SSG, good to see you are at least still reading here. Keep working on the personal recovery.

Mrs W, extreme honesty right???

this is not meant to be judgemental, ok?

here is where your thinking is flawed. if this person really was your friend, he would NOT have ended up in bed with you, bottom line.

and when i read your words, what i hear is someone who has feelings for this person still.

you have to force yourself to open your eyes Mrs W. a true friend does NOT do what he did.

so here is the story of the guy i knew from college, i promise i'll keep it short (or at least try).

i met my H in may 1982 on a blind date while back at my mom's house for the summer.

i met this OM on campus i'm not sure which year, either the 1982-1983 or 1983-1984 school year. we both worked at computer center. i was good friends to the gf of his best friend. the four of us hung together a lot. we were all computer people. we were just friends, but i did thnk he was a special guy, i did like him from the start. i'm not sure about him, what his feelings were for me or when. \

it was march of 1986, during spring break, when we crossed the line. i was already engaged. it was extremely wrong to do. we didn't talk about what we were both thinking about, we didn't directly pre-plan it, but i believe we both knew what was happening over that spring break week. and i'm sure we both knew, when he came over to watch Mash that night, after we were done working at the computer center, what was really going to happen.

skip ahead a bit, we had continued secretly seeing each other for a short time, but not really talking about it. finally over lunch he asks me, what would you say if i were to ask you to wait for me (i was graduating that same year, as well as engaged, he was graduating the next year). my response was, you would never ask me that question.

he literally dropped off the face of the earth for a short time after that. and when he re-surfaced he was dating another woman. we never really talked about it, he wished me well, i wished him well. he did not come to the wedding although i later went to his.

thru the years, we kept in touch. but not often. at times years would go by with no contact.

early on in my marriage, i was missing him, i told him i wish we could be together just once again (actually i think i might have been stupid enough to say something like once a year - yes, i had seen Same Time Next Year, what a stupid movie!!!)

he kindly and gently turned me down.

(and for the record, i do see now how i impacted my marriage because of my feelings for this person)

when my daughter died, in 1992, he quietly listened to me say i couldn't handle this, and then told me i could.

in 2002, when i contacted him and told him how out of control my life was, he told me to re-read steven covey's book and write a mission stmt for my life.

there was some other contact thru the years, very minor stuff, just hi, hows it going, just two people who knew each other in college. he is a marine (reserve now i think), sometimes when he was out of the country he would write to me and i would write back until he was back in the US safe and sound. while in college i had always written to him when he had to go to okanawa (this was before we were officially "involved" with each other)

ironically in 2004, after i confessed to my H, this person and i once again talked. he first wrote to me, as par for the course) while he was deployed in iraq. once back in the states, he told me how he was divorcing, already moved into his own place, paper work not done but seemed absolute that the marriage was over, and he told me of the struggles they had in their marriage. and then he did something very bold, knowing i was having so much trouble, he asked how things stood for me and my H and told me how he still had feelings for me. that is when i told him about how i had confessed to H.

so, he wished me luck.

he also told me something else.

back in 2002, when i told him what was going on with me, about the cheating, and about how bad my marriage was, yada yada, he wanted to scream his feelings out for me. and he really wanted to be with me again. he certainly would of had a great shot at it. his marriage was a mess by then too and he was hurting too. but he didn't talk about any of that. he did not take the opportunity to try to seduce me.

Mrs. W. although i hate for my H to see these words, but you need to, because that was the action of a true friend. not what your OM did.

i don't mean to hurt you but that is the reality of the situation. at least in my humble opinion.

i now will never have contact with this person again for life. i have forced him out of my heart. and ya know what, part of the reason is because i am (ok, write was) his friend. and i would NOT put him in the middle of a triangle either. i was NOT his friend back in college, if i was, i would not have put him into a triangle then.

we didn't have a childhood history, but we did have a history.

i fear those words would hurt my H. because it sounds like i would not be with OM only for the sake of the OM. but that is not what i mean.

