I am new to this site and I look forward to the support I know I will be provided here.

I have been married over 19 years. My h had an affair 3 years into our marriage, that he confessed a year later, but he "forgot" to mention the OW alleged she had a child by him. The deceit continued and they both allege another ONS happened while he was "secretly visiting the 1st child" and miraculously she is allegedly pregnant again. No, I don't believe the 2nd ONS story, but for now I must accept it at face value, because I have no evidence at the present time to prove otherwise. I am a Christian and God is good, all the time. God can and does use all things for the good for those who love him. Those aren't just words to me. They are in my heart. I have talked the talking for years and now I am walking the walk and I have drawn closer to God through all this.

Yes, my h is a mess. I know that already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am more interested in ways to help our children deal with their father's betrayal.

It has been over 7 months since my d-day and I feel like I am emerging from the "fog" and I think it will get much worse before it gets better.

Boundaries I have set

1) no contact with ow
2) no visits in ow's home under any circumstances
3) all visits scheduled in consideration of our child
4) no split holidays, children are welcome in our home and family but there will be no split holidays, period

The water was tested once, and everyone was able to see the crossing of these boundaries to me equate to a departure of my h from our marriage. So the boundaries remain intact.

btw, paternity has never been established, there is no court ordered cs or visitation and my h has went extremely limited contact (b-days and Christmas eve) discussing with with me prior to arranging any contact. My h sees the children on avg, twice a month, because the OW and my MIL conspire to make sure they stay the night the day before my h will be at my ILs for other reasons.

One of our d has meet both children only to have her kindness and willingness to deal with the situation openly returned with slander and unkind words.

I have yet to meet either child and my focus now is on the mental health of our child at home first and then my marriage second.

I realize my situation may be on the extreme end of the spectrum, but I serve a risen Saviour, and nothing is too big or too little, to lay at his feet.

I have my dark hours, yes, because I am human but they are getting fewer and farther apart (approaching 8 months since my d-day)

Hence, my login name Wonderfully Blessed, because I am indeed wonderfully blessed.

Can you be more specific on the ages of your children and the OC's?

Why hasn't paternity been established? The OW has never asked for CS? Is he giving her money on his own?

Even though I was hoping for different results, it was a huge load off my chest to know for sure. I would have always had a small niggling doubt otherwise.

Keep your eyes on Jesus.

Welcome,

Is there a reason that he does not take a Paternity test?

What's going on with your MIL?

I'm glad your here, you will have our support.

Girl 16, Boy 10

My h said he questioned (in 1989) paternity and OW said something like it had to be him because of the dates and that she refused to have a test. I asked why did she refuse a test if she was certain, my h said he didn't remember, I could ask her. On the next occassion, that I spoke to her on the phone, I asked her why, and she went nuts and never did give a reason. She also has threatened if she is ever taken to court for anything (slander/paternity/visitation) the children will never be seen again. She threatens the same if the children are ever allowed to meet me.

I originally thought she must not be 100% sure, but I have another theory that I recently realized may be her reasoning. She is a control freak and if paternity established = court ordered visitation = her loss of control. My h isn't going to make any effort to take her to court to see the children.

They both allege OW never asked for cs. However, both admitted that my h has always bought Christmas and b-day gifts. My h also admitted that for the last couple of years he gave the OW's mother money for school clothes and that he has given cash money here and there when the children have asked for it.


I agree. I think it would help me and both of our daughters. I actually think under the circumstances both OC are entitled to it. OW's own statements to me on d-day confirm my h wasn't the only one she was sleeping with.


that is the key, I have to keep looking up and not horizontally

Welcome, you will recognize my name from the other boards you post on. Glad you are here, you can get some great help for your M from this site too. So please take advantage of the kind people here.