Thanks,
I think I'll talk about seeing someone walking their dogs (a breed that she really liked and was talking about getting) and that I thought of her when I went to play with the dogs and ask the owner about the dogs.

Sound good. Do not expect a response. Do not try to seduce.

Just be nice and there for her, as light as a kind thought.

Good luck and don’t push it every day to start with.

DLK21

Stu,
I am in very similar situation, struggling, but trying my best to Plan A. I have almost no contact with my WH and now am backing off as I LB'd the past 2 times we spoke on the phone. I never get responses to emails either, but again think that DLK's suggestion of keeping it to a minimal is a good plan. Just a hello and a 'how are you'....is still thoughtful and sincere, not pushy. I need to follow his advice as well.

Hang in there...in the boat with you, Sad.

Sad,
I read your story a few days back. Quite a complicated situation. But ultimately we are in the same boat, trying to get our S to recognize our change and turn their feelings around. Best of luck to us all in the same boat...
Well DLK,
I've written those emails,
1. about the dogs 2. about her dad, hoping his health is fine, after a recent little scare, but haven't sent them yet...
Still don't know if it's too soon to try to make contact. Was told by a Divorce Busting coach (a couple of weeks back) to back off and wait for contact... It is such confusing times right now for me...
hope you're all doing well

Stu,
It’s like walking on eggs. Tread lightly for a good while. You are caring for her, Her emotional needs, mostly affection.

Best of luck man,

As for me, she is listening but my love bank very low, at least not in the red, but far from love. I’m taking chances, pushing it. I seem to believe I can talk her back into leaving him and coming back to me. I’m dreaming. I can only, maybe, care her back. I must take care of myself also. I’m there for her if things go wrong with OM.

DLK21

I'm so confused, I don't know what to do now...
on one hand trying to not contact her hoping she'll reflect on the things I've said.
With Xmas coming up this weekend I know she'll be back in town w/ family. I have a Xmas gift for her but don't know if I should contact her to give it...

i believe that if you are in plan A you SHOULD contact her and you SHOULD give her thoughtful gifts!!

isn't that what Jennifer would tell you to do in plan A?? You are supposed to be as kind, caring, and loving as possible and try to meet as many emotional needs as they will let you right?

Makes perfect sense eav...
I guess the few of the earlier posts in this thread, told me to back off. so I did but didn't know when to try to reestablish contact...
Orchid said I should back off and that my plan A is working... eventho I didn't understand how it is working I just followed it anyways. That's why I have been careful not to contact her too soon with fear of causing more negative feelings...

This is the email I'm about to send.
Hi W,
I saw your dad the other day at the office. Apparently he had a scary episode of ... I hope he's doing fine and the MRI result was normal as well.
BTW, if you're in town for Xmas, I would like to give you a xmas gift.
Love H

Was wondering if someone can give me some input on this...

anyone?

Stu,

I don't know if you should end the mail with LOVE, but I am not sure.

Merry Xmas

Van

stu,

I think it's fine. It does what it's supposed to do: remind her that you're out there and show her that you're thinking about her. As for "love," I think you need to try to gauge how you think she'll react to that. I don't think that it could hurt to leave it out, but leaving it in might get an undesired response.

Take care.

Thanks fellas,
that helps a lot with my anxiety about reestablishing contact... I'll take out the "Love"

Well, didn't get any reply to the email, left a VM on her cell saying that I'll leave the gift at her parents house for her. Didn't get any response either. This AM I found out that she didn't even come into town for xmas. This is causing a lot of anxiety, escalating into another panic... Hopefully she just spent the xmas w/ her girl friend's family up there like she did with thanksgiving.
I want to email her again to get for some kind of acknowledgement on receiving the gift...

Stu,
My WW's grandmother ended up in Hospital on xmas and I text WW what is happening. WW only phone SIL once. WW did not have the common decency to say thanks or even to phone to find out what is going on! Don't expect too much.

Do you know any of your WW's friends, if so can you get some info on what is going on with your WW.

Van.

I know her friends but don't know their numbers and I'm sure they won't freely talk to me, I'm sure my W has made me out to be some horrible person to them...I'll try the get a number from an old phone record or something.

But if I do contact one of her friends I'm sure her friend will tell her and that may upset her and get a LB reaction...

BTW, today I found out that her father's MRI result wasn't normal and I want to show my concern but feel that it may be too pushy to email her back with that info (which she most likely already know). I hate slipping back down into this state of mind...

Stu -
You need to force yourself to get a life. Going to the gym is good. But more is needed. I'm quite certain that your wife is having an affair.

When my WH and I first separated, I spent every day walking around like a zombie. It was HORRIBLE. I finally listened to folks here, and forced myself to get back into life. I cleaned the house spotless, organized, detailed the car, did the yard, started a garden, started a business, took a class, joined a women's bible study group.

Then I let all of my friends/neighbors/workmates know that I wanted to get out and do stuff. I made myself go, whether it sounded fun or not. Slowly, I started enjoying things.

When the casualties came back from Fallujah, I volunteered on the surgical floor at my hospital. I work in contracts, so that was a big change. I worked with the patients about 40 hours a week for 2 months, answering the phone, emptying bedpans - whatever was needed.

As I got out and did more and more things, my WH ceased to be the most important thing in the world to me. It wasn't easy at first, but my life got so much better.

I hope that you do some things, and then write to your wife friendly little e-mails - ie: Hi - how are you? I went SCUBA diving today and thought of you when I saw...... blah, blah, blah.

Thanks believer,
you're right it is very difficult to start to get a life, I can't imagine the day when she is no longer the most important thing in my life. I've had little contact with my old friends since that was a large issue in our marriage and I feel that I need to stay away from them anyways b/c they seem to want me to just "get it over with". I've started to read a book on wine tasting hoping to learn to enjoy wine some day... I don't know how often to email those little friendly emails without feeling pushy...

Once you get a life, you will have lots to tell her. It is quite obvious that she does not enjoy anything about love or relationship. I would skip all of that. Just write her every couple of days and fill her in on what is new.

She loved you for some reason. Figure out what that was, and be that person again.

I leaned heavily on my friends and others just to have someone to do things with. And they all told me to divorce WH. But I posted here, and folks calmed me down.

When you first start doing things, you won't feel like it, so you just have to make yourself. But as you start doing things to build back your self-esteem, you will start enjoying life again. I promise.