2-Ditto on Rocked statement on what to do about her email. Make yours plain and simple. Pray for her.

The void...I still have that some days. My H is trying so hard (as he should be). But, sometimes I guess I start thinking too hard on what we could have lost completely and I get this little tickling fear.

Well, need to get some sewing in today...

Hey 2,

First, IMHO, do not write her back. Accept the apology, yes, but do not respond. That is me, though, and if you feel "called" to answer then, do it. In my case I didn't respond...but I think my OW's apology was more for her and her wanting control than actually being sorry. I also think she wanted my H to see her in a positive light in the end and not as the tramp she was.

Second, that(the sorrow) is exactly how I feel. And, to be honest, you are experiencing that b/c something HAS died. Part of your H died through all of this, part of your marriage died thorugh all of this, and to forgive completely, part of you has to die, as well. There is a tremendous sense of loss...and your counselor was right...it will be there for a long time. IMO, it will never completely go away, either. And I don't think you should want it to.
My friend's H had an affair and eventually left her...it hs been almost three years...and she says she still has moments of tremendous grief. So...do not fret...you are more than normal.

My thoughts are with you and I pray that you do receive the guidance you need.


True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks guys. I will respond, but how I do not yet know.
I feel that her apology is sincere because we did know each other and we did always like each other. When we talked in Nov., her apology was half-hearted (more sorry she got busted) with lots of blame shifting to my H. The fact that she felt the need to apologize again, shows (I think) that she knew her initial apology wasn't genuine. I was more glad that she just accepted responsiblity for her role and recognized the grief she caused me. Her mother left her father for her uncle (mom's sisters husband) and I sure she is all too aware of the pain something like this causes. Thanks for your thoughts.

Holiday my sadness comes when I feel most happy, not when I'm dwelling or thinking about it. I can be driving, feeling like this is a glorious day and I will suddenly become aware of a pit or void that seems to be missing. That is what my MC described as the grief (which is not how I originally recognized it) and told me it is normal.

She asked my H if he felt the same way and he said he did at times.

Anyway have a blessed day. Have lots of thinking and prayer to do.
2

Rocked are you guys on hurricane alert?! Did you ever see the map that showed the worst hurricane's of the last few year hitting the areas of Florida that had voted for Bush? Hope your area was Democrat even though you voted wrong! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
2

True, this is what I first felt when 2 showed us the email. However, if this is true, then 2 perhaps, should respond to show her H "her" positive side too. Sorry to see so many games still being played if the OW is doing this. Hopefully, she is seeing the light through her dark ways (let's all pray).

And 2, yes, that's when I start to think, when we are really happy and just for a blink, there's that "fear" (don't know what else to label it).

2, I'm pretty sure the hurricanes hit areas of Florida that voted for Bush AND the other guy. (Seeing how the entire state was affected by 4 hurricanes!).

And to keep from being kicked off this MB site I won't respond to your "wrong" comment! The Bible says God places those in authority over us. So if you have a problem with which man won the election you need to take it up with God (who BTW is neither Republican nor Democrat!!)

My H told me after we discussed this e-mail that he noticed a few weeks ago when he passed her desk a bible and what appeared to be a bible study workbook sitting on her desk. He assumed it belonged to her, but admitted that he has NO idea where she is spiritually. Perhaps as my prayers has always been, Christ will enter her heart through this crisis.

I know when I was ranting about True's H calling the OW "special" the other day, I went ranting about what a bunch of tramps these girls are. However, as I've said before, I actually liked the OW prior to this. I think she has trampy ways, BUT believe that she like my H, like all of us is bottom line simply a sinner. And as the bible says if we confess our sins HE is faithful to forgive them and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So I would like to believe that she has done that and is truly sorry...no other motive.

I feel compelled to respond in some way because I need to continue to show her a Christ like example. In no way do I feel I need to prove anything to my H. He already knows I'm the bomb!

2

Okay...I need your guys help today.

Was at the gym and my trainer told me that a girl (which he refers to as possible "psycho girl" at the club) came up to him after my H and I left the gym yesterday and told him that my H was "staring her down" (not quite sure what this means) and following her around the club while he was working out. She says she told him (my trainer) so he would tell my H to stop. My trainer told her that, "why should I believe you, when I don't think (my H) he would do such a thing?". She didn't respond to him.

