I NEVER wanted to be a career woman! Where did you get that from? My dream was to be a stay at home mom and I am. My dream was to be a wife and mother and that is what I did. I was never happier than after my son was born...never. I was living my dream and that included my son who I wanted so badly. So that theory is wrong.

I have no complaints about my MC, in fact I love her! She is a lovely, very well informed Christian counselor. She clearly knows her scriptures and her technical stuff. If I wasn't getting anything out of her, I wouldn't be going. I'm just healing at a slower rate. It would make sense since like I just said I went from living my ultimate dream to living my biggest nightmare. So no surprise I'd be moving along slower than others.

When you guys say you talk about the A what do you mean? We talk about it as in "Well, you were in the A, so X happened." or "Remember when you X? That's because you were cheating on me, right?" I don't know what you mean about talking about it. I don't really have any more to say about it. I don't understand any of it...still. And I don't know if I ever will. My H messed up. He dropped the ball both as a husband and Christian. He forgot his vows to me and God and did not put up his guard to keep temptation at bay. Instead he engaged in a lifestyle that welcomed sin long before his A began. I get that. What else is there to talk about?

Lastly, Holiday I read Monogomy Myth and HATED it. I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with her theory. I know you don't and that is fine, but I do, period. There is nothing to really argue. God excepts it from us and that is enough for me. Therefore it is not a myth, just a sin, plain and simple. That's how I see it. It is a sin, in the eyes of God no worse of less than many other sins we've all committed. But it is a sin none the less and I'd never call monogomy a myth. So I'm not interested in her books. Thanks!

Anyway, busy day with lots to do and with the H gone too, had a pretty good day. Tomorrow I will be fasting again for the day for a friend in crisis (she asked me to fast with her) and I'll throw in some major prayer requests of my own.

Thanks for your concerns. Your prayers are always welcome!
2

Hi all.

Well, put my counselor into the stupid things counselor's say hall of fame....she told me tonight that part of getting my H to forgive himself, I should not share my really down moods with him. So, to save my marriage, I should not talk, eh? See, I know when my counselor is being a moron...and call her on it too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I have never read the Monogomy Myth...but I can tell you from a biological perspective that monogomy is a myth...something very few animals acheive. And face it, we are animals.

2, I too was living my ultimate dream... I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, we were living better than we ever had, and I felt really good about myself for the first time in my life. So, don't say you are healing slower b/c of this...I was in exactly the same spot. You are just healing slower, b/c some people heal slower. Plus, some people choose to hold onto things longer( which is me..I told you that I am a dweller). I still cry for my grandfather who passed away 2 and a half years ago. Heck, I still regret some of the relationships that I had in HIGH SCHOOL...so I know what healing slow looks like.

The things I am telling you are just how I am CHOOSING to do it this time. Like I said, I mourn the death of my marriage EVERY day...but I have come to realize that I NEED to move on for me, my kids, and my H. Does he deserve this??? NO! And I am not necessarily doing it for him.

You seem to be clinging to your H's affair. I did that...I was afraid to let go. I was afraid to say that I forgive you...I was afraid to stop feeling so depressed. I was definitely afraid to give up my anger!!! I recognize that now(well, most of the time). Yes, I still get depressed and angry; I still cling to it sometimes, I still say, "oh, this happened the day before, or this happened during the affair"...but I try my hardest not to dwell on it anymore.

As for talking about it, we still talk about our feelings, mostly. We talk about the details sometimes, and sometimes we just talk about how much we have both learned from it. Yes, I did say both! I have learned so much about myself and my husband through all of this, and most of it is good.

I still say your counselor is wrong( I know...I said no more talk about her...sorry). You can fall in love before healing completely...IF you let yourself. And most of the time after surgery...they DO want you to use whatever was operated on before healing completely...they say use it a little bit more each day...as you use it, it will grow stronger! Same for your love/marriage. USE it...it will grow stronger!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi all,
Feeling a bit better. Doc appts next week. Jacuzzied and heating pad out.

True

2, I was going to say this very same thing too. My H just had knee surgery and the surgeon and therapist told him to "start walking" asap. If you don't use it you, yes, you'll lose it!

2, I had thought this from your posts a while back. You were talking about how you were a career oriented person and very busy organizing events etc (if I am wrong here, please forgive me). At that time you were also talking of struggling with being in your marriage until you "found someone better". This is what I meant by "were you in love with your H prior to his affair?". Were you depressed from having children? A drop in hormones etc? We can love someone very much, but not give them the signs that we are in love with them. I know this is so cliche, but it has meaning.

