Glad you're feeling better. Rocked? How about you?

True we may head to Chicago for Thanksgiving. Would that work for you?
2

Yes, we will also be up in the Chicago area for Thanksgiving. That would be wonderful. Holiday, didn't you say your H was from the Chicago area too? It is a great place around that time of the year(except the cold). The city is beautiful, and the stores have great window displays. When I was a kid, we would go down every year in December and go to Marshal Fields and spend the day looking in the windows, and going to see Santa, and meeting my aunt and uncle and cousin. We would always find them before we planned to, and my uncle was usually sleeping in some chair...ha ha! We would meet my grandparents at the Palmer House, and then walk to the Bergoff restaurant. It is a german restaurant. It had the best food, and it still does. We would always get a big mug of rootbeer and my cousin, my brother and I would always feel so grown up. If you can't tell, I loved those times in my life. I have always been a family oriented person.

I am still doing better, and have decided to do some of the writing that you talked about in your post, 2. I think it will do some good, and hope that it will prepare me for the month of November. I think that will be harder than actual d-day for me, b/c I think my life changed when he started decieving me, not when I found out. This is the month(October) that things went from just friends(and yes, I do believe it started that way), to decieving me about how good of friends they were, to a really inappropriate friendship. But, November is when he REALLY crossed the line and REALLY broke my heart. SO, I think being as open and honest with my H about how I am feeling AND writing more will really help me through it all.

Well, I better go. Hey, I heard a quote from a movie(honestly, it was that stupid Shark Boy and Lava Girl movie..I guess you can learn from almost anything). Anyway, it said..."What do you do when all of your dreams have been destroyed?? You dream a better dream!" I am resolving to do that, and I hope that all of you are doing the same. It is only when one dream is destroyed that a better one can really come around!


Have a super day!


True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey True, doing fine.
Told 2 that I just haven't had any words of wisdom to help here right now.
Trying to get my holiday inventory up and running.
H started paramedic school Monday and is trying not to stress.
Hmmm, "dream a better dream"...I think Van Halen had a song with something similar: "Dream another dream
This dream is over, (oooh) over yeah, (dream another dream)
So dream another dream". Why not?
I told my H the other night, that I think I love him more now than I ever have before.
We can't change the past and we can't predict the future. So do the best you can today,
holiday

That is all biblical. God can make beauty out of ashes, resurrect anything from the dead (remember Jesus)...especially dreams! I'm doing the Beth Moore study on the life of John right now with my church. I LOVE HER. She is amazing and I have learned so much through her teachings (I'm on my 4 lesson with her). Anyway, she started this study off with asking us to write a letter to Jesus asking him to give us the deepest desire of our heart right now at this season of our life. It is sealed at the back of the book ready for each of us to read at the end of the study. She believes 12 weeks from now when the study is over we will see God do AMAZING things with our hearts desire. Mine was all about my dreams. The dream of being happily married, feeling special, being the apple of my H's eye and maybe...maybe even another child one day. So I'll let you know what I find out about my hearts desire after this study. We are in week 5 and have you noticed I am feeling more in love with my H than any other time since d-day?

Holiday! You think you love your H more now than ever before?! That is HUGE! You always hear people say (especially my MC) that marriages can be better and people can be more in love after A than before. What has made you feel this way? What should I be looking for in my H to love him more now than ever before?! I hope he has said the same to you! I know what an awesome woman you are! He had better feel the same or tell him I'll have my big ol hubby beat him up!

By the way, my 4 year old wants to be Lava Girl for Halloween. She says Lava Girl so fast it sounds like she is saying "mommy I want to be Lovergirl for Halloween." Lovergirl?! Not for a long while darling!

Blessings
2

lol on your little one!

I think it's in my H's eyes...the way he has a "cherishing" look in them when he looks at me.

Well, off to the gym this am. Kickboxing I think, also has alot to do with how I am feeling, as well as boxing now "with gloves on". Beleive it or not, it is very spiritual.

Hope you all have a beautiful Sunday!

holiday

Hey Guys! Hope all is well. True, you'll be able to relate to my post today.

My H told me last night that while at a golf tournament yesterday he got an e-mail from HR saying a letter was waiting for him. He assumed (correctly since he got it this morning) that it was about his raise he was expecting.

But I had the MOST vivid dream last night that the letter was that he got fired! It wasn't the fact that he got fired that had me so shaken this morning it was the way he went about telling me.

In the dream he had our MC tell me when he wasn't present. Then when I did see him he admitted that he had suspected for awhile that he was going to be fired. In my dream I was so baffled, not that he got fired, but that he didn't tell me! He kept it a secret and then didn't have the guts to tell me himself.

