now in plan A and WS has severed the A.

Graycloud thanks for understanding that at this moment in time I am totally helpless. Your comment on WS's not being able to sit on the fence as far as loyalties is concerned is very insightful. A lot of times WS has and still do make me feel that she is repulsed by my presence.
I just got a posting from Toosoon in my topic "how much more pain" and he cannot emphasise enough how important it is for me to stop W from spending time on her own. But I don't think there is nothing I can do about this. I'll just have to sit tight and see if she comes back. I know it sounds pretty fatalistic, but I am feeling that way.

Believer I could expose the A at in our workplace but, call me a mug, at this point I don't want W to feel that everybody is against her except OM. I think it will have the opossite effect, maybe even increase the bond that OM and WS have formed.

I always feel like a heel when I post here because I have little to no advice for anyone. Thanks at least for listening.

On Saturday morning, at our MC, all we talked about was a mediated seperation. He gave us worksheets to start the process.

When the WW was out of the room, I asked why we were doing this and he told me it is all part of plan A. Lets bring the world down around my WW and see how she likes it. I plan to stall the paperwork as long as I can. I will not do it alone, so if she wants it, she will have to stay at home at work on it with me.

The WW admitted to still having the A. She has no plans for stopping it. I was suprised to find I still had tears that would come out.

Then, the OM got hammered on Saturday night (the night of the 21), found my wife at the bar she was at, and left her nasty notes on her car. She went out to see him and he started yelling and causing a scene. She had a miscariage on the 13th and he was blaming her. She did not let him drive home, instead (she told me) when she took him home, he passed out in the car and she could not get him out, so she sat there until 6:30am. I have no idea if I believe her. That sound like a fantastic lie, doesn't it?

Well, then on Sunday, she had to go see him at work to make sure he was OK. She spent a couple of hours with him at work. I think she went to make sure he did not mean it when he said he blamed her for killing their baby and F-you-ed her a few times. She is really smitten by him.

When she came home, I left. I called the OM and talked for over an hour with him. He is such a tool. He did tell me about his relationship with my WW and exposed MANY lies about it. Turns out there was no broken condom, they just had un-protected sex. Many other things that I suspected as lies he confirmed as lies too. I am now going to refer to my WW as 'princess' (since the devil is the prince of lies...).

I told him repeatedly that his actions are hurting me, our kids, my family, his family, my WW family and a host of other people. He said he was sorry for that, but was not going to stop. Gave me some crap about soul mates and that that is more important than anything else.

To complicate the matter, I will be transfered Nov 1 300 miles away from here.

Sooooo, I asked my WW and the OM for a favor. I asked them both to put there relationship on hold until I move so that my WW and I can be true to our marraige and see if it is really over. The OM said he would not unless WW agreed to it. What a jerk he is for putting all the weight on her shoulders. She will not do it as she is afraid of losing him. At least I do not think she will. Even if she says she will, how will I know it is not a lie?

I do not think it will work, but I cannot think of anything else to do. Being a pacafist and allowing her to continue the A while I do nothing but be a nice guy is not for me. I am from Mars, hear me ROAR!!!

Is my idea whacky or what? Does it have a chance?

I now have no faith in my marriage and hopefully will beging to detach myself from it. I am going to try and save my marriage as long as I can. I plan on writing to the mother and sister of the other man to ensure they know what there brother/son is doing.

I used to think I knew what a roller coaster was. I had no idea.

Thanks for listening and I would love to know what anyone thinks!

Hey all...

My FWW miscarried OC, I'm not sure how I feel about all this.

Besides that I get a weird funkey feeling about this whole board...

not sure what I mean by that.

See y'all round

Tom -

Is your wife getting any better at all? Is she still in contact with OM? I missed your pictures on MB album, I couldn't get it to come up while your wife was there.

Hope you will be able to stay in your home.

dreid - Sounds promising, but don't take her back without recovery plan. Good for you for trying to help her.

Dan - You just have to stick with the program, and keep on keeping on, hoping it will do the trick. But it seems to work for lots of people.

canthishelp - Yikes! You have gone thru so much. I guess just take care of you. The rollercoaster is not much fun.

Binder - Glad you are still doing okay, and that you are being a good father. Hope you will contact us when you get to your friends.

Painter - I am so sorry to hear about your wife having a miscarriage. It is a very sad thing for your wife to have to go thru. I know that you are a good, honorable man, and did the best you could under the circumstances.

Why do you get a funky feeling about this board?

Well, guys, I filed for divorce yesterday. WH and I were riding along in a boat called "Our Marriage". I was paddling, and bailing water. I thought things were good. So I continued to paddle and bail water.

