Hi Rocked....

No, I know you did not mean that the no contact rule should not be ignored...just saying what I though the heart of the matter was...I cannot imagine how I would feel if my H saw the OW daily or even at all.

Broader ramifications? I don't see those being any different in my sitch. Your sitch is different...so I can understand, but if there were no kids in my sitch...I think the ramifications would not have been much different...except I would now be alone and miserable instead of here and sad.

Still up with those codes, eh? You silly guy!

TTYL!

True
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks True. You're right about my sitch being a bit diff. Are you "sad" days in your marriage diminishing? And why do you assume that if you were alone you would be miserable? I bet there's lots of good guys looking for former flag twirlers!

Holiday, sorry, did not see your post. Good morning!

You are right about not staying "just for the kids". If I did not love my H, I think that would be a bad sitch for my kids. But my question was IF YOU DID NOT HAVE KIDS! Then the environment for kids is not even a question.

I admire you for saying that you love your H and would stay with him no matter what..b/c of your love. That is a very good thing! I also admire your ability to see that you cannot not control your H. I do not possess those skills. I like to be in control. This has shown me that I cannot be, and now I am working on that.

It is something that I also shared with my H last night. He kept telling me to let the rage I had building inside me out( I think he is the best WS at this...he wants me to vent...although, I do not like to). I did not do it. I said what is the point...I cannot control how you think or what you do. If having my picture on your desk, calling me at lunch everyday, or me calling you, or being such a good friend/wife could not stop you from doing what you did..nothing can...so why lecture you. Why yell at you? I cannot control you, but I can control myself. It is futile!

Anyway...thanks for your thoughts!

True

Let it out True! Don't bottle things till you go postal. Do something crazy...out of the ordinary. Did you ever take that Spa trip you talked about so much? Get someone to care for the kids while you go and pleasure yourself! (And I'm not talkin' about catching a White Sox double header!)

IMYDNMS!

Rocked,

Yes, the sad days have been diminishing. They are at a peak at the moment, but in general there are less of them. Anger has also reared it's ugly head again...I must be going through that 6 months thing that you found yourself in a couple weeks ago.

I think it all has to do with the fact that our anniversary is just a few short days away. It is bringing up a lot of hurt and humiliation.

True

Hi True, no, I'm definitely not a controller...too much brain work. I have a "controlling" family in law and a "controlling" girlfriend. None of them are happy to be here on earth no matter how they talk.
It bothers them all that I see life so differently. I breathe in, I breathe out just like anyone else. Being controlling is tough on your body, you tend to "hold your breath alot" and then God's good oxygen can't help to heal your spirit.
Like Rocked said, go do something "fun" or "crazy" to take your mind off your whole sitch and experience the good in life. Looking at the same four walls each day won't cure what ails you.

I don't vent either. Well, not yelling wise. Hurts my throat. I guess I vent at the gym climbing the stairmaster.

I gotta run out for a while. Will have time to brainstorm some crazy activities and "get your mind off the 4 walls" stuff for you True if you want some input. Let me know...I could email you the list!

TTYL (see, I can be a "joiner" at times)

Good morning everyone! Chatty again today I see.

My issue with my H going to the party was that he knew it was going to happen and didn't try to create a situation that would have made me more comfortable. My issue isn't that I think he wants to be around her (I'm not stupid enough to realize that with them working together they could be hanging out all day every day). I don't question his motive in wanting to go, I thought it was inconsiderate on his part to attend without me knowing she would be there. That is why I asked him not to go.

If he would have planned it, I could have come, but he cannot ask her not to attend. We are planning a party for his job at our house this summer and we HAVE to invite her. She cannot be excluded from things that the rest of the staff is invited to or that is basis for her to claim discrimination. HR explained this in detail to my H. I can't imagine she'd come to the party. But I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

If I didn't have kids, I would have left...no question. It is the easy way out and I'm working this hard not for me, but for my kids. So True, no kids, I'd have left without batting an eye. I guess that is why God plans things the way he does. He knew that about us True.


Yes, my H did "dump" the OW, but he continued contact with her on almost a daily basis (outside of work). So even though he insist he was through (and probably believes it himself), I was never convinced that it wouldn't have started up again. They were on and off 3 times during the 10 month A with one break up lasting 3 months. But they always continued to talk daily, even during the breakups. He broke it off a couple of times, she did once. The whole thing was a mess. Can't see what he possiblity got out of it.

