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I use to lurk here about a year ago and by reading it helped me a lot as well as my marriage. I just had to pose this question. H has a daughter that is about 3 months old. We have NC and plan to keep it that way. H's family have chosen NC as well thank goodness. xOW tried to cause problems but its hard when the only way she can get in contact with us is through our lawyer. She knows where H works and thankfully the receptionist knows OW's voice and will not put her through (OW used to work with H). She finally gave up trying to contact him by phone at work a long time ago.

She sent him one nasty letter to his work yesterday. In it she rages how H is screwing his daughter out of a lifestyle that he should provide her. She goes on and on about money. Nothing about being pissed about us being NC.

After reading this letter the first thing that came to my mind is that OW viewed this child as a meal ticket. She must have gotten pregnant on purpose. I am absolutely convinced of this now and so is H. She really thought she would be on easy street if she had H's child. Here is the kicker though. H is not wealthy. It's his parents who are wealthy. H only had to pay about $400 a month in CS and 50% of daycare and unreinbursed medical. H is in a job he loves but the pay is low. H has always sworn that he never discussed anything about our life together or his family with OW. I was always skeptical of that. I was not fully convinced their relationship was based on sex. I believe it now.

H's dad is very well known so I guess she assumed that because his dad was wealthy then H was as well and would be paying a crap load of child support. H parents do not believe in supporting full grown adults and we get no fiancial help from them. They treat us to 2 really nice vacations per year but that is it ( and we are very greatful).

So has anyone else had to deal with an OW who got pregnant on purpose?

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Yes of course.

But mainly to hold onto the MM and of course since she was a ghetto homeless queen the money was prob a big factor.


ALL OW DON'T RESPOND OR COMMENT ON ANYTHING I POST EVER. I'M NOT HERE TO SPEAK TO U! I am here to speak to other BSs that Can relate to my situation and OUR shared experiences. I COULD CARE LESS WHAT ANY OW HAS TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING, EVER!
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I think my OW got pregnant on purpose, but it backfired....it wasn't my H's...but it could be someone elses....I believe she and her H were looking for a meal ticket.

Until laws are changed...they should stop calling it child support and call it what it really is....Adult support.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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No proof here, but I always wondered .....

Idea kind of bounced around when I found OW roomate was also prego and didnt know who the F was of her child.


When you learn to forgive someone who has really hurt you and forget the wound that they have caused, then you truly love that person.
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No Proof but yes OW did get P on purpose 2 times. 1st times she stated she was on the pill. 2nd time she said she was on the patch but after the 2nd one, she told H is your W going to leave you YET!!! Not that Dont blame him as much for not using protection, but come on how stupid can you be. If he did not want to be with you after one what in GODS name would make you have another. Some OW are just DUMBASSES.


BS(me) 27 WS (H) 34 Married 6yrs. Together 9yrs. Stepson-16 Stepson-10 my son-6 OC #1 (G) - 2 OC #2 (G) - 1 DD-#1 6/21/04' #2 7/5/05
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YEs.

I have the words she told the Wookie on tape declaring it's so.

Gotta love tape recorders.

- Kimmy


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Of course it is on purpose. How many forms of birth control are there? What woman who DOESN'T want a pregancy runs around unprotected? All they care about is the money. If they have a man who has contact, they hate it with a passion. They don't want the child around the wife. It drives THEM crazy. Those that don't have contact rail about how unfair, etc. it is to the oc. TO BAD SO SAD FOR OC. Had she wanted a daddy in the childs life she wouldn't be getting knocked up by a man who doesn't want either of them. They remind me of the pathetic high school girl who believes any guy who trying to get sex, tells her he loves her and then walks away after the deed is done. They equate sex with love. Sick as they are.

Yes, they get pregnant on purpose.

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It is just sicking


BS(me) 27 WS (H) 34 Married 6yrs. Together 9yrs. Stepson-16 Stepson-10 my son-6 OC #1 (G) - 2 OC #2 (G) - 1 DD-#1 6/21/04' #2 7/5/05
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It's sickening...and sad...can you imagine their existence?...Whewwww!


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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ICKY. ICKY. ICKY. Pathetic it is.

I suspect but only XOW and God know for sure.
J


Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. -Mother Teresa
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my xh's ow used getting pregnant as a way to MAKE ME GET A DIVORCE...and get him off the fence...and she pushed a legal ultimatum at him.

her? a NO TALENT NO EDUCATION WALKIN' THE BLOCK FORMER "so called" model (maxxim magazine) with an outta wedlock son and no career to fall back on (they don't want any more models with stretch marks in maxxim apparently)so she targets attractive TAKEN men with money...the first guy wasn't as stupid as my xh was..he DIDN'T MARRY HER.

she is a piece of work...and a piece of easy trash and [censored]. he's left her twice already. he tried 2 come back 2 me but I kicked his sorry self to the curb last summer..lame...lame...lame...


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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I too believe that a LOT of these "women" get pregnant on purpose, it's so 50s.

When they are in the affair with the mm everything is just fine. When they are dumped, then the man becomes this evil human being. He was/is the same person. They were just too stupid to look at the "real" man. They were in the fantasy world.

In my case, my stupid husband tried to pay her behind my back. The first thing she said was "I don't know how much you make?

Then she said "oh you haven't told your wife." And then called me.

We have nc. In a few of her letters, she begged him to see the baby. Then she said "it wasn't about the money, that the baby needed his father."

Well the baby doesn't have his father, but the OW was awarded $900 a month for cs.

I think a lot of this has to do with bad parenting. I was reading where one OW was so upset, she was talking to her mom. Her mom told her that she got the better deal, she got the kid and the wife got stuck with the stupid husband.

Okay but WHAT kind of mother is this??
The first thing I would have told my daughter is stay away from married men. And if she was DUMB enough to get pregnant by him, I would be embarrassed. I would let her know that SHE is not a victim. That she was not forced to have sex. She KNEW he was married.
Now SHE has to deal with the consequences.

P.S.
I love all you wives...Cordelia, Lynn G, you guys are awesome. It's wonderful to hear from strong women.
Not ones whimpering about the problem but standing up and facing the situation.

And I'd also like to say it IS Adult Support.
I was in court and there was this woman trying to get MORE cs with her Gucci purse.

What these OW don't know is, just like the husbands pay spiritual and financially. They also will pay.

Two people did this and both are EQUALLY to blame.

It bothers me. When these women are screwing the mm, they have no morals. They feel invicible. Nothing and nobody matters but THEM. When they are dumped, they become these innocent, helpless female victims and the BIG BAD MARRIED MAN took advantage of them.

Somewhere down the road, these other "women" will get what they deserve, whether you believe in karma or you reap what you SOW.

Sorry this was so long.


Me: BS Husband had affair-6 months 2003 OC born 7/04 No Contact
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Well, the OW in my situation claimed to have gotten pregnant, then had it aborted (due to an ectopic pregnancy), then when no money was forthcoming (she claimed that my husband owed her half of the abortion costs), then suddenly the abortion was never performed and the fetus had been moved into her uterus. ......all to the tune of $10,000.

Did you manage to catch any of that????? LOL

Seriously though....a co-worker overheard the OW talking to her husband on her cellphone, stating that this time they would have to "eat the money". I guess she invests a little money into the affair, such as paying for gifts, a hotel room, etc, in order to get pregnant, thus living off of CS for the next 18 years. Her oldest just turned 18, so we're assuming that she needed a "replacement". She doesn't work (as far as we know) and probably just lives off of welfare and CS.

And no...she never produced a child from my husband, even though she tried to convince us of the baby's existence for over a year after the fact. Some people never give up. LOL


Me (42)
FWH (43)
DD (20)
M 23 years
A started 11/03 (turned into a Fatal Attraction)
DD #1 3/5/04
DD #2 3/25/04
Renewed vows 9/18/05
The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? Psalm 27:1
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How does a 44 year old women, supposedly on BC, get pregnant? The odds are millions to one AGAINST that happening. Unless you are lying about the BC!? What a concept. OW lying? OM lying? No! My H was so foolish to not use protection anyway. Despite what she said. How about protecting yourself and spouse from disease?

If a man is not willing to leave his wife and family, what better way to "level" the playing field and force try to force it? At least in their minds. Oldest game in the world.


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Interesting responses. I hate the OW as much as any of you, but our H's are the ones w/responsibilities. Why would a grown man leave it up to the OW to provide birth control?? That requires responsibility and accountability and any woman who sleeps w/a MM has neither. H's OW got preggars twice by lying about being on the pill. Maybe one pregnancy could be excused...H made a big mistake. But 2 pgs?

Whitegirl, my H did the same thing as yours and it isn't the OW who looks like the idiot.

Yes, they get preggars on purpose. That doesn't make our Hs any less responsible for the mess.

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No one said it did. That wasn't the question posed.


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I would like to reply to Starving.
Starving, no one said that it was all the husband's fault.

It's just that imo women have always been the smarter sex.
So to see that sisterhood is no longer, to see seemingly intelligent women doing some of the weakest, dumbest things is what makes us or ME dwell on the OW.

Yes the husbands played a big part. But it takes two.

We've always known that men think with their little head. But women used to have morals, used to have a sisterhood.

At one time, it would have been embarrasing to date a mm and to get pregnant....... oh my goodness.

