Ok, gotta question regarding the kids at Christmas time.

This year Christmas happens to fall on the weekend I have the children from Thursday at 5:30 PM to Tuesday until 9:00 AM. Christmas is on Sat. I looked at our separation agreement. It specifies that I am to get the children on Christmas eve and Christmas day until 2:00 PM. WW is to get them from 2:00 PM Christmas day until boxing day.

To follow it to the letter would require that WW have them back that evening before midnight. She would get the kids for maybe 7 hours on Christmas if they were to get to bed at my place at a reasonable hour or I could extend the courtesy to let her have them overnight and/or for all of boxing day. I guess I could insist on following the agreement as stated and chaulk it up to natural consequences, but I will face the same conditions next year as we alternate from year to year. That's, of course, assuming there is no reconciliation. I've have absolutely NO indication she has any thought of reconciliation.

Just wanted some opinions from you all.

I say be generous.

GC

Are the kids old enough to ask?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Are the kids old enough to ask?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My son is 7, so yes he is. Asking him, in my opinion, gives hime too much responsibility and then could subject him to pressure from WW to change his mind. I'd rather leave this decision to the adults.

Sounds good, maybe if they were a bit older 9-10, but 7 a bit too young still...

I would put myself in the kid's shoes and think about what would be best for them. They are kind of used to getting shuttled around during holidays (there were many Thanksgivings we had to eat 2 or more meals, BF family, my family, friends leftovers...) And how many Christmases have you moved from family to family making hte rounds... Kids want to see everyone, and most important, pick up presents from all over, and adults want to watch the little ones play with their presents as much as possible.

What is best for the kids?

I recommend you consider "until boxing day" to be until a reasonable hour on boxing day, i.e., not 12:01 am. How about a little while after they would normally awake in the morning?

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What is best for the kids? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There in lies the dilemma.

Obviously an intact family is best for the children. To keep them at my place as appears to be my contractual right. Does that place additional pressure on the lifestyle WW has chosen when she feels some of the consequences? Will that option be the best in regards to the goal of restoring the family?

I'm not trying to be vindictive. If I were 100% sure we are to divorce, I would let them go to her for Boxing Day. Heck, it is Christmas. Even the allies and the Germans got out of the trenches for a soccer game on Christmas.

We used to do something like that with my DD. But it became more apparent each year that it was ruining the holiday for her. Way too much at a time when there is already way too much for most children to handle.

We have finally agreed this year to alternate Christmas's and Thanksgiving. No more switching during Christmas day or Thansgiving day.

Switching during the holiday day was very hard on my DD. She usually ended up in tears from the sheer stress of it all. And it didn't make our holidays any easier either, as far as making plans with family, etc.

It's hard Binder, very hard in the sitch's we're in to do what is best for the children.

Graycloud, Thanks for the input, I value your opinion.

WAT, howtheheckareya? It appears my W and your X are quite alike. I thought of that approach. It's slightly generous, but allows her to feel some of the conditions SHE has created.

Weaver, I appreciate having the benefit of your experiences for this. I cannot do without them for Christmas if I was to mimic your agreement. Yes moving them around sucks, but they only have to go 200 meters to my WW's house.

I'd be nice especially since it's the first one. You should set the tone by being human about things. Rational and thinking of the kids. I don't think it matters if you're not sure if you're going to get divorced in the end of not. Be a good roll model. 'Tis the season to be charitable.

I have no idea what boxing day is Binder.LOL.Is it Sunday up there in the north? You are in my "favorite" place on earth right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I would let your son stay with WW on boxing day for half a day since it's your weekend.What do ya think? Just keep in mind not to set any precedence that you can't or don't wish to deal with in the future.If you are OK with being flexible around the holidays,married or D'd then go for it.

My WH wants to come home for about 4-5 hours Christmas eve and I don't know how to respond to that yet.The first thing that comes to mind is "no way".I don't want him here but other than that time,he is going to be staying with his parents for the 10 days the girls are out of school.Thank goodness.The end of November signals the end of WH coming home and playing dad every other weekend.He can go to a hotel or motel now when he comes to visit and take the girls out.I just don't want to see him at all.It really bothers me.Plan B for life perhaps? ugh.

Well,good luck with whatever decision you make.

O

Boxing Day is the day after Xmas Day, no matter which day of the week it is. Also a UK holiday. Is the day after Xmas not a holiday in the US?

I also don't have a clue what to do for Xmas. In all honesty, I'd love to get on a plane and go for a fab holiday but the kids would hate that. What a dilemma. In fact, I imagine it will be a very emotional time for a lot of MB people here when it's meant to be a happy occasion. Sigh. TT

Thanks O,

I didn't realize my southern friends don't celebrate Boxing day...I've just learned it's an English, Australian, New Zealand and Canadian thing. Then again you folks celebrate Thanksgiving in November.

I couldn't imagine having a WS back inn the house under your circumstances. Thinking of going back to an openly cheating WS back in the house makes me throw up my mouth a little. I will be Plan B-ing for life if she doesn't get her head straight soon.

I've got some time to think about this, I'm leaning to being a bit generous, but making it clear I don't have to be.

Yeah.I am about to lose my dinner too,WH is on his way here now for the weekend to see the kids.PUKE.I have to restrain myself because all I want to do is punch his lights out but I will just do the usual and avoid him until he leaves.This whole scenario is ending though come December.Blah