Holiday! I'm coming! I discussed it with my parents last night and they are again willing to watch the kids. Will you be free anytime Friday - Sunday of NEXT weekend? I can't come there and not meet you!

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2, I would love to meet you!

What weekend for sure? Did you say the 24th, I'm here.

We are on a standby right now for our trip to Colorado Springs, Co on the 14th-20th due to the FEMA schedule and my H OT at the fire station.

What game?? Football???? Can anyone join you? I love football!!

ttys,

holiday

It's a date! It is actually hockey - gag! If you like hockey, I'll see if we can get you tickets. It's the LA Kings exhibition game.

I will be up that Friday the 23rd. Let me know what day and time works for you. I'll be busy most nights, but day and early evening should work.

How exciting!
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I will email you from my email address and give you my cell #.

Yes, love hockey just as much (okay, not as much, but close) as hockey. No favorite team anymore (was a Coyote fan in AZ), so every game is great.

Let me know about the tickets and what I need to do,

holiday

Will do!

By the way, Rocked, True? Want to make this a full reunion? Could you come?

By the way, when is d-day for you guys? I think some of you were earlier than me and it might be right around the corner. I'm not til late Nov.

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I was going to say that I felt left out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for the invite...I wish I could come. It would be fun to get away and meet you all. Have a wonderful time together and know that I will be wishing I was there too!

Ok...here is a MB vent. I was going to post it to everyone, but I decided against it. But, I just need to share my frustration with some of the other posters I see on here. Maybe you guys will know what I mean, or tell me that I am just being crazy....we'll see.

I have noticed on here that there are so many WS that take the MB principles of meeting emotional needs and turn it around and say...I want my EN met, or see, Dr. Harley says MY needs are important...or I cannot give my H/W his b/c mine are being met. They LB me when they are angry about the affair...they push me away when they are feeling sad and lonely and hurt...the A is over and I am back with him/her so I want my needs met now, and they are still hurting and I just want them to get over it. It is usually females to be honest...they want all their needs met but have a hard time meeting their H's. I am flabbergasted by this. I am sorry, I just think that a WS should give up all rights, needs, everything after they have committed such a horrible deed. They should not ask ANYTHING of the BS and should treat them with tender care.
Granted, you both know that I do REALLY believe that the BS DOES need to meet the WS EN, and understand that they are humans and also need things...but I think it is just the attitude that really pisses me off.
I think the thing that has healed me the most, is that my H voluntarily gave up all of his rights. I meet his needs, I want to meet them, b/c he has shown me that my needs are greater than his. He has shown me that all he really needs is me there, and anything else I am willing to give him is icing on the cake. I just do not understand the FWS(and I have seen this a lot in the women) that will not give in to sex to the BS...that is just unbelieveable. THEY are the FWS, they thought sex was so important at one time, they probably did it to make the OM/OW feel good...how could they deny it to the person that they hurt the most. And, I know you will say, oh..it is an emotional thing for women...but you know what...AGAIN...their emotions just should NOT count at all.
I think these WS that I see on here whining about themselves, and how they wish there H/W would just get over it, or would stop checking up on them, or any of the *hit they spew, would get the reaction they really want if they just offer themselves completely, without exception, whinig, or guilt to the BS. It is when you give your self and make sacrifices that your BS says...no, you really do not need to do that...I can see that you truly understand the nature of the pain you have caused. I just do not think many WS realize that...they know they have hurt their spouse, but never really get WHAT they have done...until it happens(or something happens similarly) to them.

It also doesn't help when the BS takes the guilt trips and says....oh, ok...I want you to stay so much that I will put up with this behavior, and will give you all you want and just let you walk all over me...b/c I just cannot fight anymore, and you aren't giving me what I want...maybe if I do this stuff, you will. I think this just feeds the WS selfishness...and that is all that all that whining is...selfishness....they are still being so selfish and thinking of themselves! That BS needs to keep saying...I am still hurt, I have not seen what I need to see to recover...I am still seeing a selfish quality about you, and it hurts! I don't know how they can say it nicely..but AAAGGGGHHHHH....don't just give up and give in without a "fight".

Anyway, sorry to vent to you guys. I have thought about leaving these boards b/c of all of this. It just makes me so mad...I try not to read those things...but I am a massacist I guess...when I write to these people, offering some insight(and I DO try to be nice) they just ignore me. That tells me that I am hitting a nerve <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am not sure what I will do about leaving...but I LOVE still chatting with you guys...so I will probably try to stay and talk just to you...I would miss you!

