I live in a suberb and scrapbooking is HUGE out here. That would be a dream come true (that and the reality TV show with my sister.)
2

2,
Scrapbooking was HUGE in Utah. In fact I bet a lot of the paper you use in Provo Craft. It is where I learned. I am not very good at it, but do my best. One of the mom's in one of my first grade classes, actually is an editor of a scrapbooking magazine AND you can see her sometimes on the DYI network! I learned some from her, too.
And yes, we need a scrapbooking store here!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

What TV show is it? I am curious. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Also, I was not suggesting that you be like the OW...I am not trying to be like her either. But, b/c of how she did things with my H, I can see what he fell in love with and why. It is just another piece of the puzzle that will help me put my marriage back together! I hope that makes sense.

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Okay only a minute here and read 2's post way earlier.
2-stop...if you love your H at all and I mean even just a little bit...start today in the affectionate zone!!!!!
Don't wait until he does. You are starting a vicious cycle, trust me.
I will read more on you chatty people when I get back from ab class and eating everything in the house again, ha.
Read something interesting on another post the other day if I can find it, I will share it with you.
holiday

Holiday,
Time Management tip #1 - if you stop eating everything in the house you wouldn't have to spend so much time at the gym working on your abs, kick-boxing, etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You could spend more time selling on ebay!

Gotta run out for awhile. And no...my "abs" are fine! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

no no i eat because of kickboxing...so i should just quite excercising ha!
ttyialb

True, you don't really think he loved her do you? Come on! She was what she was...an OW. So what, he liked her and thought she was cool, that is a far cry from love! She stroked his ego, and turned tricks...love?! I don't think so.

There is NOTHING I can learn from a little hussy like my OW except what NOT to do. It wasn't the things she said or did that made my H feel special and fall into an A, it was his own need to feel admire because of his own issues and it was his own poor boundries that made him fall into an affair. Not love for her, not anything she said or did, not anything I said, did or did not do. Come on True! You always agree with me on this stuff. You are you. Express your love the way you express it. If he would like you to do something, then that is fine, but not because she did it so right...I'd knee him in the nuts if he EVER tried to compare anything about me or what I did to her. She has nothing on me and he knows it now.

Just remember True, he didn't love her. He loves you.

2-When did none of this crap matter????? This could be where you were before the A and maybe you just didn't realize it.

When our children were small we were having the same tug o war. Who's turn was it to do what? When do "I" get the break? Why can't "I" as a Mom have my career dreams come true? "I" had to realize "I" made a choice, and the choice was children. No one forced me. My children are good people because "I" choose to be with them and set my dreams aside, for now.

Yes, I would hold resentments. Be less affectionate. Less attentive to my H. Which we can all see here, that only left the door open to some "woohoo" OW to enter. Now we have hindsight, so close the door!

And as for woman in Rocked's case, she may have been begging for attention without words. She might have been anyone of us when our H's no longer feel we want them, turn away from us and we seek our own attention elsewhere. Another man to make us feel "special".

2-I think that is what "internet guy" might do for you. He makes it easier for you to say "screw it" or "my H sees I can do without him". I pray that you'll slow down this thought process or the door will open to another OW soon.

I don't think you'll like what I say in the following paragraphs, but this is just my opinion:

Our H's are men first, H's second and Father's third. Life might deal them a different hand at times, but instinctually, by what I have read over the years and witnessed, this is how it is, bottomline. And for women who don't feel this way, I feel, they will have a long haul ahead of them.

I know I will be blasted here also when I say this, but I believe again, that this is a man's world and we are here to help him by God's word. I am not submissive with this belief. I am not "brainwashed". I am older and hopefully getting wiser.

A man must make himself his first priority to get the job done. To protect and support his family. I would never wish to be a man in any life.

And a man needs to help, with a kind hand and word, his wife to complete her. I don't believe the majority of men seek to marry. And as a woman, if we choose to "marry" a man, well it's the W's job to keep the relationship skills a workin'. Our men will follow. 2-this is where you could use your leader skills. And what's so wrong in giving compliments whether or not we get one back or one first?

Perhaps, like True put it...try saying something nice once a day until it settles in. Only good can come from something positively spoken.

Okay, I stepped off my soapbox...

[color:"blue"] Oh, you two...always stirring things up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Believe it or not I am not going to argue with either of your posts..but I will say that I disagree with both of them...sorry!

I went to MC tonight and now I am emotionally drained. I will fill you all in tomorrow, when all we discussed has really sunk in and I am angry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />....j/k(I hope).

Hope you all have a good night, and I will tak to you in the mornin'

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

[color:"pink"] Oh, Holiday, what was the interesting thing you found on the other post? I have been very curious.

I find lots of nifty tidbits here.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

I hear ya sister! I'm leaving tomorrow for a much needed break and retreat. Hopefully I will have lots of interesting things to share with you when I return.

Plan on talking to my H tonight and letting him know why affection doesn't come naturally anymore...he screwed that up. Hopefully with him understanding that, he'll take the lead or give me a break!