So anyway, our MC thought the situation was handled properly and asked that I not use words like "no or you can't" so I don't feel parental. She also asked him not to ask me "dumb" questions like can he be in her presence if it can be avoided.

So, there! I've filled you in.

Have a great day!
2

Thanks guys...I am also going out for awhile.

There is a small gym in town(25 minutes away) that I am thinking of joining so that I can vent there too!:)

Holiday, like I said...I admire you! I had a really good friend in Utah who sounds an awful lot like you. I loved her. I always wished that I could see the world like she does. I am not a complete controller...just a slight one...HAHA!

Yes, Rocked, I would be interested in seeing a man's list of things to do:) Hmmmm...I can only imagine...go golfing, buy tools, fix a car, ride in a fast car...anything to do with cars, tools or sports...hee hee!

TTYL!!!!

True

True, you forgot eating! Let me know if you want that list.

Bye for now!

Good Afternoon everyone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am soooo tired today! I think that is part of my problem with dwelling. My H and I have never gone to bed at the same time...he is a night owl and I am an early riser...but since all this has happened, we have been going to sleep at the same time. It has been sort of a compromise, but mainly it has been me staying up late with him every night(at least midnight). Then my kids are all up by 8 am(used to be 6:45 when the oldest was in school). Now that sounds like it should be enough sleep, right? Eight hours? Well...my toddler still wakes me up most nights and I am a very light sleeper. NOt as much sleep as it should be and definitely not a sound sleep. So...I am very tired! Working out does get my heart and brain moving though...so I am trying that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Anyway...IWTTYAIALB!!!!! See, we can all do the code thingy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Nobody acknowledged my earlier post. Anybody see it? Dealing with an especially cranky kid today. What would I do if I was a single mom...again, my reason for staying married.

Anyway, rough day, but looking forward to the retreat I'm going to this weekend. A whole weekend away to fellowship with Christian women! I need this!

TTYL
2

Sorry, 2....I was going to respond...again, must have been a brain cramp.

Sounds like an awesome retreat you are going on. I wish I was coming with you. My H is sending me to a day spa in a couple of weeks. I really wanted that whole vacation...but then our house did not sell like it was supposed to...aaggghhhh...that's a whole other post!

As to your last post. I am glad I am not the only one who feels that they are working on their marriage for their kids. I just look at them and say they are worth it all. But, I do agree with Holiday. If I had no love for my H then I would not stay. I do not think kids need to see a loveless marriage. One of my friends called today and was telling me about a poor little girl, from her class this year, whose parents got divorced. DIvorce is a bad thing for kids...I do not care what the experts say. I know there are sometimes when divorce is actually better(I have a friend in that sitch, too), but for the most part, I think if the couple can try and work at it, they are showing their kids a much stronger love.

Plus, I am with you and the single mom thing. I have seen many times over the past months that I think...I am glad that I stayed, b/c I would be doing this all on my own, plus having to work! That has been a big issue for me.

I am sorry your day is rough. My days after counseling are like that..I wonder if that is why yours is too. I love counseling and see that is does help, but it also is a painful reminder of all that has happened. Just breathe and look forward to that wonderful Christian fellowship!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm back. Quiet here in Post-ville.

IGIGBTMWUIHFS!

IGIGBTMWUIHFS (I Guess I'll Get Back To My Work Until I Hear From Someone)

See, they do mean something!!

Sincerely,
Mr.Codeman

Awww...are you feeling lonely?

Yes, it is strangely quiet here in cyber space. Everybody must be doing something fun! I am actually sitting on my front porch swinging in my ebay chair. I figured looking at those four walls was boring!!!

Mr. Codeman, huh? HA HA

True

So what made you get up from your cozy ebay chair to check the posts? You missed us? Awww!!

IYLTTTG

Oh and buying expensive parts for your Harley!!!!

I am on the front porch AND checking the posts!!! Very long electrical cord and phone cord!

Cool a hummingbird just buzzed by my head eating out of our feeder right above me....hee hee


Did you come up with a good list of crazy ideas for me?

True

Yep, none of which include anything to do with a hummingbird!

Long electrical cords and porch swings...hmmm? More ideas are flowing!