So this morning, I kept playing the dream over and over trying to figure out what it was telling me. I got it. With H about to leave his job for a start up, I am still very much concerned that he 1) is a liar / mis-leader and 2) won't tell me the truth, but will have me find out elsewhere.

So I guess since that is exactly how his A played out, lied to me all along and then denied it until I talked to OW and found out on my own, I'm still having a hard time distinguishing between what is his character and what was his sin.

Last night we talked in detail about the money situation because he wants to leave before new company has the capital they were hoping to have. My H handles the money and I gave him a list of things I would need to see before I could agree to that. But I guess in the back of my head, I know how badly he wants to do this and I'm fearful he might mislead me about our finances.

So that dream has been a "trigger" for me all day. I can't figure out if I'm to "trust" him again like I'm supposed to be doing, or if I'm supposed to double check everything he tells me.

During the A, he lied to me about everything including a LARGE chuck of money that I noticed went missing. I found out where it went before I confronted him and asked him vaguely to see if he'd lie. He did. Then I busted him. We talked about why he'd lied (he wanted to invest in some stupid company and I didn't agree with it...we lost it all!) and he promised not to anymore. But of course he was lying all along about OW during the same time. There is not ONE incident before A or since that I can point to and say I caught him lying. But there are so many examples, as you can see, not just about the A, that he lied to me about during A. I guess my anxiety is still very real.

Anyway, that's where I am today. Hope you guys are better!
2

2...let me know when you have figured out that dream. I still haven't totally come to terms with that "total trust" thing, meaning, giving it all up to hubby.

I know now that sometimes when all was right with us, all was wrong with us.

Need to get some rest.

Peace,

holiday

Hey guys!

First, I would not worry about the trust issue too much. I mean, it is a troubling thought, but we are all only about a year out from finding out that the most devastating thing in our life has happened to us(and for Holiday..it was the 2nd time, probably much worse). That trust will not be earned back that quickly. I think we would all like it to, b/c WE would feel more secure, but it is just not possible. I hope that your husbands do not feel like you should trust them again. Mine tells me all the time to keep him accountable...check up on him...he wants to prove that he is being trustworthy and he knows that I check( and yes, I check all the time...even have all of his emails from work and personal forwarded to my email account), so if something ever does come up...there is no possible way he can mislead me. I know you guys know this, but that level of trust that we had before the affair will NEVER come back...and that is NOT a bad thing. You want to trust your mate, and you should...but you should never blindly trust again, and you should put up precautions to make sure that you don't get so comfortable that you forget that. I am a much happier person now that my H and I are completely open. There are no places that he or I cannot go in each other lives. I even feel weird about not letting him read my journal.

2, if you are worried at all about this business..even if it seems silly, you should ask your H that you be included in everything. That you see all finances and that you see all work related papers, etc. You are also risking your way of life with this venture and although you are also happy about it...you need to be sure that it is going the way you think it is.....he should be willing to do this easily if things are the way he says they are.

Well, I better get going.

TTYL!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

PS....BTW, did you see that the White Sox are in the playoffs and they won 14-2 yesterday??? Woo Hoo. Is your hubby as excited as mine, 2? We both know that it will probably not last long...but we are enjoying the win for the moment...hee hee!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My H is THRILLED about the White Sox. I'm like whatever! I HATE baseball.

MC yesterday we got a chance to talk about my fear of him manipulating the numbers. It was a good talk and I feel comfortable "double checking" what he shows me. I also feel that he won't see it as insulting as he may have before this MC meeting. He seemed to understand my need to follow up.

True, I'm delighted to hear that your H is being an open book. I feel my H is being open as well...but this dream really made me question if he will stay an open book. I won't know until we are there!

I think the business venture is great, but yes a little scary because of the unknown factor. My issue isn't the numbers with the business, my issue was the numbers of how much we have saved and how much can we spend every month. We haven't lived on a budget in years, so I want to make sure we are on a realistic one since the financial issue will change. We've got Christmas our daughters 5th birthday, our anniversary coming up and I don't want to have to not have Christmas because of this move. So I want it all out now...so I won't be surprised by anything. That is really my issue.

The other thing that came up in MC yesterday was my MC said that I'm just as big a miracle as my H. I was saying it was last year at this time...right before he moved out that he "turned" on me...he started being very mean and picking fights. So to see where he is a year later, has made me cry a lot the last few days and really made me grateful to God. I told MC seeing my H NOW is like a miracle and she said "So are you! I remember when you sat here and told H You should be lucky I didn't blow your f****** brains out!" She said for me to stay still and not to have left, the kind of woman I am, is equally as big a miracle. I hadn't thought about it that way.

