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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530 |
Well actually more than a hello, but haven't been on here in awhile.
Yesterday was "our" wedding anniversary...although the D was final July 21st....I've been getting on fine, but yesterday and today seemed to pull me down.
I no longer am lonely but just at times seem to be bored....and will always have a bit of "wonder" as to what made that lady "tick".
I've heard from her a couple times....she already lives with a "friend" from work....the OM the original guy that chased her and was the major reason for our problems once tolsd me of this guy....they work together....
Heck, ****** with her and her crazy stuff, I just needed a little boost from you guys and whated to know if this reaction to my old annivesary seems normal.
Thanks, and bless you all.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774 |
my wh moved out in july of 05, sept 28 of 05 was our 9 year anniversary. it was still raw to me. i sent him a text message that sarcastically said happy anniversary sweetheart. we were not even legally separated yet but he was living with ow. this year on sept 28, i knew it would have been our anniversary but it did not bother me as i have moved on. we are now legally separated and working on a divorce. he still lives with ow. and i have grown and worked on me and moved on. i did not send a sarcastic text this year. this year i simply did not care anymore.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530 |
I know, that time has and will make it all easier...and also I finally understand that due to her continued lies, even after our divorce that she will never be part of my life again.
The day...that i fpund out where and who she now lived with was only because she had yet to change her address and was wanting me to keep taking mail to her Mom and Dad's.
She cried to me on the phone and expressed...."I think I love him?", I only wished her happiness and asked her to not hurt him....even though I would'nt know the guy if I saw him.
I lokked back thru our insurance statements and seen that she even was truthful to me about her seeing a councelor.
I doubt that she will find true love and happiness....our years together 9...and yesterday was 7 years if married seems a shame...but I'm now a different man, I guess even better.
Thanks for sharing your story with me.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Welder,
Grieving is more than we were taught. We grieve what did happen and what didn't...and grieving is healing.
You're grieving both...true loss and loss of what you expected and desired...all the stages, with your focus inward, so you don't miss what you feel and keep grieving to get to it.
This is great self-care...part of your humanity.
LA
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530 |
Thanks, LA....but help me with, "focus inward"....I don't really understand?
It will be 3 years in Feb. since this all started....she kept going back and forth. Now looking back, I truly think there was an affair early on....and she stopped it after...I saw them together a lunch with co workers.
It's tough to not ever have all the truth....just lets me wonder about her ability to love.
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530 |
Any more thoughts? I'm OK today....but the 14th just seemed weird!
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Focusing inwards would mean...
not doing this:
"just lets me wonder about her ability to love."
You would keep your thoughts on your own stuff...what you think, feel, perceive, believe...not on her stuff.
Getting to all your expectations (a lot of them are hidden and have "shoulds" or "shouldn'ts" in them); some of them you had long before you met your wife; it includes grieving, these, also...
Getting to the brass tacks where you may still believe you were a cause, control or cure for what was only her choices...and really see your own.
Looking inward at the way you choose to love, what acts you did and do...how much of that you may have relied on her to do, to make you feel loved, and how much you've learned to love yourself in actions and beliefs...getting to the whole of yourself, especially the joys of who you really are...
Seeing how much you've learned...that you didn't know then, when this began...or before...about relationships, love banks, ENs and LBs...
Focusing on you may include thoughts that she's in...but from your own skin...not going into hers.
LA
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 530 |
Wow...LA it sounds as if could really help me....thanks.
I'm busy in the garage rright now and will check back again later.
Perhaps I'll post a few of my thoughts and feelings, just to kick it around some.
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