Some people hold on to resentments longer than others. I think this is the case with your H. If his A is his sin, why can't you move on and let it now be between God and your H? You've said your peace, now move from there. You are right, there is no time frame on grieving, but if what you are grieving for was not real at the time, wouldn't the present be something to strive for to be better? And the grieving be just a waste of time here? Meaning your old marriage, even the part you thought was good is dead and now you need to choose to start start from scratch.

I really wish you would change your mind and just flip through her books. They tell "our" story so well. Not once in it does it imply that A's are good or right etc. The author does not believe in A's and she tells her struggles in her second book. Her experience is that of thousands of women and men. Also her second book has alot to do with her H who had "long term" A's, like your H did. He decribes what he was doing and feeling thoughout those times. I only wish you could peak at it and perhaps make new choices to love your H again.

When I say my H and I talk about the A's. It's about where we are now. It's checking in with each other. We are free to be open and honest as possible. Without the fear of reprocussion and blame.

Have a nice evening,
holiday

True, reading your post, I could I have written it (expect the monogomy part.) That is how I feel most of the time. I'm just sad at this point in time.

If the author of Monogomy Myth meant that most people aren't monogomous, then I agree with her. If she meant people aren't supposed to be monogomous, then I disagree with her. The way I read her book, I took that people aren't made to be monogomous. That is obvious. We are all sinful in nature. But just because something is hard to attain, doesn't mean it is a myth. I believe homosexuality is a sin, not something people are born with. People are born to be sinful and just because it feels right (like being promiscuous or gay or a whole slew of other things) doesn't mean we can't be straight and monogomous. Of course our sinful nature makes us lust after people and things, but God requires that we hold ourselves to a higher standard than animals and don't give into our flesh.

Anyway, True, what you said is really how I feel most of the time. Good days, bad days. Lately I've been in a slump of bad days. Soon it will be a cycle of good days. My MC told me to hold onto that and remember that during the bad days.

Off to bed!
2

Ok...since both of you have brought up The Monogamy Myth often...I decided to check it out. Granted I did not read the whole book...but if it is like the small portion I read, I must say that I have to agree with her. Here is what I agree with (in blue is what she wrote, from DearPeggy.com)....

[color:"blue"] The Monogamy Myth is the belief that monogamy is the norm in our society and that it is supported by society as a whole. The effect of believing that most marriages or committed relationships are monogamous is that if an affair happens, it's seen strictly as a personal failure of the people involved. This leads to personal blame, personal shame, wounded pride, and almost universal feelings of devastation.

The reality is that monogamy is not the norm, not by today's standards, anyway. Conservative estimates are that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair......With this many marriages affected, it's unreasonable to think affairs are due only to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives.


In reality, while society gives lip service to monogamy, there are significant societal factors that actually support and encourage affairs. This is not to say that all the blame should be placed on society. That would be just as shortsighted as blaming only the particular people involved. But we can make a significant difference, both in the incidence of affairs and in the difficulty of dealing with them, by taking a broader look at the social structure within which they take place.


Seeing problems in a societal context is already happening in a number of other areas. We're coming to see the underlying conditions that lead to violence instead of focusing only on individual acts of violence. We're coming to see the lifestyle habits that lead to disease instead of focusing only on individual incidences of illness. In the same way, we need to see the factors in society that contribute to affairs instead of focusing only on the individual who has an affair.


We need to reject the Monogamy Myth, not to excuse those who have affairs, but to relieve the sense of shame and inadequacy felt by their mates. [/color]


I think society does give lip service to monogamy while presenting affairs as wonderful, and intoxicating. Just watching tv after all this has been an eye opener to me. I cannot believe how affairs are glorified...and how many times I actually cheered for the adulterer in movies, b/c he or she was in a loveless marriage.

I think the part that I liked most in this small exerpt was the fact that thinking that monogamy is the norm leads you to feel like you failed...I feel like a failure all the time. I know I did not do anything to cause the affair necessarily, but look how some women will say..." I know how to hold onto my man" That means that I have failed b/c I could not keep him from going to some other woman for sex! Heck, throughout our marriage..he never just wanted me, so I must have really screwed up.

