Just popping in to say Hi!

Well, it's been a rather stressful week. I have to find a new daycare. It's just not a good firt for DD. She's been acting out there and at home... biting kids at daycare for no apparent reason, screaming at naptime and bedtime. And she seems scared of the caregivers. It really stinks, because she's been there a month. I knew there was something weird about that place, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It's a home daycare, and the owner is very "my way or the highway." It rubbed me the wrong way a little when I met her, but I chalked it up to professionalism. Besides, she's a dance teacher and teaches the kids dance... surely DD would love it, since she loves to dance with me. Not so much.

I had to go pick her up early twice this week b/c they just can't handle her outbursts. Behavior that she doesn't do at home. Very, very frustrating... it's so hard to find decent daycare here! I've made phone calls to other places, but people haven't returned my calls. I'm a little nervous.

Other than that, something exciting may be about to happen. I put an offer on another condo. Sure, it's contingent on the sale of my house, but it will be cool if I get it. Maybe having a contract on another place will help the house sales karma flow in a positive direction?

The other cool thing is that tomorrow's my birthday. Well, not that the birthday is cool, but the celebration sure will be. I'm taking a dance workshop in Atlanta with a famous bellydancer... Bozenka. She has done choreography for pop star Shakira and is on the Bellydance Superstars tour. My troupe will be dancing in the show afterwards... what a way to celebrate a birthday!

Childcare was always a nightmare for me. It was the most important thing that I wanted to be right.

Something will come along that is good for your daughter. Just don't give up.

I had a couple HORRIBLE babysitters. One had a beautiful home, but I found out how she kept it that way. She had the kids confined to one room, watching TV all day.

You will feel much better and more comfortable when your daughter can talk. Part of her "acting out" may be just the normal thing at her age. They get frustrated being able to understand, but not express themselves.

I totally understand. My DD got "kicked out" of a home day care at age 18 months. I found out that her sitter was better w/babies than toddlers. Think the babies were easier b/c they weren't mobile.

As it turned out she ended up w/the sitter I originally wanted but was full at the time.

Hope your situation works out well for you and your DD.

And....... happy birthday. I've heard that bellydancing is great exercise for the stomach. Is that true?

Well, I'm 29. I've been home for about half an hour... long enough to wash off all the layers of stage makeup. I decided to go ahead and make the 1.5 hour drive back tonight rather than stay at a friend's... there was something really appealing about sleeping in tomorrow morning in my own bed.

DD and I got up early this morning so I could drop her off at XH's parents' house, which is about halfway in an hour and a half drive to the big city. It was weird going in there, seeing how they've redecorated and seeing the toys they have for DD, and photos of Xh and DD. Very weird. But I was so good. Didn't say anything about anything to XSIL. Just small talk, asked about her job, school, etc. I was proud of myself.

The day was awesome. The workshop was about 5 hours (broken up of course) of Latin-Arabic fusion... picture salsa with some bellydance thrown in. Such high-energy music...it was so much fun! I am so glad I went, even though I missed DD. The show tonight was really cool. We nailed our performance (of course!), even though the stage was really small for 6 dancers. There were some great performances... man, Bozenka was absolutely stunning. And so darn nice, too.

Tomorrow I figure I'm going to take it easy, sleep in, maybe do a little shopping while I wait for DD to get home. I will probably be sore from all the dancing today!

Aaahhhh..... another weekend, another bellydance show! It was the big anniversary party of the yoga studio we practice at, so we had star billing tonight. I was so excited because my two brothers came, along with Bro1's GF, plus another one of my friends and three of my co-workers (and DD, of course, who wore her little bellydance outfit and was so well behaved!) It was the first time my bros had seen me dance. I wore my new bedlah, which I stayed up til 2 in the morning Friday night working on it. I was so afraid I would have a wardrobe malfunction... but luckily did not! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now I have to go wash off the stage makeup and glitter... sigh!

Consider yourself warned... I am seriously mad right now.

Usually, XH comes on Sunday afternoon to take DD to his parents' house. Today, he shows up driving OW's car, WITH OW in the passenger seat. Bringing that piece of trash to my house!!!! To pick up our daughter!!!! Grrr.

I asked him what his plans are today, and he said, "We're going to my parents." Why is she with you? He replied, "It's not the first time."

And I had to stand there, watching my precious baby, my innocent DD, leave with that FREAKIN' HO. And I couldn't say anything.

It's like they're pretending to be the perfect happy little family... Aw, driving over to the visit the grandparents for Sunday dinner. I am so mad I am crying right now. My heart feels like it's been ripped right out of me. That b**** has no place in my daughter's life. At all. He's rubbing my face in it. What can I do?? What can I do??

