Glad to hear your weekend was good, Rocked.

Still waking up here in the heartland. My H will be gone today, which always makes me anxious...but I will be ok.

I think my brain is slowly turning to Mush..b/c I have no clue what your code was, and I am now tired! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

BTW, have any of you read the Christ Clone Trilogy books? I started reading the first one this past week. Just curious!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey True,
Could be that your brain has turned to mush from reading that book, not trying to crack my codes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Any update on the mirror incident?

Code clues can only be aquired via private email.

Well, Rocked. I am sure the my brain could be truning to mush b/c of the book. It is one of those left behing type books...and I get very confused since there are about a gazillion of those out there now.

Mirror is still broken.

Only through, email, eh? Hmmm....must be a really tough code to break.

True

Yep

Drats

Complicated

Dang...complicated!

Didn't I just tell you that my brain was mush?

Hee hee

True

The rules are the rules.

Ho Ho

quick...off to hurt myself at the gym.
glad to see true and rocked home and safe from the weekend, as we are too.
hope 2 is home safe also.

great weekend..."hint"- i slide off a king sized bed and tweaked my neck and bruised my arm, ha!
ttys

Holiday,
AYAYSBMC!

OH MY...Holiday...that sounds like a very interesting weekend!

I am glad you had a good time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


Rocked, RULES????? Who ever plays by the rules? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
[color:"pink"] [/color]

Good morning guys! I feel late, with all the chatting that has been going on already!

True, like you had a nice relaxing, productive weekend. But like you I got into with my H also. When I had the chance to REMIND him about his A, I held my tongue. It was really not necessary and would have only made it worse. It blew over after a couple of hours.

Last night we got into this hour plus conversation about life. He went on and on about how he has come to appreciate us and how much happier he is now. It sucked because I had to come back with how unhappy I was that I still had to check up on him all the time, still didn't trust him and how difficult it is for me when people say things like "Your husband is such a great guy!" I heard that this weekend at church and at a wedding shower. All I can do is smile and say "thanks"!

I think he was hurt that I wasn't just like "you are such a great guy now and I am happier than ever!". We are getting along fine and we really enjoyed each other this weekend, but whereas this feels over for him, the ramifications are still huge for me.

We have MC today. Still working through this. Rocked how is yours going?

Off to run (literally) and then Tuesday is my busiest day! So I'll check in when I get a chance.

True, how is your Oprah's boot camp coming? I still have to read through it all.

Have a blessed day!
2

Yeah, 2, I have a hard time when people say things like that too. Especially when I know they don't think of me in high regards.
Do you know the OW told him all the time how lucky I was so have him? And he always replied that if I was so lucky, then why was he cheating on me? He knew that he was screwing me up the whole time!

Ok..I am breathing and not DWELLING....((((breathe))))

Boot camp SUCKS!!!!! I have not completely started the diet. I love bread too much..but I am going to try.

Anyway...chat in a bit.

True

I'm back from lunch out with the W. Won't be able to post or reply the rest of the day in about 30 minutes. If you need me you betta say sumppin quick!

Yes, True...rules! Remember what those are?

YSNTT!

I hate this! My H just called me to tell me that they are having a going away party for one of his managers. We knew this was going to happen and I kept telling my H to plan it himself so that I could be sure to attend. Well, typical, he didn't and then he calls me just know to say they are taking him to lunch for his last day of work and she will probably be there. Do I mind if he goes? And I said yeah! But you know what? This sucks! I don't want to have to tell him no like his mommy! He should know not to go.

I was glad he called me to ask and he did sound a little disappointed that I told him no. But really? What was I supposed to do? I just freaked out about it last week...I'm going to let him go again?! No way!

So I told him to send an e-mail reply all so she will see it, that say to the guy (because he has worked under my H for 5 years and I know and like him), "I can't make it, but me and the wife would like to take you to dinner at a later time." Do you guys think I handled this properly?

I'm asking for advice, so shoot!
2

Okay...first, here's what I do when people say "wow, you have such a great H!"...okay, ready?
I reply "thank you, he has been working "very" hard at it".
People also say to us..."23 years married", "how do you do it", my H always replies to this date "it's ALL because of my wife" as he bows his head slightly.

Second, 2, yes, you handled it well. Your H should know by now the reprecusions are worse than having fun at an office party. Good idea about sending the email that way too.

