Sorry guys, Im not referring to the advice at all. Just the folks questioning sincerity.

I agree there are numerous common sense issues that need to be addressed before these two even consider M.

Again, its the "your a troll" questioning that I find troubling.

Darius...

You are putting yourself in a postion of letting your heart lead you down a dangereous, and probably heartbreaking path.

You have committed a host of EA's, emotional affairs, during your relationship with your fiance. This alone should tell you that YOU are not ready for committment with one woman at this point in your life.

The plot thickens considerably when you enter the data of what your fiance has taken part in lately. This alone should tell you SHE is not ready for committment with YOU at this point in her life.

You were not able to resist flirting interactions with a host of old and new friends of the opposite sex. What makes you think you can change that now? Your GF/fiance was able to put your engagement on a shelf and have a sexual getaway of ultimate porportions, as a willing and enthusiastic participant.

Forget the criticisms in this thread. Listen to the advice of the posters who are telling you NEITHER ONE OF YOU ARE READY FOR MARRIAGE. THIS IS THE TRUTH! Your heart and machismo are telling you to "save" this woman. Your brain should be telling you to STOP the engagement and wait a couple more years before considering marriage.

The people telling you to do this TRULY have your best interest in mind.

You keep posting in such a way as to receive "approval" and/or "permission" from folks here to proceed on a very unhealthy, perhaps dangerous path. This is a help forum, and genuine help sometimes comes with absolute honesty and openness. People who really care for your situation could NOT, could not EVER, tell you to proceed in your relationship with this woman. The thust of the advice you are getting here is RIGHT ON THE MARK....Neither of you are ready for marriage.

Think long and hard before you enter marriage at this stage of your life....for your own good.

Best wishes,
SD

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We love each other. Can you question someone who makes, 1, 2 or 3 mistakes of not loving you? I wouldn't. And I'm totally positive we can fix our personal issues first before considering the option of marriage again.

3. I need some advise on something: She gave his email address and we have exchanged some emails, my pourpose is to get from him the pictures he took her, or maybe use her email address to do so, I really freak out of the fact that in the future he might come up to my country threatning our future family with the pictures as an extorsion. any ideas?

Wow darius...you're going to PRE MARITAL/POST INFIDELITY COUNSELING...how positive.

at least you got one thing right my friend...NOT GETTING MARRIED.

and the fact the om might do something with pictures for your "possible future family"?

I know it's hard for you to figure this one out...but THERE IS NO REASON NOW WHY EITHER OF YOU SHOULD WORK ON THIS...love to some people is a powerful emotion. but it is in reality A VERB...NOT AN EMOTION. it is what you do day to day to HONOR the person you are with. you BOTH HAVE DISHONORED EACH OTHER IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAYS...and you're wanting to still hang onto it?

why?

because you seemingly feel LOVE???? WITH ALL THE LOVE COMING AND GOING IN YOUR LIFE...I wonder if you've really stopped and pondered what love is actually.

geez. before I got married...we were FAITHFUL...WENT TO CHURCH...HE WAS A GOOD GUY...totally different from the man he is now.

we were required by our church to go to premarriage counseling...our minister's words?" NO TROUBLES HERE...YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT! in fact, most ministers/priests require this to be married in the church ...why???TO STOP PEOPLE FROM DOING STUPID THINGS THEY WILL REGRET...and yea, my formerly wonderful H cheated. but it was way after marriage and after our precious child was born. WHY ALREADY STACK THE DIFFICULT ODDS AGAINST YOU? DON'T YOU DESERVE GOOD ODDS AT SUCCESS?

I found out years later that he'd cheated on his former fiancee whom I never knew...several years before me. and that it was something he could not fight...Had I known now what I did not know then...might NOT have married him...but am so blessed irregardless of anything my xh did...to have in my life the most wonderful child in the world...but I regret that child has to go thru life having A FATHER WHO IS A WS...A HORRIBLE WS.

do yourself and your "future family and kids" a favor...WAIT ...GET RIGHT ALONE IN YOUR LIFE...AND THEN MEET A WOMAN WHO GOT RIGHT IN HER OWN LIFE AND THEN WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE A REAL FUTURE...NOT ONE BASED ON LIES AND THE UTMOST DECEIT.

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Darius....

I can completely understand your unwillingness to HEAR what we are saying. You are in love.

I don't know if your marriage will work or not. Noone here knows. We are letting you know from experience that M is a lot of work. It is a lot of work for people who enter into it with no other issues! By that I mean, even people who know each other for a long time, think they have each other figured out, no issues of infidelity, no other major change happening at the same time to distract them, no questions of mistrussed, etc....those same people have to work very hard to have a happy marriage.

