I am a Betrayes Spouse. You came here because deep down you KNOW that what you want to do is WRONG.

Your HUSBAND, who you apparently should get to know better, will be crushed. It will be like a death to him EVERY DAY he wakes up knowing that you are unfaithful. EVERY TIME you leave he will die a little more inside until he is truly dead.

Do you want to be a murderer? Do you want to kill the man that loves you for who you are just so you can live out a fantasy about a relationship that MIGHT have existed?

Tell your husband that this man has contacted you. Draw up a NO CONTACT letter and drop it. You want romance? There is a man waiting to give you all you want, you just have to convince him/ set up a counseling session with Harley et al.

My WS is having a physical affair. It kills me, but I still am trying to make things work. Does that sound like someone who doesn't place her first? Or someone who is selfish? I bet your H is very much the same.

You haven't been happy? Yeah right, try: you don't know how to be content with the wonderful life you have. Don't believe me, ask someone who has had to leave Somalia or Dharfur.

WantOut,

Since you are obviously not here to try and save your marriage, I'll tell you exactly what you are in for when you pursue this illicit relationship:

- You will find that the man you're fantasizing about isn't everything you had hoped for.

- You will then waffle back and forth between having your husband meet some of your needs and the OM meeting some. Thereby torchering your husband on top of devistating him by leaving him. How nice for him, but thats right, you only care about how you're feeling.

- Your husband will tell you your children are hurting and they've started demonstating behavioral and perhaps physical problems, but you will deny it has anything to do with your adultery and selfish behavior.

- You'll go along like this, fence sitting, for about 2 years until you have created a wake of destruction behind you that includes everyone you ever loved. But you will continue to deny it has anything to do with your infidelity.

- You may or may not end up with the OM and whats most important is you will have the same problems you started out with in any relationship you are in because you are trying to change everything around you instead of dealing with what is really the problem, it being WITHIN YOU.

The above may vary a bit but bascially its what you're headed for. If you doubt it, read the articles and posts ... or not.

Here's the gig WO, even if you change the players in your life...ie swapping your FAITHFUL husband for an OM...YOUR life will remain the SAME until YOU change YOU...The fact that you want to go back to a relationship from your youth speaks VOLUMES about your being stuck developmentally...Take it from someone who did pretty close to the same thing that you are contemplating...You can't run from yourself...It's a wherever you go, there you are situation...Tell your husband what's going on and begin working on YOU today!!!

Mrs. W

I became very emotionally detached.

You still are ....

You are emotionally detached from yourself & you are seeking to be "found" to yourself in a new and less challenging relationship. A childish relationship that never developed beyond the "we were meant for each other" adolescent level.


NO ONE finds "parts" of themselves in another person ... this is a very immature notion.



again ... teenage angst ...

actually, what you have been missing all these years is still missing ... it's YOU .... other people do not "complete" you ... what happends if they no longer want to complete you??? YOU fall apart ... as evidenced by ~~~>

Stick with your husband sweetie ... he's not the most exciting man on the planet, but he won't use you & then dump you .... OM WILL DUMP YOU ....

why? you ask ...

because that's what he does ... he's not a keeper .... he's using you ... and you're just ripe to be picked

Pep

know what ....


ask your husband to run a background check on OM .... he's not clean ... he's got some sort of heavy baggage ... I'm certain

what's the longest he's been in one job?

Pep

WantOut's MB post title 2+ years from now:

"Lost my loving husband many years ago due to misunderstanding, but now I want him back"

Wantout,

You could fall in love with Bozo the Clown if you both started meeting each others emotional needs.

Try reading and implementing Harley's Basic Concepts on this site.

You can fall in love with your loyal husband.

You think the advice you have received is harsh and painful? You ain't seen nothing yet. If you do destroy your life and marriage with this scumbag OM you will really know pain.

This sounds like something which might have been written by Chris' wife Donna 7-8 years ago... and the oldtimers know how that turned out.

I hope Chris is doing well...

... and wantout, beneath the rightful indignation of some of the replies is very, very good advice... 1) No Contact and 2) read everything on this site.

**edit**...I just want to say...DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THE WORDS OR BEHAVIOR OF OTHER ADULTS!!! *SCREAM* Why are you apologising to someone who is about to so callously and cruelly toss aside her family??? THAT makes me want to apologise for your ignorance!!! AND, I say that whatever is said to wantout there is pretty much FAIR GAME, number one...And number two, and even more glaringly obvious, NOT UP TO Betrayed In Jersey in ANY WAY, SHAPE or FORM!!!

Sorry Folkses...My idiot tolerance level is set on Non Existant...

You have no idea what you are proposing will do to your children. What it will do to your relationship with them. What contempt they will hold you in.

