Could you please email me at (navyredman at hot mail. com)(despammed sorry) just put it altogether the way it's supposed to go. I know the guy we're talking about is the same, I would like some more info if you don't mind. I need to prove to my wife what kind of guy he is. She thinks he's the greatest, and of course she says the money isn't an issue <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I will email you tonight ok!!!

Very greatful! thank you. Guess you can't be my wife since she's at the doctor, I feel much better now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I just emailed the info to you ok!!!

got it thanks

navyred - It is better not to say anything bad about the OM. Your wife will just defend him. That is what they all do. They seem to be able to explain away all kinds of "character flaws".

Believer said: navy - I called that number and a man answered. He was very friendly.


Navy said: as far as him being nice he's a salesman and he works on the phone. I guarantee as soon as you bring up the A the whole conversation would change.

Believer said: navyred - It is better not to say anything bad about the OM. Your wife will just defend him. That is what they all do. They seem to be able to explain away all kinds of "character flaws".


Navy Red:

This OM is like all others. They all share one characteristic------- smooth! OMs have the ability to tell women what they want to hear. They also present themselves as understanding caring men-------- they are con men. They really know how to be charming and can lie quite well. If you are a regular guy with no malice and no cunning behavior you cannot compete with that smoothness.

I spent the first several weeks after D-day exposing OMs flaws 24/7. Bad mistake------- this makes OM more attractive in the eyes of WW and it makes you look less polished and not caring and understanding. In due time OM will show his true colors------ they all do. In my case when I stopped thrashing OM my wife discovered on her own the flaws of OM. It is much better to allow your wife to make that discovery on her own. Right now OM is like God for your wife-------- so say nothing.




"Well ********, you have gotten what you wanted. I told Adam to leave and not contact me in any way. Do you believe me? Probable not. You want to have proof. I don't have any proof to give you other than that he told me he is quitting at work. I can let you know when that happens and if you want to have conformation, I can have Joe call you too. I have done this for the kids and for the kids only. I know that I have been selfish lately, but I have never, ever neglected or abandoned the kids. If you think that this means that we can get back together, you though wrong. I want nothing to do with you. If you can't deal with that, let me know and I will leave. I plan to stay married to you for the kids. Don't keep telling me that this is my entire fault because it isn't. There is blame on both sides. I will be nice to you because I do care about you and I do love the person you were and because it is what the kids need. If later on I want to work on our marriage, I will let you know. Don't ask me any questions about anything that has happened recently and in the past, cause you won't get an answer. You are getting your fair chance."


Hmm------- I suspect OM feels that perhaps there is too much turmoil with this affair. It is likely he told WW to cool things off. Now you wife is talking from both sides of her mouth. Perhaps she wants to keep you where you are just in case. I also get the idea she is seeing you like a doormat. IMHO, not a good thing. You need to act strong and to pay attention to yourself. Do not act needy. Do not show any weakness. Tell her you are also staying for the kids. Tell her you do not want any details------- be cool.

However, you must expose OM at work and with his wife. Many of us would love to see you nail this OM.

Hi Stan!

Hope all is well with you.

I wonder one thing ... Do you think that all OW are alike too? Are all WW alike too? Are all WH alike as well?

I am just wondering how far you are willing to go with your declaration of "alike"... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

PS .... you give good advice!

I wonder one thing ... Do you think that all OW are alike too? Are all WW alike too? Are all WH alike as well?

All romantic sentimental relationships have similarities whether they are illicit or not. The key difference within the affair is that it feels more intense (because of the circumstances). The OW or OM may be mediocre and the affair developed because they were available. However, the forbidden fruit syndrome generates intensity.


As for OMs, some are players, others fall in love and deep fog, and others are simply cake eating. The same can apply to OWs.

All justify their actions and re-write marital history. The response following D-day depends on what kind of OW or OM they are. IMHO, cake eaters quickly stop the affair. Players will often dump the other if there is any inconvenience.

A key difference between normal relationships in broad daylight and those that develop in the dark is the intensity of romantic feelings. The foreplay and courtship in an illicit adulterous relationship can be quite different and full of doubts and giant hurdles to cross. When the relationship is finally consummated it seems that they affair participants have conquered Mount Everest. Also--------- love feelings are fueled by the uncertainty of the relationship--------- this is very high in the affair and less of an issue in a normal relationship in broad daylight.

WWs come in three varieties:

1) Cake eaters
2) Exit affair type: Further divided into those who truly have a bad spouse (with no ENs met) and those who are foggy because they cannot tell the difference between being horny for a new body versus an old established relationship.
3) Players

Affairs can occur in good marriages------- I am fully convinced.




I am just wondering how far you are willing to go with your declaration of "alike"...

There seems to be much more variability in normal relationships whereas affairs tend to follow the same script.

PS .... you give good advice!

Really! Me------ the king of LBs (via putting OM down)! Probably not. The only good advice I have given is to avoid doormat status.

I don't even know if she's using me. She hasn't used me for anything in 2 months, and hasn't used me for anything thing sexual in I think 4. There's really nothing that I have that she can use me for. Just me. I'm still trying really hard to expose this to his wife, I'm actually trying to expose a possible other relationship at work to save my wifes job, we really need the income. I have to think about the children here. Somebody called a number that I know was for the right name and address but it had been disconnected.

It's hard for me to not act needy around her, I miss her so much. I miss getting a hug before and after work and of course everything that you get from a loving marriage. Should I act like I don't care? I'm having a hard time comprehending and acting on what I've read. I'm still taking care of business, and I'm getting a bouce back in my step out of the house, but in the house it's a different story. I just want her to be happy here again. I know I've got to grow my backbone again, but it's hard to know what to do and how to do it.

nrm -

All you can do is work on yourself; you can't change her mind on anything; that's something she has to do for herself.

This is something I've spent too much time trying to do - change my W's mind; thankfully people drilled enough sense into me to realize that the only person I can change is me; and thats something that will help me walk through life - something I've already noticed good results through: whether or not she comes back to me is irrelevent; although it would be nice.

I need to take care of ME and she needs to take care of HER - if thats something we both do; and still have feelings for each other through; then we can begin to mend if she wants.

I hope this helps -

God bless.

A

Everything people write on this board helps and makes sense, thank you. I am already trying. I'm doing good out of the house, but it's in the house I'm still having problems with. Tonight was a good night because I invited a very good friend over for some brew and a movie, and we all had a great time. I guess that's what I'll have to keep doing. Fill my house with fun stuff. I have plenty of brew to pass around

signed

The BUDMAN! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Just bumping this back to the top for FOX to see