Now these "women" are proud to have had an affair with a mm and bore a child from that. That's what makes me dwell on it.

If you read most posts, all blame is on the man.

I just get tired of reading about what the man did.....that's all....I get tired of reading about the poor weak victims that were hurt by their husbands, by their mm, etc.

MEN ONLY DO TO YOU WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO!

It only takes ONE sex to say no.

Look at Denise Richardson, Julie Roberts, Britney Spears.
These are our so called "role" models.

Also, sometimes it's not about hate, it's about disbelief and disgust. If you read my posts, I don't hate her. I pity her. At one time I did hate her.

The OW was looking for love. She saw a businessman she "thought" was wealthy. She saw the white picket fence, and the happily ever after. She thought getting pregnant would keep him, even though this was the 2nd time she'd gotten pregnant to keep a man and it didn't work.

Oh well maybe the third time will be a charm and when she gets pregnant the man will want her and her child.

The OW in my case got pregnant at the ripe old age of 39.
Not a young woman. I can understand a young lady in her 20s dating a married man because well she's young,and doesn't know any better but when you're approaching 40 and you get pregnant by a mm on purpose, it's different.
Me thinks you're a little warped in the head.

In response to the husbands had/have responsibilities, yes they do. But again, as we are all adults, we are all responsible for OUR own actions.

We as HUMAN beings ALL have responsibilities.

The adulterers are NOT victims neither of them.


We need to make EVERYONE equally accountable.

That is the way to make things change.
As long as mistakes are placed on ONE side and not on BOTH sides, things cannot change.

And I think ANY woman or man who does not use protection in this day and age is an I D I O T including my stupid husband.

I have watched my husband pay a spiritual price for his affair and I do not feel sorry for him. He is reaping what he sowed.

And a woman who gets pregnant by a mm TWO times is a SUPER IDIOT!

So yes the OW in your case was an idiot.
She thought the 2nd time she got pregnant, she would win.
If you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.


Me: BS Husband had affair-6 months 2003 OC born 7/04 No Contact
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LBelle and Sav.,

I didn't mean to offend anyone. You are both right. In my case, the secong pg was it for me. I couldn't continue in that kind of marriage. I didn't feel my H was taking responsibility for his part in the demise of our marriage. He said OW was a sexual predator and came after him, etc. When OW announced her 2nd pg, that told me enough about his ability to claim ownership for his actions. He asked me several times to reconcile and I said no thanks. He is now marrying OW and has referred to it as a business decision, so I guess she did "win".

So yes, I think the OW is pathetic and sickening. Even more pathetic is that society is accepting of this behavior.

Good luck to all of you and I apologize if my words were offensive. The folks here have helped me a ton. I am happy for you that your Hs were able to step up and work on themselves and your marriages.

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Starving,
No offense taken! I am so sorry for 2 OC's for you! You are right to "let her win". I couldn't take it either........no way. I can barely take it this time. I hope you find happiness for yourself in a new life without all of this junk. Good luck to you!


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Starving

I did not and could not let OW win in my situation. H does admit that he is a total F---up and that is one step, but now fortuantely he can NOT stand her. She is a young petty little ******. We do not get to see the oc's because he is not willing to give into her anymore and she cant stand taht so unfortunetly the girls dont really know waht great of a step-mom they have. The oldes OC is 2 she knows who H is and youngest wont even let H pick her up and OW thinks that is just sooo funny. Well I say shame on her. Shame on him as well. When she got pg with 1st one H was willing to give her monoey to get a abortion (even though he really doesnt beleive in it he thought it would be best for him, her and the baby to just not have it, but she was set on having it.)

You are right it does take 2 to tango. But it is just sad to try to make a man be a father against his will or knowledge.

It just pisses me off that these OW lie and say they are on the pill or on the patch (whihc she said she was on the 2nd time and he swore he seen some kind of patch on her thigh or arm) and they are not. Not Saying at all that a man shoudl not be resonsible becasue they should have worn protections, but for gods sake I think you should give man a opportunity to decide on whether he wants to be a father, and yes i think H is a big [censored] fool for letting in happen twice, but know I can NOT THINK about that, I have to think about trying to make my marriage right. He LOVES AND WANTS TO BE WITH ME NOT HER, so we are trying to work this out.

I agree with what someone said about in a way I feel sorry for her [censored], but MOST OFF ALL, I feel sorry for the children. THey did not get asked to be brought into this world, but know they are here and they need love just like any other child.

All I can say is you did what is best for you, and I am tryin to do what feels right to me.


BS(me) 27 WS (H) 34 Married 6yrs. Together 9yrs. Stepson-16 Stepson-10 my son-6 OC #1 (G) - 2 OC #2 (G) - 1 DD-#1 6/21/04' #2 7/5/05
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Yes my exWs should have used birth control. When others suggested that the OW got pregnant on purpose to try and keep my exWS as her "sugar daddy" or just plain "daddy" (he was 47 and she was 21), I commented that things like that didn't happen anymore! Nobody got pregnant on purpose involving an innocent life! My friends told me I was naive. Guess they were right!

The OW knew my exWS wouldn't abandon a child of his. And she's right. Four years later they're still living together in spite of his many protests that he still "really loves me", that "she's a self-centered, immature little b$&ch", that he stays "for the sake of the child since the OW is so immature, etc, etc, etc," Blah, blah, blah...

Bottom line is that the male WS isn't the one who CAN get pregnant. He can't make the final decision and take action as to what happens when a pregnancy happens. In my mind that makes the woman ultimately responsible for a pregnancy. Even if it wasn't intentional. She knew for SURE if pregnancy was even a remote possibility! Short of having a complete hysterectomy, odds are that pregnancy is possible, even if not probable, when having engaged in sexual play or intercourse.

Yes, it takes the joining of a sperm and egg to get pregnant. But, it's never the male who gets pregnant...at least not at this point in time!

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yes, I believe in my case the 2nd was on purpose while the 1st may have been accidentally, maybe. It would take God himself telling me it was an accident the 2nd time for me to believe it. Why am I still in my m? Sometimes I honestly don't know. I didn't even find out about these alleged (no DNA and OW refuses) 2 children until 10 months ago, when they were ages 15 & 9. First time, was either on purpose or was complete stupidity on both OW and my H's part, she was 23 & he was 25. Old enough to know better, that to at least use bc. Second time, 29 & 31, and OW claims it just happened during a secret visit with h and 1st OC because she had just gotten out of a bad ltr r with a bf. Right, I am supposed to believe that. What makes me suspicious about the 1st time too, well, why would anyone lie about the existence of a child and even tell the child not to tell anyone who her dad is because he has a w?

Yes, in the case of the 2nd I don't see how it couldn't be on purpose.

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Quote
I think my OW got pregnant on purpose, but it backfired....it wasn't my H's...but it could be someone elses....I believe she and her H were looking for a meal ticket.

Until laws are changed...they should stop calling it child support and call it what it really is....Adult support.

CH I'm really surprised at this. But oh well.

Ya know I am not your ow and can't speak for her, but maybe she is so upset over NC that is why she sent that letter and ranted about everything else.

As far as him not discussing anything about your family's life you will probaly never know. Only the two of them really know what happened in that affair. He can tell you anything he wants, but that means nothing really.

Honestly though even though it does, does it really matter what he told her? While in the affair he was looking to woo her etc., and most of the ws will lie there butts off. He is not seeing the ow anymore, he is working at rebuilding his marriage, putting his family back together. Of course this is JMHO.

I'm sure there are quite a few woman (regardless of title) that do try and get pregnant on purpose for what ever there reason is, does not mean that all do or that is there ajenda per say. I know pregnancy was the last thing I wanted, but we (noticed I said WE) were careless it happened, so here I am.

Since there is nc and she can't get to him I'd just be thankful that you only have to pay what you do (hey 400 a month is not enough for anyone to live off of) and work with your husband to rebuild.


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*nevermind*

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Quote
Quote
I think my OW got pregnant on purpose, but it backfired....it wasn't my H's...but it could be someone elses....I believe she and her H were looking for a meal ticket.

Until laws are changed...they should stop calling it child support and call it what it really is....Adult support.

CH I'm really surprised at this. But oh well.

Ya know I am not your ow and can't speak for her, but maybe she is so upset over NC that is why she sent that letter and ranted about everything else.

As far as him not discussing anything about your family's life you will probaly never know. Only the two of them really know what happened in that affair. He can tell you anything he wants, but that means nothing really.

Honestly though even though it does, does it really matter what he told her? While in the affair he was looking to woo her etc., and most of the ws will lie there butts off. He is not seeing the ow anymore, he is working at rebuilding his marriage, putting his family back together. Of course this is JMHO.

I'm sure there are quite a few woman (regardless of title) that do try and get pregnant on purpose for what ever there reason is, does not mean that all do or that is there ajenda per say. I know pregnancy was the last thing I wanted, but we (noticed I said WE) were careless it happened, so here I am.

Since there is nc and she can't get to him I'd just be thankful that you only have to pay what you do (hey 400 a month is not enough for anyone to live off of) and work with your husband to rebuild.

Mary,

I don't understand what your talking about...what letter? Oh...was the second part for someone else?