You would be very smart to spend some time looking into the EN questionairre....reading 'More than Friends', getting some good pro-marriage counseling.

I have personally seen at least two posters quit this site in the last week...not for the advice they were given, but for the way in which it was delivered.

Beating up on others won't make your pain go away, folks. It just makes you look like you can't handle your anger. If someone who was actually trying to get help leaves as a result, what good are you doing?

Just my humble opinion.

My husband went home from college for a funeral. While there, he expected to see his girl friend. They'd been dating for a couple of years. They had a sexual relationship. They were engaged.

What he got was a 'we're over"

No explanation.

4 years later, he married me.

23 years later, she contacted him. She'd missed him.

He wanted 'closure' wanted to know why she dumped him all those years ago.

Too bad he didn't tell me about it, too bad he didn't ask for help.

6 months later, I found out they had been communicating, had renewed the relationship, had become physical.

My world fell apart.

He realized during this time, he was better off with me. He was one of the FWS who stopped the A on his own. The guilt was awful.

It is said you can't go home, again. You are not the same person you were, hopefully. He is not the same either.

The 16 year old within you is in love with him. The adult woman that you are now is not. Do not fool yourself.

If you don't feel in love with your husband- then it is your responsibility to make that happen.

Read the book His Needs Her Needs. Make an effort to meet his needs, ask him to read the book with you and both of you take the test and start meeting one another's needs.

Send a letter to this person and ask him to never contact you again. Enforce that.

Do not disgrace your self- do not lower your standards.

Do not destroy your family.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />THANK YOU BEHAVIOR POLICE!!!<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You cannot dictate the tone of other people's posts, nor can you decide what will or will not be helpful to someone else...

Someone who wants help will NOT leave based on a 2 x 4...Don't believe it? Ask 2BNormal...That lady has come a LONG way, and I would bet that she's glad for the 2 x 4's she received here...I know that I'm sure glad for the ones that I received!!!

Mrs. W

My H and his HS girlfriend experimented with their lost "first love" during a HS reunion and the next 9 months. She became pregnant. I got cancer and found out about his A and soon to be child, during radiation therapy. Pure devastation! Agony for me and our family.

2-1/2 years later we are recovering, but we will never be the same. Either of us. And now we are tied to OW forever because of OC and paying tons of $$$ for CS. I am not sure you can ever truly recover from something like this.

No good can come from your intended course. Only pain, sorrow and guilt. Don't do it!!

Wow. Read what I said again. I was stating an opinion. I fail to see where I told anyone what to do. You, in your post are telling ME what is okay or not okay to say, however, not to mention the name calling. On top of that, you tell me that I cannot decide what will or will not be helpful to others, and then contrary to your words, proceed to point out that bashing someone is helpful? Then you decide that everyone who leaves based on this rough treatment didn't really want help?????????

If you don't like "behavior police," why are you doing it?

Sheesh.

Good lord, Ahnold. How long have you been here? A WEEK? You've seen people leave already? Gosh, I would think you'd be busy WORKING ON YOUR OWN ISSUES rather than keeping track of who took their toys and ran home.

Hey wantout, Welcome to MB. You've come to the right place IF YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. The question is: DO YOU?

Thing you might have noticed is that this is MARRIAGE BUILDERS... and that's what this site is about. Some of us have been here for years and have different experiences ... some, like me, tell stories of what NOT to do. I've made a lot of mistakes in my time... and you're about to make a doozie if you go to this ex of yours.

Listen to what everyone is telling you...

You don't know this man - not really. The young man he was is NOT the man he is today.

Your H deserves a devoted wife - not one with a divided heart.

You're bored. You're lonely. You're feeling unloved. You're probably having a mid-life crisis of some kind. I would know, I had one and busted my life up into a million pieces. I'm still trying to put myself back together and make amends to the people I harmed (and at times it never seems to be enough - that's the cross I bear).

Wantout. Your name says it all... let's get it changed to Wantafantastic Marriage with my Husband.

roflmao!! You mean if I had an older date and a higher post count, I would be credible like you are? *snicker*

Not that you care, but I am working on myself. I am doing penance for my sin by trying to help people to avoid the same pain. I have compassion for both betrayed spouses and *gasp* wayward spouses as well.

How is noticing something "keeping track"?

Stop baiting me. If you folks get your jollies by beating up on wayward spouses, you should put some kind of warning in your sig, that way you can be avoided. Later.

Look at my bio, A. I ***was*** a WS. Laugh your a$$ off if it makes you feel better, but I wasn't being funny.

Also, I'm not baiting you.

Did you READ what I said to wantout? Sheesh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! NewBeginningII and I are FWSes!!!

Mrs. W

I'm sure he'll be back, S.

After all, he is Ahnold. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />