Bad mood is good because her fantasy of easily walking away from the M is crumbling. The more conflicted she is, the better your plan is working.

She came home in a nuetral mood. She had a packet with her of court papers for a divorce. She starting going on and on about it, I tried a couple of times to change the subject, but failed at it. This shook me.
She will be out by Friday and wants to file ASAP. I didn't loose it, but she could tell by my face that I was about to start crying.

On the upside, even though she wouldnt got out to eat with me, I am picking up some take-out Italian food for dinner.
Our first dinner togther since January 2nd.

((((Dogfood))))

I don't know what to tell you at this point. Make her pay for breaking the lease! When she leaves you might want to go into plan B and leave her a letter. I'll send out the batsignal and maybe someone else can help you out. Whatever happens you can hold your head up high, and know you did what you could. You can't fix her problems. Only she can. If she wants to self destruct unfortunately there is nothing you can do.

Don't sign anything

Don't verbally agree to anything

You give her your lawyer's name and number and you tell her that is who she needs to call.

You can use the famous line I don't do divorce I do marriage my lawyer does the divorce.

If you don't agree there should at least be a hearing by a judge, and that could take months

. You know what she isn't even out of the house yet. She moves into a one bedroom with a 19 year old girl. I think this will wear thin pretty quick.

It ain't over till it's over. Yeah she will file you just let the lawyer do the dirty work you try to work on Plan A as long as you can. Then move on to Plan B when ready. Meanwhile she has live in her mess until things are finalized.

There may be a time when she begins to realize how good she had it with you. Then it will up to you. Will you still be interested? Don't count on it!

And if she does not come to that realization then, you go out knowing that you did every thing possible to make it work. You also go with a better physique from all time at the gym and you quit smoking. You also have studied M and relationships far more than most men ever do and you have the best handbook there is for a great M in HNHN.

At 34 That makes you a real catch for someone that will really appreciate the new you.

It has taken me a while to finally accept this reality So I think now it is:

Time to really start to work on the New and better "DOG"!!!!!!!

I agree with the above posters. Stall this and delay everything to the fullest extent. If she wants to move out, so be it. This will be a classic case of allowing her to experience the consequences of her own actions.

How long do you think she'll last...without much in the way of financial resources...without her cats...without a H who loves and cares for her...living with a 19 year old who basically is still a child? I think this will be a real eye opener for her.

You have taken the high road and are following proven steps to save your marriage. Stay on Plan A, and fill her EN's as best possible. If she retains her cell phone, you can admire and engage her from afar.

This is not the end...this is yet another dip in the coaster ride.

I think if she wants to leave there is nothing that is going to stop her. I would rather let her go and move on with my life than to stay and never know if you are getting everything out of her that you deserve. You sound like a good guy and you are young. I'm sure there is someone out there who will appreciate you for you.

Had an interesting night. Both good and bad. I'll post more in a little bit with the details.

Ok,
She went back and forth tonight. After our (read, her's) talk of D, she went and sat down on the ocuch and looked like someone just beat the heck out of her.
I grabbed a blanket and wrapped her up in it.
She said she wasn't up to going out to dinner tonight because she wasn't feeling good, so I suggested we get some take-out and I will go pick it up. She said "that sounds good".
Got the food and asked if she wanted to watch a movie. She said yes so I picked "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", which is one of her favorite movies.
We ate dinner while watching, and then sha laid down. I asked if she wanted a foot rub and she said "ok". I rubbed her feet and then she just laid back with her head on a pillow and her feet on my lap. After a bit, she sat up and asked me to rub her hands. I did and then she positioned herself so that we were touching legs. I scratched her back a bit, and she didn't move away. We stayed like that for the last hour of the movie.
Then, she went back into the fog. She went online for a bit and started filling out the paperwork for the D. (ugh). Got frustrated with it because we needed a piece of paper with some of our financial info on it. It is lost in our blackhole of an office. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
She got upset and started yelling at me about how she can never find anything in this place (not true, she usually knows where everything is, even if it buried under months of paperwork).
I made an attempt to look like I was helping and I think I did a pretty convincing job of it.
Anyway, I said there is no rush to do this, it will take time. She yelled "I WANT IT DONE NOW!!!". She yelled at me because I didn't look over the paperwork with her. I used to be a process server, so I have seen them all.

