I honestly want to get some good help here..being here is really helping me to get some understanding as to how you all feel. I want resolution as much as you do.I'm a good person contrary to what you all think...I have twin sons with this man born in 2005..and i am doing all the work all by myself...he wants to be here but feels the way viewera says he feels.My sons need and deserve to have thier dad here..and i am fighting for their rights.

What is it exactly that you want help with?

Funny you should mention ViewEra...I just told my H that the two of you are probably here together looking for a MB loophole...I think you are both TROLLS!!!

I think your right Mrs.W... they could be one in the same..

Well thankyou that you actually care to ask....i really appreciate it.You see all these people here are not the only ones who stress out and worry and be depressed and agonize over WHAT to do every single moment of the day and night.I'm not exactly sure HOW you can help my situation..but you all are somehow...as i finally slept for the first time last night.You need to know that even though i desparately want to stay with him..i am open to anything that will just HELP us all.As i explained last night to all, he really is very very deeply unhappy and depressed to the point of suicide and has been way before i came back into his life...as i have known him for many years...and dated him long before he even met her.He has been my very closest friend and i can't just abandon him and walk away...especially now that we have these two children together.But,of course she will not give up or give in either..as she wants to 'fix him' and 'them'.He's just sitting there sad 'in the middle' waiting to see what happens next.I love him...always have. And i really don't hate her...even though i say that sometimes...i just want her to be nicer to him and more understanding...i know he's guilty of a lot..but so is she...as she cheated on him first. NOW..could you help...PLEASE!

O.K. On the off chance that you are not a troll...

I understand that taking care of twin infants is hard, especially when you're doing it alone. You seem to think that because you have these babies, that the wife should just let you have her H.

Well, what about THEIR children? They deserve to live in a home with both their parents, too....and they were here first.

Yes, your children are just as innocent and deserving as theirs, but the difference is that you KNEW he was married. Your children exist because of your poor choices. That doesn't make them any less precious, but it's reality.

Let me paraphrase what a judge told my ex-son-in-law when he was whining in court about not being able to pay child support for my grandson because he has to support his new family, along with child support for another child born after he and DD were divorced:

"Young man, the child of your first marriage is your family, too, and he was here first. Let me explain it to you like this: The child of your first marriage is going to eat at the dining room table; the other child for whom you are responsible for supporting is going to eat at the kitchen table; and the child that your current wife is expecting is going to have to eat on the back porch. I suggest that you do something about having all these children, because any future children you have will have to eat in the yard with the chickens."

In other words, the oldest child (my grandson) is the one who comes first.

Cut the MM loose, arrange for child support, and if he AND his wife choose to have visitation with your children, it should be done with as little contact with you as possible...and all contact should be with his wife present.

Do not use your children to try to hang on to this man.

As far as his marriage goes, you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors. He's probably as horrid to her as you think she is to him. Leave his wife alone.

If he really wanted to be with you, he would be. Period.

just posting this here too....

ok this is beyond becoming childish....ashley...you came here first for help all along defending what has happened to you calling your lovers wife evil things. you ask for help for what to do and people tell you and you always have an excuse for why you don't want to do what your told...ok first off your lover has issues....and HE needs to deal with them himself....any man who tells you he feel suicidle is either sick or stupid. not to mention selfish....to even consider leaving his children by killing himself. That is a huge F$#%^ing flaw that he needs to deal with he needs independant counseling.
Now your not going to like reading this but oh well.. you are doing nothing to help your situation...all your doing is making things worse by continuing to let him fence sit and get what he wants from you both. you both need to let go...you need to let him deal with the rammifications he has set forth on his own. He is partly responsible for what has happened. he needs to deal with that by himself he needs counseling to work on his issues. You cannot interfer. while he is doing that you need to focus on yourself and your children. You need to be able to stand on your own without him. because you have 2 little boys who need a mother.

As far as HIS marriage goes. Butt out...it's between him and his wife. Truthfully you have no place in that issue. Any marriage couselor, priest, or sane person will tell you that. They need to work out there issues. You need to focus on your children and yourself and adding that drama to the mix is not healthy for them. They need stability in their lives and unfortunatly that is only going to be you for a very long time until their father can get himself together.

Stop focusing on someoneelses life and marriage and worry about your own life with 2 little boys. thats much more important than a man who would cheat on his wife and be irresponsible enough to procreate without being able to fully commit to those children....I know you don't want that for your children...and I hope you can rip your focus away from the drama with there father and concentrate on them instead. they need you.

Ashley -

I know you came here for help & you are getting good advice here. Please stop trying to hold onto this man. Stop using your children.

