After affair was exposed, WH stayed in town but moved out of our house for about two months. During this time, ow was exposed to her husband. She was kicked out. I know WH and OW were seeing one another during this time and even went to another state together to check out job prospects and living. After there return over a week ago, WH has moved back to parents to "clear his head and decide why he did it". Both me and OW are in our city. he says he wants to make sure that he is married for the right reasons, not because everyone tells him how much he screwed up.

I am glad he is there, versus being here and seeing her or moving away with her, but I want him here to work on us. He has not committed to that yet.

Should I call him or let him make the calls or not talk to him at all. I have not done an official plan B letter or anything, but since she is here I know they will not see one another, but I know she will call. I am hoping she will call and bug him to go away with her, etc. and he not be ready for that yet, and it totally push him away.

A good friend talked to him before he left and she said it was positive what he was doing. That he said, "he knew what he had to do" and I hope that means come back to me.

The trust issue will be big and him agreeing to counseling will too.

Should I contact him, send letters, or just let him be?

Suggestions?

I would let him contact you. Then stay in Plan A if that is the plan you are in. But get your Plan B letter ready.

Exposure usually shakes them up a bit. So try to take care of YOU.

I will let him contact me. He has already called twice. Once to tell me he was there, and next to ask to email his resume...I am more worried about him just giving up on the marriage not going with her. I really think he sees no future with her. I think he doubts he can/should be married to me. I am not sure if she made him doubt it or if he just has that inbedded in him from his childhood and seeing his mom's failed marriages. We have had a good marriage up to this point. No arugments, best friends, etc..I guess I can not make him do what he does not want to do..

lovetoomuch, I agree with believer, just stay in Plan A. Don't pursue him but let him know that you can forgive him and are willing to work on the marriage. Be as pleasant as possible to him.

LTM your story is similar in some aspects to mine. WW is trying to get a job in another city where OM lives and is not contacted me for anything but official business. I came home one day and she wanted me to help her fix and e-mail her resume. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So I did. Helped her e-mail, print it out and everything. That wasn't easy but I did it with a smile. Another similarity is she has not committed to work on the marriage yet but at least she has agreed to continue to go to MC. This is really the only positive I have right now. She has not been living at home since a couple of days after D-day and plans to move out soon.

It is really hard to not want to call but listen to the wise ones they have seen this many times and will not steer you off the track. Just do a lot of work on yourself and make positive and permenant improvements in your life. Do not brag about these things as much as you may be tempted to. Have you read some of the essentials Surviving an Affair, His Needs Her Needs, & Fall in Love Stay in Love? I am on the last of these three and have learned volumes about myself and my marriage the way it was and the way I want it to be. Anyway starting to ramble, just take care of yourself that is the most important thing right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

C.

<small>[ September 06, 2004, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: shmaley ]</small>

He has called twice. The last time was to just say hi. His cell does not work at his parents home, so he can only get messages.

He said he was bored and lonely and was looking a part time job. I think this will wear off. He is really an independent guy and likes his alone time. That is what scares me the most. Like I said earlier, I think he will realize that he would rather be alone, not necessarily with the OW.
He lost his job here and now we are really struggling. He is trying to figure out things but also needs some $$ for bills. He knows I am trying to be supportive and not fight over money right now. But he had the A and he lost his job due to it. I am the one paying for it too. In more ways than one.