I will never cheat on my H again because i do not want to hurt my H, i love him dearly. let me make it very clear, i have cut out any feelings for the college OM for my H sake. I have choosen him 100% (finally). i also clearly see that no one who starts a relationship with another person who is already in a committed relationship is a FRIEND. you just don't do that to a friend. no matter what.

i sadly am the one who was not being a friend to anyone.

the guy from college really did show his friendship to me by not ever taking any opportunity once i was married. (no, he should not have while i was engaged either <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> )

by the way, this person has flaws, and big ones. there was infidility in his marriage too, on both sides and in the end he choose to divorce (he says he could of forgiven her and worked on the marriage but she was incapable of forgiving him. who knows, not me) none of it matters in my life anymore. i have my loyalties straight now.

dorry, sorry i have not written to you yet, but FF is doing a good job.

Mrs W. i just read your latest post. i can understand what you are saying, just know you ARE making a choice and that choice may not really be for the best thing for your marriage.

now it sounds like you and Mr. W have talked about it, how does he feel about it? because that is really what matters.

certainly not our opinions.

hi dorry, FF has touched on the whole "don't avoid conflict thing" so i won't go there.

instead, i'll go down a different road.

do you and sprint ever have any FUN???

Dorry, lets add some fun into the mix, ok? you guys really need to have fun together. How can you arrange to have some set time every week for alone time? For a while, i took off every friday afternoon, while the kids were still in school and we played raquetball. that time was very
helpful to us. no matter what was going on, we met at the club at 1:30 and we played for 1 hour. what activity can you two share that would be fun? how can it fit into your schedule? let it be something that is just enjoyable, no relationship talking allowed. for us, raquetball was perfect, it was something we did when we dated and you cannot talk in a raquetball court!!! (the echo is terrible!!)

i realize scheduling this can be hard. but MAKE IT WORK!!!!! somehow, someway. i'm telling you, having fun time with my H was HUGE!!! there were times when we showed up unhappy with each other. it was HUGE because it showed each of us that the other was serious. and we were, both of us were serious about showing up each and every week.

i'm sure we missed a few and it didn't last forever. we don't play often now but for those first few months, it was HUGE!!!

now that is one way to get in some fun but we can even explore an easier way to start. what can you do TONIGHT, after the kids are in bed that would be fun. and don't look for him to help you decide. YOU pick something.

keep in mind the fun part of recovery is supposed to be just that FUN. don't let the process of WHAT to do end up spoiling the fun before it even starts. pick something tonight and after the kids are in bed, turn off the tv, put on some enjoyable music, maybe a candle or two, bring him a drink (not talking alcohol here, just some refreshment)maybe a favorite snack of his. in fact over lunch or on your way home tonight, make a point of getting a snack he likes, my H likes combos but we don't seem to have them in the house often, mostly because he eats them so fast!!!

then pull out cards or yatzee or uno or SOMETHING that is easy on the mind and might end up with the two of you laughing. i personally suggest it be something that is not too hard on the mind, no major strategy game. LIGHT AND FUN. and keep in mind, what you pick tonight does not have to be what you pick on another day.

what do you think?

you can even make a little invitation to put on the snack and leave it for him somewhere that he will see it but the kids wont. put it on his pillow and tell him while the kids are still up, and give him a kiss on the cheek and say "hey i just put somthing on your pillow, go look". actually maybe just open the snack and only leave him a small taste. (My H would eat the whole bag of combos before the kids were in bed, if i put the whole bag on his pillow!!!) get his mouth watering.

Hey Ladies,

I really like this thread...thanks!

FL~

I do see what you are saying...I do NOT count OM as a true friend...nor should he count me as his...I have fond memories of many people who I wouldn't count as true friends...I guess I just have a hard time hating someone who was just as foggy in their thinking as I was...especially when a large part of my history involved them...I feel indifference for my OM...I don't love him or hate him...what's going on with him currently is TRULY insignificant to me...I can tell you that prior to the affair...not that I was thinking of having an affair with him or anyone else for that matter, but I did "wonder" quite a bit about what was going on in his life, and entertained some pretty impure thoughts about him(my sexual history with OM predates my knowing my H-a big reason why God's plan of saving sex for marriage is the right way to go, I believe)...currently, OM's life is of no relevance to me whatsoever-also, there are no more "impure" thoughts...It's just that I can't wipe out a chunk of my childhood from memory, again, I just can't see how that would even be possible...electroshock therapy, maybe? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I really don't sit around daily and "wax nostaligic" about high school and/or college...