Now, if they have to work hard, how difficult do you think it is if you throw in INFIDELITY by one party, deceipt and jumping from one girl to another by the second party, and immaturity from both?

You think love is enough. IT IS NOT! It is not what gets you through. Like said by someone else, Love is a verb, not just an emotion.

We are telling you, based on your story, that YOU are not ready for marriage, precicely because you have not shown maturity up to now. You are going on your feelings of love, and they do have a tendency to get stronger when you think another man is in the picture and wants what is yours. Hey, I am not trying to put you down, it is just natural that you don't want to loose what you have. BUT, you are not ready for marriage. You are not emotionally ready. YOU have not figured out what you want.

You want us to tell you to go to MC and it will all fall in place and go on and get married. Well, I for one, will not say that. Thoughts of M should be put aside and not even discussed at this point. Do read here, Darius. If what you are in is some sort of recovery, then let me point out to you that people here take sometimes 2 years to get through the tough part of recovery and even after that it is still work, and these same people have years of a good M to fall back on.

So, it will take a long time for this relationship to recover, YEARS!

Can you handle that?

I am afraid by your past behaivor you may not. This will take a MAJOR commitment on your part (without even getting married!). You have not shown that you are ready to commit
to this woman. (since you are here, I'll focus on you, not your fiance).

So, are you ready to give 2 years or more years for recovery, fighting all the mistrussed, worrying about where she is everytime she goes out without you....etc....that is recovery....and it takes a long time to get trust back.

Like you said, this is your life, it is not a game. This is not just "love", it is a commitment. You have issues, that you should focus on first....that is what we are saying. But if you think you can handle the load, go on, just remember there is some major heavy lifting that you will have to do for YEARS!

I would argue that you are not ready......

Best of luck to you....

Daisy

Darius...

One last thought...

How long do you think the very vivid images of your fiance in the arms of her lover will remain in your mind?

I can tell you after 2 1/2 years, those thoughts have not gone away, but that's just me.

How many times will you and your fiance have dissagreements? Well, that's a theoretical question, but...I can tell you that when you are in conflict with your fiance...the knowledge of her sexual escapades with her lover will flood back into your mind.

Are you willing to enter a long term relationship knowing you'll have to fight this knowledge and those images, perhaps for the whole term of your relationship?

This relationship has been tainted from the very beginning. I would have to agree with the others that it would be in YOUR best interest to steer clear of pursuing this as long term investment. Live a life that is better, based on what you have learned (your penchant for one EA after another is a dangerous threat to any future relationship) and take that knowledge and MATURITY into the next serious relationship. It will pay greater dividends...

JMHO
SD

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Darius....

Why has your fiance left the town again?

It is time for her to show that she cares and values your feelings. Leaving town so soon after she did what she did is insane! If you are both serious about recovery then one party cannot just desapear again and say "trust me now". You need to read up on POJA. If you are serious about recovery, then your recovery is at the top! This is what you two are not understanding. Nothing else takes the front seat!

So, if your answer to why she left again (so soon!) is because it is for her job, etc, then my answer to you is, for you to feel save she may need to quit her job, for recovery to be possible she may need to quit her job, especially a job that takes her out of town again without you!

If you cannot go with her, then she should not be going. You are already going through enough pain, why add to it?

Daisy

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Darius....

POJA: policy of joint agreement..... It is meant for people to follow when in a committed relationship/marriage. You will find an article on it here!

You should really read up on all the articles here about infidality. It will benefit you a lot. I have read a lot of the stuff at a time when I did not even suspect my H of doing anything.....it is quite helpful.

Daisy

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please do not mention the size of the OM...and do not paint vivid pictures here of you two.

we're a family place here.

and to be honest...???

you're going thru Christian counseling which incidentally the Bible says NO sex before marriage? and you talk about how she pleasures you and going to amotel to go at it all night?

it is wierd...very strange. that is why I don't believe so much of your story.

if I even thought today that a bf or somebody I'd date would ever cheat again, he'd be out. I will not marry somebody who has a penchant to cheat. NOT at all after what I went thru.

If you want truth here, you'll get it.

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For all those who felt offended by my posts and "troll" stories, my apologies, it's all true.

For those who suggested me to end up the relation, thanks but we're trying to fix things up and I honestly feel we'e improving a lot.

In general , thanks for all the help and support I know GOD will help us to fix our relation and some day marry each other knowing that we're making a wise desicion that can last for a lifetime.