Well guy have spent a lot of time thinking about my life and things that have happened in my life. Don't get me wrong I love my chldren and do not regret having them for one min. But it just seems like I am not ment to be happy or to have the one thing in life I truly want. It is sad and I haven't cried in a long time but the strain of everything is wearing on me. The only thing I ever wanted in life was to marry and have kids. I understand that marriages take work but I always felt as if I gave 100% and still was left standing on the side of the road without a mate. I have not only lost my best friend, husband, lover and father of my children I have lost my dreams. Along with my house that I love.

Now the only thing left is to pay the att. to finish off my dreams. I never wanted to marry after my first marriage ended. But some where along the lines My husband earned my respect and my trust and I failed myself and let him in. I have been hurt by every single man that has ever been in my life. From father to husband. I do not want to go through this again I would rather die then have to deal with the pain and rejection anymore.Not from anyone else not again.

I just don't think I can handle the pain of dealing with a man who says he wants what we have and then proves down the road he was a lier. I gave my husband what he longed for a faithful, loving supportive wife and family. I brought to him a wonderful daughter and loved his son as my own then gave birth to a wonderful baby girl for him so we could complete our family only to have him throw us away because he got an itch he couldn't control. He couldn't have half the faith in our marriage that I did and he could not have love me a quarter of how I love him. I love to much is my problem and the men I end up with never love enough.

I gave up a full time career to stay home and take care of kids and to care for his grandfather. WE choose it together not me alone but I was the one to pay the price for what he and I wanted.I shouldered the responsibilities of the kids full time and the granfather the house the shopping the bills and still worked part time to help provide for my family.

Yes I had a problem with depression but who wouldn't be with the load I carried on my own with little help from him. Now he refers to what I did for our family as being lasy and spending to much money. that I didn't care for him enough that i because i couldn't find help to watch the kids and grandfather to go rafting with him even though I wanted to very much. I missed being with my best friend I mised doing all the stuff that we use to do but realised that some things had to take a back seat because of kids and other responsibilities. Plus he never helped me make arrangements to spend time with me I only got excuses "well you always take care of those things why should I" Very rarely I ever got a night off he hardly helped with dinner or kids or any other stuff. Most nights when I would return from work after being gone for 2 days there wouls be a sink full of dishes and very rarely the house cleaned then it was back to the grind come mon. Early mornings ,meals for everyone ,children off to school bills to pay, accounts to manage, places to go and stuff to do. He never appreciated it one bit if he had of he would have tried to lighten load.
The sorry thing is that I know had I never discovered his affair he would still be here with our family. By the time I became aware of his distance I was coming out of my depression. I was getting better. I was more aware and wanted to be the women I once was. Then I was rejected like a garbage. Kicked to the curb and left to wallow. He walked out leaving with me 2 kids and his grandfather and no job. My lfe was crumbling and he kept kicking at the pieces. He still is kicking at me now by not allowing me to mourn his father and grandfather in peace by rubbing his OW in my face everytime I turn around. He brings her to our court hearings when it is non of her concern. Meanwhile I work 60 hours a week to keep me and the children a float. Have very little free time and really only a few friends. Some are supportive but some are turning On my husband they say once all his stuff is gone they are done with him. This is bad because these people where his friend before I came along. I have people tell me what he says about me and what they think about waht he has done. How he was a better person with me then he is now. They don't see what he see's in her they say she is ugly inside and out.

I know I am a wonderful women and I have alot of good qualities but with this experiance I don't feel that I can ever trust anyone again thet they will always fail to live up to thier end of the deal. They will use me for all I am worth and them toss me aside with my kids again. All because my husband fail to to the littlest thing by trying. How do you recover from that?

You sound as disillusioned as me. I never imagined someone so close to me could look me in the eyes and lie to me. I really believed he would always behave with integrity and honesty as these were fundamental requirements of any friendship. I think I was incredibly naive and I'm sure I now have more compassion for people in emotional pain. I now have a grasp of what it is like to feel depressed although it has never taken a hold of me and dragged me down too far, thank goodness.

I also am now faced with a dire financial future and it sucks. Our daughters deserved so much better from us as parents and it shocks me he couldn't take up the offer of a second chance and at least try to rectify some of his wrongs. He has found it easier to pretend we don't exist sometimes as that alleviates his guilt.

So although this morning (HK time) I feel ok, none of this is really ok. Count me in for the pity party. TT

joanne

i don't think i will ever marry again or love someone else either...i know that it's possible...but you have to WANT IT TO HAPPEN and i don'e..can't imagine i ever will

i thought that i had found one of the rare wonderful men out there...that's why i married him

i never thought that i would believe in happily ever after because of the awful marriage and divorce my parents had and the life that me and my sisters lived because of it. i especially took it hard because my father and i were so close before he left and i was only in first grade when he broke my little heart

guess what? that wonderful guy i married did the same thing to me that my dad did to me...he left me for some woman and choose to help raise her children

put my name on your party list

butcould we get a band or something to liven things up? it's gonna be pretty depressing!!

yeah i guess the band could play my heart bleeds for you or maybe some other sad songs. I am trying to be happy but just can't get there

Hi, ladies <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well hmmm... why not just look ahead, not back? That's what I'm doing - and I'm walkin' around grinning.