Why are you surprised Mary...my OW was in a hospital bed, about 2 hours after giving birth, looking for my H's SS#...she and her H wanted to get paid. Not to mention, rumor is that this was not going to be her 1st OC...now I can't verify that, but the source is reliable.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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Crazy............it seems like I read your post wrong. My BAD. I thought it had said all Ow's. Kwim? Read it over and I know your story and I agree w/you. They were asking for things that does not happen until you go to court and AFTER Paternity is established. So my bad....pleae excuse my "surprised at you".

As far as the letter, I was talking to the person who started the thread.


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Gotcha....no problem.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

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Cool Crazy. Again sorry my bad!


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If the men would keep their JOHNSON outta other women other than their wives, noone would have to blame the OW for getting pregnant on purpose.

Everyone shares the blame in my book.

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Startin, with all due respect all of the bs here know that, accept it too.

Ow, many times over, bank on a human baby to cement the deal with MM.

Trouble is many, and most often, the mm flees back to the w, and oc is forgotten and pushed aside.

Just like the ow that he put his JOHNSON in- in the first place.

Fantasy worlds are just like game boy or x-box, not for real, a substitute for real life. When losing in x-box or game boy you shut it off and regroup.

Mostly like mm and ow, mm shut down and regroup with reality, c's, life in their home base.....ow and oc shoved aside like yesterdays news.

Too bad.
Having sex with someone that easy is usually just as easy to forget or want to forget it ever happened.

If a man is married and using you for intercourse and other *make me feel good for the moment* fun, results are for the most part disastrous, for everyone.

It is not always what the married guy wanted, a pregnancy 'outs' the affair.

If the ww spouse wants things to go his way, he needs to x out ow/oc and work diligently on his marriage and his family.

What a price to pay for all for having your JOHNSON where it doesn't belong, huh?

Oh, Yeah, many ow do the deed by lying about BC, but then again, what can you expect from a couple of liars?

Ahhhh if were only as easy as telling men not to put their Johnsons elsewhere...

I suspect if men could carry a child there would be no need for this forum...

What do you all think?


Married 3-02-74
D-day 11-13-00
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1 beautiful granddaughter, a wonderful son, and daughter-in-law...(like a daughter~)

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Startin, with all due respect all of the bs here know that, accept it too.

Ow, many times over, bank on a human baby to cement the deal with MM.

I just think its just as much the MANS fault by not wearing protection. A wayward husband is going to take the OW word that she is on birth control??? Dont some of yall think the man might know she isnt totally honest, and he doesnt care if she get pregnant? Maybe the wayward husband got HER pregnant on purpose so SHE wont go anywhere. That way he (in his mind) believes he can have his wife and will always have the OW in his life. It works both ways IMHO.


JFYI......I know a guy that has been married and has had multiple affairs.....he has gotten at least 5-6 women pregnant.....true the women had just as much to do with it, but this guy KNEW what he was doing. He could have worn protection, but decided to plant his seed in the OW. This is an extreme example, but things like this do happen.

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"Dont some of yall think the man might know she isnt totally honest, and he doesnt care if she get pregnant?"

Affair partners don't lie to EACH OTHER! Just everyone else. How can you lie to your "soul mate"?


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"Dont some of yall think the man might know she isnt totally honest, and he doesnt care if she get pregnant?"

Affair partners don't lie to EACH OTHER! Just everyone else. How can you lie to your "soul mate"?


LOL.......I hope you were joking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

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Big joke!!!


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Do I think that OW get pregnant on purpose? Darn right I do! I found out for sure that my bf of 14 years was cheating on me last August. I was trying to get the girls name and everything before I confronted him so I had my SIL call her to try to get her name. Anyway--my SIL ended up calling her one day and left her a screaming voicemail that said, "You f---ing b----. You can't get your own man you have to go after someone elses?!" And I guess there was more, but I don't know everything that SIL said. Anyway--my plan A--(didn't know it was plan A at the time, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) was working and my bf broke up with the girl--he did not know that I knew about the tr-mp yet--anyway--she ended up calling him at the beginning of October telling him that she was pregnant--you know--she would have gotten pregnant just one month after my SIL called her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Coincidence? I think not. She had been with him for 2 years and she had so many physical problems that it would be virtually impossible for her to get pregnant unless she was planning it. (I didn't know about my SIL's phone call until December. I have to admit that it made me feel all warm and squishy inside. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

She ended up losing that baby. But my bf and her had met approximately 11 years ago when we had broken up for 6 weeks so NOW she's trying to tell him that her older kid is his. This was after he gave her back her keys and stuff. Now, if this was true--does anyone else think that she would have used this to get him when she was pregnant with the baby? I heard the voicemail that she left him saying she was so sorry that she hadn't told him all these years but (insert child's name) is his. Which means that she would have known the whole time they were together again and just didn't tell him. Sorry but I believe it's just another excuse for her to keep him (my bf) in her life.

Give me a break though! From what I've heard--that kid looks EXACTLY like the guy who is named on his birth certificate as his father. I personally think she's a disgusting person for using her child in such a way.

Well, have a good night everyone.

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It just struck me about 6 months ago that the timing of the OW's pregnancy might have been related to fear of losing my exWS.

It was bad enough to find out about the affair and pregnancy. Then when I started thinking about the conception date I was really upset. It had to be around the time (week before or after) my exWS and I travel north to his brother's house to see the Fall colors. It was a yearly, special time spent together. It sickened me to think that they had been having sex right around then. No more being in denial.

When I brought up the timing to my exWS he was quick to deny the timeframe.....so....obviously he recognized the special attachment "we" had to that time away together. I told him "Biology doesn't lie. Unlike cheating husbands and OW"

Well, I let go of anymore significance about the thought at that time. Then out of the blue it struck me....In another discussion with my exWS about reconciliation he said he was trying to break things off with the other woman, knowing it was wrong and had to stop. (Ya think?) Then I remembered one marital counseling session where my exWS blew up at me for not backing down in session and holding him accountable for his time and location. He yelled "I don't need your BS!. I don't need this!" In spite of everything, I was shocked at the intensity of his response. We'd been in marriage counseling for about 6 months at the time, and it hadn't ever happened before.

Well, this is the little scenario that came together in my mind recently. (Of course I'll never know the truth)

ExWS is trying to break it off with the OW, or maybe he wasn't, but she found out we were going on our annual Fall trip together. We were still married, living together, and I didn't know about the affair then. Get pissed or feel threatened??? Hmmmmm...pregnancy might help close the deal.

The OW knew my exWS well enough to know that he was always very actively involved with his children and mine. It would be highly unlikely he'd abandon any child of his. (Of course the OW was only 1 year older than my exWS's oldest "child"!! Yuck!) She was right....boy was she ever right! And my exWS knew his OW was totally incompetent about most things in adult living.....especially parenting....especially parenting a special needs child. (Their son was born with Down's Syndrome). Not that the OW had any control over the birth defect, but it did have a major impact when my exWS and I were discussing possible reconciliation.

The outburst at marital counseling?? Well, I have no proof but..... As I looked back on the timeframe of conception, the OW would have been just into her 4th month of pregnancy at the time my exWS got so angry at me in our session..... Too late to consider abortion as a choice. And yes, whether you personally agree with it or not, my exWS and I are Pro-Choice. Don't know if the OW knew that or not. I now think that my exWS may have just found out the joyeous news about the pregnancy.

My exWS led me on for along time about reconciliation. I met and spent time with the OC from 6 months old on. I loved him and was willing to have him as a part of our life as a couple. (Although I doubt I could have dealt with all the crap the OW would have put out....constantly) I'll never know how much of what he said or didn't say was accurate. I do know that at no point in time did he ever say he loved her or was in love with her. He also denied it when I asked him directly.

We've been divorced for 4 years now. I had filed for divorce shortly after finding out about the affair. We'd already been in MC for 8 months. I hadn't found MB site at that time. My exWS, the OW, and their OC have lived together for those 4 years. Not married...yet. I wish to gosh I could just never think about him or the OW or the sweet innocent OC I got to know, ever again! But I do. And it still burns me that that self-centered, immature little bit#% pulled it off. And my exWS fell for it. And I hung in as long as I did. And a totally innocent OC will have to live with consequences he had no say in. It probably is for the best that my exWS is actively parenting the OC. We shared no children together. And their little guy needs and deserves all the love and attention he can get.

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Looking for advice,

I just found out that H got OW pregnant. He's still with her and said that he's happy and excited about this. His family isn't handling it very well. He's trying to keep it quiet, so does that must mean he feels remorse?

How did you handle your situation? I feel really helpless and of course betrayed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Kim-notkimmieZ anymore WH Matt/Zeus-found out about PA 07/02/06- WA child 9/06; haven't heard from him since ME: doing fine in Baltimore D-12/05/07
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notkimmiez, I am not familiar with your story. Can you give us a link to your story or a brief history?


Faith

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Welcome notkimmiez,

Start a new thread and tell us about yourself....catch a breath....and don't fret...you are not alone, there are many men and women here that can be of help...thinking of you...

Don't forget to start a new thread....

Take care....


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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most very probably!!!! SLUT!

OW (babalu) is a single mom and a nursing student. She knows how babies are made! YUCK! and she got pg less than a month into their adulterous affair.

get pregnant on purpose?! YOU BETCHA!