I know my H looks at girls at the club just like the next guy (we live in Las Vegas!), but to say he "stared her down", I don't understand what that quite means. And to follow someone around the gym seems stalky to men which is out of my H's character that I have ever heard or witnessed.

Here is what I need to ask you all...my trainer says he told me in confidence and not to say anything to my H because he thinks it's nothing and the girl is strange anyway.

But, coming from my past what do I do? I feel the need to ask him about this. How do I ask him if he did such a thing and if so why? My heart tells me this is beyond his behavior, but with all that has gone on I'm stressing to think he could he have?

I am so sad right now.

Holiday, I'm sorry you are feeling so sad. Could this be Satan working to throw you off track?

If she is a "psycho" I wouldn't make much of it. I do however find it interesting that your trainer told you. If he doesn't think it is a big deal, why tell you? What did he think your response would be? Maybe he thought you might should know, but I find it odd that he told you.

Honestly, I'd tell him the story exactly as it happened. See what he does. Is he defensive, or does he react normal. I'm not saying this is a tell all sign of his innocense of guilt, but I'd tell him.

Rocked, stay dry! I'm glad I live in a Democratic state! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
2

Thank you 2...that's what I thought...why tell me???

My trainer is more like my "girlfriend", if you catch my drift. He's numero uno at the club and has alot of rivals...perhaps the girl thought my H was his boyfriend (who knows). My trainer had told my training buddy too yesterday when it happened and she felt I should go kick the girls *ss as that is what she would do.

My gut says just call my H up right now, so I guess I will.

[color:"green"] Oh Holiday...I am so sorry to hear that you are sad.

I am not sure if I can offer any advice, but I think you should follow your gut. If you do not believe that this sounds like your H, then it probably isn't. However, you should also make sure that your gut is telling you that and not your hopeful heart.

Here is what I would do. I would casually mention to him that someone thought he was staring too hard. Don't accuse him or anything..just tell him(maybe even what she said and joke that you have no idea what that means, but that is what you heard). Then gauge his reaction. If he seems sincere, then believe him for now. Your trainer now knows what's going on, and I assume would tell you if anything else happened.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. None of us need any more on our plates. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ooops, also wanted to say.....

Geez, Rocked! That was a pretty strong sentiment about Bush(especially when 2 sounded like she was kidding!!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
I think we all believe that God is not a Democrat or Republican...but tell it to those maniacs running the Republican party. I bet they would tell you differently. Notice I did not say all Republicans...just the guys making the decisions(I happen to love several ordinary republicans in my own family) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Also, I disagree that GOD put Bush in the white house. I think some clever manipulating of the votes did that. God may have allowed it to happen, but I don't think He said, "Gee, let's put good 'ol Duhbya in the White House." Especially considering the character that Bush has displayed. Just my opinion, though. And remember we agreed that we could voice opinions <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

Thanks True...that is what I thought I should do to (would also not get my trainer too involved in my business too).
I tried calling him at work but he's out in training.
What do you think about emailing him what I heard and seeing his reaction by his reply?

Oh and on the Bush note...my brother thinks just like Rocked, I don't really.

I think Bush is like (in my day) musk oil (or patcholi oil) either you like it or you don't...:)

Well I emailed him and he called (i think) right away. He was like "what????". So I told him that I had heard this little rumor around our little group.
He told me he can't figure out why someone would say all this. He was concerned over a tiff he had with club employees the following week when they lost his card and made him wait 30 minutes at the desk while they continued to help other patrons and he spoke his mind to the managers. He's wondering because he doesn't receive the ol' warm greetings at the desk anymore could this be a retaliation thing?
I told him, who knows, just that it hurt my feelings to hear such a thing.
Perhaps as 2 stated, Satan's games are a starting. My gut told me he wouldn't do anything like following a girl around anywhere, but the staring at a girl would be possible at times in the club with the girls of Las Vegas...viva Las Vegas.

