tough night lastnight---i think that i'm the only one trying --just need to talk

Go ahead.... let us know what happened or what is on your mind.

L.

Hi Ichild,

I went and read all your other posts.I am sure you are devastated.Let us know what you're thinking.We're here for you.

O

I KNOW I'M AT FAULT FOR NOT MEETING SOME OF HER EN, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SHE WAS VERY SORROWFUL AND REGRETFUL AT FIRST,AND WAS READING SAA,BUT LAST NIGHT I NEEDED HER TO FEEL MY NEEDS --SHE WAS NOT TO TIRED TO READ ALL THE SALE ADS--BUT AS SOON AS SHE WAS DONE SHE WAS TOO TIRED---THIS MOURNING I LEFT MAD --SHE CALLED ME AND ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG,WAS I MAD AT HER---I TOLD HER IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS TRYING (LEAVING LITTLE I LOVE YOU NOTES ALL OVER,DOING DISHES AND LAUNDRY)AND SHE CAN'T EVEN FINISH HER EMOTIONAL NEEDS LIST FOR ME---JUST VERY FRUSTRATED---I FEEL LIKE SHE JUST WANTS TO FORGET ANYTHING HAPPENED AND ME TOO DO THE SAME

Hi again,

First of all,if you don't mind,using CAPS is hard on the eyes and it appears like you are yelling.Maybe you are! but it would be easier on us to see regular type,ok?

Second,are you in counseling yet? What about a NC letter? If your WW has ended it,you both need a PLAN IN PLACE to recover from this.You can't just wing it.You have to implement Plan A and also prevent yourself from LB's if your WW is still seeing the OM.Please keep on with your reading.It's important that you know what you are doing right now and you both need *professional help.

And do understand that it is common for a WS to try and sweep everything under the rug and pretend almost as if the A never happened or that it caused as much pain as it did.That is by no means the proper way to deal with this of course but some like to try.

Make a list of what you need to get done ok?

O

sorry about the caps----i have seen a counsler-- she goes on the third of decshe sent the om's wife a letter ---explaining how sorry she was and that she has had no contact with or want any with him

Did you see this letter that your WW sent? Or is she just saying she sent it? Could you talk to the OMW and see if she really did send a note? It was important,more important,to send the NC letter to the OM and let HIM know that it's over and that SHE wants to recover her marriage.I don't know but hopefully both the OM and his wife were included.

If I may ask,why aren't you in counseling *together if you both want marital recovery?

o

Ichild,

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do but please try to give her the benefit of the doubt. If you keep this up [expecting something without asking for it and getting mad] then you are making it more difficult for her to feel that you truly love her and are more concerned in punishing her.

Your D-day is so recent and your W is still going through withdrawl from the OM. Not to mention the shame of being discovered, and being disfellowshipped for her affair. Sure she brought this on herself and now is paying the consequences for it but if you truly love her and wish to rebuild your marriage then you must be very patient and understanding and put your needs [probably sex] on the backburner for a while. If she is like most women, the sex in the affair was more for the benefit of the OM than it was for her. The enjoyment she had from sex with the OM was probably more emotional than physical. Conquer your W's heart first and you will have her back as your lover as well.

You want your W to help you mend. Maybe she is not at that point right now. If so, what do you think you can or should do?

L.

yes she let me read letter--i would rather not contact omw ---she does know everything also --we did talk at first---i went to counsler first to help me survive--we are going to go together

that is so true coffee man --thanks---but as a man i think i wante= her to drown me in love ---but i should be patient---we do have a date tonight --kids are out of town

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lchild:
that is so true coffee man --thanks---but as a man i think i wante= her to drown me in love ---but i should be patient---we do have a date tonight --kids are out of town</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know what you mean afterall I am a man as well. I know that you are going to be saying 'DUH!' but your W psychological/emotional makeup is different than ours. Make her feel like the woman you love, not just your sexual playmate.

I'd like to recommend that you read Dr Barbara DeAngelis book What Women Want Men To Know and share it with your W. My own W raves about this book and she has given it to both of her boys [my stepsons] so that they can become the kind of men that women dream of having. I keep going back to it and rereading it time and again as a refresher in continuing to relate to my W. I beleive it can help both of you as well.

TMCM