Mr. Wondering does understand what I mean...who knows, he may even decide to chime in here??? He knows without a doubt, that I have chosen him-100% without question...interestingly, I just said to him last night that if I were to put he and OM next to each other there is NO WOMAN on the planet that would choose OM-seriously, I have NEVER met a man that respects the opinion of women more, or that is a better conversationalist than my husband-I do honestly remain baffled about why I risked losing him-IDIOCY??? His words about me are that I am "God's perfect gift to him"...I feel the same way about him...there could NEVER be another who could ever "get" me the way that he does, and I would NEVER want there to be...We share the exact same views on just about everything, that's why it is so hard for me to understand how I allowed myself to be so careless with something so very precious...NO ONE who knows us would EVER have thought that our story would include infidelity...and if they did, they would NEVER have thought it to be me to stray, because they all know how very in awe of him I was from our very first date...he broke my heart a few times during our courtship, I knew from day one that he was the ONE...he was the WILDCARD-the one who kept wanting to "sow his oats"...I remain incredulous in regards to my behavior...

How do you draw the conclusion of what made you do what you did without it sounding like a bunch of rationalizations and justifications? I know that what I did was FULLY my decision...but would I have come to that decision had we both have been meeting the other's needs??? Do any of you understand what I am asking? It starts to become jumbled in my mind when I try to untangle it all...

My H also overstepped the line regarding infidelity...while I was out of town visiting my parents with our daughter long prior to my own A, he propositioned one of our staff, thankfully, she turned him down...that never would have come out without my own infidelity coming to light...we weren't headed down a path to an open and honest marriage by any means...He and I have both said that ours was a relationship ripe for an A on both sides...it was going that way or divorce court...so, as bizarre as it sounds, infidelity played a huge role in the survival of our marriage...odd, but true...we are in a place that we never would have been without it...as I have said before, if we would have been following God's plan for marriage we wouldn't have had to go down that road, but better or worse, it is now a part of our history...

Mrs. W

P.S. Dorry...Mr. Wondering has some thoughts about Sprint's recovery that I hope he will share with you when he has the chance...keeping you in my thoughts and prayers....

Hi, I am new to this thread. I am glad to see something for FWWs. I originally posted my story here.

Nothing physical has happened since Sept '05. After that point, things settled down and actually started to get better. The ups and downs got less severe and frequent. At one point we had a great conversation, not about the A, but about some of the problems we had in our marriage early on. I really felt like that was a turning point.

Another thing that has been giving me hope is the fact that he has been affectionate with me and has been joking around with me. We used to do that all the time, but understandably after D-day he didn't feel so affectionte. The fact that some of that behavior of his returned seemed like a good sign to me.

So for the past few months, things have been good, but yesterday was a bad day. Not sure what triggered it, but I've been feeling down since then.

The worst part is dealing with his anger and sarcastic, rude comments. I basically just ignore them, but it really wears me down. Does anyone have any advice on this?

Also, I am a Christian and I know that it is only because of God's work in our lives that we've made it this far. My husband is also a Christian, but he said that what I've done has ruined his relationship with God. Recently, this verse has been helping me when my H gets angry and calls me names:

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I feel incredibly bad for what I've done and there are many times when I replay things in my head and figure out how I could have done things differently. But honestly, if I think too much about the past, it wears me down and makes me incredibly depressed. Instead, I try to focus my energies on everything I can do to make today better.

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to posting more on this thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

FL

You are right - we need to have fun - we do movie watch often which is something we love to do together - and lately I have made us move the couches together like we used to!!

Scrabble for us would be like your racquetball...I will have to do that.

The problem is that H works and works. He is one of those of feels showing his love for the family is to provide for the family. His job is highly intellectual and he is pretty drained when he gets home.

When he gets home he wants to relax, spend some time with the kids, surf ebay - pop in a movie and crash...he doesn't want to think or do. He is also a major homebody - has always been that way - so getting him out is hard sometimes.

When we have to go somewhere I am good at turning it into a date, for example parent/teacher intercviews became supper out just the two of us first - then the interview...I try to be creative so he doesn't feel forced to leave the house.

I think tonight I will try for scrabble - but we have movies here he rented I know he will want to watch - and he may tell me like he does often that he just wants to lay down and veg.

This is not something new since the A - this is him - I am outgoing and social, he is quiet, deep thinker and a homebody - he is very intellegent - no joke here, borderline genious status...

Also his active hobbies that keep him in shape are what got me into trouble to begin with - it's a man's hobby...and I became one of the guys...and got close to a guy...it's not a place I want to be a part of again, even if he is okay with it. He has been buying stuff for us to go out and "rough it" this summer - get out camping more and hiking with just whats on our backs - I am looking forward to it - even if it's not my thing - being active with something he loves...so I have been entusiastically participating in the shopping, planning, etc.