I think it does show that you care, but care enough to LET IT GO. Believe me, let the husband and wife work out things without you. Then MAYBE if he divorces her on his own judgement without being involved in an adulterous affair you guys can "date" without any guilt.

Affairs are never o.k. NEVER.

Kim

I have no idea what the ****** you are talking about mrs stow.

Ashley,
I'm going to post this and then I am going to ignore any posts that have your name on them.

My husband had an A less than one year after we were married. (I'm sure my situation was much different from the man you're involved with).

I found out about it, confronted him and decided to stay because I was "in love". The OW continued to call my H and would call my home and unblock her phone # so I would see it on caller ID and question whether or not they were talking. She called my home when he wasn't there and asked for him. When I told her he wasn't there she told me that he had been w/her and then she hung up.

I sat there for about an hour waiting on him to come home. Everything that I had been able to put behind me was dredged up again. You truly cannot imagine the grief and pain that affairs cause because, if you could and you still continue to do what you do, you truly deserve all the pain and heartache that you say you have.

Why not do the right thing and leave the man alone? Allow him the time to make a decision. You had a chance with him before she was in the picture and you decided you didn't want it. He moved on with his life and started over. Now, you decide that you want him back and you expect his wife and the mother of his legitimate child/children to say, "Oh. Okay. Let me destroy my family so you can have him back?" Girl, what planet are you from?
You probably will continue to post here and you will continue along this selfish vein trying to get a married man to leave his wife. You have created the situation you are in and you expect her to help you out? You probably do deserve each other and that is not a positive comment by any stretch of the imagination. Would you rather know that he is with you because he chooses to be or because you hounded his wife so much that she finally told you to take the @#$%^&?

But he is my very best friend in the world...I've known him all my life.How am i supposed to just walk away from him? Nobody here can even know just how close we are.We share our uttermost secrets...things shes never known.I believe him when he tells me that he does'nt love her and that he does want out.He told her how he feels and she does'nt care...she just keeps insisting the marriage can be fixed.He feels sorry for her...and he is trying to be in two places to fulfill his fatherly responsiblities..but it's getting exhausting.

Is 15 your age?

www.gloryb.com (pink board)

Hey Fluke great minds think alike. I was just going to ask the same thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This week's Pearl of Wisdom from Texas Wiseman Bubba Confucious:

DON'T BE NO HO'!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

No one promised life was easy...life is tough and sometimes it's a real b*TCH. But we have to do what we have to do for life to go on...let him go...focus on your children...they are more of an important concern than a man who can't leave his wife and chooses to continue an affair. Do it for your children or suffer the conciquenscenes when they grow up. You will do your children so much harm by chasing this man.

I like how I post intimate details of my life in hopes of getting some help and I'm immediately disparaged by two people who don't know me from Adam and who no doubt consider themselves good Christians. Well, two thoughts for you
a) take the plank out of your eye
and
b) judge not, lest ye be judged.
ViewEra

She LOVES him. Perhaps she believes strongly in the vows she made to this man on her wedding day.

Most WH's rewrite their marriage history when they get involved in an A. In their mind, this justifies the affair for them. Relieves the guilt and taking responsiblity for their actions.

The two of you knew you were crossing the line at some point. But you selfishly thought of only yourselves and ignored it.

Now you have two children to explain to when they get older.

Have you taken the time to read everything on this site? I suggest you purchase Surviving An Affair. Read as much as you can about the pain that a betrayed spouse goes through.

STOP trying to justifying your selfish behavior & let this MAN GO.

Kim

Ashely,

You are living in a fantasy world.... Guess what fantasy's always have an ending believe me.

My WH'S fantasy has ended now he has nothing..... He is one confused man who has no idea where his life is going.

He lost his home, his family and possibly his wife of 24 yrs.... And for what????? A fantasy she made him believe would work and now she has booted him out..... So now he has no place to live but his truck. He is afraid to come home and save his marriage because of all the lies so now he is moving 8 hours away from his kids so he does not have to face the truth or anyone......

This is reality Ashley..... A family torn apart, kids hurting because they have lost their father all for a fantasy...... Is this what you want for your children??? Because if so keep up living in this fantasy world....

Even if you get this man, what would your life be like? He would alway have regrets and pain for what he did to his first family.... Then when it does not work out for you and him then he will run and hide and what good will that do his children and wife and then not to say your twins...

You really need to leave this man alone and let him work out his own life and marriage. Believe me this whole thing will blow up in your face......

Someone who can mess with a married man has no self-respct for herself or anyone else. Its a very selfish and immature thing to do..... You really need to grow up and get your life together and walk with God....