Hi all,

Guess I am feeling sorry for myself but I need to get this out to people who know a little about rough M's.

1st of all 2 nights before our kids were flying in for Christmas (with grandbabies) my H hands me a bombshell that he is very angry w me for ruining an innocent friendship w OW. (probably the effect of NC and exposure) This I thought came out of the blue as I thought the issue was resolved. Found out after more talking that at the party my H and I had gone to the night before, he found out thru a mutual friend that OW's mom is dying and he would like to "be there for her, or at least be able to go to the funeral!" I am soooo beaten down by this issue that I finally said to him "Call her, go see her for G---'s sake!! Far be it from me to stand in the way of your happpiness or your friendships!!! This all happened while I was in the process of coming down w a terrible cold. Kids are now here and we have a big job w our business that came in that we have to do Christmas Eve morning. I don't have one single gift for him yet as no time. Guess I will try and get it done tomorrow.

I am sooooo dissapointed that the Season is going like this!! Thought this issue was resolved.....NOT, am sick with a cold, am upset, on top of it we have my Son in Law's parents and sister and her H and their 2 yr old coming in the day after Christmas for a few days to see the kids. Entertaining and feeding people. I was sooo looking forward to a fun Christmas w my kids and grandbabies and I am STRESSED TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I happened to wake up at 2:30 for a potty break and he was up drinking a beer! Ugh!!! Our little one (2 yrs)wandered out to the living room and fell asleep on the couch so he thought he would stay up and settle her. Feels like my whole life is totally out of control at this point. Am a nervous wreck and no I am not having fun yet!!! Sorry to be such a hysterical mess!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas
Tarehurts

Vent away. There is no better place to come for it. Christmas can be a time with high expectations and even higher anxieties.

IMVHO, your H is a fencesitter and in complete denial. No contact means no contact. If OW's mom is sick, well that's very sad but unless OW means something to H, then it should only be of passing interest to H. Be very careful. I don't recovery is really happening. A man up drinking a beer at 2 am is not a happy man. He's a man with heavy issues on his mind.

Have you thought that maybe one of the reasons besides time that you haven't gotten any presents for your H is because you just can't bring yourself to get him one? Giving presents is not just a duty. A good gift is a gift from the heart. Maybe you're finding it difficult in your heart to see what he needs as a gift.

Sounds like you've set up a really stressful Christmas for yourself. Lots of company, business happenings. Do the best you can but don't go for perfection.

We'll be here for you.

{{{{{{Tare}}}}}

Hang in there Hun!

I am sorry you are not having Fun yet.... Misery loves company, so do ya mind if I join ya?
I do not have a single Christmas decoration up, I am behind on my work at my 2nd job, and there are a dozen other things looming over my head like a dark cloud!
I hope your H doesn't take you up on that LB you laid on him! That would not be cool. It may sound mean or cold but he has NO Business being around her for support. I don't care WHO is dying!
My H had comented that His FOW was out of work sick, rumor has it she is throwing up Blood. He said he wanted to call her and see how she was... I said he should stay out of it and that I am sure you'll hear what is going on like anyone else who works there. It is NOT his business!
I have sneaking suspicions that he DID go see her... but I have no concrete proof sooooo......

We have to try to hang on to our hope. Try to focus your energies on your family and their joy about Christmas. Don't give H any energy where the OW is concerned. If He wants to be foolish, step back and let him.
If I were in your sitch, I'd just hold my head up and forge on forward with anything and everything family oriented and keep myself thouroughly distracted from the negative.

Easier said than done maybe but that is what I am trying to do... I keep holding out for a miricle that my house will get decorated by someone in this house and that SOMEHOW, there will be some $ for presents for the kids..... I couldn't even sign up for Toy donations cause they were full up.

So Hang in there Dear, {{{{{HUGS}}}}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Be Well,

Thanks grapegirl for the reply.

I totally agree, recovery is not really happening, although I thought we were well on the way.......NOT. He tells me over and over that he has absolutely no desire to ever make her a significant part of his life, that he is just angry that I blew everything out of proportion and jumped to false conclusions about their friendship. The only thing he was ever guilty of was staying out too late on bowling nights to drink w her. "And if that's such a huge crime, hang me!!!" blah blah blah.

We will definitely deal with this issue after the holidays, which to tell you the truth, I am a little apprehensive about. Thank you soooo much for being there! I appreciate greatly your sensible input.

Blessings and Merry Christmas,
Tarehurts

Haromony,

All I have to do is look around and I usually find someone in a worse sitch than mine!! It is sometimes hard to take on sooo many stresses at once but I guess that's why they suggest "rolling w the punches".

And yes, no concrete proof of anything!!! I think that is most of the problem as my H has hit me w "You can't prove a thing, and I know you can't and YOU know you can't!"

I truly thank you so much for the support, I will so keep you in my thoughts this season!!!

You hang in too!

Blessings and Hugs
Tare

Hang him. Staying out late and drinking with another woman is a huge crime. Until he can realize that, your recovery will stall. It's not being blown out of proportion. If you are uncomfortable with it, then it is wrong.

You need to look at Orchid's reverse babble piece because you're getting a lot of babble.

Be strong for Christmas. I think a lot of us will be coming here.