She also discussed with my H in detail that just because I may not agree with his timing to quit doesn't mean I don't believe in him. He had hinted to the fact that because I wanted a little more stability before quitting, he felt I didn't believe in him. BOY, did that bring up issues of why his A started. I told MC that at the time, it was all about OW was sooooo supportive...OW believed in him. My MC nipped that in the bud real quick saying "Don't draw conclusions that aren't valid. She disagrees with your timing, that has nothing to do with whether or not she believes in you." She said it so perfectly. I think he got that.

Well, I have a question...yes I'm asking for advice. I continue to check my H e-mail on his phone occassionally. Ever since OW sent him e-mail right before Vegas about whether he was going to be somewhere she was or not, she has been e-mailing him way more often (almost daily) work related stuff. The other sales people don't go to my H, they go to the manager like she is supposed to, and for the longest time she was doing the same. But now there is work questions almost daily. I do realize that it is crunch season and she and my H have a couple of clients that they both know well. So it is possible that she really does NEED to go through him. A couple of e-mails said from her "Manager said to check with you". But there were also a couple where my H said "Check with manager...I don't know." So I have found it strange. I don't know if I should confront him about it, or just keep monitoring. I don't know if he knows I check. What do you guys think I should do?

2

Well my H caught me snooping, so we discussed the whole thing about her e-mails being more frequent. It went OK, except he seemed so hurt that I was snooping. WHATEVER, I told him it was still too soon to take his word for everything.

Hope you guys are well.
2

2,

I think it is a natural reaction to guard your privacy and to be hurt/frustrated that your mate is "checking" up on you...but I bet in the end, or at least I hope, your H knows that you have every right to check up and that you SHOULD be checking to make sure all is well, especially since he IS still at the job where she is. DId you ask him why he has not told you about these emails??? To me, that would be a BIG violation of our POJA about contact from the OW. I told him that(when he still worked there) he needed to tell me everytime he even SAW her...and what happened, and what he was feeling. If I found out that she still emailed him while he was there, even for business reasons, and he did not tell me...I would be very upset.

I also fear that my H will go back to not being open in the future, especially since he was VERY open before the affair, and I was as well...it all changed when she entered the picture. I worry that someone new will make him change again. However, I really have stopped worrying about it for the most part, b/c as Holiday once said...we can't predict the future...so why worry about it.

Well, hope you guys have a super day and an excellent weekend. Keep your fingers crossed that the White Sox sweep the Red Sox today!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />Hee hee. It will be a good weekend at my house if that happens! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

TTYL!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey True, I was wondering what happened to you!

E-mails from the OW are common, so I don't want or need to know whenever he receives one. I also don't want, or need to know every time he sees her. I assume it is about an every other day occurance...if I'm lucky, only once a week. But I knew when he stayed at the job that as her BOSS, contact was going to happen and it was going to happen alot.

As far as the e-mail frequency, he said that because it is busy season (all sports are about to start) that the staff has a lot more questions than usual. Because my H has a very "open door policy" with all his employees, he said the others call him, but she e-mails him to keep contact at a minimual. It made sense, because like I said, they were all work e-mails with one or two lines to explain the situation.

Now the agreement I do have with my H is if there is any contact outside of work. That is why her coming to his b-day party was such a BIG deal because he would not have gone to any party where he knew she would be. The other e-mail asking him if he was attending some function, he sat me down with a copy of the printed e-mail and discussed that with me because that sort of contact is what we have agreed to discuss.

I think my H was frustrated that I was checking on him because as he put it "in less than a month I'm outta there for good!" he feels like I shouldnt' be worried. But I explained that I'm actually MORE worried because I don't think she will let my H leave without bringing up the A one way or another. So I explained that to him.

Anyway, I'm in a wedding tomorrow and am feeling really good. This is my best friend and she knows about the A. I thought I'd be all cynical and unhappy, but really I'm quite excited for her. So I hope the mood stays.

Have a great weekend. Go BRUINS!
2

My W and I got back yesterday from our cruise to the Bahamas. I had a "blah" moment the first day (as I was reminded that a cruise is the first thing we did after D-Day almost 1 year ago.) Got over it and had a great time the rest of the trip. Snorkling, Jet-skiing, beach, sunning by the pool, and all the usual stuff to do on a cruise ship.

Sorry, can't make it to Chicago during Thanksgiving. Bummer! Guess I have to settle for another dose of jealousy.

Peace!

Hi All,

Hope everyone is doing well. This is one year ago, PA month.

