I am sure they are very interesting! At least you are peaking my curiosity(sp?).

True

If you want the list email me at [email]rif1004@yahoo.com.[/email]

2 and Holiday, you're free to use this new address too.

Well, I am glad I did not send anything to your old address. I would have felt rejected...ha ha.

True

And that's the last thing any of us needs is more rejection, huh!

KSAEYEC

KSAEYEC

Keep swinging and enjoying your ebay chair <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

OK Guys, this one might be long. I've got to try to explain myself here in cyberspace. One of the reasons my day is going rough is I'm afraid I've bit off more than I can chew. Pre-A, I had given up my successful career to be a mom, and while adjusting to the new role (especially after the 2nd came), I opted out of leading most things.

I have always been a leader, take charge person and have been the head of organizations and church things. But during the last 4 years, have enjoyed not being in charge of anything and sitting back and enjoying things.

Well, one of my H complaints about me during his A was that I wasn't "mentally stimulating" anymore. He began to hint that I should go back to work because I wasn't "accomplishing anything" being home.

Of course now, he said it was all justification to have his A and he has come to love and appreciate the fact that I am home and give my focus to the house, him and the kids.

But, I woke up this morning with so many things to do, I feel TOTALLY overwhelmed. I am organizing the summer bible study at our church starting next week...plus I lead the first week. I just volunteered to be the Field Trip coordinator for my MOMS club and am getting a list of places together. I'm working with Ronald McDonald House again to put together the 2nd (I did it last year) Crop for a Cause fundraising scrapbooking event. I'm applying for a reality TV show with my sister (really!) and I'm working with a girlfriend to help her do some large scale events starting in Jan. I have event planning experience, love it and thought it might be a good way to make some extra money working from home. She is counting on me...we've already got the ball rolling.

So this morning I started wondering why I was doing all of this. And the only thing that came to mind was me before kids, busy, involved, extending myself. This is the 'me' he claims he fell in love with and lost once kids came (during his A...doesn't say that now).

I am beginning to wonder if my motives are pure. Keeping busy forces him to do more with the kids and around the house. It makes him realize I have a life without him and it will go on if he should ever do this again. But now everything is in motion, people are relying on me and I can't bail out of any of these commitments.

Any advice? If not, just pray for me. I really am feeling overwhelmed.
Thanks
2

Wow, 2, it does sound like you have bitten off more than you can chew! I do not have any advice, since I am like you, when I make a committment I stand by it. I would just try to delegate as much as you ca(HA...this is coming from Miss Control Freak who does not delegate anything!).

You are probably right about your motives...but I do not think they are bad. Keeping busy helps you focus on more than your pain, and in the end will probably help you heal faster.

It is funny, b/c I think my H felt the same way about me as your H did about you during the A. It is interesting...I think our H's are very similar <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> ! He liked talking to this girl and I think it is b/c not only did she put him on that pedastool...but she was interesting. Anybody with a past like her has to be intersting! Our sitch seem very close.

Just breathe. It will all work out!


BTW, I thought about applying to Extreme Makeover. Maybe if I tell them that I have lost all my selfesteem b/c of my H's affair they will pick me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

take care,

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey True, while you're in your "swingin" ebay chair, why don't you peruse my ebay auctions of totes?

Got home from kickboxing and ate everything in the house!
Now I need a nap.

2-Cranky kid? I missed that post. What's up?

Rocked, oh I mean Mr Codeman (we could slip in splg and you would be a fish, ha) code me less, my head hurts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Hey All,
Sorry...that email address I gave you is dead. My bad.

Holiday, let's hope your bad spelling doesn't lower me to Mr.Crudeman! HA. Kickboxing? Watch out world.

True, if it starts raining onto your front porch make sure you move your electrical chord and extension inside. Would hate to hear of an accidental electrocution.

2, In short...put your family first and limit your outside "leadership" to one thing. There's nothing wrong with admitting overcommitment and telling someone you have to say "no" to a previous commitment. They'll understand. You are an MVP Mom and your kids value and need all of you they can get.

Good Morning, everyone!!!!!

Rocked,
Bummer about the email. Not a problem though...we still love ya <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Holiday,
I am looking up those totes right now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

2,
Hope you are feeling better today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am doing ok today. Not going swinging on the chair today...it IS raining out there. This is the day that I need the kids outside too, so that my cleaning can go unhindered. Oh well.

Have counseling tonight. I am hoping that it goes ok. Sometimes I just feel like it does not help anything and sometimes I think it is the best thing since sliced bread. I guess it all depends on how I feel about my H that day. I think when I am in a bad mood, I do not like it, b/c that means I am trying <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I know crazy talk...but I am a little crazy...hee hee.

