I don't know why I am going to post this story below regarding a Wayward Spouse , but it is just something that I have been reflecting on alot lately. This will almost be like a catharsis for me. Those of you who don't have a minute to spare should skip this post.

This story may seem long, and pointless regarding Waywards...but bear with me...it has a point.

Many here know of my tongue in cheek "Lemonham affair risk study"... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />, yeah I know it is stereotypical and some were not amused....but I'll throw "it" at the other side now.

When I was a surgical intern some 10 years ago (not that long ago actually), I was fresh out of medical school and had only been an MD for about 6 weeks (translation= didn't know anything and was lethal to patients). I was covering the Cardiothoracic Surgical/Open Heart area one balmy Saturday night. I still remember the case distinctly. There was this father of 4 (age 48) who we had done a 5 vessel bypass on the day earlier (I didn't do $hit but hold a retractor for a few hours and suction blood). Everything was going "smooth" postoperatively and I had just finshed doing nightly rounds on him and did a good job of making his family think that I had actually been of some help to this case, when in fact I was just a "lacky" intern on the case at the bottom of the totem pole.

I settled back to the resident lounge with a club sandwich and was checking out a pre-season football gameon the tube. Suddenly, the nurse pages me to his room because he has "lost his vital signs".....The guy was doing terrific and suddenly he was dying in front of our eyes. A "code blue" was called and the nurses had to hurriedly escort the wife and four daughters out of the room (to this day I still remember the look of sheer terror on their eyes). I was the first one on the scene and felt such a profound sense of fear when I saw their faces, because I knew they probably didn't have any idea how "clueless" and green I was.

The guy had no pulse and his BP was in the toilet. We called the CT attending immediately who happened to be in the hospital. I remember it was me and another clueless intern and the CT surgeon attending in the room with this dying guy. We cracked the guys chest (simply taking a set of surgical pliers and unzipping his chest back open) and we saw what the problem was...his left ventricle ruptured....and he was hemorrhaging blood into his chest cavity. I remember being stunned when the attending pointed at me and said "do cardiac massage".....I don't think I will ever forget that feeling....all doctors have "professional moments"....that was one of mine. While I did cardiac massage, the attending and other intern literally scooped out handfuls of clotted blood from this guys chest.....we made the obvious decision to take the guy back to the OR right away...after all, 48 year old fathers of 4 are NOT supposed to die from having a simple bypass surgery (the % of death is 1.5% in experienced hands).

While I thought of where I could go and quickly change my underwear when the attending looked at me and said "Lemonman, get scrubbed, we are going back to the OR"......while we prepared to take the patient back to the OR, the attending surgeon tells my intern colleague to "call this number and when the women answers the phone, tell her that Dr (Attending) won't be able to come over tonight as he has an urgent case"......(Later, my intern colleague and me remarked how odd it was that this doctor would have us call his wife and tell her he couldn't come over because of this case...as if his wife didn't more than realize what life was like being married to a Cardiothoracic Surgeon (CT)...(NOT for even one second did I think this call he asked my friend to make had anything to do with infidelity)....I was clueless.

Well, to set the scene a bit better, this surgeon attending was everything a "General Hospital" or "Days of our lives" doctor should look like. He was "Harvard to the wall"- all training done at Harvard University (undergraduate degree, medical degree, 7 year surgical residency, 3 year cardiothoracic surgical fellowship, and he even had a name with the III after it. If there was someone we all wanted to be like, this guy was it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Well, the patient we took back to the OR predictably died (he was essentially already dead when we tried to put him back on bypass). I thought I was serious $hit in getting to take this guy back to the OR.....well, that confidence would be faulty. My name was all over the chart and in the surgical operative report....."Lemonman, M.D.".....three years later when I was in the prime of my residency, I was aptly named in the lawsuit that followed....right there with all of the other 6 figure making big shots who were also on the case. That "surgeon" who was the attending that night, and who became my idol and mentor, was the primary defendant.

The Sharks (aka lawyers) were suing us for a bad outcome, not necessarily negligence. That year was hel* on my life. I was eventually dropped from the lawsuit (Thank God). I have since been named and subsequently dropped in 5 additional cases (it's the price of doing business <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) I guess. I am not even sure what the final outcome of this case was though. It may still be going on.

The surgeon in this case was married with 3 children (and one on the way) when he was subsequently fired from the hospital staff. He had gotten into an argument with his surgical scrub nurse (and mistress) one day and lost his cool and verbally berated her in from of the entire surgical case staff. He then LEFT the OR during the case in which he was the primary surgeon to try and "smooth" it over with her after she left in tears....You want to talk about fog... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was absolutely clueless and ignorant regarding infidelity. Here was my mentor, my idol doing something so incredibly disgusting....That situation was so upsetting to me, I actually never went on to do a Heart Surery fellowship and went into trauma instead. Talk about impact.

So, you see,, it doesn't matter where we come from, or what our "pedigree" is....it doesn't matter if we went to Harvard Medical school or didn't finish high school...those "variables" don't matter. The surgeon had no "LEMONHAM RISK Factors" and yet he is the king of Waywards in my mind....so those who "called out" my study and risk factor predictors......YOu were right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for reading. I feel better for some reason now.

Lem

Lem,

What a story. From the bowling alley, truck driving person to some of the highest educated people in the world infidelity has raised its ugly head.

No one is immune to this disaster from the poor to the rich.