Anyway, sorry to disagree 2. But this lady does have some valid points. It does not make the choice our husbands(or wife, in Rocked's case) any easier...but there are reasons that those thoughts were even there(not excuses...reasons...two different things)!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I agree with that too...so what?! That isn't the point at all. Society glorifies violence, money, drugs. Duh! We already know that! That is why we are to guard ourselves against that kind of influence. Society is about the world, as Christian we are not.

OK, so society gets a BIG F. I, like all of you were prone to the same stuff as our WS. Did we cheat? NO! When one kid from a single parent home from the ghetto kills someone is that OK? NO! My husband is from the same background is a V.P. of a large company. It boils down to choice, free will, the thing God gave us all. Some people are more likely to addition, violence, etc. But my H is a perfect example. Most people from his neighborhood went to the grave, jail, or the service. He is completely the exception. His father has a been a crack addict since his birth. He has guarded himself against going down that path because he is a believer and allowed the Lord to deliver him from many of the same temptations others gave into. We can (and are supposed to because God asks us to) guard ourselves against lust and all other sins of the world. We are not to conform to this world, so I don't care what society has to say.

Because Peggy is a Christian, I was upset that she left out of the book ANY reference (that I remember) of how God requires monogomy and how God ordained marriage. She went on to pass the buck (like to society) instead of calling it what it is...a sin. And unlike many other sins that affect just the person, this one has dire and grave consquences for all touched by it. I thought she should have at least said that!

That is my take. I hope you enjoy it, because I didn't.

2

Exactly...we did not fail. It was not our choice for our spouses. It is "their" sin and they will deal with that upon judgement, but hopefully will have changed their ways repentfully before that time.



2, you sound like my brother. He has been a reborn Christian for over 20 years now and teaches at his church in CA. That's how he talks. I can't figure out why he places judgement on people when that should be God's job. I don't believe a homosexual person had a choice on how they were born. I don't feel you "grow up" into being gay. I feel they were born with either too much estrogene or testosterone pumping through their veins, a chemical imbalance. In other words, beyond their control.

I don't feel that the author was saying this was society's fault, only that society helps to promote it.

It's tough being rightous and following the bible. I try very hard in my life to do so, but others aren't as strong as I am. That doesn't mean they can't change or that we should hold their sins in our hands.

I don't believe homosexuality is something people are born with. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. There is nothing that can change my mind. Before I was a Christian, I did believe that and God convicted me one day, many years after being born again that my belief in homosexuality being something people are born with is a flat out lie. It is a sin, plain and simple, just like adultry.

Anyway, just had a major revelation on my situation during prayer time today. I think I told you I was fasting for a friend today and during that time threw in some prayer requests of my own. God spoke majorly to me, so much so, I sent my H an apology e-mail (he is out of town and in meetings all day) for my "belief" about something in this situation. God convicted me just now and told me again "What you are believing is a lie." AWESOME! I feel such peace. I have to pray that it stays with me forever.

Love you guys!
2

The thing is, 2, YOU may not care what society has to say, BUT those things are being said, anyway. They eat at you all day long, and many of us do not tune them out, b/c we see them as harmless movies, tv shows, songs, etc. We do not see how they can influence us in any way. Just as my H STILL believes that porn helped him to not have an affair sooner, not walked him closer to infidelity.

Plus, I think your H did gaurd against those things he saw in his background b/c he saw how hurtful they are...probably like you guarded against infidelity b/c you saw how much it hurt your mom. I bet your h did not see the dangers right in front of him. To us, it is GLARINGLY obvious...but I see my H's confusion when I say to him "and this didn't make you think that she was trying to seduce you??" when he tells me some of the things this woman did. I mean, the OW in my sitch TOTALLY went after my H with as much pressure and allure, and every con she possibly could. My H truly was seduced by the most wicked woman I have ever heard of( and no, he says this is no excuse, when it comes down to it, he still should have said no). So, what I am saying is that your H did not see the dangers of having a girl friend, b/c it is such a norm in our society now. Just like you told me that you don't think it is a problem that you have very close male friends..it is just what you do. Some people naturally put a guard up...I did, b/c in my mind I always knew that men and women should not or cannot be friends without one of them falling for the other. I have always stayed distant to avoid that....my H on the other hand, thought I was stupid.

I agree with you, Holiday, on the homosexuality issue. To say people are not born with it.....agggghhhh, that gets me going. Maybe b/c I am married to a scientist...just like the monogamy thing. I know that we are made a certain way, and that all animals are basically programmed the same way...yes, we may be "higher" up with that thinking thing, but we are basically all the same. I do not blame sin for it...it is just how we are made.

