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#1329 08/15/99 11:22 AM
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Anyone here share the frustration I feel every weekend??? I know my H is still very involved with the OW. They are co-workers and continue to see each other every day. But when the weekends come, no work, etc. H and I are like two ships that pass in the night...the only conversation between us is that which is absolutely necessary. Even that is met with one word answers or a simple uh,huh... Last night, I made a huge leap, even for me, and tried to initiate sex with him. (It's been since last Dec.'98) since we've had any kind of intimate contact, including kissing) He pushed my hand away and said, "I don't think so". Okay, rejection stinks! I really didn't think he'd want to, considering his affection is for another woman, but I tried just to see what his reaction would be. The counselor wants to see him alone next week. I wish I could be a fly on the wall and hear his "honest" opinion of the state of our marriage from his point of view. I doubt the counselor will share with me what he tells her (patient confidentiality...) I'm crazy with fear thinking that all his actions demonstrate his desire to separate from me. Anyone else who hates the weekends as much as I do?

#1330 08/15/99 11:55 AM
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Tired Lady<BR>I hate weekends too. For a different reason though. That was the only chance my H and OW had to see each other. She lives 1 1/2 hours away so I was safe during the work week.<BR>I do know how you feel being around him with that kind of atmosphere. <BR>Have you tried going out for yourself? Not telling him where you are going? Just out for a little space and enjoyment and freedom from the tension. I'm not talking revenge here.<BR>I took the opportunity early in the affair to get out for my sanity. It might have just been an hour for a coffee by myself of a movie with a friend. The purpose was to save my sanity but my H started to see that he wasn't necessarily the center of my life. Just a thought.<BR>It might help you to get away from it for a little bit of time here and there. Keep a smile on your face and show that you like your own company!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited August 15, 1999).]

#1331 08/15/99 11:57 AM
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mememememememe, I HATE weekends. my H has found every excuse in the world, for almost 2 years now, to get out of the house. I dare not call my friends, THEIR H's come home! I dare not call my family, they know too much about my marriage already, and i don't want them to know any more of the hurtful truth.<BR>it sucks, sucks, sucks. the 2yo and i just hang around the house, like most other days, but there is never a playgroup or much else to do. Also, I'm sure i could have made a different set of friends by now, but i keep reserving the time for H, on the one in a million chance he stays home and wants to do something. I feel like SUCH a doormat. Of course, i always tell H i'm at least getting out of the house-i don't want him to think i'm totally pathetic, but i HATE being the only single mom at the park or macdonalds-those are daddy things, on weekends. <BR>ships that pass in the night? i feel like we are in different oceans!<BR>sorry for the vent...<BR>i'm really sorry he rejected your overture last night. that has to kill. of course, when my H was really into things with OW, i felt like i was having sex with a corpse, so maybe you at least did not miss much!

#1332 08/16/99 12:05 AM
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Can I play too ? <BR> For some reason week- end have gotten really bad for me.<BR>Partly because h sleeps on the couch at least one night each weekend, and he's gotten to where he pays no attention to me at all. This really stinks on ice. I feel another tear storm coming on and looks like I'm in for another gloomy monday followed by a lonely, depressed week. Sometimes I wonder........<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

#1333 08/15/99 01:09 PM
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I want to play, too.....<P>Well, weekends used to be the highlight of my week. I rarely saw W during the week once we separated, but we got together every weekend where she was extremely affectionate, we had sex at least once and in general we had a great time. Since I have moved back for our two week "trial", the last two weekends have been much less than before.<P>She is much less affectionate, we haven't had sex and she remains rather distant. I can't figure it out. She was worried before that if I moved back, she would feel trapped or smothered. I asked her last night if during the last week she didn't do anything that she normally would or wanted to do because of me. She assured me pretty adamantly that that wasn't the case.<P>I don't really believe her, because while I'm in the apartment, she calls OM 2-3 times a week. I really believe that maybe she has decided more definitely on a divorce, but won't tell me. I want to ask if anything is wrong, but it could make things worse as she doesn't really want to talk about the situation. But, I probably will anyway this afternoon.<P>So, weekends are starting to stink for me, too.