TTYAL!!!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Glad to hear the possibility of electrocution has been defused. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

When you get to feeling down envision the steak and chicken on the grill around the pool in Vegas with all us chatting about our journey together. (And joking about how Rocked kicked ya'lls butts in golf earlier that day!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, Rocked that sounds like a plan. I will think of that pool party.

Hope all is well in your neck of the woods today.

True

Hey Guys,

My H told me last night that he wasn't feeling love from me. He said that I was attentive and sexual, but not affectionate. I guess he's right, I hadn't really thought about it. So as I was dozing off to sleep, I was thinking "maybe I'll do something nice for him, like slip a note in his briefcase or something." But then I found myself saying "NO! When I did that stuff before (before and during his A) it didn't get appreciated. So screw it!" I know this is a bad attitude, but that really is how I feel. All the thoughtful things I did during his A to try to get us to reconnect were a waste of time. I don't feel like doing it.

Then I started thinking, "he hasn't left me any love notes hanging around." He has text messaged me a couple of times. And I do do things that obviously go unnoticed. For example, last night I made for dinner something he picked out of a magazine and said he'd like to try. Is that not showing love? Going out of my way to make something he wanted? So I'm left feeling like nothing I do is good enough...just like during his A.

You know we haven't discussed this sort of stuff in awhile, but I'm thinking of telling him how I feel. Doing thoughtful things makes me feel stupid because I was doing them during the A. Making dinner that you wanted is showing love. But I guess he wants me to do it his way and I don't want to...not right now.

So anyway, that's what's going on with me.
2

2,

It is a tough sitch. You guys do need to talk about how you each want to be shown affection. I think my counselor says that you using different dialects of the same love language(from the Book 5 Love Languages).
Here is an idea..just an idea...do what he wants at least once a day. I know the attitude of "screw it". I have felt the same way many times...especially when I do not feel like he is treating me the way that I think he should.
But, if you do it once a day..then it might grow...and he will feel the love and you might also start to feel his love more.
But, I would definitely sit down and talk about how you both really like to be shown attention. It has been hard for me, but my H loves encouraging words AND admiration. He showed me an example of how the OW did it as compared to my way. I can see now, that I was giving him those things..but usually after he asked...she told him these things before he said a thing. It was a different dialect...that I used when we first met.

Anyway, that was longer than I wanted it to be. I think you should discuss this stuff...if you are feeling like that, he should know. I think it is good that he told you how he felt. That is a good sign!!!!


True

Thanks! I don't know what the OW told him about himself or me. I don't really care what she had to say to him. Who the hell is she anyway? NOTHING. I complimented my H the other day for fostering the relationships in his life that really matter, me, his mother and our daughter. After a strained relationship, my H has begun to make his mother a priority. He talks to her weekly. And even though I am not fond of her, he needs that relationship with her. So I told him good job.

As I mentioned before my husband had OW and OW2. There was also OW3 and OW4 earlier in the marriage (these again were "friendship" that had crossed safe boundries.) He was pouring all of his attention into women who didn't matter to him. Who in the whole scheme of things weren't going to be there for him in the long run. I think he understands that now. So I don't think anything she said to him matters at all now. I think he knows it was what is was...an ego stroke to get laid.

Anyway, I'm not her and can't and don't want to do things the way she did. He needs to understand that I am a different person and our relationship is different. She got to admire him all day long for his work and looks, I need him to change diapers and take out trash. Of course there is going to be a totally different dynamic. I think he gets that.

So I will talk to him and try to be more affectionate I guess. Life was so much better when none of this crap mattered.
2

True's right. Now's the time to get your communicate vibe straightened out. That book she mentioned is great BTW. My suggestion...separately make a list of the 5 things you want/need from each other. Exchange lists and then make it your best effort to each do what's on the other's list. If after 30 days it doesn't improve things, move to Idaho and start a Scrapbooking business.

Actually, I might do that right here. It is something that has been in the works for about year. That would make me sooooooo happy!
2

2, the log will never catch on fire again until it is rolled back into the flame!

It won't do a hill-o-beans good to brew over why it rolled out of the campfire, whose fault it was, what kind of wood it is, what it did while it lay on the outter edge, or who will be the first to kick it back toward the flame.

It's a humble willingness not stubborn pride that will rekindle the flame. I guarantee you that if you do this, he will follow your lead.

Whatchagot2lose?

Socal and scrapbooking? C'mon now!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Now a scrapbooking business out in the middle of nowhere might be profitable. (Hey, you could hire True!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />