With so many new people on the boards (over 20,000 have joined since I did) I think it’s time to publish these suggestions again.

1) Multiple threads at once - When you first come to these forums, it is quite likely you may be in panic mode. Please don’t post 5 different questions/subjects on the same day! Take the time to really read the subject matter contained on the Marriage Builders website. Think about what you’ve read and how it could apply to your situation. Maybe do a “search” for threads that have already been started which could have the topic you have a question about. The Discussion Forums are not the only (nor should they be the main) resource available to you!

2) TURN OFF CAPS LOCK - This is seen universally across the internet as someone that is YELLING. There are times when you will want to capitalize to make emphasis, but an entire posting in this mode usually turns people off and they refuse to read what you wrote.

3) Paragraphs, paragraphs, paragraphs - When you are penning a missive here, please try to utilize paragraphs. It certainly makes your post more easily read AND followed (and replied to). When there are two or more screens of "run-on" text, it is very easy to miss a sentence or a point being made. Use your own judgement, but I find that paragraphs of 10 lines or more usually max me out. I, personally, would suggest trying to keep paragraphs 10 lines or less, but use your own judgment. In addition to using paragraphs, be sure to put a blank line in between each one. If you don't, it ends up being just as difficult to read as with no paragraphing.

4) Address every response - When you create a post and start to receive replies, acknowledge each and every responder by name. You don't need to have a separate post for each reply, nor do you have to write a dissertation for each response, a simple "[your name] - Thank you for replying. I do understand what you are saying and I will think about it" . You can keep it simple, but if someone takes the time to reply to you, it is simple manners to acknowledge that response whether you like what the person said or not.

The whole time I've been on this board, there have been threads where someone complained about receiving few replies or none at all. In a lot of cases if you go back and review that person's prior posts, you can see that they might have had 10 responses to a post, but only acknowledged the one or two people with whom they felt a connection or with whom they found themselves in agreement with - if they bothered to reply at all.

5) Use boldface - When you are responding directly to an individual, it is very helpful if you use the bold or color attribute on their screen name. The use of bold makes the name stand out and is useful for someone to know whether they are being talked to or about. It's very easy to do...just use the Instand UBB Code on the "preview my post" page.

6) Judicious use of "Reply with Quote" - There is no need to do this without drastic deleting of the original note. The original post is still right there and everyone can read it. If you are responding to multiple points, it is much better and more readable to quote the individual passages as you address them. There are several methods to do this. One is to use the Quote UBB code on the Preview Page. Another is to place the passage within quotation marks. You may also use the bold or italic attributes. Any one of these will be successful in highlighting the point(s) you wish to respond to. To save yourself re-typing, just use cut-and-paste from any word processing program.

7) Long posts - If you have an extremely long post, some people consider it helpful if you indicate so in the subject line, i.e., "Why do I feel this way?? (Long post)". This is a blessing to those using lower-speed dial-up access whose time is valuable. They may prefer not to have to wait until 400 lines of text are downloaded, only to find that it is a topic they don't feel they can respond to.

8) Listen to the “old timers” - There are many who are active or lurk here, and they are the voice of experience.

Most of this was originally written in 2002 by Heartpain . BTW, I'm not giving anyone orders here, so if you disagree with me, do so politely and respectfully. You are still free to act any way you want to on the boards within the "rules, policies and disclaimers" you had to agree to when registering.

~~ bumpety bump bump ~~

Hi avondale,

Good advice, and thanks for the heads-up!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

I'm bumping this thread because IMHO, there are some posters on here that need to read it.

I have noticed some posters getting very good advice and they pick only the one that fits what they want to hear and only respond to them. Don't worry I'm not one of the responders to these threads... but I think it's very rude by some posters to only respond to maybe two people out of three people responding on their thread... especailly when they have gotten good advice from all of the people that reponded to your thread in the first place.

To these very few people, and you know who you are... I would read or reread this fine post by avondale.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Sometimes, I'm guilty. Usually it's just an oversight. I'll try and do better.

Hi GG,

This was definitely not directed at you... in fact your one of the best people out of many on here that go the extra mile to try to help as many people that are in the soup and trying to cope with their circumstances as well as anyone.

I have lurked for awhile here lately... and some of these people need to at least acknowledge the fact that there are people here, that truly want to help... and to have their post entirely ignored, because it wasn't what they wanted to hear... well all I can say is they need to respect everyone on these boards as they are only trying to help them through their situations... even if they don't like what there hearing.

Stay Strong!

Wallace