- aka R828


BS (me) - 29 WH - 27 DS - 18 mos married: 1.5 yrs affair started: april '06 discovered: june '06 separated since d-day
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I agree with the ladies above, OWs got pregnant on purpose to cement their deal with MM and equally stupid and also to be blame were our H

OW in my story got pregnant on purpose because she thought that she and OC were enough reason for my H to leave us (the real family) for her

I've learned that OW only wants babies from men she loves. She already had 3 affairs, had a four-year old daughter from her 1st affair, the 2nd was also a MM - no child was born and the 3rd was from my H (she did not learn her lesson the 1st time she made a mistake so she repeated it again despite of the pain she had already given to a lot of people)

and OW used to text me a lot of things (that H would never came back, that i am not a good wife, that she is so happy to announce that she is preggy, that she will fight for my H etc...) Thank God H woke up from the fog, came to his senses and did came back. I would like to believe we are making small steps each day towards recovery

they are all like that. yuck! So can anyone blame us, the BS, for hating OWs? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by denise12398; 10/12/06 02:01 AM.

dday aug 05
ds was 4 and dd was 3 months old when the A happened
he went home sept 05; stayed for 3 weeks and left us again for ow after 3 weeks
he left preggy ow end of oct 05 and stayed with us since then

we are no contact and recovering
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Im a guy, and before marriage I did have sex with women....BUT! I used a condom.....I didnt take any of their words that they were on the pill or a contraceptive. If I would have (planted) seed in them without a condom, I feel I would have been as guilty as they were on not caring about getting pregnant. In sex it take an EQUAL 50/50 to do the deed. All I see is all the BS getting mad at the OW and not saying anything about their WS planting seed (unprotected) into the OW. Doesnt quite seem fair to me.

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StartinOver,

You slept with lots of women............did you sleep with married women?
You have come back several times to express the unfairness to OW from BW and the bitterness we have towards them. And not our H's?? I don't think you understand the complicated emotions in this crisis. I wouldn't expect anyone to who had not been in this situation. But do you have a point other than to inflame or insult those of us who are in the situation? We are not fair?!

There is nothing fair about this whole disaster. Nothing! Certainly not to us.

I think every single BW on the board has blamed her H for his stupidity and his lies and his betrayal. Hated him, left him, threw him out, exposed him, etc., .......many different scenarios. But after all of that, if you try to reconcile and your H is repentant and remorseful, you have to have some spirit of forgiveness about you, even if it really takes you a long time to actually get there. It is often an effort to protect your children from a broken home. Don't ever forget that COM are innocent victims, as well. They have only their mothers to care for their well-being. Daddy has left the building!

The OW is NOT (in most cases) repentant, remorseful or anything. Often feels the BW has done something to HER by staying married to the H and she is entitled to the H because she and the OC will be alone. Too bad. Women everywhere KNOW that is THEIR risk when having unprotected sex........and with a man who is unavailable to be the father. They knew it, as much as the men. Even more because it is their bodies. But it is too strong of a tool for some to pass by.

So, I will continue to blame her for her part in the adultery for as long as I feel like I want to. I have nothing positive to say about her, she is nothing to me and my family except a painful memory to me an expense for my family.....that I still resent. And I resent my H most of all for the $$. Not the OC.

The BW and COM are victims in this crime and damage has been done by both the parties, the H and OW. H is there trying to make restitution, OW is not.

It is an old game that is played by some women. And men will never really believe that anyone would role the dice with the life of a child. Don't be so naive. It happens more often than anyone would like to believe.

As you stated before, if men kept it in their pants there would be this type of situation. But you didn't keep it in your pants. Condoms are great, but not fool proof. Lies are told on both parts and both parties want to believe those lies. That is a fact about affairs. You know that.

I hope you never feel the complicated and painful emotions of having the wife your love come home pregnant with another man's baby and having to decide if you will allow him into your marriage as a coparent, divorce the wife, or raise the child as your own and stay married. Added that to the normal set of painful experiences that I am sure you already know about from affairs, or you wouldn't be on this board.


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amen LBelle!

very well said!

and to others: don't judge people unless you have walked in their shoes!

- aka R828


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LBelle,

Well, I've found that there are ones that come here to P/C who have NO idea what WE are going through when there is an OC thrown into the mix. I went back and read many of startinover's first posts on MB. While everyone is entitled to their own opinions, well, sometimes they need to know when to keep them to themselves. I know how this will be responded to, but I personally believe that Startinover has never totoally gotten over his bitterness from his xWW's A. It's like a mantra for him. He likes to toot his own horn of, "I D'd her and now am happily M'd, but let me remind you of what I went through". Case in point, his title and first post for the latest thread on GQ2. To me, a thread like that only causes negative feelings.

This corner of the MB forum is very unique, and unless you've actually been in the shoes, you can't judge. Even then, you need to be careful that if you are judging, it doesn't cross over into disrespectful ones (DJ). In MY situation, I have blamed myself, but have, over the last 6, YES 6, years have slowly, VERY SLOWLY, found ways to let go of that blame and guilt, with the last tips of the last fingers finally starting to slip away from the guilt and shame. Not everyone is like your xWW, SO. In fact, if there is even a glimmer of remorse on the WS's part, you can save your M. Am I saying that YOUR M was savable? Probably not, since you xWW is just NOW seeing the light. BUT, that doesn't mean that EVERY situation is like yours, even those that you called "serial cheaters". Look at my sig line, but I do NOT count myself a victim. Neither should you. Instead, lets call ourselves survivors, whether your M survived, or you survived the M by D and are now happily remarried, currently dating, or getting your life back together as a single person.

As for the original question of this thread, in my case, NO I did not get P on purpose, and I've copied one of my original posts on one of these threads here if you are curious about the whole details. But, I feel that with my H's 1st A, SHE would have LOVED to be P, cause in one of the letters that I found from her to my H she seemed quite disapointed NOT to be P. In fact, I've recently seen pics on a website of her, and she looks the same. This is 14 yrs past D-day for that one! She may have "bettered" herself in some ways, but in the way that counts, I can guarantee that she'd jump RIGHT back in where it left off, even though she is now remarried.

So, I don't think EVERY OW gets P on purpose, but the majority who DO get P, either planned it, or are happy it happened. Am I happy it happened, NO, am I happy with our Abbi, YES, YES, and YES a million times over. She is a joy in our lives.


Tigger
me~BS & WS~38~~h~BS & WS~37 my d-days~7/92, 1/96, 7/00, 9/07
h's d-days~7/11/00 & 2 weeks later 3 COM, 1 OC(mine)
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StartinOver,

You slept with lots of women............did you sleep with married women?
You have come back several times to express the unfairness to OW from BW and the bitterness we have towards them. And not our H's?? I don't think you understand the complicated emotions in this crisis. I wouldn't expect anyone to who had not been in this situation. But do you have a point other than to inflame or insult those of us who are in the situation? We are not fair?!

There is nothing fair about this whole disaster. Nothing! Certainly not to us.

I think every single BW on the board has blamed her H for his stupidity and his lies and his betrayal. Hated him, left him, threw him out, exposed him, etc., .......many different scenarios. But after all of that, if you try to reconcile and your H is repentant and remorseful, you have to have some spirit of forgiveness about you, even if it really takes you a long time to actually get there. It is often an effort to protect your children from a broken home. Don't ever forget that COM are innocent victims, as well. They have only their mothers to care for their well-being. Daddy has left the building!

The OW is NOT (in most cases) repentant, remorseful or anything. Often feels the BW has done something to HER by staying married to the H and she is entitled to the H because she and the OC will be alone. Too bad. Women everywhere KNOW that is THEIR risk when having unprotected sex........and with a man who is unavailable to be the father. They knew it, as much as the men. Even more because it is their bodies. But it is too strong of a tool for some to pass by.

So, I will continue to blame her for her part in the adultery for as long as I feel like I want to. I have nothing positive to say about her, she is nothing to me and my family except a painful memory to me an expense for my family.....that I still resent. And I resent my H most of all for the $$. Not the OC.

The BW and COM are victims in this crime and damage has been done by both the parties, the H and OW. H is there trying to make restitution, OW is not.

It is an old game that is played by some women. And men will never really believe that anyone would role the dice with the life of a child. Don't be so naive. It happens more often than anyone would like to believe.

As you stated before, if men kept it in their pants there would be this type of situation. But you didn't keep it in your pants. Condoms are great, but not fool proof. Lies are told on both parts and both parties want to believe those lies. That is a fact about affairs. You know that.

I hope you never feel the complicated and painful emotions of having the wife your love come home pregnant with another man's baby and having to decide if you will allow him into your marriage as a coparent, divorce the wife, or raise the child as your own and stay married. Added that to the normal set of painful experiences that I am sure you already know about from affairs, or you wouldn't be on this board.


No, I didnt sleep with married women......this was a LONG time ago. Early 20's when most young people do their thing.

Also, I have an opinion, and I can speak on it. At least I guess I can. Around here, maybe not. I read these threads and see much more hatred to the OP than the spouse.

The spouse gets someone pregnant (apparently not on purpose, just the OP though) and the spouse runs back home and then wants to be forgiven and move forward. Ehhhhh, wrong....there is a child now. So what does the BS do? Go off on OP and say they did it on purpose!!! This didnt happen by itself.....unless OP used a turkey baster or pulled the condom off and poured it into themselves......this baby making process was mutual period.