To answer your question 2...my d-day is Dec. 19th.

Again, sorry to vent, and hope you all have a very good day!


True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good morning guys! Had a great day yesterday! My H and I had a great MC session. Emotional, but very revealing for both of us. Even though I cried, I left feeling very good about it like I am understanding better who he is and he is understanding better why I've taken this so hard. It was one of those "exhale" moments when you felt like a brick was removed from your back.

Before bed we watched Oprah that we had Tivo-ed. Did anyone see it? It is a disgraced beyond words what has happened in New Orleans. It gives me no confidence in our government (not that I had much to begin with) for anything in the future. Our homeland security had nothing in preparation for how to handle devestation of this magnitude? What are they doing all day? OK, that was my rant.

True, of course you can rant here! Honestly, I don't read much of the post except ours and I respond to even fewer than I read. I guess, I'm not really interested in how anyone else is doing but you guys! That sounds bad. But I do know what you are talking about. I think that is part of the reason I have had such a hard time with the whole idea of EN. I think EN is a nice concept to consider if you want to make your marriage stronger, but honestly I don't think it has any place in the issue of infidelity. There is always an alternative to A's and the fact that WS didn't take them shows poor judgement...period.

Again, learning in MC that my H (who now understands that) has EN that are unrealitic to be fulfilled by me or anyone, is never addressed by Dr. Harvey and I'm sure my H isn't the only person on the earth who has unrealistic EN. My H has had to learn how to recognize what is realistic and what isn't and has had to turn to God to "fill" voids in his life. Meeting his EN isn't my "job". It is something I do out of love. I'm human and will fall short in this area. It is no excuse for anything.

Anyway, True, I hope you don't leave. You can just chat with us you know!

Any anxiety about D-day drawing near? I don't have any yet, but I intend to make that day special for me...massage or shopping or lunch with a girlfriend. I won't be sitting around pondering the day that is for sure.

I think Rocked may have had the first d-day this month or next. I was wondering how the rest of you were planning on handling the day (I don't think my H has a clue when d-day is. I might be wrong.) I am preparing now. I don't want that day to sneak up on me and take me by storm. I fully expect already that it will be a hard and difficult day for me, so I am preparing now. My MC has me doing this strategy to prepare for situations that I know will be hard since going to my H job is often difficult. So I am getting ready...2 months ahead of time!

Anyway, feeling good emotionally the last few days and we are going away just us two this weekend. So excited! I'm fighting a cold though, but feeling better than I have in weeks. I feel like...I'm not afraid to love him.

Have a great day!
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OK guys, so it appears the end is near! I am about 95% sure that my H will take this new job opportunity. They offered him more ownership in the company that originally proposed. The money will be less than what he is making now, but honestly, we make more than we need to live off of by a lot. So this shouldn't be an issue. It is still good money. Next week, I will meet with the owner and his wife, and my H and I will look for office space for my H...5 minutes from our house! Who-hoo! His commute now is about an hour.

We leave today for a weekend away together. I'm giddy about it. We will discuss all this this weekend.

I've had to examine my heart during prayer time and can HONESTLY say that I would support him in this job opportunity, even if his A with OW wasn't an issue. My motives are pure, I think this is a good opportunity. The icing on the cake is that this will FINALLY be over!

This is the only job my H has EVER had. He is a Vice President now and started as a sales person. We have so much love for this company and history with it, it will be hard to walk away. This new opportunity is uncertain and that makes things scary...especially since I don't work.

But this morning I felt so grateful to God. 1) that I have a house and my family, in light of those who lost everything in the south. 2) that I have my marriage and a husband who I'm going away with this weekend and 3) that in God's timing he has heard my cries and is answering my prayers. He is so faithful and good, it makes me want to tell the world! So I thought I'd start with you guys.

Holiday, our trip to Vegas will probably be the last work trip of his with this company. That is another reason why I want to go so bad. We are still on for sure and I am excited about meeting you.

Guys, have a great weekend!
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2, have a great weekend and I will post with you soon!
True, hope all is going well...
holiday

Hey Guys! Great weekend! Holiday we have tickets to the game for you and your husband. I'm also free Sat. afternoon because my H will be golfing. Get in touch with me.
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Sounds great 2.
What's the date (Sat the 254th?) and time.
I sent you my cell info via email. Did you receive it?
holiday

No. Try [email]stacieandanthony@sbcglobal.net.[/email] Game on Sat. at 7pmish.
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will do

Hey Guys!

