Well here is my plan b letter although at time I beleive no contact is what my W wants anyway.

Dearest xxxxx,

It is with the saddest of hearts that I must write this to you. I am truly sad because of what has happened to our marriage, us, and our family. Please understand that I am not writing this out of spite, anger, or as a punishment. The actions I must now take are not actions of choice but for my own self preservation. First let me start by telling you that I still do truly love you with all my heart. I love you with more passion than the first day we got married and I do wish to stay married to you in a loving, caring, respectful relationship.
We had many more good times over the past 15 years than bad times. From driving all over Pennsylvania with the band, to fixing our car without knowing how in the middle of nowhere, to all the Christmases & Birthdays. Raising three beautiful boys, looking for a house, our first new car together. Struggling through all the bad financial times and always realizing that even though we didn't have a lot of money we had each other through it all to rely on. Then of course finally turning the corner so we could afford to buy a house of our dreams, and send our son to football camp. Those were great times for me. Being able to do all those things for you meant everything to me.
As I have told you many times over I am very sorry for the role I played in the breaking down of our marriage. I am sorry about the affair I had so long ago. I am sorry I didn't handle our first separation better and I am sorry I went through a mid-life crises when we lived in Scio. I also am sorry that I didn't pay more attention when you were withdrawing from me. I realize now the places I was lacking in, I just didn't realize how important those things were to us. I do know that now, and I know how to make sure these things never happen again. And I would love the chance to prove that to you, and build a marriage that is better than anything we could have ever imagined where we both feel safe, loved and cherished by each other.
Unfortunately, I am now beginning to feel some of those thoughts and feelings slowly starting to fade away and before I lose any more of these feelings I must take some drastic steps to insure I do not lose those feelings for you and our marriage. At this time I cannot continue to do the things that must be done in order to restore our marriage until you have cut off all contact with any other men that may be providing you the emotional needs that I should be providing to you. These "friends" you have are affairs. While they may not be Physical at this time ( I have no way of knowing). They are emotional affairs and they will always stand between our relationship. You have put them there and I cannot have any contact with you until you remove all contact with them even if it means quitting your job. Only then can we work on what we need to do to rebuild our relationship.
As far as the boys go, I will not restrict you from seeing them. You may see them at any time you like as always. I ask at this time, when you do see them, it is not at our house. (I would only ask as always that they do not be around your friend llllll as he is extremely dangerous to little boys). Even knowing you are here at this time is too painful. You may communicate with me through the mail, e-mail, or voice messages and I will do the same. If you need to reach me for something important you may use a third party like your mother or my sister. When you do pick the boys up I would appreciate it if you did not come in the house. I will have them ready to go and will send them out with whatever instructions or communication we may need. I will also have to draw up some papers for financial support for them. I will mail you a letter with a proposal and I will have it made official when I get your answer. I realize that over the past 8 months I have not asked for much financial help with them but the fact remains that this separation has put a huge strain on us financially also and you do have that responsibility. I would like to make that as agreeable as possible. You will receive a proposal within the next week in the mail.
I am asking you ,xxxxx, to please respect my decision to separate in this way. You know the deep pain and humiliation we have all suffered because of your going outside our marriage to meet your personal needs. I simply cannot have any further contact with you and this separation is necessary to preserve my love for you and avoid killing all that we have shared together and to give our marriage the best chance for survival. I am willing to discuss a future with you as soon as you are willing to:
1. Cut off all contact with any of these "special friends"
2. Willing to come up with a plan to cut off all contact with any of these men that you may be seeing now or in the past.
3.Be willing to help come up with a plan to save our marriage.


I love you so may ways. As my Best friend, my girlfriend, my lover, my wife and the mother of my children. I still love you today, As always. I Love you , oooooo

Does anybody have any feedback on this letter.

Well I dropped the letter off at her car last night. I know she got it because when she came to pick up the kids she didn't come into the house as per my request.

No contact day one. It sucks and of course I want to call her, but I also know at the end of it all this is the best way so I will not give in.

Looks good to me. I may have to do the same thing myself very soon.

"Johnny Be Good." That was a great song. There was another song from that era too. It went like this: "Johnny Get Angry, Johnny Get Mad, Give Me The Biggest Lecture I Ever Had..."
I believe your letter was too nice. I don't think women are attracted to us if we gush words of love at them when they know they're treating us like so much doggydoo. She knows that at this moment in time she doesn't deserve your love. Saying you love her makes her feel guilty, because she's having an affair, which in turn makes her feel bad, which is no fun, which brings me to another song: "Girls Just Want To Have Fun," (and not feel guilty)so she rejects you and your love.

I know you already sent the letter...so sending this now may seem disingenuous. It's only an opinion, so take it for what it's worth. I wrote to you because our situations are very similar. I pray for your success.

JBG7,

I realize this was your Plan B letter, so it would make sense to post here in this forum. I would still ask you move it to General Questions II..lots more traffic. You will need a lot of support in Plan B...hard to resist contact, to stay dark, especially with children.

You wrote what was in your heart and gave her a way back. I think what SciFi said helps to explain her not jumping on the no contact wagon today...or very soon. What are some of the things you are going to be doing to take care of yourself, provide for your own ENs and fill the thoughts that you normally have been focusing on WW?

Here to help,

LA