My opinion, and this is how I feel. Later.

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One more thing.......think about this. Do any of yall think maybe your BH lied to yall about the pregnancy??? Do you think in the back of your mind that you WH ran back home worrying that they may have gotten the OW pregnant??? Ive heard of men getting the OW pregnant, so they can hang on to her to some extent.....so the OW can be in their lives along with their wife.

Whatever, Im out. I will leave this one alone.

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Doesnt quite seem fair to me.

Who said anything about this being "fair"????

THERE IS NOTHING "FAIR" ABOUT ANY OF THIS.

And the question was "did anyone's OW get pregnant on purpose..." That was all.

There was no mention about the MM and his responsibility in this (or lack thereof). If there was, I would have said my fwh acted in the most heinous selfish manner possible towards BOTH the OW and me....

The fact of the matter is, she did get pg on purpose...we have her on TAPE admitting that she did. Did it matter to fwh at the time that he KNEW she did the first time on purpose but STILL hopped in the sack again? Not at the time.

Does it matter now? Not a bit. The children are here and they are well cared for and LOVED....

It doesn't change HOW and WHY they were conceived...but what MATTERS is they are here and are cherished for WHO they are...not how they came about.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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BRAVO LBELLE and Tigger!!! Startin'over, my H told me as soon as he found out OW was pg. I know for a fact my husband never wanted more kids. He was devastated and of course for her it worked, it kept the A going far longer than it would have if he had not been so concerned about the health of the child due to what happened to our own youngest when he was a baby. We are now in recovery after a very long and painful time.

Amen, Kimmy.


Faith

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Startinover,

I get it now, you have been reading the OW websites. Or are you an OW, really? You spout THEIR mantra's with perfection. You have taken to your lessons well. The condom and the turkey basting comment is OW style too. Very classy of you.

Of course, this is your own opinion. I am just wondering WHY you have such a strong opinion about this topic? Why do you want to make your point here? A place where people can voice the things that hurt them the most, whether they are fairly said or not? You never get the whole story in the posts, you know.

My opinion of OW still stands.


By the way, not everyone in their 20's "does their thing" and is immoral. Immorality is not a good thing..........as you can see by this website. Maybe you pulled out of it when you got married, but it starts a lifestyle for many.


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Tigger,
Thanks for your great post! You always bring a great point of view and have helped so many people on both sides of the fence.

I read Startinover's GQ post. I see what you mean.


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For once and for all, WHEN HAS BLAME NOT BEEN GIVEN TO THE WH?...tell me once...a half of a time...anything.

My take on the whole stitch is that my H is to blame for the affair, and he is 50% blame for the pregnancy...but the OW will and shall get her just blame from me. Do they get pregnant on purpose...YOUR DAG ON RIGHT THEY DO! Some want money, some want a reason to hang on to the man, some may simply want a child...their reasons are really not my business or my concern...and to be real honest, I could care less why a woman would sleep with a MM, have his child and then expect that everyone can be adult enough to work this thing out, when every fiber of their being is against that.

My H apologized to me, and he has always been aware of my distaste for his actions...I have made it aware to him on dday and after. The OW wants to play victim, and then uses her child for even more sympathy...how pathetic is that? Do I blame my H...YEP...Do I blame OW...YEP. As a woman I know what I can and can't do, I show respect for MYSELF...I don't care what a man says or does, in the end, if I become pregnant, it is my body and my life that will more than likely change forever. "Mama's baby, Daddy's Maybe" and in my case, the OW probably still doesn't know who her babies Daddy is...ho.

My attitude has been and will continue to be that if a woman has a child (accidentally or on purpose) by a MM then she gets what she gets. PERIOD. In my stitch, she would have received a check each month, and wishing of well for the rest of her and the child's life. I wouldn't wish anything bad upon the child, but my H and myself made ourselves ABUNDANTLY clear...if she had this child, we would have nothing to do with it...so in my opinion, that's totally HER fault and HER problem.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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First of all Im NOT defending OW/OM or any "OTHER". I feel for the betrayed.....I WAS one. But, anyone who is going to say that the OW got pregnant on purpose.....you must also say the WS got them pregnant on purpose as well. There is NOWAY a woman can become pregnant if the man does NOT intend for her to.....NO WAY! You can slice it, dice it any way you want.

If a man chooses to enter *unprotected*......he really does not care if the woman becomes pregnant or not. Whether the OP says they are on the pill, sterile or whatever.

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First of all Im NOT defending OW/OM or any "OTHER". I feel for the betrayed.....I WAS one. But, anyone who is going to say that the OW got pregnant on purpose.....you must also say the WS got them pregnant on purpose as well. There is NOWAY a woman can become pregnant if the man does NOT intend for her to.....NO WAY! You can slice it, dice it any way you want.

If a man chooses to enter *unprotected*......he really does not care if the woman becomes pregnant or not. Whether the OP says they are on the pill, sterile or whatever.

There are many ways a woman can become pregnant on purpose...believe me, I'm a woman and I know. As a woman, I know what controls I have, I know when I'm fertile, I know my body. MY BODY....get it....MY BODY.....see I don't leave it to a man to decide....because its MY BODY.

Men don't get pregnant, they don't suffer with a day of morning sickness, or an ounce of labor. So it's not for him to know about what I will suffer with or deal with. How many SINGLE mothers are out in this world...let's just be real...does he really have to think about it? I need to think about it because in the end, I will be the one with all the decisions...(keep the child, abort the child, give the child up for adoption)....HE has no say in any of that...I make those decisions alone, therefore, I could care less what the man does or says, I'm going to be the one responsible in the end.

All OW don't get pregnant on purpose...noone says they do, but some do...and yes it is possible...she can slip the condom off, she can say she's on the pill, she's infertile, she can lie to him just as good as he lies to his wife. When it comes down to it, the OW and the MM are both liars to each other.

Do some MM get the OW pregnant on purpose....probably so....but lets be real....as I woman, I know that many men would love to sleep with a woman (ugly, fat, thin, skinny, bumpy or whatever)...knowing that, I was raised to have respect for myself and also raised knowing the power of my womanly ways.

My H can tell me a thousand times that he's exhausted and doesn't want to fool around that night...I know how to get him unexhausted, as many woman on this board knows...it's not hard, and I knew that prior to being married, so the OWs know it too, infact, their entire existence is built on it.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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But, anyone who is going to say that the OW got pregnant on purpose.....you must also say the WS got them pregnant on purpose as well. There is NOWAY a woman can become pregnant if the man does NOT intend for her to.....NO WAY! You can slice it, dice it any way you want.

If a man chooses to enter *unprotected*......he really does not care if the woman becomes pregnant or not. Whether the OP says they are on the pill, sterile or whatever.

That is the most bizarre thinking I have seen in ages!

I think you will need much more information to presume "intent", counselor!

Some men may think that way.......in sort of a prehistoric, "I am man, spread my seed" sort of way. Some may actually want to show their virility and get the woman pregnant. I would venture to say they are a rarity!

Some women do get pregnant by accident. Some birth control methods are not as reliable as others. But plenty, use it as a tool. It is very effective if you have no scruples and are not afraid to use a pregnancy to your advantage.

Can you not even envision the situation where a man thinks the sex is "protected" because of what he is told..........and that the goal is to dupe him and get pregnant? Anything?

You seem very resistant to this scenario. Okay. We will have to agree to disagree. Although if your wife had ever become pregnant by one of the OM, I guarantee your reaction would be different.


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First of all Im NOT defending OW/OM or any "OTHER". I feel for the betrayed.....I WAS one. But, anyone who is going to say that the OW got pregnant on purpose.....you must also say the WS got them pregnant on purpose as well. There is NOWAY a woman can become pregnant if the man does NOT intend for her to.....NO WAY! You can slice it, dice it any way you want.

If a man chooses to enter *unprotected*......he really does not care if the woman becomes pregnant or not. Whether the OP says they are on the pill, sterile or whatever.

"Doesn't care" is NOT the same as "intention."

I get what you're tellin me....but YOU also know we are not talking about people who are thinking with their heads...YOU KNOW THIS.

You are arguing semantics where none exist.


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I also venture to say that woman are harder on woman just as men are harder men...see I know the female perspective, I know how they tick.

When a woman lays down with a man unprotected, it's not brain science. I doubt that either intended on getting pregnant, however, I do believe woman have a little more information to work with. I believe that. I know that. Men would like to believe that it is their persuasive power getting women into bed, but trust me, a woman does what she wants to do, irregardless of how good a talker a man is. She really controls the situation, you can believe differently, but I know the truth.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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My last comment I promise....LOL. Dang yall are hard on me.

Yes, maybe I was promiscuous when I was younger and my morals werent all that great. I did have sex with a fair amount of women.....guess what???? Even though there were some that did want to get preg. by me, they didnt. Why? I was careful and had protection. I knew I could get them pregnant if I went in bare....its NOT rocket science.

Im sorry, but I disagree. I just do.

*shrugs* Good luck all of you ladies......I really didnt mean to hurt anyones feelings. Even though Im not in your situation, I do understand what you are going thru.

God Bless.