Mrs W - yeah - if Mr W wants to give me some insight - I am always happy to read <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sprint used to post here a year ago and help people out - him and Bob Pure got along really well - I think that's why Bob Pure got so mad at him when H had his affair...

Violet,

You did not ruin his relationship with Christ. Like my husband - your husband probably had a shaky trust in God to begin with...and your affair probably was the push that he needed to no longer have to struggle with his relationship - to turn his back on God. My H feels god turned his back on him.

Be the leader - don't let it effect YOUR relationship with God.

There was a poem I posted a long time ago...let me see if i can find it...and I will post it - it's about God's forgiveness for women when we just ask for it...

Violet~

I just finished reading both of your threads...I gotta tell you that the kind of physical and mental abuse that your H is putting you through is a deal breaker...I'm sorry if that seems blunt, but it is honestly how I feel...I was surprised by the number of betrayeds that could understand your husband's behavior...calling it some kind of "breakdown"...maybe that's true, however, that just explains it, it DOESN'T excuse it. Some of them told you, I believe that they understood how what you did caused your h's violent reactions...that sounds like a rationalization and/or justification to me...I'm sorry, perhaps I am now venting, but I guarantee you that those same folks would be jumping up and down yelling about rationalizations, justifications and WS FOG if you were to have said that you cheated because of something your husband did or didn't do! THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU COULD DO THAT JUSTIFIES YOUR H'S BRAND OF ABUSE...PHYSICAL OR MENTAL!!!

I believe the best advice you received was from Just Learning...you can try to help your husband, but you must do it from afar. I am not saying that your H would ever intend to kill you, but it only takes one "uh-oh" heated incident for that to happen...I have been in counseling for years because of my father's Bipolar Disorder, and have witnessed abuse first hand...my counselor has explained many times the danger that my mom was putting herself in by choosing to live with my dad when he is in a manic state...accidental or not, in abusive situations, death is a very real possible outcome. Please leave...do you understand that this would help him as well as you? He could very easily end up in jail or dead himself with the kind of rage that he is exhibiting...What are you planning to do?

I fear that your self esteem issues are hindering your understanding of what is appropriate and inappropriate anger...you have to start IC, immediately...did I read correctly that he is not "allowing" you to do this? Violet, he doesn't own you based on your past mistakes...this is a very unhealthy and controlling relationship, IMO. What was he like prior to your A's? I suspect many deeper issues than you are telling...I also am curious about what others feel about him making you watch porn clips...if that's what he needed to do to heal, okay, but I personally think it crosses the line for him to make you do it.

Violet, if you doubt me at all about what you "deserve", go to God with it...Do you honestly believe that God wants you to be mentally and physically abused...NO WAY, not my GOD!!! God even gives your husband an "out" of the marriage if he wants it based on your infidelity...but He doesn't give him a license to beat and berate you.

Please forgive the tone of this post if it seems harsh, I am truly a very compassionate and loving person...I just want to convey to you the seriousness of the situation that you are in...please, Violet, what are you going to do to change your situation? You CAN NOT just sit on this and hope that it gets better...Please keep posting and know that all that I've said here is meant with the deepest of concern and compassion.

Mrs. Wondering

Dorry thanks for starting this much needed thread,

To the rest of my unfortunate label(fww) mates thanks for support and feel free to challenge my thinking whenever necessary.

Hi Violet...I just read your post...I too am struggling right now.
when I read that your h used to be affectionate etc...prior to your A...that always chokes me. My h has really never been affectionate and he would admit this. He won't go to MC and has read a couple of books. There is a huge disconnect right now. I asked my h if he felt it...he said no. I dont believe him.

We all know that our choices have wreaked havoc in our marriages and that is most obviously an understatement but when...just when do I feel valued again? I really never felt valued and this is not a cop out friends.
We have had a rocky m for years...why did I think owning this thing would make a difference?