Well, I am sorry that I opened up a can of worms with the monogamy myth thing, but I had to read what you two were talking about. It is my curiosity thing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />.


TTYL!!!


True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ooops...did not see your post before I wrote 2. I am glad that you had a break through and that you are feeling some peace! That is truly a blessing.


Take care...and luv ya too:)

True

Ok, this is MY last post on the subject. You guys can debate it all you want, if you want. The bible calls homosexuality and infidelity a sin, along with a slew of other things. We are sinful by nature and cannot avoid all sin within our own power. That is why Christ came and the bible says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13. I believe that. Christ can do ALL things. He can help our WS not cheat if they would have called on him. He can make someone with homosexual urges resist them, he can make a man desiring to have sex with a child, resist it. HE can do all things. That is why he was sent. To give hope to the drug addicts, redemption to the adulterer, to give us hope and a future Jer.29:11.

When I call adultry a sin and homosexuality a sin, I am only quoting the bible. I am not judging, I am not given my opinion. I am quoting the bible and I believe in it with all my soul. If science has PROVEN something different, good for them. I believe in what the bible says. So even if science says it is totally natural for people to screw more than one person and for people to be gay, I will say, "No thank you. That is not what I believe. I believe the word of God over science."

If you think homosexuality is something people are born with, you've already acknowledged that so is the desire to have sex with more than one person. So then what are you mad at your spouse for? They are doing the same thing a homosexual is doing...doing what they were born to do.

I believe Jesus is able to save us from all these sorts of sins and temptations. He's saved me from many of them. I'm living proof that it can happen. I don't understand why "society" gets so offended when someone simply states what the bible says. "Society" has excused many behaviors allowing for the demise of society. That is one reason why affairs have been allowed to be glorified by society. Remember when adultry was against the law? I kind of get it now. It causes so much pain, it should be! But what good is locking up an adulter or homosexual going to do? NOTHING. But I believe if that person believes in our savior, recognizes that HE calls it a sin and repents from it, he can make a "gay" man straight, an adulterer monogomous, a drug addict free.

I would no more not have a gay friend (which I do by the way...bridesmaid in my wedding) than not have a friend who lives with her boyfriend (have a couple of those) or children out of wedlock (have a couple of those too!) I do not think gays should be locked up or discriminated against in any way (remember I'm a democrat.) But as a Christian, I believe homosexuality, like adultery, like greed, like lying, like the list goes on, is a sin. I simply wish Peggy would have quit passing the buck to the society (which WE KNOW doesn't support the bible. That is what the bible warns against, conforming to the world!) and called it what it is...a sin.

The end. I'm off my soapbox.
bye for now!
2

First of all, 2, you are right...we do not need to really debate this...but before I get off MY soapbox, I just need to say this....



This sounds like so many Christians I know. I will not tell you my thoughts on that statement...



You are right here...I do think people were born to do this. My anger is b/c my H promised to NOT give in to this...he promised that he would be loyal to what I wanted...and I will admit that there are some animals out there who do mate for life...so, it can be done. I lived in a false reality of people telling me that just b/c someone loves you and marries you that they will give up their sexual urges for others and in some cases go against what they believe is right.


Hmmmm...could it be that many people do not believe that Bible is the infallibale Word of God??? Some people out there believe that it was written by human beings and actually could be wrong on some points...imagine that...human beings messing up what God wants...how ridiculous.

And, there are also many, who look at what Jesus said...the things He actually taught. They might not like the second hand stuff that is coming from the likes of Paul, and some of the other prophets of ol'


Plus, maybe they see people trying to interpret God's word and use it to spout hate just like some other religions that I will not mention are doing to the world right now. "We know what God wants...and we will tell the world that they are infidels and evil....b/c someone long ago said that is what God wanted"


You are also right here...a sin is a sin, and we should own up to it, but as Christians we should also recognize that we are very sinful without even lifting a finger. By just existing we are in sin. We should not say...oh The Bible says this, and since I don't do this I am righteous, and those other people are sinful...b/c if you are on this earth breathing today you are committing a sin. And if God views all sin as equal, then why do we hold THAT against our spouse if we are being "good Christians"????