Bizarre no doubt. Don't lose any sleep over it!
2

Holiday,

I am glad you H responded to you in a quick manner and you heard what you needed to hear. I am sure that your gut is more accurate than second hand information, anyway:)

2,

I just noticed that you had posted about your OW's letter on another thread. I did not know that your MC advised you to contact her back..and frankly I am a liitle surprised at that. I can't believe that your counselor would want you in contact with this woman. I also noticed that almost everybody told you NOT to contact this woman. I know I am going against the others here, but I just need to say again that I feel it is a bad idea. Why allow that woman into your life for even a second? Because it is the good Christian thing? I don't think responding to her is necessarily that. I know that I am the least "traditional Christian" on here, so maybe I am just confused...but I do not see any value in responding to her and only see it bringing negativity into your life.

I know I cannot change your mind, but I guess I just needed to feel like I tried.


TTYL

True

Thanks 2 and True...
My H just sent me a nice email after they finished cleanup at the station.
I hope WS understand how BS feel when even the "slightest" rumor of indiscretion in the wind is so hurtful, harmful and destructive now.
I'm heading to sunny Cal this weekend for a niece's graduation, so I will wish you all well and talk with you Tuesday.
holiday

Holiday where are you going to be?! I'd love to meet you!

True, thanks for your suggestion. Here is what I was thinking of sending her.

OW,
Thank you for your kind words and your apology. It is appreciated. I accept your apology and have forgiven you long ago.

I will continue to pray for you as well and that you may find happiness in truly knowing Christ.

2

I guess I don't see the harm in letting her know she is forgiven. Christ let us know we are forgiven and we are to be Christ like in character. She put herself out there to be reconciled with me (as the bible states) and I feel I owe her a response in order to show Christ like character. Not because I want to contact her, not because I want to even speak to her, but because I feel it is what the Lord calls us to do. If anyone can point out biblically where I am incorrect, then please do. I really DON'T want to contact her, but as I mentioned feel it is what the Lord wants me to do.

By the way, I really have forgiven her long time ago. Why not? Who is she? My H is the one who lied to me and betrayed me and broke his vow to God. He is the one that I've struggled to forgive...not her.

Late last night I found myself annoyed that I had spent a good part of the day trying to figure out how to respond to her. The fact that I am dealing with an OW, let alone now finding myself in a position to acknowledge her apology really pissed me off. Will this ever go away is how I was feeling. But then I felt Satan side tracking me to keep me from extending forgiveness. This is tough.


I have no intentions of "opening communication" with her. It is simply an expression of forgiveness, period. If she contacted me again (which I highly doubt. I don't think the response I'm thinking of sending her warrants a response on her part, which is part of the reason I wrote it that way), but if she did contact me again, I would probably ignore it or ask her not to.

I may see her next week (as mentioned earlier). I would conduct myself the same way as before, simply speak a "hello" to her and that is it. This is not going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

2

Ok...I do not mean to be offensive here...but I honestly do not think Satan made you lose sight of what to do. I think you give him way too much credit for everything that happens. Humans do have freewill, do they not?

Maybe your brain, which God gave you, told you that you should have not obsessed about it b/c it was not the right thing to do in the first place. I think Holiday said it best one time when she said, when the majority of people are giving you the exact same advice...you should take it to heart and LISTEN to it. Just as you say Satan was trying to steer you off course...couldn't you also say that God was trying to get through to you and say DO NOT write this woman???? It could go both ways in my opinion.

However, you do not need to explain your reasoning to me or anyone else. If you want to write her, go ahead. But if you ask me for advice...then please take it to heart. I only tell you what I think b/c I do not want to see anyone get the wool pulled over their eyes again. I worry about all of you and only want the best for each of you.


True

The advice I've received from people here has been not to contact her, but my MC and several close friends think I should. So the advice has not been the exact same at all. I'm not taking a poll here, I'm looking for spiritual counsel.

Humans have free will but Satan deceives. I know my normal, loving H would not have been capable of this had Satan not deceived him. He ALLOWED Satan to deceive him, by not putting up strong boundries and not focusing on God and letting idols enter his life. But Satan is VERY real and he wants us to believe that he isn't.
2