On dday my h had seen my message to OM..." I need a break from the r and that we should wait and really see how we felt. " my h asked what it was about...and I mumbled something and then he walked away...I followed him and starting spewing forth we have to talk...we have to talk...I pushed the confession.
It was weak evidence I could have lied easily to get out of it. But, I viewed this as my chance. My chance to get this m on the right track. Get honest....I was a terrible liar...I suck at affairs.
I really think it was a mistake to fess up entirely. I really do. My h even said that I should have taken it to my grave. I went to IC for months.Counselor told me without a doubt it was right for me to come clean or it would have rotted the m.
My h has only thrown the A stuff in my face a few times...if I were the bs...I probably would have thrown it at him more often.
I have caught my h in a couple lies lately. It is bugging me but I am letting it go. There is a trip planned with colleagues next month. I will be going back to work by the end of Jan. I travel as well about 3 x's a month. Anyway...I asked h if I could join him...he said he didn't think spouses could go. I know better.

I keep trusting God. I remember praying just before my surgery and telling God that my life was in his hands and thanking him for forgiving me. I left a note for my h under his pillow as we left for hospital...thanking him for forgiveness and among other things etc....I am sure he read it but has never acknowledged it.

Am I whining???..I feel like I can let my guard down. Ironic huh? That as guarded as I am ...I had an affair?
I was even very guarded w/OM. He was expressive w/me. I didn't say many of things he said. I never wanted him to think he was better than my h. How is that for twisted?
I still felt an allegiance to h but was intimate with another man?

I don't hate the OM. I don't hate anyone...it isn't my nature.

I hate what I did. I hope someday I can feel valued again...
Thanks for listening. oh and please someone tell me that my h having knowledge of my A was the right thing...after all these months since dday...I am questioning everything. Everything.

Brandi

Violet

I didn't read your posts - but if your husband has been violent physically then you cannot go back to him until AFTER he has gone to coucelling and made changes in his life and prooves it is SAFE for you to return.

Please - no matter what you have done...physical abuse is something serious. Your affair may have been wrong - but your life is in danger with this abuse. please make sure you get out if you aren't already and help your husband heal from afar, and try to get him to seek help while you seek help for your problems as well...

It was not a mistake and it would have come out one day and it would have been worse then...FF can tell you that, and many others here who found out 10 years later something had taken place - the lying over 10 years is sometimes more damaging than the A itself.

RECOVERY is not easy - but here's the thing Brandi - getting it out there now - as hard as it now, NOW you have given your marriage a REAL shot...as those types of secrets will hurt a marriage in the long run - they really will.

It really has only been a few months for your BRandi - and they say the honest recovery period is an AVERAGE of 2 years...this means 1 year, 3 years - maybe 5 years... BUT you now have a shot of having a marriage that is fullfilling to both of you.

Now it's time to really look at how and why you did it with your IC, make the changes in YOURSELF to prevent this frome ver happening again, and be there and support your husband as he heals. Do whatever he needs...

If he throws the A at you - if you have been honest and he has the details. Tell him I love you, and I am so sorry you feel that way and either hold him, or give him space depending on who he is.

Eventually you can get to a point where you can say - i am very sorry I hurt you, but I want to work on now and our future, and not the past. I love you.

Always remind him you love him

Hang in there Brandi - you DID do the right thing - dont EVER regret it. if you hadn't told him - things could be worse...

Brandi

can I ask what kind of surgery you had? Was it before your A?

Violet - I quoted this from another post.

Before my H had his A, and the A talk in our house ended, several times a week for the 7 months leading up to his A, I was told that I was just as bad as a child molestor, that I was no better. To him - I had just molested and raped our children and how can you forgive that.

I let him continue to tell me this...but I also continued to work in church on myself with God. But on some days I believed him and not God that I was the scum of the earth. That I was a rapist, a molestor, a slut - that he was so better than I was...

Then he fell...and I was disappointed that he wasn't better than me.

Don't let yourself fall into that trap. While it's okay for him to be hurt - it is not okay for him to tell these things to you.

Like I said before to you - look at him, say that is in my past and I love you and I am sorry you feel that way and walk away. WALK AWAY. Don't let him engage you in these talks k? If he hits you though - LEAVE - promise that. You have said he has hit you before. THIS is not something that can be handled by walking away...

Dorry,
in answer to you about my surgery...I had hystermy. due to ov mass which turned out to be cancer. I had full staging procedure. the short of it...early stage...excellent prognosis.

It is rather humbling experience to hear your oncologist talk about 5 year survival rates. The health issues obviously were there before and during affair but I didn't have surgery until after affair ended.