It makes you wonder if even being in a relationship is worth the risk anymore. I know I couldn't go through this again.


Hurting

Lemon..I am at a loss as to why you think this is so shocking that this well educated, well bred jerk would be no more likely to engage in adultery than the average guy. On the contrary, I think he would be far more at risk to engage in this behavior than any other person regardless of background/education/profession.

I posted to you before about my retina doctor and because of my frequent appointments, we've become somewhat "friends." I say things to him that his staff can't say and they love me because I do just that..I say it. He laughs at/with me and tells me he enjoys our visits. He mostly sees babies and the elderly. I'm a break from the routine...middle age. (Tomorrow a kenilog (sp)injection in my right eye.)

I once told him he had a "god complex" which he does. (My case is baffling and he refuses to admit he hasn't any idea what to really do about it.) His eyes got big as saucers and said, "I do?" His staff all roared laughing and replied with nods of their heads. (I think they were too afraid to audibly answer.)

With so many doctors developing that god complex, wouldn't they feel entitled, justified, and above it all? I've never had the feeling that the guy who changes my oil has any kind of god complex... I think the variables do matter.

Well, I don't believe that...and I don't think you believe that either...without "hope" of another healthy relationship, none of this $hit we go through in healing would be truly "worth it".... Stuff happens in life for a reason, and it is our time to "learn why".

Lem

LOL.......well, that was not the point. Ofocurse he is just as "likely" or "more likely" to engage in an affair. I was just really lamenting my own ignorance at the time and pocking fun at my own sels with the Lemonham Affair risk predictors <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> .

NOw, if I only knew then what I knew now... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That would be a big fat YEP !!!!!!!!!

Lem

Amen...if we all only knew then..but I would hate to think I would have to go through it all again..

Really Lemon..if you were as wise then as you are now, wouldn't you just ignore the creep and gone for the Heart Surgery Fellowship or do you think you would have done things the same?

I often find myself angry that I didn't walk out when I became pregnant but when I get really honest with myself, I know enduring this nightmare has molded me into the person I am today...which is a heck of alot wiser... And my daughter is far more mature than others her age. It has sharpened our priorities...

Honestly.....I think I was just looking for a reason to do something different. My brother and father are both cardiothoracic surgeons, and I grew up thinking that I had to do that also.

If I am honest with myself, I think this just gave me the impetus to do what I wanted to do...I like trauma. Doing heart surgery sounds glamourous, but let me tell you, it is so f-ing boring. You stand on your feet all day doing case after case, and it becomes the same thing over and over again. I know that sounds crazy to some of you, but is the truth. It sounds so much better than it really is... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LM

All my life I've had really weird stuff wrong with me. The doctors know it's all connected but can't seem to agree on the underlying problem..I've gone from Uvieitis, Ankylosing Spondilitis, VKH, etc. Each doctor has his own opinion...

Anyway, why I tell you this. My original Opthamologist (sp) told me once that I make him use his education. I was shocked. He told me that being a doctor is similar to factory work. Person after person with the same problem.
He said I was one of the patients that was the talk of the practice. (The first doctor that looked at my eyes, was so green, that he said "I'll be right back" but instead sent another doctor into the examining room) They go over my file (which is the second and literally 2 inches thick at this point) and discuss possibilities. I had a surgery 4 years ago that was so new (3rd time performed), my doctor did a lecture on it. Unfortunately, after a few months, my condition went back to pre-op.

It was then when I learned being a doctor might not be as glamorous as television/our imagination makes it out to be...but it still beats the heck out of the job of changing oil...

hey I appreciate the people that change my oil as much as my doc <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Both keep me going places <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

lol

and Mr LM

You are in a good mood tonight - I noticed your sarcasm on another thread had a "light" mood and tone to it LOL

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You know this is probably a pretty accurate statement. However, if you think about it...if you are the one under the knife, you bet your a$$ you want someone who can do the procedure as if they are on an assembly line and have done it 15,000 times already.

Even in trauma surgery, we have protocols for everything and steps in which we do things. It certainly does not take a person with an extremely high IQ or any of that to be a doctor....alot of that is "myth".

If one can read, is mentally "tough" and can persevere....they can become a doctor. Sometimes the smartest guys make the worst doctors. Guess I am lucky I was in the bottom 1/2 of my class. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

LM

Well, considering that I slept a total of 2 hours last night things are good....and I wasn't even on call. Just one of those nights where sleep would not come.

Thank God for TIVO.

Lem

I've always heard "A" students teach, "B" students do fine, "C" students win awards for excellence. I don't teach and I'm waiting for some award...

LM,

You've certainly had some incredible experiences and I enjoy the brisk slap of reality you typically provide.

As far as waywards, seems like the common factor they have is an entitlement mentality, making a choice to cross the line b/c they deserve it. Admitting this is their first step to recovery, assuming they want to.

V/r, No Way

. . . Who you callin' a shaaak?
Guess there's evilness in both professions . . .

***As far as waywards, seems like the common factor they have is an entitlement mentality, making a choice to cross the line b/c they deserve it.***

Yep. It seems that a major risk factor is either extraordinary failure or extraordinary success. Both breed the "I'm entitled" mentality, either because "I feel so bad that I need to make myself feel better," or because "I've done so well and I'm so special that I deserve things the average person would never get."
Mulan

A sound theory. Guess they need to start teaching ethics at Harvard Medical School . . .

Yeah, and the first thing in doing this "teaching" would be to shut down the law school. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LM