Funny, Rocked, my H and I had just returned from a Caribbean cruise 3 days before his PA...hmmm, I think too my next cruise will be tough at first...come on "margaritas".

Been a rough week. Better now. Daughter having some difficulties at school (she is very bright so we are unsure why she is failing a class). Had a heart to heart talk with her (loud at times, per H), took away the cell and the pc and next day she was a different person (her old self).

I really am begining to believe that all this tech where our children are not outside playing anymore has a major effect on them. Sad.

True...would love to be in Chicago for Thanksgiving, thank you, but, with H in paramedic school (and stressing) and finances tight, well you know the story. Eat a piece of pumpkin pie with extra whipped cream and think of me!!

Have a wonderful Sunday night,
holiday

Hey guys,

Got through the wedding and had a major meltdown today. Cried for about an hour. Feel better now. My tears were for my sorrow for her. I know that at some point in her marriage, she will be terribly disappointed and hurt by her H. Hopefully not infidelity, but I realize that if it isn't that, it's something in just about every marriage in
America. Money, gambling, drugs, porn, shopping addictions, criticalness, anger problems...it's something. And I no longer believe anyone will be happy forever in their marriage. I used to think that...not anymore.

The bride asked me yesterday shortly before ceremony time if I was going to be OK? I told her "I've spent a year learning to fight back tears when all I've felt like doing was crying, so I'm sure I will get through today." I did with a couple of teary moments. I think I just went through the motions without much emotion. Then today, I let all the emotions return and as soon as we got home from church, I lost it. I got it all out and went on with the day as normal. Such is life these days!

Anyway, True, you won't believe this! I'm coming back to Vegas the first week in Dec. Will you be around again?! I'll explain more when I e-mail you later.

Rocked, glad you had fun! Just the two of you, or did the kids go too?

Take care guys!
2

2 - No kids this time.

And in response to your comment, "at some time in HER marriage SHE will be terribly disappointed and hurt by her H...", I know you didn't mean it as I took it but don't forget some of us BS's are men/husbands whose W's did the hurting.

Holiday - there's no escaping fully the tech world we live in, but yes as parents we do have to monitor the level our kids get immersed in it.

My tears were for my friend...SHE is my friend. Of course I know that A happen the other way around. I'm glad you got away just you and the wife. The trips we have taken together (even though weekend get-aways and not weeklong cruises...lucky!) were very helpful for us. I'm glad it was helpful to you too!
2

Hey True, just checking in on you.
Everything going okay I hope.
Not much here.
Fall is wonderful!
Peace,
holiday

My gosh this event I'm working on is keeping me busy! I forgot how much work was involved last year. It's over Nov. 5th so until then, I may be very quiet.

Hubby still planning on resigning on the 24th it looks like. He is growing more frustrated with his current job (which he's always LOVED) by the day. I know it is because he is antsy to get going where he is going. So am I! I'll never have to worry about seeing her, e-mails from her, or them talking. What an answer to prayer!

This seems like it has taken FOREVER, but I'm glad I waited on GOD'S timing because I think this is the PERFECT opportunity for my H. I leave this weekend for a retreat with our church and am feeling very thankful to the Lord not only for where my H is, but because he's about to leave and that prayer has been answered.

So you may not hear from me for a while (Stop cheering!) Just know I'm OK. If anything MAJOR happens, I'll be back!
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[color:"blue"] Hi guys.....

Doing ok. Ups and downs and all the normal stuff! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Glad to see that everybody is busy enough not to need this place. I will also just sit back. If anything major happens...I know where to find you and will check to see if things happen here with any of you.

Holiday, hope all is well with you. It seems as if you must be doing really good b/c I have not heard much from you lately! I hope that is the case. I also hope that your H's school goes well and the stress level decreases!

2, I am glad you are in such a better place now. Did you ever wonder if you just needed the weight of him still working with her to be lifted from your shoulders? Maybe God planned it so that you would have to have that hardship to bear so that in the end the reward would be that much sweeter. Let me know if you are still planning on coming to the Chicago area at Thanksgiving.

Have a great day and I will chat with you all soon.

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

OH!!!! PS...Let's GO, GO, GO WHITE SOX....Chicago's Proud of YOU!!!! That's a song they sing at the games...hee hee. My H might have a chance to go to the World Series if they get there. I doubt they will....but hey, what a great thing. I was a little upset b/c I do not get to go with him....but he has been a sox fan his whole life...if they actually pull it out(and they have not won in California once this year, so it is highly doubtful) then I will graciously step aside and let him live out his boyhood dream. Anyway...just had to say GO SOX!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> [/color]