Teach her to call her Granny:)

Honey,I know it is hard, but I don't think you have many options about it.

Vent away!

I know I can't say anything bad about XH in front of DD, and I do a good job with that. But what are the rules about OW?

I mean, this b**** moved into MY home and moved out taking MY husband with her. And now she's trying to BUY MY daughter's affection.

When I went to their den of sin Thursday to pick DD up, her crib there was filed to the brim with stuffed animals SHE had bought.

I don't know what makes me so mad. Am I jealous? Or is it because I fear DD bonding with her, only to have OW flit out of her life when she gets tired of XH? EVERY guy she's been with that I know of, she swoops in, gets way too involved way too quickly, plays Mommy to the kids, and then leaves. But she's been with XH now for a year, so I don't know... Dear God, what am I going to do when they get married???????

Irritated is not the right word. I know this has to be tough. As we speak, my children, stbx and OW are at church together.

But to have the NERVE to bring her in the car to your house!

I might just lose control.

I think the BEST way to handle this is calmly. I can think of a zillion ways to be sinister (and I'd love to share themwith you, but the bigger person in me is saying not to--but I WANT TO!!!) but maybe the best "revenge" (for lack of a better word) is to just be pleasant--because you know and I know that they will soon fizzle out. And all along, you were the bigger person.

As I write that, I know that realistically that is hard stuff. Reading your post made me so angry for you. How low can you get? Cruel? truly, that was cruel.

One of the hardest things about this is the lack of control we have with our kids when they are with the other parent.

Remember this, though--your DD--she's God's kid, too. He'll watch over her. Pray for her. He's got her back.

As for the infidel fam--they are "playing" family. YOU are her family, shimmy.

((((((SG))))))

I'm here for you. I DO understand!

Thank you, intexas. Yes, that's exactly it. They're playing family.

When OW's XH was calling me, giving me all the "dirt" on the nasty things XH and OW were plotting against me, he told me how even when she was supposedly my friend, she'd call him and criticize the things I was doing for DD. As if she had any knowledge of caring for a baby! I just hope DD can recognize her for what she is... trash, trash, TRASH!!!!

Geez, and the fact that they're going to his PARENTS' HOUSE!!! As if they APPROVE of this abomination. THAT really chaps my hide.

I would say you're hurt. You've suffered a major blow, and he's flaunting it. But we KNOW yo and DD are gonna be okay and are gonne THRIVE!

Kids a resmart. This false act will come clear to her one day.

I would not speak negative about XH, but I would speak the truth from the start. Kids need the truth. OW broke up or family along with daddy. She'll need the truth, and XH does not ever need to be protected for her sake from his actions.

Yeah, but our divorce agreement has all this legalese in there about not badmouthing the other parent in front of the child, or allowing anyone else to badmouth the other parent. I'm afraid that if I even hinted about it, he'd accuse me of contempt. How do you broach the subject with a toddler? "Daddy is nice, but OW is not?"

I would ask him to please be respectful and not bring her to my home, but at this point, I'm afraid it would come out wrong.

Can your wirte him an email? Post it here for guidance?

I'm afraid to do anything in writing... all it would do would give him and OW a laugh. And what if he used it against me in court at a future date? Our child support law changes in January, and I'm going to ask my lawyer about the feasibility of taking him back to court so he has to pay more of her daycare/medical costs. I don't want to do anything that would mess it up.

What does your decree say about badmouthing? I this standard? We finalize wednesday, and I've never heard of it.

Also, is it badmouthing to speak the truth? Are others not allowed to speak the truth?

Can you have him pick DD up at another spot? From a friend?Etc.

When the times are right, I will say that daddy made a bad choice with OW and that daddy still loves dd, but that having a GF when married is wrong. I guess I am referring to the bigger pic--in the long run, she'll need the truth, and I don;t think the truth can be seen as badmouthing. Was it a fault divorce or no-fault? Was adultery the grounds?

I ended up dropping the adultery in the settlement to stay out of court, which would have been astonomically expensive for both of us. We didn't have much property to fight over, so it wasn't worth it.

I think I'm going to get out of the house for a little while to clear my head. I've got four hours before they come back.

When they came back tonight, I told XH, "I understand that I cannot control what kind of influences you choose to expose DD to when you're with her. However, I ask you to please be respectful and not bring OW to my house when you come pick her up." I told him that I feel like it is hurtful, and that it was something he would only understand when I have someone in my life who is around DD.

His response? "I get so little time with DD that it takes away from it when I have to go shuttle her around and switch out the car seat." Grrr. If he's so concerned about not having enough time with DD, you'd think he'd want to spend time with just her and not the OW.

I think I said something like, "OW is not part of DD's family." His response, "Not yet." Gulp. Like it was a threat. Ugh. NOT a good night.