This all not long after NC...I was certain God was punishing me for my A. The two weeks leading surgery I thought well...maybe it is best for everyone if it is cancer and they say...you have 6 months. I can't believe I really thought that would be best. I just hated myself so much. Foreverhers knew I was struggling and really helped me spiritually find the peace I so needed to get through that surgery.

Now...in the midst of tough days I must remember to be thankful for everyday...second chances and all.
You know??? had I not came clean about the A...how could I have faced the uncertainty of that surgery or prognosis had it not been so good? You know dorry...you are right it was best that it came out when it did...regardless of what my h now says...Thanks for reminding me of more reasons why.
thanks for letting me share...and encouraging me.

I am liking this accountablity thread.


(((violet))))

Keep posting and let us know how you are.

Brandi <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
dday april
Nc aug.

Brandi,

I had a hysterectomy last year 3 months before my A...I was 27 years old at the time and it was due to damage done during childbirth of my first child.

I thought I would be okay...I wasn't - loosing my uterus set me on my downward spiral. i didn't want more kids...so I thought I would be fine - and I finally felt my age and normal again...so it was a good trade...I tried to convince myself of it.

Please continue to find peace and deal with any feelings you have with it...dont sweep up under the rug...especially when you are struggling like you are in recovery - a hysterectomy can really set you for a whirl wind. Even in keeping the ovaries...I kept mine...

Hi gang,

Just wanted to say "hi". I'm lurking about some, still reading and learning, but not posting much these days. I'm not a very happy camper at the moment and my thoughts are far too muddled to get them out in any coherent fashion right now (or maybe I just don't have the energy to try).

I started IC yesterday, and I guess you could say it went well. I read somewhere here that if you 'feel good' in counseling, it's not really working. Well, by that measure, I must have had an exceptionally productive first session, lol. I cried through most of the hour, so hard at times I could barely talk. I went home with a stomach ache and layed in bed and cried for another hour. And I've been crying on and off ever since. (For you ladies looking to shed some weight, this is working great for me -- but I wouldn't recommend it). I haven't felt this -- what's the right word? -- shakey, frightened, off-balance, vulnerable... whatever... since early adolescence.

I know most of you think I'm making a big mistake, counseling with a member of the opposite sex. But I think this guy is good -- and trustworthy. He seems to get what's going on with me -- even though I certainly don't.

This tread was a great idea. I'm sure I'll be back with many, many, many questions for y'all... if and when I can pull myself together enough to do so.

Love and hugs,
--SC

HI SC!!! i was thinking about you all day yesterday. i'm sorry yesterday was so draining. i can relate. i'm way too good at crying myself.

are you able to allow your H to comfort at all?

i have come to realize that i use my tears as a wall, and i don't let my H efforts comfort me when i am like that. i can imagine that has to be very frustrating for my H so i have been trying to change that.

anyway, lurk as much as you want, post when you are ready. much love and hugs to you too.

Yes. Late yesterday afternoon, he called me from work to ask me how things went. Of course, I immediately started crying and just gave him a brief overview of some of the topics we covered in the session.

I think this whole thing is hard for him for two reasons: (1) He doesn't think there's anything really "wrong" with me. So he can't understand WHY I'm in such emotional turmoil. And at this stage of the game, I can't explain it to him in any way that would make sense to him. Heck, I haven't even figured it out myself yet. He seems to think it's all about the ChSA, and while that's a significant factor, it's not that simple. (2) I think he feels sort-of shut out and it's hard for him to understand why I need counseling. Like, he wants me to talk to HIM, and HE wants to kiss my boo-boos and make them better. (typical man, right? -- that was meant to be playful, not disrespectful).

I told him I couldn't really explain it all to him yet, but that I wanted him to know one very important thing: That NOTHING that was said or implied in any way was pushing me away from him. In fact, the C, near the end of the session, pointed out one of the reasons why H is a good match for me.

H said he just wished that he could DO more, and I told him to just keep doing what he's doing. That it may not feel like much to him, but that it's like a lifeline to me.

ANYWAY, when he got home from work and running a few errands, I went right to bed. I had taken an nyquil about an hour earlier (yes, I'm also battling a killer chest cold) and could barely keep my eyes open. He came up and just held me until I dozed off... and then slipped out.

now... if i can just make it to the weekend....

--SC

it is already thurs, weekend is not that far away. keep getting rest, i had a cold just after Christmas, nyquil is awesome!!!