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>its NOT rocket science.

It's NOT...but YOU'RE still not gettin' it.

It's not that they WANTED to get them pg...THEY DIDN'T CARE! THEY WERE BEING SELFISH IMMATURE IDIOTS.

But it didn't mean they WANTED the OW to get pg.

There. I said it. Geesh.

- Kimmy


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My last comment I promise....LOL. Dang yall are hard on me.

That just made me laugh! Startinover, you must be good natured, even if misdirected! LOL

Good luck!


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LBelle,

I've learned that most of us (BSes) are good natured.

The bad natured ones are already in prison.

(evil giggle)

- Kimmy


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Ok.....another comment......LOL. I dont get upset and go off anymore. Whats the point. I think I yelled and screamed at my EX enough for the rest of my lifetime.

Dealan-de......I think you finally got my point.

"Not Caring" and/or being careful NOT to get the OW pregnant is just as bad as the "OW getting pregnant on purpose".

If someone has a loaded gun pointed at someone, and it accidentally goes off and kills them (you not being extremely careful).......you didnt intend to kill them, but guess what.....you did.


AHHHHHHHHHH......whatever. LOL, have a good one. *smiling*

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Oh.

Well then.

Der.

(on my part)

Really tho...GOD FORBID...and I mean strike me down...if I EVER insinuate that what he did wasn't as bad as what she did. Cos he was a rat's hinder....

She just still is....

That's the difference now. NOW.


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Really tho...GOD FORBID...and I mean strike me down...if I EVER insinuate that what he did wasn't as bad as what she did. Cos he was a rat's hinder....

She just still is....

That's the difference now. NOW.

Alrighty, then!! Way to go..........cut right to the core of what most of the posts have said in many ways!!

He "was" and OW still "is" a rat's hinder. That's why hard feelings may still exist toward the various OW's, while those feelings change about H's. Because H's have changed.

And who gives "a rat's hinder" about a rat's hinder, anyway?


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SO - the difference between WH and OW in responsibility is she holds the trump card - she has all the choices after the deed - adopt, abort, keep... of course she's going to keep because she gets to keep her connection to her MM for 18 years financially at least... that ought to get his attention... right?

MM has NO choices in the matter AFTER - that's why we say she got preg on purpose!


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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SO~

I've got a couple Advil if you need some for that headache you must surely have from that brick wall yesterday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think I get what you're saying.

I sure the heck didn't ~WANT~ to get P by my OM. And I sure the heck didn't ~WANT~ to get P at the age of 40. BUT you know what? What I ~WANTED~ is a moot point because *I* was stupid enough to NOT do anything to prevent it. I made bad decision after bad decision, beginning with the first and fatal one... having an A in the first place.

Trust me, my H and I wouldn't sleep any better at night if we could somehow convince ourselves that OM purposely set out to get me P... because that still doesn't take away ~MY~ personal responsibility.

When I had sex with OM... I may as well have announced to the world, "I give my consent to a pregnancy". That's the chance I took when I recklessly decided to "play". I don't care if OM had said he was sterile and a P was an impossibility. It doesn't remove my part in getting P. OM's intent wouldn't mean a hill of beans if I did my part... NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM!!

Bottom line... a woman, (and in some, though probably rare cases-- a man), can plot, scheme, lie, twist arms, etc, etc to purposely cause a P till the cows come home, but if the man refrains from having sex with her, her intent doesn't matter because...

There will be no P.

Anybody-- man or woman-- can cry foul after the fact, saying, "but that's not what I wanted", or "that's not what I intended", but guess what folks?...

There was ONE THING that was ~INTENDED~, and that was the AFFAIR. Once each A partner made the conscious decision to have an A in the first place, they virtually decided to play with that "loaded gun". When you play-- you pay, and all that.

All sorts of things can and do happen when we choose to have an A. Not the least of which is STDs... and who ~wants~ that? Who PURPOSELY sets out to get an STD? Yet it happens all the time, no matter how much we don't ~want~ or intend on an STD.

How about some PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY? If a person doesn't want something, then that person NEEDS TO DO WHAT IT TAKES on their end to make sure it DOESN'T happen.

FTR-- I do believe there are women who purposely set out to get P, trap a man, etc, etc. It happens everyday. I'm only trying to stress the fact her scheming has no chance of ever coming to fruition if the man stays at home.

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SO~

I've got a couple Advil if you need some for that headache you must surely have from that brick wall yesterday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think I get what you're saying.

I sure the heck didn't ~WANT~ to get P by my OM. And I sure the heck didn't ~WANT~ to get P at the age of 40. BUT you know what? What I ~WANTED~ is a moot point because *I* was stupid enough to NOT do anything to prevent it. I made bad decision after bad decision, beginning with the first and fatal one... having an A in the first place.

Trust me, my H and I wouldn't sleep any better at night if we could somehow convince ourselves that OM purposely set out to get me P... because that still doesn't take away ~MY~ personal responsibility.

When I had sex with OM... I may as well have announced to the world, "I give my consent to a pregnancy". That's the chance I took when I recklessly decided to "play". I don't care if OM had said he was sterile and a P was an impossibility. It doesn't remove my part in getting P. OM's intent wouldn't mean a hill of beans if I did my part... NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM!!

Bottom line... a woman, (and in some, though probably rare cases-- a man), can plot, scheme, lie, twist arms, etc, etc to purposely cause a P till the cows come home, but if the man refrains from having sex with her, her intent doesn't matter because...

There will be no P.

Anybody-- man or woman-- can cry foul after the fact, saying, "but that's not what I wanted", or "that's not what I intended", but guess what folks?...

There was ONE THING that was ~INTENDED~, and that was the AFFAIR. Once each A partner made the conscious decision to have an A in the first place, they virtually decided to play with that "loaded gun". When you play-- you pay, and all that.

All sorts of things can and do happen when we choose to have an A. Not the least of which is STDs... and who ~wants~ that? Who PURPOSELY sets out to get an STD? Yet it happens all the time, no matter how much we don't ~want~ or intend on an STD.

How about some PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY? If a person doesn't want something, then that person NEEDS TO DO WHAT IT TAKES on their end to make sure it DOESN'T happen.

FTR-- I do believe there are women who purposely set out to get P, trap a man, etc, etc. It happens everyday. I'm only trying to stress the fact her scheming has no chance of ever coming to fruition if the man stays at home.


OMG!!!!! You do get what I was trying to say....(and very badly getting across). You cant say one got preg. on purpose if you BOTH are not using any protection, and the man is ejaculating into the woman....PERIOD.

Bravo on an awesome, awesome....well read thought.

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>I'm only trying to stress the fact her scheming has no chance of ever coming to fruition if the man stays at home.

Why don't we have a smiley that's clapping???


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FTR-- I do believe there are women who purposely set out to get P, trap a man, etc, etc. It happens everyday. I'm only trying to stress the fact her scheming has no chance of ever coming to fruition if the man stays at home.

I don't think anyone has ever disagreed with this idea. That's a given and posts were written earlier on in this thread, as well. Thanks for the reminder.

The main issue for me with SO's posts......there were a couple. But he would never concede that there are OW who want to get pregnant and use it as leverage to keep MM and break up the marriage.

The people are already having sex, so the idea of MM should have stayed home is already past. The relationship evolves and some women who feel it slipping away, do use pregnancy as a way of keeping the man close. Easy. Been done since the beginning of time.

But SO has not stated this was even a possiblity or in any woman's mind. I know it is true. OW have stated that outright. He never did say why he felt so strongly to make his point here, not having personal involvement with it.

Thanks, AD for your insight to the other side.


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FTR-- I do believe there are women who purposely set out to get P, trap a man, etc, etc. It happens everyday. I'm only trying to stress the fact her scheming has no chance of ever coming to fruition if the man stays at home.

I don't think anyone has ever disagreed with this idea. That's a given and posts were written earlier on in this thread, as well. Thanks for the reminder.

The main issue for me with SO's posts......there were a couple. But he would never concede that there are OW who want to get pregnant and use it as leverage to keep MM and break up the marriage.

The people are already having sex, so the idea of MM should have stayed home is already past. The relationship evolves and some women who feel it slipping away, do use pregnancy as a way of keeping the man close. Easy. Been done since the beginning of time.

But SO has not stated this was even a possiblity or in any woman's mind. I know it is true. OW have stated that outright. He never did say why he felt so strongly to make his point here, not having personal involvement with it.

Thanks, AD for your insight to the other side.



I never said it wasnt true that the OW may have not gotten pregnant on purpose, I said the WH can also get the OW preg on purpose also, by not protecting himself. Also, who is to say the WH even cared if the OW got pregnant, maybe to trap her to an extent.....so she would have to stay in contact with him. It is possible. I know of a couple of guys right in my city (not real close friends or anything, but aquaintances).......and these guys have 3-5 kids by different women. So you are saying all of these women got pregnant on purpose?????......and these two guys were married at the time these kids came along. WHs can lie just as much as the women about NOT wanting the OW to become pregnant. Just because they said they never wanted it to happen means nothing. Are you sure you can believe them also?

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"I know of a couple of guys right in my city (not real close friends or anything, but aquaintances).......and these guys have 3-5 kids by different women. So you are saying all of these women got pregnant on purpose?????"