Gee, and should I mention that one of those "good Christians" who believed like you do, heck, in one of the more strict denominations I might add, is also the person who seduced my husband???? Hmmm...sounds like even Christians mess up, doesn't it?????

Now my soapbox is done also!

True

Of course Christians mess up. I never said anything different. That is why Christ came...to give new life. I would never claim to be righteous and I know many Christian who do, give Christianity a bad name. Just like many Christians who mess up, like my H or your H's OW also make Christianity seem fake. But if we know the word ourselves, we understand how that can happen. I understand that my unforgiveness is also a sin and so I would never say I'm more righteous because I didn't commit adultry. I will say that I didn't hurt and destroy as much, but they are both sins.

Because people misinterupt the bible is why it is so important that we know what it says. That WE know and are not relying on the teachings of false prophets. Thank God for all the Muslims who know their Quaran and do not follow teachings from people like Osama.

Your H's OW might be a good Christian, who messed up like your H. If she is repentant and believes in Jesus, you'll see her in heaven. I have often told Jesus that my greatest joy would be to see OW redeemed and in heaven. Imagine if we saw the BTK murderer heaven. I think that would be awesome!

2

True, you stated my feelings exactly.

Where is it written in the Bible about homosexuality being a sin?

God is interested in our relationships with ourselves, others, the things in our lives, and with God. There is nothing in the mind of God that could be against a loving, sexual relationship, freely entered into, without coercion, among sincere adults whether gay, bisexual or straight. The Bible does not address the issue of a person's sexual orientation.

Our prejudice rejects people or things outside our understanding. But the God of creation speaks and declares, "I have looked out on everything I have made and `behold it (is) very good'." . The word (Genesis 1:31) of God in Christ says that we are loved, valued, redeemed, and counted as precious no matter how we might be valued by a prejudiced world.

Paul gave a list of those who would not inherit the Kingdom of God. That list included the immoral, idolaters, adulterers, sexual perverts, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, revilers, and robbers. Sexual perverts is a translation of two words, the soft, effeminate word, or male prostitute, was meant to refer to the passive and active males in a homosexual liaison.

Just because you are homosexual, bisexual or hetrosexual, doesn't mean you lust for sex on a regular basis like a sex pervert.

Yes, human beings translating the Bible make it difficult to completely understand God's word. But I feel God wanted us to love each other and treat others as we would like to be treated. I don't feel homosexuality should be lumped in with adultery etc.

I don't feel just because one "repents" he will be in heaven. It will be a long hard road one must continue to follow before arriving at the gates,

holiday

WOW! We clearly have a VERY different understanding of the bible. VERY DIFFERENT! But I'm off my soapbox.
Good night!
2

Hello ladies,

Well, I hope we are all in a less "soapbox" mood today. I know I am.

Now, to change topics a bit...I had a small disagreement with my hubby. We talked about how he thought I was the best thing/ most important thing in his life...and had always thought that. I said to him, I am glad you think that now, but I believe that back then you did not view me as such( yes, we were already talking about the affair...I did not just say that out of bitterness). How could he, and still want more? And I am not just talking about the affair. I suppose even when you have wonderful things in your life you can want more, right? But( and I am not dwelling here....just letting you know about the argument) if I was so important to him, would he have not said no??? Would you not do anything in your power to prptect the thing/things you value most in life???

I have come to accept that he did not feel that way then, and do see that I did some of work to create that attitude...but it is still a difficult thing to overcome.

See, I do know how to change the subject, huh???

True

Good move True!

Hmmm, I think we were just not thought of during the heat an excitement and the fog (as they call it, more like a 2x4), we just were'nt being considered at that time because they were on a "high" so to speak.

I to this day, feel my H loved me before, during and more so after his A's. I feel he was into the "moment" and it was making him feel so good he wasn't thinking above the waist.

Have a great day,

holiday

Thanks Holiday...Yes, I too believed my H loved me before the affair...he just did not hold me in the highest regard. My views were not as important as his, and he has actually admitted that he thought he was more intelligent( he does have a PhD).

But love, yes he always loved me...he never gave that up. He told that to the OW over and over. Our couselor said something to me that was an AHA moment about his love for me....

I was telling her how he told me that the OW started calling me a **tch whenever he metioned anything about me(underher breath, of course)...I was upset that he did not flog this woman:)....but our counselor said..."You realize why she started feeling this way and saying that don't you??? You were winning." H's heart still belonged to me. All the games were not working to pull him away from me, even as he questioned his own love for me...his words and actions were much more revealing to her.