After a bit, she calmed down, went out and had a smoke. I joined her out on the balcony and she of course looked to see if the OM was home from work. He wasn't.
Anyway, she apologized for yelling at me (???) and I said it is ok. This is a stressfull time, but also I do not want a D (again). She said "I know, I'm sorry". She gave me a sad look and smiled at the same time. I said we will get through this together, I of course meaning anything but D.

She is now on the oouch and is going to bed soon. She asked me to give her backrub tonight. I don't know what this all means, but I am still catching glimpes of my wife. I saw the look that I descibed awhile ago, one with love in her eyes. It took her longer to catch it this time. I don't know. I feel if she wouldn't leave I stand a good chance.

Oh, and I found out her mother is not going to support her in this. She even asked her father and he said no.

She is pretty much on her own right now and she is feeling the stress of it.

I hate this. I want to offer her more than she is requesting in support of she doesn't move out just yet (the next available apartment she could get would be in 4 months). But it goes against everything I am learning here.

What do you mean support of she doesn't move out. How does it go agains tevery thing here?

MIL and FIL not supporting her in this is GOOD news!

This is FAR from over and done with.

Just keep on with Plan A big time.

That little room with the imature little girl will take it's toll very quickly.

And she is already showing signs if only briefly of caving in.

She wants to do an uncontested dissolution so there are no attorneys invloved, to keep the costs down.

She gave me an amount around what would be awarded in this state, in fact it is under the amount.

I don;t know...not a good situation.

This frustrates me because I can see my W trying to break through.

OTOH, I rubbed her back until she fell asleep.
Kind of weird she asking for it. We would do this to each other on occasion, and it would be an initmate moment (not in a sexual way).

She is still heavy in the FOG of OM. In a couple of weeks if NC is maintained she will begin to get some clear vision.

You just need to hang in there and Work on being the best "Dog" you can be.

Show her that you, the kitties and the Apt. are still her best bet.

No Way! Contest it all the way. That is exactly what she wants for you to throw in the towel. They all ask for an amicable Divorce. No Such Thing!!!!!!!!!

That is just enableing her in her decision. She can't afford the Lawyer fees if this get drawn out. Fight it all the way.

Let the Lawyer do the Divorce! You do the Plan A and remain above the Fray!

I wasn't planning on going along with it. I meet with my attorney to discuss what can be done.
My WS is under the impression that I will get stuck with all of her attorney's fees. She said she would like for us to do this ourselves to "protect" me because she cares about me and if I agree to her request for support, that it would be cheaper in the long run. She also pointed out that spousal support payments are tax deductable. Gee thanks.
I tried not to show any emotion as she went on and on, but I got the whole quivering lip thing during this.

She did say she isn't going to touch my 401(K) plan. How nice of her.

Right now I feel angry and sad.

Don't AGREE or Sign Anything!!!!!!!!!!

The lawyrers do the D. You are only working to save your M.

That has to be your line.....

I haven't agreed to anything. This was one of the things that frustrated her tonight. She told me she got angry with me because I didn't disucss it with her.

I have a few more days with her in the apartment.
I can still call the her new complex to let them know my WS is planning on breaking her current lease and doesn't have the money for the termination fee and she is going to try to sneak in 5 cats. But I won't.

Others will tell you as well I am sure but you just need to stand tough on this.

She may follow through but she may come to realize when her thinking clears that the D is not in her best interest.

Right now the Fog is so thick she can't see this. All she can see is that with you out of the way then she and OM can start a new life together. Not going to happen if what OMF said is true.

Just stand strong and get through the next week or two. Then you will begin to see what her resolve really is. Remember keep vigilant about NC with OM. Even after she moves. Especially after she moves.

Yup. Since she is working tomorrow night, I am going to have another talk with the OM. So far, so good.

Don't you get it? She's trying to be reasonable and help you save money and she's not going after your retirement.

She has this whole thing figured out for you. Why don't you just cave in? NOT!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

You bet she is upset with you. You just won't go along with her fantasy world!

You really are her Fantasy World Killer! Why would she be upset?


You do know the more upset she the better this plan is working. Keeping her upset and frustrated is exactly what you need to see right now. When she is not and acts as if everything is going just great then you are not having the effect you need.

Just hang tough! And you be the one tha is calm and supportive to her. Just say my lawyer are handling it. The go on and be the one she can come to for another Back Rub when she gets tense.

Talk tomorrow!