This is an insulting response to the posts written. All??? That is plainly stupid.

I am done. I don't care what you think. My point has been more to prevent this thinking in BWs who are new to this painful crisis and are reading anonymously. I wouldn't want them to get your distorted ideas involved with their pain. Reasonable posts have been written to you and you return with absolutes and extreme examples to make your point. It has not been made.


You don't get it and don't care to get it. You are righteously correct, in your opinion, about something you really know nothing about.

The topic has veered off into an area that is not productive.


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"I know of a couple of guys right in my city (not real close friends or anything, but aquaintances).......and these guys have 3-5 kids by different women. So you are saying all of these women got pregnant on purpose?????"


This is an insulting response to the posts written. All??? That is plainly stupid.

I am done. I don't care what you think. My point has been more to prevent this thinking in BWs who are new to this painful crisis and are reading anonymously. I wouldn't want them to get your distorted ideas involved with their pain. Reasonable posts have been written to you and you return with absolutes and extreme examples to make your point. It has not been made.


You don't get it and don't care to get it. You are righteously correct, in your opinion, about something you really know nothing about.

The topic has veered off into an area that is not productive.





How am I being insulting because I think BOTH parties are equally responsible for the OC. Thats not an insult.....both parties are adults and are fully aware of what can happen with unprotected sex.....I learned that in HS.

I guess you didnt bother to read Autumn Days post.....it made WAY more sense than any of the other responses Ive seen in this thread.

She also didnt run off whining because others disagreed with her.

You know what, Im with ya.....Im done on this one too.


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You don't even READ what the response is.

The insulting response is quoted,,,,not about your opinion. No one has EVER disagreed with the idea that both parties are responsible. Duh! You bring your response back to something that is OLD and simplistic, that wasn't what was being discussed.

You didn't reconcile with your wife, you divorced. You don't have an OC involved on any side, that you are willing to state. Why should your opinion have any validity at all, that you should make such a fuss about it. Why are you here? To help and support people in pain? Or impose views you have no personal experience with?

I don't care if you disagree. You can't see any side but your own, even if you don't agree. We have all agreed about WH's. That was never a question.


** Not running away......skipping freely!**


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You don't even READ what the response is.

The insulting response is quoted,,,,not about your opinion. No one has EVER disagreed with the idea that both parties are responsible. Duh! You bring your response back to something that is OLD and simplistic, that wasn't what was being discussed.

You didn't reconcile with your wife, you divorced. You don't have an OC involved on any side, that you are willing to state. Why should your opinion have any validity at all, that you should make such a fuss about it. Why are you here? To help and support people in pain? Or impose views you have no personal experience with?

I don't care if you disagree. You can't see any side but your own, even if you don't agree. We have all agreed about WH's. That was never a question.




** Not running away......skipping freely!**


You are right, Im not it this kind of sitch.....I apologize.

God Bless yall.

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I'm a newbie, but am loving this site. It has been so helpful to me to see that I'm not alone, and can seek advice/support from people who have been through what I'm going through. My H has been having affair for about 1 yr. The OW pursued him until he gave in. WEAK!!! This isn't the first, and I just thought it would go away like the other, so ignored it. BIG MISTAKE on my part. Nonetheless, I can't change the past, but can focus on the future. I confronted him/her just over a month ago. She is pregnant, and he is still involved with her. I am doing what I guess we'd call Plan A. He is struggling with ending the affair and staying in our marriage, or leaving us (we have 3 children) to be with her. She is using the baby to play on his emotions. This is the only thing they seem to have in common besides the affair. I totally believe in my heart that she got pregnant on purpose to force him to leave us. She said she didn't and he believes her (to some extent). I have told him that I will not keep him out of his child's life, after all it is not the fault of this innocent child that his parents were completely irresponsible. I will be there to help him raise this child and accept him (OC) into our family. I don't want to keep this a secret from our other children that they have a sibling. Enough lies/deceipt already. We haven't told the kids anything yet, until there is a decision made about what H intends to do. I will move to plan B if after 6 months (the baby will be here by then) H still has not made a decision. (I hope I'm getting the plans right, but I think you understand.) I will remove H from my life if he can't make a decision.

My question/my struggle is this .... I know that his relationship will die with OW if he moves in with her. They don't get along all that well, and have only the baby in common. Should I wait it out, or tell him to leave now...and wait for him to return (because I know he will.) I have read what seems like 1000 articles, but not too many out there deal with a child as a result of the affair.

Thanks for listening....and I hope someone will respond.

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Hi mcp39!

I am so sorry you have to be here! But there are lots of people with experience and you will have a safe place to discuss your issues.

I am going to start a new thread for you. Your post might get buried in this one and not get the attention it needs.

Take care. We all understand what you are going through.


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Unless the OW comes right out and admits she got pregnant on purpose I guess we really don't know for sure if the pregnancy was intentional or not. Certainly married couples have had failed birth control, "accidents", and unplanned pregnancies. Sex can be a powerful, in the moment, totally absorbing experience. That's very much the dynamics involved in affairs. Birth control of any kind isn't 100% effective. (Abstinence not included.)

Since many affair partners say they didn't plan on having an affair, they may not be prepared with birth control....regardless of whether they shouldn't have been having sex in the first place, much less having unprotected sex. I think there's also the factor that if one plans ahead for birth control, it's an admission of one's intent to be sexually involved with their affair partner. It's easier in some ways to say "Oops! We never meant it to go that far.", than accept accountability for one's choices.

I'd be interested in seeing statistics of claims of "failed birth control" resulting in a pregnancy, among affair partners vs. married couples.

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Unprotected sex= getting pregnant on purpose.

The only way to not get pregnant "on purpose" is to use two or three reliable forms of birth control at one time.

If this is not being used, there is NO EXCUSE, for them getting pregnant. PASSION is NOT an excuse for failing to use birth control.

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Abstinence is the ONLY way to guarantee not getting pregnant.

BC reduces the likelihood but does not always prevent pregnancy.

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Some women are just born stupid. My xH's OW only dates married men. She has made a profession out of it and amazingly enough she gets pregnant by everyone of them. Somehow she had not figured out that they don't stay because of a kid, but relentlessly she keeps trying anyway. I mean my H walked out on me with 2 kids and I was pregnant. What made her think he would stay for a kid when he left 3 he already had. DUH! My xH and I have since reconsiled and are trying to work things out. I have forgiven him for his stupidity, but she is now working on married man number 4. Some people never learn.


"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 Faith isn't believing God can, its knowing that he will. BS(me)-26 FWH-26 Married-October 2000 DDay-September 2005 Divorced-October 2006 Remarried-August 2007 DD-6 DD-3 DD-2 OC-1 In Recovery!
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I read this on a whim.. and have no clue about any of this as I've not been in the situation.

I did want to comment that my hubby and I have two living children. Both were conceived while on birth control (one with the pill, one with the depo provera shot)

We got pregnant in 2005 AFTER my tubes had been tied but the baby died.

It is VERY possible to get pregnant even being very careful. Some women are more fertile (myself included), I see a fertility specialist for this very reason.

Just wanted to share that.. since some think it must be impossible. Its not!


Me - 26 & Hubby - 27
In Love since 10/99
Married 6/01' - love our 2 sons ages 4 & 6
Problem: Communicating & Making Time for Our Marriage.
Status: Started Recovery June 11, 2007 -Our marriage is happier & stronger then ever - It's been a year and we are SUCCESSFUL!

Completely head over heels in love with my romantic hubby
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My husband thinks so, and I believe so on a semi aware level she did. She already had one child who she said she conceived from a rape ( much we do not believe at all ).

It was a case of the rubber breaking, but my H said that she said she knew she was preganant right than and there.

She also really wanted his child, once she was preganant and they had sex only twice before it happenned.

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Yes, That's my opinion...! The ow is a lesbian....my husband and her became friends...she knew that he was not happy in the marriage and we were having problems (that i was unaware of)...She told him she and her partner, that she is no longer with, wanted to have a baby and had considered a donor. She told him that she would like the baby's father to be someone just like him (i'm sure that it made him feel wanted since he didn't think that I cared anymore). He slept with her 2 times about a month apart both times they had been drinking quite a bit. She became pregnant and after that they decided that they needed to stop what they were doing..(unclear who decided) My husband says he stopped because i did not deserve what he was doing to me. I think she got just what she wanted, she used him to get it, but she kept him as a close friend so he would not see that. I have told him how i feel and i think he may be starting to see the light...I hope.


me 42
h 41
married 1985
com 20, 18, 16, 8
d-day 2 aug 07
oc dob 16 sep 06

Last edited by tarita; 08/14/07 11:22 AM.
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wow, I'm glad there is a forum for this...

I recently learned the OW is pregnant...but the way my husband and the OW told me was pretty low and very childish. Someone mentioned their XH told her that so she would be mad enough to file for divorce..could my husband's goal be making me mad enough to file first?

Please read my thread...