#1334 08/15/99 01:44 PM
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My W hopped out of bed this morning (Sun.) without so much as touching me. Long ago, in a relationship far away, Sundays used to be our time for really being together, usually making love and definitely showing a lot of affection for each. Frankly, I was angry that she wasn't even willing to show at least minimal affection, and when I got up, she knew I was angry. We'd planned to go out for brunch, and I simmered down enough to ask her if she wanted to go out, at which point she said, "I'M going out for brunch." I even asked if she wanted company and got only hurtful sarcasm in response, as though somehow the bad mood that had descended on us was all MY fault.<P>So, I hate weekends too. There's a lot of pretense on her part that the reason we don't have sex more often is that there's no time (where there's a will there's a way - if there's real interest, you can always MAKE time, I've noticed!) Also that it's really my fault, because I'm always picking the "wrong time" (which now means just about any time I show an interest), and that I have to learn to "tell" when the right time is. I also suspect she's faking periods, etc. So weekends, when we're around each other a lot are particularly bad. Because I have to pretend to buy into her excuses of no time and not the right time for sex. And fellas and gals, I don't really want to hear about how maybe she's right, etc. etc. I have tried extremely hard to be VERY romantic - I take her out, I compliment her on her appearance all the time, tell her how much I love her, am affectionate, attentive, etc., etc. Nothing I do arouses any real interest from her. I know it's because she's getting these particular needs met in her affair, but I'm really sick and tired of taking the rap for it. I feel this particularly strongly on weekends though. I almost ended up going into work TODAY just to get away, even though it's Sun.<P>--Wex

#1335 08/15/99 05:21 PM
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Count me in as a weekend hater !<BR>The week isn't bad as I'm working and the kids are busy with there friends. <BR>But weekends come and there's a million things to do around the house and the kids are still on me to do things with them, so I get frustrated and angry at w, sho's out doing God knows what.<BR>She our d and her friend shopping today and brought them back at 5:00, but she didn't feed them so guess what I get to yet tonite.<BR>I just can't seem to geta break although my neighbor did bring some KFC over so I guess I shouldn't complain too much.

#1336 08/15/99 05:42 PM
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Well guys and gals, your weekends could be like mine. Oh by the way, what are weekends? I work 7 days a week now. I started this when I moved out from my ex's. Divorce was final a couple weeks ago. Most of the time I am too sleepy to think about not having someone to spend time with, or to go out with. I have a few episodes where I have my own pitty party for a few moments, thinking of my failed marriage, my dreary life and so on.<P>I guess to be honest, I actually feel better being right here with myself, than still being in the same house with my ex, and feeling terribly alone, and feeling his despise for me. Only God knows my future and this time I am really going to leave it up to Him. If I only did that years ago before I ever married in the first time.<P>There seem to be some very strong people here working hard to save their marriages. Sometimes I admire you all for this because I did not have the strength, but then I still hear your suffering. Why does it have to be like this????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Maybe because God made rules for us all and when we choose to disobey them, we pay for it one way or another. Oh well, just rambling and trying to come up with a good reason.<P>Next weekend, try to do for yourself things you have been wanting to do, but needed time by yourself to do it.<P>Bluestar

#1337 08/15/99 06:59 PM
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Geeezzz, so many of us weekend haters!!! I have gone out by myself - actually I do this quite often. I'll take the kids somewhere, or to the movies, or whatever errands we need to do. But you know, in the back of my mind, I think the minute I leave gives him yet another opportunity to call his OW and talk to her, tell her how much he misses her, yada, yada, yada... he's smartened up about getting himself a calling card so the number doesn't show up on our bills. Like I'm so stupid to think he'd never call her if the opportunity presents itself! Truthfully, my H likes to be home alone. It doesn't bother him at all whether I'm there or not. My H sometimes goes into work on Sundays also. I've called him there and he does answer the phone, but who knows, she could be right there and I wouldn't know it. He said he's working late tomorrow night. How thoughtful of him. Advance notice. I'm thinking of driving down to his work just to see if he's really there. I could surprise him, you know. Bring him dinner like the good little wife. But, what would I do if SHE was there??? ARRHHGG!!!<P>Any suggestions on how to really check up on him tomorrow nite? He has a pager, and voice mail, so he could call me back from where ever he maybe. I'd like some very clever ideas on how to catch a louse (oh, I mean mouse...)