Last week I was having that ol feeling, trying not to dwell etc. He was acting strange a few times (he had to attend union meetings and alot OT going on), even though I knew where my H was, I was having this strange vibe from him...well, turns out he spent more $$ on some work on his Harley than he told me. It all came out at dinner with a bunch of friends (safety in numbers I told him). We have an agreement, hee hee, that any $$ amount spent on the Harley, I will receive equal to spend as I wish.

It was kinda sad that I was relieved thats where his behavior was coming from. He was too afraid to tell me how much more he was spending, ha! I thought, of course, the worst case senario.

2,
I liked your idea about the dinner thing. It was wise! And yes, he should know by now that if it is a function that she will be at(other than things that are required)he cannot not go. You were not being too hard on him.

Holiday, I like your reply to the husband/marriage thing. My H has also said that we are still together and "happy" b/c of me.

It is sad that it looks like most of our spouses truly see how lucky they are to have us and how special we are...after the fact. But I guess they are all trying so hard, and are becoming better people, so I guess we should focus on the positive:)

True

Happy month of June to everyone!

2, I'm curious as to what you think the heart of the matter is (about the lunch party issue)? Is is that your H didn't plan the party ahead of time to ensure you'd be able to attend (and keep an eye on him)? Is it that you "think" his motives are wrong and he is really trying to secretly be together with the OW w/o you? Is it that you weren't able to control the situation/rule? Other?

Hey Rocked,

Are you trying to stir up the pot? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I think, and 2 correct me if I am wrong, that the heart of the matter is that he should not be around the OW...period. I know that if your W went to parties or whatnot with the OM you would also say, "Hey, I don't think so!" Maybe it is just a woman thing, but this exact thing came up with me. Granted it was a week after d-day, but, there was supposed to be a retirement party for a guy at my H's work, and he really liked this guy, but I said if the OW is going to be there..sorry..you can't go. Of course I am not his mom, so I think I said something like, well, you can decide, but it will make me feel uncomfortable. Luckily, they did not even throw the party afterall, but my H said that my comfort level was much more important than going to some party.

I think our WS, at least for now, need to think of our comfort level above anything they are feeling, or, as this site suggests, we should have a policy of joint agreement. I think this agreement should included that NO Contact with the OP...but in 2's case, this is not possible...so the joint agreement is as little contact as possible.

My H and I had a long talk last night about my feelings lately. It is just so hard to believe that I am in the place, ya know? I never thought that I would ever be here. I bet you are all the same. Here is a question for you...if you guys did not have kids, would you still stay with your spouse? I told my H last night that if we did not have kids, I do not think that I would have stayed. I still love him, and have never stopped, but that is not what kept me here. I would have pushed that all to the side. To me, he not only ruined our marriage, but our friendship, as well, so I would have had a hard time trying to put that back togther if I did not see a reason to...and me loving him would not have been a good enough reason. Anyway...that is the question of the day!


True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good morning True,
To clarify, I was not implying the NC rule should be ignored. I am asking 2 what makes her heart race when these things come up? Personally, if her H knew ahead of time that this guy was going to be leaving (which 2 said he did) then 2's H should have planned the party and invited 2. OR...he should have asked the OW not to attend the party so he could attend as the dudes Manager. b/c it didn't work out that way he ended up feeling like a runt in the office...and it was his fault. I admit that my sitch was/is so diff I prob can't understand fully.

True, as far as your question of the day...my answer is "I don't know." Prob in the immediate aftermath my feelings would have leaned that way. Once my brain caught up with my heart I considered the broader ramifications.

TSALRTWT!

Hmmmm, I need to ask, or be refreshed, 2, didn't your H dump the OW in the first place? I think if he did, then he made a choice long ago about how he feels for her, remember, he used her for "his needs". I don't think the OW is a threat to you via your H anymore, but she is being a b*tch to you with some of her actions.

IMO, everytime your H doesn't show or needs to show anything about your relationship in front of her, she thinks she's winning some game and that he's still "pine-ing" for her. I do think, if your H tells you the OW will be attending a function prior to the function and he sees your reaction, he needs to act accordingly.

I do think like Rocked in the sense, we need to control our "control" issues. Granted "we be done wronged", but life needs to go on without all the questions and answers on a daily basis. Positively move forward.

As to True, your question, yes, I would stay. I love my H. Staying for "the children" when you no longer are "in love" or "love" your spouse, nor want be with your spouse without eventual trust, would not be a constructive or healthy place for children to grow up in.

And Rocked, what does AYAYSBMC mean anyway?

AYAYSBMC (At Your Age You Should Be More Careful)