I'm getting very excited about my H leaving. I've been giddy about it lately. I'm just so excited about the opportunity...but in it, I feel the release of this all coming to an end. I meet the guy tomorrow. He is coming for dinner here! His wife couldn't make it so we decided to just have him over. I'll have to be my best Martha Stewart tomorrow. I love her.

Anyway, my MC had me do some writing homework for our meeting today. After I did it, I found myself writing a letter to OW finally addressing her apology. It is a long letter and acknowledges her apology, let's her know she's forgiven, reiterates some points about how things unfolded, shed light on how things where during their A on my part and ends by telling her briefly about why I became a Christian and encouraging her to do the same. When I was done and re-read it numerous times over the last several days, I like it and am seriously considering sending it to her once my H leaves his job. Do you think it is too late to do so? I guess with my H leaving I feel a sense of closure. The letter just made that feeling stronger. Should I wait and see if my H leaving is closure enough for me? Any unforseen problems that might arrise from this that I'm not taking into consideration?

What is going on with the rest of you? Awfully quiet...and d-day for all of us draws near. Want to make sure we are here for each other.
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Hi guys....I have not been ignoring you...I have been sick this week. Do you guys find that you become very depressed and dwell on the "what if's" and all that during sickness? You know, I have been sicker in the past 9 months than I have in the past 5 years...I think it is stress. It has been a really rough week for me emotionally as well as physically. I feel I have pulled away from my H...even though he has been so wonderful and has been really helping me.

Last night, I dreamt that I talked to the OW. I really wish that I HAD talked to her way back when and asked her some of the lingering questions in my mind, and to verify my H's version of him just wanting her for sex(and then getting caught up in feelings which he knew were wrong). In my dream she answered so many of the questions...and I could see her deep admiration for my H. It was a little disheartening...b/c she said he lied about some aspects...but it was also a good feeling of finally hearing her side of things. I know it was just a dream...but it felt real at the time. It was just one of the many things getting to me this week.

2, I do not think you should send the letter...but I never thought you should respond to her in the first place...so, I guess my position hasn't changed on that. I do not think she cares what you feel or think, or will even look at that letter for more than curiosity. It will give her a place of honor...b/c she will know that you still think of her. I wish I could forget the OW in my case, b/c like my H says...do you think she thinks about what she did to you everday? No...she does not give you a second thought and you still think about her and how she helped destroy your life...she is past that. I believe that the OW did show so real regret for the the things she did with my H...but I also know that she is a selfish enough person not to care anymore...my guess would be that your OW is the same way. My H never thinks of the OW's fiance...he still does not feel any remorse towards him. I think that is awful...but what can I do. He does not believe that he hurt him...he believes that the OW did. I think that is why he wants me to forget her. In his mind..it was all his fault I was hurt.

He also told me that he still wonders what she is doing. Do any of you think your spouse does this? That crushed me...but I suppose if you give that much of your life to someone...they are bound to pop into your head once in a while. He no longer thinks fondly of her(or so he says), but I know he must think of the fun they had and see her in not so bad light. In the end, I guess it does not matter...but it will always hurt that he found being with another woman as much fun(maybe even funner at the time) as me. A jealousy thing that I must get over.

Anyway, I have noticed my posts have been much longer lately...sorry.

Wish me luck this weekend as I am off to one of my H's friend's weddings. It should be a nice weekend without the kids...but I think watching two people promise the things that I always thought I would have..which were just cast to the wind for some stupid curiosity to be filled...will be hard. Send some extra prayers my way.

Talk to you all later,


True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

True! Great hearing from you. I thought I was being ignored. I know Holiday is out of town, and Rocked? Well who knows when he will pop up. So thanks for responding.

I am sorry you are in a bad stage. It is such a roller coaster...still, isn't it? I am sorry you are sick. I haven't been in a while so I will have to think about that next time I'm sick. My MC did tell me about 5 months after d-day when I got a horrible case of bronchitis that took almost a full month to recover from that in 90% of high stress and depressing situations like this, sickness will increase tremendously for people. I don't find I'm sick more often, but I have found it takes longer to fight it off (though I'm still plagued with terrible back pain). So your thoughts that you are sick more often, is probably true. Sorry to hear that.