#1338 08/15/99 07:42 PM
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TL<BR>I know my H called the OW every time I left too. He still didn't like me to have fun.<BR>Don't you leave the kids with him?<BR>Careful I'm a little fiesty tonight.<BR>The kicker was in March when his brother and family were here. My son had hockey. I walked in the door to see them allwaiting for me to feed them. I walked back out the door and went to the lounge with the hockey moms. one of them phoned my H later and said "Your wife has had too much to drive. Do you want to come and get her or should she just come home with me?" he was there in 20 minutes. It seems from the phone bills that he quit calling OW after that.<BR>I will think some on your plans for tomorrow.

#1339 08/15/99 11:04 PM
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WS - yes the kids stay home with him. He likes having them around. Mostly he's in the garage tinkering on his racing car. But he can call OW from the garage phone and no one would be the wiser. I go out with my friends, usually a couple of times a week, and now that school is starting, there's pta stuff to keep me really busy. Believe me, my marriage is more like roommates - well not even that. Roommates talk to each other. I get the impression from him that if it weren't for the kids, he would be gone to OW in a heartbeat! Why don't I just let him go? I'm so sick and tired of being "just the wife.." <P>So, anybody come up with a cleaver plan to discover if hubby really is working at the office late tomorrow??? When he says he's working late, he doesn't get home until 11:00 pm. Gee, must have ALOT of work.... At this point, I don't care if he get's angry with me. It would definately satify my curiousity and see if he's lying! Any ideas...???

#1340 08/16/99 07:26 AM
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Good Morning everyone! Okay guys, it's Monday and today is the day he's working late, again. My gut is telling me this is not really happening, that this is another of his rondevoux with the OW. It's making me, anxious, angry, upset, etc.etc.etc. and I want to find out the truth!!!! So, here is the question again...Any ideas on how to be clever and find out for sure where he is and what he's doing and who he's with? I'm feeling extremely insecure right now, with good reason - his affair is still ongoing. I'd just like to catch him in the act so to speak!

#1341 08/16/99 08:55 AM
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Hi Tired Lady<P>You have endured so much and you deserve more than this. Life is way too short to live like this. This is YOUR life H is playing with and you have a right to know.<P>Go to his work, even if it's just to feel good that you are doing something about his affair. Sitting at home wondering and feeling no sense of control sucks!. <P>Have you confronted him? have you told him that your life is crap for living like this? Your choices are limited, live like this or start a new lifestyle. I think if you start going out to places like bars or hook up with some single friends and go out for the night will force H to react. If you build this vibe of self confidence and strength H may look at you differently, especially if you start going out and showing him your life WILL be OK if he leaves.<P>You need to expose this issue wide open and force to make a decision. Plan A may not be working, if you know for sure he is having an affair and he refuses to talk about it than tell him about Plan B because life is too short to live like this....<P>Good Luck<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

#1342 08/16/99 09:29 AM
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I agree with the last post. Don't sit there and beat your self up wondering. If he's still seeing the ow how can you just let it continue. I've stated this before. I think it's wonderful to work on a marriage and forgive the cheater if the cheater is remorseful and trys too. But, when they are flaunting their lover in your face and not working on the marriage why do you put yourself through the pain and humiliation? Letting them have their lover and then letting them come home to you? They are getting both and they aren't going to stop their affair until they are told to make a choice. They can't see what they would be missing without their family until they are forced to go without it.


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