Sounds like a very good idea 2!

How about this for our day:

I will praise the Lord no matter what happens. I will boast of all his kindness to me. Let all who are discouraged take heart. Let us praise the Lord together, and exalt his name.
PSALMS 34: 1-3

good morning all!

well, luckily my H came home shortly after I posted here last night. It was terrible watching the clock and thinking of those nights he stayed out late doing things that he shouldn't have been! I woke up with those thoughts on my mind..but have been soo busy getting the house in order today that my mind was placed on other things. Thank Goodness.

Yes, 2, very good idea. I feel like both my H and I have changed ENORMOUSLY! In fact, I actually feel very uneasy when one of us does things the way we used to. We are both working so hard to get our marriage back to a place that is wonderful..and to tell you the truth, I feel like I finally have the H that I thought I was getting back 11 years ago. He has returned to the man who writes me love letters, and tells me I am beautiful and does not want to spend a single day without me. I am so sad that that was lost for awhile, but am sooo overjoyed that it has returned.

Oh, I was also going to tell you guys about the plans that we are making for our anniversary. Rocked, your talk of Chicago prompted me to look into it...and that is where we are going. I told my H that I think I want to pick a day other than our actual anniversary to think about it. I do not want to ruin our fun that weekend. So, I am hoping to tell myself to save it for when we get home. Hopefully, I will get by without the drama I think might happen...but I know how much stupid Valentine's Day caused me, so I am sure this could be much worse!!!

It sounds like the women are doing good today. I hope you are too, Rocked.

Talk to you guys later!!!!!!!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Glad all you ladies are seeing the sunshine through the rain. I'm not. Life sucks and I'm still at my lowest. Don't know what to say really. And I don't feel like playing the positive changes game. Sorry for sounding like such a butt! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

True, Chicago sounds cool. Looking for a 3rd? I could serve as you and your H's official anniversary Chauffeur. Black suit, funny hat. Eating cheese crackers in the limo while you and your H feast on T-bone and fine wine in the restaurant. Just lemmeno when and I'll change my name to James and be there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Rocked!!!!
Go out side, find some roses, stop and smell them!!!
Sorry you are feeling so down, so stand up!!!
Do some jumping jacks! Get moving! Get out of the house! Do anything to take your mind of matters of the heart, right now!
This is your MB Mother talking!!!!

with love, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
holiday

Dear MB Mother,
Do I have to clean my room, wash behind my ears and eat all my veggies too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Rocked,

I am so sorry to see that you are still hurting. I wish that there was something that I, or one of the other MBers could say to take that pain away..but I know we can't. So I hope you still know that you can turn to us for comfort. That we are here to listen and offer you what you need...well, not what you need, but empathy. I know I enjoy talking to my cyber friends... I still can't believe how much it helps to vent on here.

Today was rough for me after I posted. I won't go into details..but it solidified my resolve for that lifestyle change. I am sick of comparing myself to the attractive women that my H works with and sees. I know that I should not do this, but I think that since I am so self- conscience about my weight that I naturally do it. I have decided that I deserve better than that.

As for Chicago...well, we are going to a ball game and our hotel is close to the 'L', so I don't think we will need a chauffer. Plus, I am sure that the bad mood I am so afraid of will rear it's ugly head...and I don't think anyone will want to be near me(even my H <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> )!

I hope you see the sunshine soon! And remember that we are here for you.

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

True...men are attracted to women that make them feel good about "themselves", period. Looks can add to the package, but if the package is just looks and shallow, well, they'll move on.

True you are a good person. Don't be so hard on yourself. It will take time to make this lifestyle change. If you would like the eating plan I have (I don't follow it to a T, but in moderation), I will email it to you.