I thought...no wonder she broke it off with him...she knew she would never have him like I have him...she probably started feeling like the whore he was treating her as. I had never thought of it that way. I guess that is why they call them AHA moments.

Anyway....I hope you all have a good weekend.

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey Guys,

Good thought True. I think my H did fall out of love with me during the A though he says he didn't. All I can remember is how critical he was of everything I did and how he blamed me for being "unhappy". He said he never stopped loving me which is why he didn't run off with her (I'm not so sure if that was the reason, but that is what he says).

I knew the OW and as I mentioned before she and I had always got along quite well. I was a bit surprised when my H told me that too had begun to bash me to him. Perhaps that is why. He told me that he always told her he loved me and that half the time she'd say "Well, then what are you doing here with me?" and the other half of the time she'd say "[censored] YOU!" So maybe your MC was right that they felt they were losing. Remember my H A was off and on for 10 months. She broke up sometimes (maybe that is why) and he broke up sometimes. I find the whole thing BIZARRE!

The thing is my H would "defend" her at times and say "There where times she'd say 'what are you doing here with me, go home to your family'" or the one that was an AHA moment for him was when she told him "You can't expect me to read your mind. Whoever you decide you want to be with me or your wife, you can't expect us to read your mind." He says that is when the lightbulb went off for him and he ended it for good so he says) soon after, 3 weeks before I found out. I guess that is when he realized I wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to him. HE had a problem connecting with the woman (women at that time) in his life.

But at MC the other day I told my MC that I felt con-ed (sp). He cheated on me when we dated (didn't know) had at least 2 other EA's (one during the A) and never connected with me intimately, (again I never knew that). I feel like he presented one side of him for the 4 years we dated, but the truth is he had another life. I don't know if you guys feel that way, but sometimes I do. There was a side (intimate connection) that he never gave me and I never knew it from the time we dated. His need to feel constantly admired, appears to have led to there always being another woman (an admirerer) in the picture. The first girl, I also knew well and liked her. Just after this A and MC did I learned that their "relationship" would have been classified as an EA. She entered the picture less than a year after we were married (they worked together...sound familiar?)

The other thing, I don't know if I ever told you guys this is that all the girls (4 in total) were all non-black girls who had a thing for black men (2 white, 1 Asian and 1 mixed Asian white). All 4 of them ONLY dated black guys. He says it is a coincidence...I think not. So for me honestly, having to deal with the race thing has also made healing difficult for me I think. It totally complicates the situation. The 2 I knew were not cutier than me, so that wasn't it. The 2 I didn't know he describes one (the mixed chick) as a knock out and the other white girl as average at best. The only thing they have in common is the "admiration" for black men...something my husband desperately sought (admiration) and they were willing to give him for no other reason than he was black. It makes me feel like I can't compete, because the fact that he is black is SUCH A NONE ISSUE, because I am too. I can't admire that about him...to some degree, I've admired the things he has to work at, his personality, his responsibility his success as a person, not just his blackness...that is STUPID!

Yes, the OW is now living with some black guy. I love to remind my H that he was just another black d*ck for her to suck. I know it is mean, but that is how I feel about her most of the time. She used him, he used her. Pathetic.

Don't know what got me on that soapbox! It just came out while I was typing.

Anyway, True I'm glad you had an AHA moment. Mine was yesterday. Any others people?

Chat later!
2

Okay...yes, I am up pretty late. Tough when you rest all day and need to get work done.

Soooooooooooooo, what is the difference if the OW is white, black, red, yellow, purple or green?

I'm not following your Christian background here. Is there something in the Bible about inter-racial relationships?

I was going to say months ago that I was sorry to read you might have an issue with it being a "white" girl having an A with your H and hoping that you were'nt looking at it that way.

Two of my H's close "black" fire fighter co workers left their "black" wives because they were "too almighty" in the mouth (to put this bluntly). Each were married over 10 years with children. Each gave their H's constant "piece of their minds" (which I had witnessed several times) in front of the friends and family, showing little respect to their "black" H's.

I don't think "white, asian or mixed", "seek" out a black man. OW/OM seek out power...they are looking for a conquest and with your H, I feel being black was possibly just a by product in the sitch vs he was a BMOC (big man on campus) at work.

2, I don't wish anyone to have hurt feelings in any sitch due to race, creed etc. We are all God's children.

Peace,
holiday