Good night
2

Me too. I disagree with parts of all 3 of your posts. But then again, you all have the right to be wrong! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> [color:"purple"] [/color]

Slide the soapbox my way for a sec...

2, IMO as long as you keep holding onto the "he" this, "he" that mentality about your H you will never experience true healing and intimacy. And as much as you have sworn off any personal part played in creating the environment for the A to happen, your communication still needs to transition from "he" to "we". Recovery takes two. It appears to me that you still are angry and want to be the "Punisher" of your H. And I sense he is aware of that and is growing tired of it. I love you as a cyber sister and want your best.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

[color:"blue"] Hey...what did I write that you disagreed with???? I was nice <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, last night's counseling is settling in. Boy, Rocked, I wish I felt like you after counseling. I ususally don't. I think I hold a lot of anger, hurt, and resentment too...but I try not too. After counseling, it opens up the wound again. Oh well...trying to push it away again. I refuse to let it ruin another day for me!!!

Well, I will be here off and on today. Hope to hear from you guys!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
[/color]

Hey True, You're such a redhead! BTW, i lost the email address i had for you. just in case you thought i was ignoring you. resend?

gonna be offline for a while but will check in.

ITROYFPT?

ITROYFPT?

Is It Raining On Your Front Porch Today?

(See, it's not so hard!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

[color:"purple"] Just tell me where to send it to.

And no, it is not raining...but trying to!



True [/color]

Freak'in kids! I just typed this and then my 4 year old decides to see what happens when she pushes the power button and turned off the computer. It isn't even 8am yet! But fortunately, I already did my prayer group (via phone) and weights this morning...so I didn't kill her. Sent her to her room for 5 minute time-out to think about what she did (and get this done without interruption)

Anyways, what I typed earlier is that I talked to my h last night and told him that I hadn't realized that I wasn't being affectionate and appreciated him pointing that out to me. I told him after a day to think about it, I realized that I have "negative association" with affection towards him and now that I'm aware of it I will work on it (see Rocked, I take responsibility...WHEN I'm wrong.) I told him he should take the lead on this for awhile until I felt more comfortable. He just said OK.

True I always feel better after MC. We are at a place now where we don't discuss the A anymore except in the context of the fact that it happened. I don't meet individually with her anymore. She helped me through the trama and now she is working with my H individually to help him understand why he made such a wreakless decision and she is working with us to get through other issues such as communication, etc.

But even when we were discussing the A, I never left feeling worse. Why do you feel worse? Have you thought about going individually for awhile? Maybe you are hearing things from your H perspective that might be best for him to work through without you present and just with counseling. I don't know if I could have listened to all of my H reason and thinking behind what he did. It isn't really important for me to know anyway, it is important for him to know why he did what he did. Again, him having an A because he is dissatified with aspects of his marriage isn't good enough reason (there is no good enough reason). Like all of our spouses, they had other options and why he chose not to explore those, is an issue he needs to understand...not me. I need to understand where he is dissatisfied and work on that.

I don't think MC should make you feel worse. I think when we were telling Rocked he should be talking about the A in MC was because it needs to be resolved, but after 6 months to still feel worse when you leave, I'm not sure that is helping. Actually, even during the hard 3 months when it was all we talked about MC made me feel better because she brough such clarity and understanding to the situation (plus the constant reminder to me that it wasn't my fault!). It always helped...ALWAYS. Consider that. Maybe something should change.

Anyway, blessing today! Got to run
2

2,

We are just different people I guess. I want to know all the reasons. And I usually leave the counseling session feeling good...it is when I start to dwell on the issues that I get upset.
SO, I know, stop dwelling. I am trying.

Also, unlike you, I DO believe that he started falling in love with her...this they didn't know what they were doing(the fog) crap is just a way for BS to feel better about it. He betrayed me in more than just our marriage vows...he betrayed our friendship. His actions told me that I was not the most important thing in the world to him...which is what I always thought I was. To me that is very hard.

I will admit that my counselor is not the best however....but there are not many out here in the middle of nowhere. I am glad that you have a very good one.

Anyway, I will chat with ya all later!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

True- .
If this helps...try to think of it being only for a moment.
And don't his actions tell you different now?
Keep reminding yourself of this everyday.
Have a great Friday!
holiday

Holiday,

Some days his actions tell me that and some days, like today, they don't.

Thanks for the words though, I appreciate all of you guys.

True

I don't care what you think, he didn't love her. IF HE DID, HE'D BE WITH HER! I'm not saying that believing he didn't love her will make you feel better, because once I realized that he didn't love her it made me feel worse for awhile, like why would he do all this if he didn't love her?! But love is huge True...HUGE.

You are basing love on a worldly perspective, not biblical. Worldly love is usually LUST and that is what your husband had. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 especially verses 6-7 and the last 2 words. Then tell me if he loved her? No he loves you. She was someone he sinned with...that's it! So maybe he liked her and thought she was cool. So what!

Sorry your MC isn't great, but you are right, quit dwelling and stay the course.

Love ya!
2