Rocked, yes, please do wash behind your ears and clean your room, and always, always eat your veggies!!!!;)

I hear you True! I know how you feel, comparing yourself to all the thin and prettier woman. But it is what is on the inside that matters MOST. So go easy on yourself. If you want to feel prettier buy yourself a nice outfit. I'm now going to quote my most favorite athlete of all times Deion Sanders. I saw him on Praise the Lord once and he said "If you dress good, you look good. If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good you play good (referring to his football career of course) and if you play good, they pay good!" I love him! He is classic! But honestly, he had a good point. If you dress good, you look good. If you look good you feel good. I had a BAD habit of dressing down because 1) I didn't work 2) I'm frugel by nature so Target clothes were good enough for me! 3) I was never going to be happy with the way I looked heavy so why invest in clothes? But I realized (in large part to this quote) that that is a bad way to look at it. There is attractive and flattering clothes for all figures. Lane Bryant (the best place I can find tops to fit my BIG BOOBS!) has darling clothes. Prices are very reasonable. I have no idea what size you are, but I can assure you, you can find some great, cute, fun, flirty outfits you and your H will love! Then do your make up daily (another bad habit I got into. Why wear make-up to take the kids to the park?) and get a good hair style if you need one. Looks are soooooooo much more than just how much you weigh. How many skinny girls do you see and think "they are really NOT cute?" I see A LOT!

Get yourself some sexy lingere (spelling ?), put on a G-string and matching bra under some cute outfit with your make-up and hair done and you will be SLAMM'IN! Do you think your husband will look at you (clothes on or off) and say to himself "I wish she was 10, 20 or 50lbs. lighter?" NO! He's going to say "Damn! My wife looks great!"

I can relate True. I was not a tiny woman when my husband married me (the OW by the way is VERY tiny. About 5 feet 100lbs.) If he wanted a tiny woman back then he could have got one. I do have about 20 lbs. to lose myself. So I can relate to what you are saying. But truthfully, dress yourself up and take care of yourself NOW, don't just wait (like I often did) to lose 10 or 20 lbs. before you reward yourself with a nice outfit. I will tell you this. I've dropped quite a few pounds in the last year. I am thinner now than before I had my son. I have bought myself cute outfits and have felt good about myself. Feeling good (like Deion says) actually motivated me to work out and lose more weight. So throwing out those cute outfits that were too big was very rewarding!

I really didn't mean to get into this long speech, but as you can tell, I feel passionate about that. Go get yourself a darling wardrobe in your size NOW and feel good about yourself NOW...not just when you lose your weight. You'll see what I'm talking about when you do it.
It might actually help you shed some of those pounds too.

God bless and good night!
2

Ditto on what's been said to you True. Beauty is not measured in pounds. Your cyber friends see your real beauty through your spirit and words. Although, losing weight (myself included) makes us feel better and results in improved health (for those nights we need extra stamina!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

What the hay? No one encouraged me to go out and buy new clothes when I was feeling "down"! (Would a trip to Victoria's Secret work for me too, 2?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

True- Now I know your H ought to treat you right and keep from losing you...ANNIVERSARY TRIP TO GO SEE A BALL GAME??? Whoo, Hoo! You da wife! (I'm still willing to be the 3rd if you need someone to run to the concession stand or chase after foul balls at the stadium for you two!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thank you all for your kind responses. I know what you all say is true, and I know that I should get past this..but it is easier said than done..especially when you have been teased about it your whole life, and when your H had an affair with his "ideal" woman. He told me that she looked like Natalie Portman...and from the few pictures I have seen, she did(I can't even see the stupid Star Wars movies b/c of that right now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> ). I know that the fact that she was beautiful should not matter, but IT DOES. I guess that is the woman in me, and the hurt spouse all at once <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> .

Anyway, 2, I know I have let myself go too, but I was also not a skinny minnie when my H married me. When he met me, I was anorexic thin...then I went off to college and gained not the freshman 10...but more like the freshman 30! Still, I dressed good..now I don't. I think when our house sells in N.C.(if you know anybody moving there let me know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ), I will buy myself a whole bunch of clothes! I do my hair and make-up everyday now(although my H tells me that he likes the no makeup look...the OW did not wear makeup, which made her more attractive to him). So I am trying...and do not worry I am taking this lifestyle change seriously...and slowly...which is very new for me. I do not care if it takes me a year this time..as long as I can do it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, Rocked, I think my H might mind another guy there. And if there are any foul balls, I am sure my H would want to catch them <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> As for going to a ball game...we have gone to White Sox games since we first met. We went to one the day after we got married...before heading out on our honeymoon, too. We actually went to one on the night they announced that Michael Jordan was going to retire(the first time)..the Sox lost(no surprise, there) and then we found out Jordan was retiring...it was like a double whammy!!!

Maybe the whole MB group could get together some other time, and go to a ball game then! But thank you so much for the offer.


Anyway, hope you all have a great day!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Oh, so sorry....I thought you were Cubs fans!!!

Baseball...YUCK! My H is a big White Sox fan. Rocked, Republican and Cubs fan. I don't know if you'd be allowed in my house!

True, what? Have you lost your mind? Your H had an A with his ideal woman! Really? Doesn't sound like that to me. Yeah, she was his ideal woman that is why he moved a million miles away from her...with you! If she was his ideal woman don't you think he would have run off with her? It happens all the time you know. She was no more his ideal woman that my H OW. She was what she was...willing. So what if she was cute. Is he with her? Doesn't matter that much huh? I know my H OW was far from his ideal. Part of the reason it was so baffling to me. But, then I realized the purpose she served and then it made sense. She was a groupie willing to turn tricks during their lunch break in his truck. Period. So trust me on this True, she was NOT his ideal woman. YOU ARE!

Rocked, I wouldn't recommend Victoria Secret for you unless you want to freak your wife out (unless she is into that kind of thing.) It is always a great place to visit and buy her something, but for you, I'd recommend something else. If you need a new outfit, new hair style or just an indulgence day with a facial and massage, go for it! You deserve to look and feel great too!

Did my work-out already this morning. Checking out Oprah's boot camp on line today. True want to do a cyber diet with an internet friend? We can be each others accountability partner. Let me know!
2

Hey, 2

I am doing the Oprahs boot camp thing. Watching her show a week or so ago and then reading Bob Greene's book is where I started getting my motivation for all this! When I read his book..it was like, yes, this is what I want. He talks about changing your whole self...not those physical "imperfections"! So diet buddy away! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Holiday,
I am going to email you with the address you can send that 1200 calorie diet. I am actually varying my caloric intake, I think. People say that that does a better job, b/c your metabolism does not go into starvation mode...but I need a 1200 plan day! Thank you so much!

2,
I also wanted to say that I know you are right about the ideal woman thing. I meant physically, she was. Although he always tells me that he likes my boobs, and she didn't have any, so I guess she wasn't ideal in that also <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I think part of me gets concerned b/c he said they did have a lot in common(although when I asked him what he had a hard time coming up with a list). And for the most part, I think my H and I are complete opposites, with not much in common! I have seen that more and more since d-day. In fact when the counselor asked us to describe our ideal mates...both of us described polar opposites of each other! I just like being with him anyway...but I worry now, b/c he became such good friends with her...I mean it was not all about sex for him...he really LIKED her. I think that is what bothers me more, but I focus on the physical, b/c I think I can acheive that ideal.

Rocked...THE CUBS???????????? ARE YOU CRAZY???????????????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Also, you haven't told us how you are feeling today? As your personal counselors we need to know these things. I hope you are well. Go buy some new golf clubs or something like that instead of clothes. Or even better...go hit some golf balls! I do that in my front yard...and think of the OW when I swing sometimes(and...shhhh...don't tell him...but even my H sometimes)...boy do I feel good and does that ball fly! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, the sun is shining...it might be behind a cloud...but look at all the beautiful rays poking out from behind it! Those are sometimes more beautiful than seeing the sun shine by itself. Think positively, even though you might not feel like it now!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm getting confused! Heck, if I combined all ya'lls advice I'd be out in the front yard hitting golf balls in a Victoria Secret g-sting, with a new hairstyle underneath my White Sux hat, just after I've limited myself to a 1200 calorie snack while the sun rays are shining from behind the pretty clouds. SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You see True, she wasn't his ideal woman (what woman doesn't have boobs?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Again, you are his ideal woman.