In fact I paddled and bailed for 19 long months. Sunday, I realized that I was the only one paddling, and bailing, and that there was a hole in the boat.

Tom - Just saw your newest pictures on the MB album. You look good, and so does the firetruck! Hope things work out with you and your wife. If they don't, you will do fine.

Painter:

Funky??
Hey, we all shower here at least ONCE a day....whether we need it or not.
So it can't by US .....it must be ___?____ (insert whatever you find comical).

Seriously though, I'd like to know what exactly is making you experience a "Weird Funkey Feeling" about this board?

Is it certain posts or topics?
Certain posters?
This thread?
Your own situation (and you reflecting and mirroring what's going on elsewhere?)
What??

If you would, I'd like you to please elaborate (before you do a no show and disappear).
Seen it happen more then once. (so don' t blame me for being cynical)

At any rate:
What is the "vibe" your getting from here?
& why is it affecting you as it is?? (explain as best you can)
thanks

<small>[ August 24, 2004, 10:35 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

Well, where do I begin.
The OM and WW had a 'talk' last night. The WW decided not to come home and keep an appointment with me (she is a physical trainer, and I asked for an appointment to get my butt into shape). She told me he was at the parking lot waiting for her to get out of work. Can I trust my princess??

Apparently, me talking to the OM got through to him at some small level. He told her he cannot get my voice out of his head. (Score one point for the good guy!) They decided that they can still talk, but there are some things they cannot do until she seperates. I am going to ask her to elaborate on what that means this morning. She now thinks it is OK to have an EA with another man.

The hardest part is that I cannot trust her. How can I know? And what does it matter? An affair is an affair.

Our MC told me that I should seperate in order to protct myself legally. I still trust my wife in that regard. Not sure why, but I think she won't do anything too stupid.

I am begining to think my WW will not come back to the M out of spite. Our MC told me I have to keep playing my role in the M and wait for her to come back to it.

I do not know how long I can continue to do that. I am so ready to move on.

Damn her.

canthishelp - it may be worse in the long run if they back off from the physical stuff. They feel less guilty and it could make things drag out much longer. I'm sorry for this crappy situation.

There is a certain NOT loyal H known to me as OM who isn't feeling too swell today. Yesterday he and car4love went to court. I know this is secondary to my M, but I can't help feeling that the course of their D and custody fight will affect the chances for my M. OM was lectured (not directly about the A - "no fault" state) very harshly by the judge, she gave car4love full physical custody with the same visitation they have now, and she took almost every penny he has and gave it to car4love.

The only thing he got that he didn't have before was one overnight visit every other weekend.

This could just fling these two closer together still for a while. Now the sparrow's going to have to support him financially. He's seriously going to have almost nothing left after he pays car4love.

GC

cathishelp - Just continue to hang in there, and get some anti-D's. You will be amazed at how much they help.

Graycloud - Yay for car4love! Tell her way to go. I think having no money will break up the fogheads. They may think they can live on "love", but without money, they are doomed.

I bet WH will try to reconcile soon.

Believer, I hope you're right.

car4love told me a few of the things the judge said:

"I see so much sadness in this courtroom."

"Something seems off about this situation."

"How can you go from a happy, loving marriage to this in four months?"

"Please, counselors, is there any chance these two could seek counseling and reconcile?" (hers said yes, his said no)

"OM, do you realize, truly, what it is that's going to happen with all of this? I'm afraid that you don't."

"OM, you will never have the relationship you thought you would have with your daughter. You have already missed 10% of her life so far. With this new child, you will have even less of a relationship."

OM stood red-faced the whole while. When the judge announced full physical custody for car4love, he let out a huge gasp. car4love's friend said OM's mother and sister in the courtroom were still and cool through all the emotional stuff, at a time when most in the courtroom were in tears. Then the judge told OM how much money he has to give car4love, and his family members put their hands over their mouths. They could not believe the injustice!

GC

Well, by golly, prayers do work! What a GREAT story. I have been feeling so bad for car4love, now at least she got some justice.

MMMMMMmmmmmmmm. I'm gonna buy more popcorn for the next act. I predict it will be OM coming to his senses.

Last night when she was filling me in on everything, I told car4love, "car4love, you can either get out now or you can chow popcorn and hope this thing explodes before you decide to leave the theater."

So "chowing popcorn" is my new euphemism for trying to live a life while you're hoping for the end of your WS's A, once you've learned enough to protect yourself from some of the drama, whatever plan you're in.

GC