Well, yes, those unfaithful ones did all that stuff to us, but we're not dead yet - and life is full of surprises.

-AD

Give it some time. I was like you - never dreamed of wanting a man again. That was 3 years ago. Now I have an awful crush on an old friend, and am counting the days till the divorce is final.

You'll get there too.

Dear Joanna,
Regardless of whether your husband's and your marriage ends or not. You have one advantage. You know now what it takes to make a good marriage.
Just like Dr. Harley's His Needs Her Needs book says on the outside. How to affair proof your marriage.
You have the advantage. Some people will go on to make the same mistake in new marriages that they made in their last. You on the other hand have been educated and have been to the hard knocks school of heartache.
You know better now, so regardless of whether you stay married to husband or remarry one day, you know better now and will not repeat history.
Like the Harley's said, their is no husband or wife, that should be totally convinced that their spouse would never have an affair. Everyone is hardwired for an affair, but you now know how to prevent one.
Don't give up, todays another day, another chance.

It is really hard to lok forward when the past is a constant reminder of how badly men fail you. Yes i am educated in how to affair proof my marriage but it doesn't do one bit of good if the other person falls off the wagon. We had everything together we knew what to do but he choose to bail out cause I didn't have enough time left for him. Instaed of trying to help me and lighten my load so i could spend more time with him he left me to drown.

Why on earth would I even think about becoming involved with another one after this mess. My husband new exactly what he was getting when he married me no hidden agandas what you see is what you get. No games i don't play them. BUt dang it he needs to grow up and realise its not al about him and what he wants. You can't have evrything you want just because you want it. I am a giver but i am tired of being taken advantage of by takers. I am just sick about it all.

Joanna -

I have had some of the same thoughts as you. Time will heal the pain, sadness and hopelessness that we are feeling. Whether or not my M works out I KNOW that I will have learned from this. You will too. It doesn't sound comforting at all right now. Nothing really does.

Like Believer said, give it some time and you might feel differently.

I was re-reading through a journal I kept through some of my college years. I had only two serious boyfriends. Both of them broke my heart. One of them was just your typical break your heart deal. The second one - I break my heart and mistreat me. I wonder if there is a pattern here with me & it makes me doubt myself at times.

It is hard to let yourself love again. It will be hard for me to let myself love my WH if he comes out of the Fog. Loving someone doesn't seem like it should involve risks like this, it seems like Love should be safe from everything.

Yesterday, I was ready to jump in on your pity party b/c I was feeling down too. Today I feel a bit better....Even though my WH has DS for the afternoon. I have kept somewhat busy & simply enjoyed some time shopping, visiting with a friend & not having to COOK!!!

Let's turn this pity party into a We Can Do This Party!!!!

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05 No contact YET!!

That is my problem one of my chicks is out of the nest and it really bugs me Wh has DD2 and it drives me crazy cause I know she won't be fit when she comes home. She is always tired sick and eaten up with bug bites when she comes home. I have spend so much money taking her to the dr the last 4 weeks it is unbeleviable. I think the live in a dump or something now granted I am not the best house keeper but my DD12 says our house is much cleaner then thiers. I work a full day and come home to clean up and then do a nightly round to pick up before bed.

At times I really hate my WH for a bunch of reasons to numerous to name. But I love my husband the man who was honest ans caring. Shared all things with me and enjoyed being with me even if it was watching a movie on the couch. My Wh on the other hand I wish a big old rock would fall on his head. His thinking is all screwed up. But hey he is losing his friends, family, respect and his professional reputation not me. I have a sterling rep. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I am honest and hardworking and my friends and family respect me for my belief and my willingness to try. But not him.

Well mon. and all my chicks are home safe and sound. Wh didn't put any pull up in DD2 diaper when he dropped her at daycare this am. That is a necessary they called me before work and i had to run some over on my way to work. I just get really worked up over stuff sometimes and bet the blues.

I am at a place when all my dreams have been crushed and I don't have the heart to believe that it won't happen again.The mess that Wh has created is large and it will take a while to wade through it. I still have the feeling that some how he see's me as a back up that I will be here when he gets ready for it. He hasn't moved his stuff out of our old house and he just leaves his stuff like he expected me to handle it all. Wrong not going to happen. They can take it and sell it or burn it for all I care. It is his lose.

I am distressed that he has to be such a stupid head like I was going to lie down and just let him walk all over me with this divorce stuff wrong again. I have a good att. handling my stuff and he won't get it easy it will take time and time is my friend. The longer he lives with OW the more stuff he will see hope it wakes him up before it is to late.