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H just called and he is pissed because one of his old employees who I called to ask for her help made me out to be this vengeful, money hungry, B*tch...
I literally told her that I wanted help, that I feel like my H is addicted. She agreed with eveything that I said and was supportive and loving, but then calls my H and rolls me under the bus...
What the he11???
And what am I supposed to do???
Separated: 12/18/2005
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Nope, it's not backfiring. It's rocking the boat - exactly what it is supposed to do.
What she said and what your H heard may also be two very different things. What is the line about WSs - believe half of what they do and none of what they say?
My advice would be to act as little like that "vengeful, money hungry, B*tch" that he has (ostensibly) heard that you are as possible. Give him no ammunition.
Best,
G
BS (me) - 34
FWH (him) - 35
Married 15 years
D-day - December 20, 03
Recovered
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So you believe what he said?
Don't.
This is more likely a sign that exposure is working.
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H just called and he is pissed because one of his old employees who I called to ask for her help made me out to be this vengeful, money hungry, B*tch... I don't get it. How has it backfired? What response did you expect?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can I ask why you would expose to one of his employees? What was the point of that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He said that if he was doing anything that only he could make it stop - no one else... He asked me who else I had told and I said that I had told no one else - he does know eveyone I have told...
I hate this woman for telling him that stuff. I am not money hungry, or a bit*h... I have told H that I feel like i have no control and I just want help from the people that love us...
He is so not angry enough though... I said he was angry, but too calm... What does that mean??
Separated: 12/18/2005
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An ex employee who knew how amazing our marriage was. I thought she would try to help me get my H out of the fog...
Separated: 12/18/2005
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Well, if you are going to expose, the idea is to make sure the WS knows. Exposure is not supposed to be a secret, Alison, that sort defeats the purpose.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He said that if he was doing anything that only he could make it stop - no one else... This is a bunch of fogbabble. Pay it no mind. If it didn't matter, he wouldn't be calling you up ranting about it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Exposure works well as a full-out frontal attack. Not a geurilla tactic because you can't stomach the idea of rocking his WORLD. Rocking his BOAT will have limited effect.
Me (BS) 36
FWW 35
Married 5/25/91
DS-7
DD - Born 11/8/05 !!!
PA #1 12/1996
PA #2 4/01 to 1/04
NC 1/04
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here...
From Harley Himself
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good fro you- glad he knows -he is begining to shake -it will scare OW as well.
married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
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Exposure works well as a full-out frontal attack. Not a geurilla tactic because you can't stomach the idea of rocking his WORLD. Rocking his BOAT will have limited effect. BINGO!! Limited or ineffective exposure only ticks off the WS with no benefit. It doesn't really help anything. And asking exposure targets to keep it a "secret" completely defeats the purpose and is a waste of time.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Aliison,
I have to agree with others have already said, what make's you think that she actually said that to your H?
Did you hear her say that or is that what you were told by your WH.
Hmmmmmm.... could it be that he is trying to embarrass you into stopping the exposure before it continues? As others have said, you cannot believe anything a WH says.
Could very well be that she told your H what an idiot HE was being and to cease and desist. Do you see the logic of this?
All Blessings,
Jerry
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H just called and he is pissed because one of his old employees who I called to ask for her help made me out to be this vengeful, money hungry, B*tch...
I literally told her that I wanted help, that I feel like my H is addicted. She agreed with eveything that I said and was supportive and loving, but then calls my H and rolls me under the bus...
What the he11???
And what am I supposed to do??? Remember that he's going to be angry as all get out that you exposed. And also remember that he's going to LIE to you about a lot of this...unless you get that same information from a 3rd party, I wouldn't panic over it. Remember too that he's likely putting all kinds of spin on everything now trying to make it look like he's the good guy and YOU are the one doing things to damage your marriage. Typical thing to happen.
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If you don't expose in a big way then he can fend off each small, individual volley without too much trouble. If he becomes overwhelmed with exposure because it's coming from all sides then he is no longer able to shrug it off.
THIS is EXACTLY why you were advised to NOT goof around and to go get it done - the right way.
Me (BS) 36
FWW 35
Married 5/25/91
DS-7
DD - Born 11/8/05 !!!
PA #1 12/1996
PA #2 4/01 to 1/04
NC 1/04
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here...
From Harley Himself
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Well H read me the email she sent him saying my accusations were unconscionable. H said he took notes... I aasked him if those were for when he was going to sue me for Slander - great - now that I put that in his head...
He did say that he now thinks that everyone in his office probably knows and that he is dying because he thinks they are all looking at him like he is sum scumbag...
I didn't ask her to keep anything a secret, I knew she was going to call H, but I was asking her for help because I though H was making a huge mistake, and then she tells him all of this...
Separated: 12/18/2005
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Well, again, wasn't the plan with exposure to get the truth out there? To make it clear that he's been involved with someone in a fashion that he shouldn't have been?
QUIT responding to his anger and upset...as we've said, this is all normal WS response.
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He did say that he now thinks that everyone in his office probably knows and that he is dying because he thinks they are all looking at him like he is sum scumbag... That is GREAT!! This is exactly how you want him to feel. You want him to feel others are looking at him and going ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. That forces him to see how sleazy he looks through the eyes of others. This is why exposure is ruinous to affairs. How can he sue you for slander? Did you lie?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am not getting why you are upset, Alison. Did you expect to get roses for exposing him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am freaking out because this woman rolled me under the bus, when all I did was call and ask her for help... I don't care that H knows - but he thinks I did this to be vengeful, when in reality I am doing to to save our marriage... I believe I am doing just the opposite...
Separated: 12/18/2005
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