When I was in high school and college, dream interputation was a hobby of mine. For awhile I thought I might make it my profession. I quit when a well meaning Christian told me when I was still a baby Christian that dream interputation is a form of dealing with the occult. I gave up the hobby. But I was so good at it, my college dormmates affectionately called me Freud. I no longer believe dream interputation is anything but that. Beside, I was not really interputing them, I was showing people how to interput them themselves.

Anyway, a little stroll down memory lane. What I want to say is that dreams are very powerful ways for us to work out issues. If the dream gave you some peace, then good. I remember many a dream after d-day of physically beating the snot out of both of them. It did have a way of making me feel better! So I hope it will bring you some closure. If the dream was vivid, the techinque I still apply is to remember each vivid point, like she was wearing a red dress or something. Then ask the question what is the situation saying to you. So was the red dress saying "notice me! or I'm out of place or I'm bold and confident." Do that with each vivid point and you can usually see a theme for you. Things you don't even think you are worried about will show up in dreams. Just an exercise if you are interested.

As far as my letter to OW, I haven't decided AT ALL. I will probably discuss it with our MC if the feeling to send it to her is still strong after my H leaves. The potential partner came over last night for dinner. Really liked him...very nice guy. I feel that if financing goes through my H will quit his job the next day. I'm excited and my H did ask me if I was excited for the right reasons. I told him it feels like him going to this company is the cake and being away from her forever is the icing on the cake. So I hope it happens.

As far as my H thinking about OW he doesn't have to...she is right under his nose. He told me the other day when I asked him about her, that she continues to look awful. He says she is bone thin and sickly looking. He just repeated it like he is still a little shocked at how bad she looks. He continues to hear that she lives with boyfriend and is more antisocial. So the issue of him wondering what she is doing, is not anything that happens much for him I think...he knows. But I do understand how that would make you sad. Are you glad he told you ...radical honesty? Or do you wish some things like that he'd keep to himself? It seems unnecessarily hurtful to me, though I'm sure he didn't mean it that way. During all the pain of my H continuing to work with OW that is the one benefit. He doesn't have to dream or fantasize about her. He gets to see her continuing to mess up her life and physically fall apart. I think she'll rarely cross his mind once he leaves.

So back to the letter to OW, just writing it has made me feel better...like your dream. It wasn't my intentions as I wrote it to give it to her per se. But I like it. I feel no obligation to respond to her apology of several months ago, but I guess I don't see the harm in it either. I think it might be theraputic for me to have that sort of closure. But again, I will discuss with my MC if and when the day comes...if the feeling remains.

Anyway, good hearing from you. Have fun at the wedding. Our weekend away last week was so freeing for me! Try to have fun. Weddings have been hard for me too, so I will pray for you this weekend.

Don't apologize for the long post. I do them often.
Blessings!
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"Pop"

Hey Everyone,

Hope all is well. As Vegas approaches it does make me anxious, but I'm preparing myself for it.

Holiday, Boogie Knights performs at the House of Blues at midnight on Sat. I'm going for sure because I LOVE THEM! They do all disco. They are so much fun...I've seen them out here several times.

My H isn't a fan, so I will be by myself. Are you up for a night of boogie-ing? Can you start the night at midnight?! Just a thought since I'll probably be alone. Let me know.
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Hi All,
Home safe last night.
Spent my bday on the bike for 600 miles, yeeha!
Soooo, tired.
I will post more later today,
holiday
Hmmm, boogie nights? Let me know the perticulars.

They are a throw back disco band...complete with outrageous costumes and the like. LOVE THEM!

Anyway, feeling lousy today. My H grilled me about my feeling about our upcoming trip to Vegas Sunday night. When he finally got me to the point of tears, I said I didn't want to discuss it anymore right then. Since then he's been distant. He didn't comfort me while I cried, that night and hasn't asked me what triggered the tears. I never got it out because I was too busy crying. He seems disinterested in what made me cry. I was ready to deal with my feelings through prayer, but HE pressed the issue about how I'm feeling. Then when I cry, I feel he's totally backed away. It is confusing to me honestly, and I don't know how to feel. Prior to Sunday night, I felt good! I was ready to go, excited about it. But him PRESSING me about my true feelings has now left me feeling bad. Plus he didn't even comfort me! That has left me feeling horrible!

So I have MC today. She cheers me up.
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