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Yes, That's my opinion...! The ow is a lesbian....my husband and her became friends...she knew that he was not happy in the marriage and we were having problems (that i was unaware of)...She told him she and her partner, that she is no longer with, wanted to have a baby and had considered a donor. She told him that she would like the baby's father to be someone just like him (i'm sure that it made him feel wanted since he didn't think that I cared anymore). He slept with her 2 times about a month apart both times they had been drinking quite a bit. She became pregnant and after that they decided that they needed to stop what they were doing..(unclear who decided) My husband says he stopped because i did not deserve what he was doing to me. I think she got just what she wanted, she used him to get it, but she kept him as a close friend so he would not see that. I have told him how i feel and i think he may be starting to see the light...I hope.


*************************edit****************

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This is my first post. I don't know if there will be any response since the original seems to be quite old. But I'm hoping it is a good place to start.

It was seven years ago. My H, then fiance, had only known her about 3 weeks, slept together on their first 'date'. She was 31, married to a man 51, who had a vasectomy and two grown children, and clearly stated he did not want any more. She had one daughter, about 11, and wanted more, at any cost. Husband continued to refuse, so she took her husbands paycheck, rented a smelly $300 apartment, and put out her shingle. She was quite the party girl I guess. I had to be out of town for two weeks, and had also been moved to night shift for a period of two months. She was quite the hotty in a very small town, big blonde '80s hairdo kind of way, and she got a lot of business. Her husband at the time, (her husband #2), kept record of the Ford pickup trucks, (and one Chevy) that were parked outside the apartment at any given time. He recorded license plate numbers, makes, models, dates, times etc. He was really not happy with the situation. So my now H's license plate appeared on the list, with 10 others. Another guy, the one we believe was her first and foremost primary target, lived within walking distance.

So the first time they sleep together, it is November 5th. As far as I know, the last time was November 28th, according to her xH's record keeping.

On Dec 15th, she tells him she is PG, and that he needs to marry her, and pay for a divorce from her husband. She didn't know about me yet. They both claim different things about that conversation. She says he asked her to marry him. Then offered to pay her $1000 to have an abortion. He says, he simply asked her to have an abortion, and that he was responding to her talk of marriage. He had only known her a few weeks. She had never even met his family. He comes from a very upright and conservative family. The kind of family that always 'does the right thing' and are very well-respected. This little affair was a great shame for them, especially since she was married. We are talking very small town atmosphere here.

He tells me about 5 days later.

She claims it happened when the condom slipped on November 19. I know my man, and it is easy to read when he is lying. I don't fully believe there was a condom. But I know he does not believe in pregnancy before marriage.
Anyway....I am getting offtrack, the baby was born September 5th, and by my calculations, that would make it 5 1/2 weeks overdue. Maybe they slept together later than he would tell me, since I had confronted him about his behavior by the first of December, and demanded better treatment for myself. I didn't have any intuition that he was still straying.

I am pretty sure that doctors don't let you go over 2 weeks overdue without inducing. She was induced. But if she were two weeks overdue, that would put the conception date at about Dec 12-13th or so. Even if the sperm can live in the body for up to 4 days before impregnating the egg, that would still be the 8th at the earliest. It would have been difficult but not impossible to get a positive PG test, (home test, and nobody saw except her).

She told me later, when I called her to let her know I existed, because he wouldn't, that he had begun acting weird and not calling towards the end of November, but he did stay the weekend after Thanksgiving with her. (I was out of town with family). He told me that he had begun to have suspicions that she was cheating on him, (funny how that works).

I have asked and begged for a DNA test for years, but she refuses. H is just ashamed to ever have known her, to have done what he did. He is also afraid it might be his. We agreed within 24 hours of him telling me about the pregnancy that we would have no contact with mother or child. The OW was livid.

Her ex H told me he does not believe she has a clue who the real father is. He says she picked my H because he lived out of town, (the town she was in was about 200 people population) and made good money, had a job, house, and insurance. I know that's not much, but in very small towns, for people with very small minds, and little to no gumption, that can seem like the lotto. She was never even able to get her GED. Couldn't handle the course load. Her exH said she just wanted a baby at any cost to anyone else. He said she had tried to use the baby ploy at least 3 times that he was aware of, even with him. They began sleeping together immediately when they met, and she claimed to be pregnant. He then told her he'd had a vasectomy. She quickly had a 'miscarriage'.

When she became PG in the time frame of sleeping with my now husband, she wanted her husband at the time to raise it as his own, but after the baby was born, she continued to cheat on him. When the baby was 10 months she took the tax return, moved out, and started very actively dating. She remarried within a year, under pretenses of a pregnancy, I was told, and then, of all things, moved to my town. I see her everywhere now.

So, although I was not there with them, although I do not know what was in her mind at that time, I can look at the facts of the matter, and views of other people close to the situation, and surmise, that yes she did get PG on purpose, and with no thought or care to the men involved.

Guess that was long for my first post. Obviously I have issues if I am still this upset 7 years later. I Have an older child myself, and H and I have 2 of our own. The first of which is 6 months younger than OC.

Does anyone have any feedback. I am looking for ways to heal, to get past this. I have too many emotions. Still. One of my greatest worries, is that my kids will end up playing soccer with her kids, or something of the sort. I don't want my children exposed to that type of thinking/lifestyle.

Swt sub

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I don't want my children exposed to that type of thinking/lifestyle.

I know this is a sad way to look at it, but because your husband (then fiance) did what he did, they have already been exposed to it.

All the betrayed and wayward can do, if they choose to, is damage control.

I'm so sorry. Have you read any of this site beyond this board?

Last edited by Dealan-de; 05/06/08 08:32 AM. Reason: grammer

I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

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I've read a bit, know I need to read more. Probably start with the book? I have five weeks left of school, though, and am putting off any new projects to make sure I get through school first. I felt bad for posting anything when I haven't done the homework. Sorry, I just wanted to get started.

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No worries. I began posting when I didn't truly understand what the site was about, too....way back when dinosaurs roamed the planet.

Read when you can. It is understood that you have a real life out in the world that has to be taken care of.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Hello-

I just found out two days ago that OW is pregnant with my WH's baby, she is 6 months pregnant. I have so many questions that run through my head, and if anyone has answers, plese help!

*Why would the OW not let me know that she is pregnant? I confronted her (but not in a mean tone and she denied it, it was at the end of our conversation that she admited it was my WH's.)

*Why does he still want to go places with me? Hang out with me? Want me around his life? I want to move on and I've done a pretty good job in the last year. Apparently he sure has moved on!

any advise is greatly appreciated!

Thanks,

Calibabeus


BS(ME)25 WH-29 M-July 2004 D-Day April 15, 2007 DS-10months Things happen for a reason, the hard part is know what the reason is
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Cali, maybe your husband wants a plural marriage? You know...he wants both of you as wives. You two could live in the same house and both please him. Like on that show :"Big Love". Have you asked him why he still wants to speak with you when she's pregnant?

Ask him if he wishes for a "Plural Marriage" or something.

What does he want from you, I would want to know.

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Cake eater.

Geting his ego stroked big time by string along 2 women at the same time.

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The Road has a really good point here. If you give your ex ANY response at all, he will eat it up since he loves his ego stroked by both women!

If it were me I would not respond to the ex except if you have to e-mail him about child issues. Or have a third party deal with him about the child issues.

I would not let him have a moment of ego strokes from me after what he did. Give him NOTHING, mentally, physically, emotionally. He took enough, he can go to HIS new woman for any support he needs, he does not need to be coming to you. Put a stop to him coming to you in any way.

I think if he says he still loves you, tell him he is nutz. If he says he still wants to be with you tell him he is nutz, just keep saying "you are nutz". Repeat that and nothing else.


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My Hs OW admitted to getting pregnant on purpose! The OC may or may not be his, she refuses DNA testing. Hmmmm Wonder why?! I know for a fact that she sleeps around. She claims that this OC is his also claims her second C is his also. My H has told me that the OW told him that she chose HIM out of all the men she was watching to have children with, she admired him most of all sick. My H has hired an attorney so that DNA testing can hopefully proceed. I am praying that the C are not his. My H also told me that the OW expected him to leave me when she had C and that when he did not she was furious. Guess her true colors showed through. The OW also told coworkers (YES! We worked at the same location, her and I :eek:) that my H stated over and over again that he loved me and would NEVER leave me. Well wasn't she the smart one to keep trying laugh . Am I crushed by all of this? You bet I am. I'm taking day by day and dealing with it the best I can. Glad I found this site. It sure has helped me.

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Cynthia29,

I haven't been on this site in a long time. Let me give you a short background. H had an A. OW has OC. We have NC neither does H's family. We actually moved back to our home state to get away from AW. All she ever talks about is money. OC is 17mo. H finally got CS finalized in Nov.07. Now she wants more so she can go to graduate school. She quit work. How does a woman who is 39 with 3 kids from 2 other guys get PG once again??? This also was a very short A only about a month. It ended (by my H) before she found out she was PG and then turned a bit "fatal attraction". She emails us constantly about $$$. OW is also pysco at times in her emails. Constantly referring to the "night of conseption" now tell me it wasn't planned. My H is 110% at fault and knows it we have been working on it for over 2 years and it is difficult. Oh and she also is obsessed with "public recongniton" not sure why or where she is going with that. She even created a myspace page for OC. She is a sick person. There is so much more I could write about but it would take all day.

Anyway, it sounds like our situations are similiar. How are you coping? I have set backs almost daily. I try for our C's sake. I love H but not back inlove with H but I am trying.

OOh I feel a bit better to back on this site.

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