I know my h liked the OW a lot. It started out as a friendship with mutual admiration. He was pleased with her work, she was pleased having him as a boss. I know he cared a great deal about her. But I also know that once she became the OW his feelings fluctuated between infatuation and total disrespect for her. I know now that he has no respect for her (she treated herself like a trick) and he is very disgusted with himself for becoming involved with such a lowly immoral person. She was sleeping with other guys during their A (not like she should have been loyal to him or anything, but several times she did it out of revenge.), she uses recreational drugs, she curses like a sailor and here's the topper, she had an A with a married man! I know that sounds silly, but when you really think about it, would your H have chosen to marry someone who was sleeping with married men? Or would he have kind of thought she was a little bit of a lowly, immoral person?

I know my H fell, but BECAUSE we have Jesus (and sadly she does not) he can start over fresh. She continues to behave in the same old pattern. Moved some guy into her apartment from what I understand who rarely works and is totally taking advantage of her. I feel sorry for her most of the time...really.

Anyway, Rocked, buck up! What is up with you today?
2

Just wanted to also let everyone know that I am doing a bit better today. Thanks for your prayers. In a nutshell I'm growing tired of being tired and want to get back on a healing path. I've begun letting my anger wall come down and am trying to reach out to my W as an expression of my commitment (agape) love. I know the feelings will follow. I see a new MC Monday and am expecting that to help me process what's hiding under the surface. Thanks for being a great bunch of friends. Kinda changing my opinion about liberal Democrat women. HA. (Hey, I was just kidding!!)

Oh my goodness...I can't get that image of Rocked out of my head!

Will my life ever be the same?, ha!

H and I are heading out to see Star Wars today. To think I was only 19 when the first one came out, yeeha!

True, I have an email for you if you still use the same one and I will send it out to you later today.

2, you are getting so motivated!! It is great to hear you talk like you are. Keep it up!

What can I say...some guys got it and some don't!

Holiday, aren't half the actors from the original movie now either dead or in nursing homes? Just wondering.

OK Guys, here is a BIG one. My H birthday is Sunday and I called him just now and he was leaving lunch from a very fancy restaurant. So I asked him what he was doing there and who he was dining with and he said that his manager threw him a surprise birthday lunch there. ALL of his staff (Yep! including the OW) were there. He said his manager told him to show up there (he thought it was going to be the 2 of them) and they were all there. The reason apparently is 1) since the OW my H moved offices and doesn't see his staff nearly as much as he used to and 2) with one of his key guys leaving, this was kind of a gratitude lunch for my H before he leaves.

So I told him that I was NOT cool with it at all! I said she has to go! This is NOT working for me. And I'm sure she knows that. She has to know that it KILLS me that she can just show up to my H birthday party because she feels like it. So tit for tat. I'm going there and showing up at HER job next week!

Do you think my H is being honest with me? He claims they never talk, yet she is there. Is it possible that she just didn't want to be left out? Did it for appearances sake? Or should I read more into it? Please continue to pray that she leaves. I hate that she is there!
2

Oh sure..make my nice sweet cloud metaphor into a joke. I am so offended! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> J/K. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I would love to see you out in a Victoria's Secret outfit playing golf! That would sure make the neighbors talk and I would be laughing my butt off! That image totally made me smile today!!! Thank you soooo much! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

2,
I am with you. I feel a lot of pity for my H's OW. I even feel sorry that she fell so hard for my H. I can see why she did...but it is sad. I think she wanted him to leave me, and he kept telling her how much he loved me...that must have been hard for her..but that is the price you pay. She is a very confused woman, who was already into another affair when she ended the one with my H. I also do not see what the real attraction was for her..she was a WEIRD person! He even told me that he thought that for a long time...why, oh, why would you even want to be friends with someone as psychotic as she was???

Anyway, I just got done watching The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Awesome movie...I think you told me you saw it, Rocked, right? Well, it made wish that my H had held me in such regard as the man did in that movie. That is how I have always felt about my H.
Another good one I watched last night was Warm Springs on HBO. It is about FDR...did you guys know that HE had an affair? Or at least he did in the movie. Wow...I told my H that they went on to become a very respected couple..so maybe people can get passed on this drama and live much happier lives.

Well, I hope everyone has a great weekend!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />