ok... i need advice regarding money issues with my husband... we have been married for 7 months and still do not have a joint checking account.. we live in MY house and i'm still paying all the bills... he buys me diamonds, gifts, etc... and i've continuously asked him for money... i set up a budget for us yesterday to open a joint account... here is one of the biggest problems... i received child support (when i do get it...what a joke PA child support system is)... but he thinks it should be included in OUR income.. i explain over and over to him that i'm lucky i even get child support and that deadbeat dads (2 children, 2 dads) pay when then want.. and when they do pay, i buy whatever my children need, clothes, shoes, etc... well, my husband wants to see receipts of what i'm spending my child support money on... when he doesn't even contribute to paying bills.!!!! and now that we're going to open a joint account, he wants to have this child support money accounted for.... well, i have been on my own for 11 years and i don't think this child support money should have anything to do with OUR income... i have supported my children on my INCOME alone for several years and when i do get child support, it's EXTRA money.. for my CHILDREN.. he pays $150/wk in child support and we have his son 50% of the time... and his son comes home with ripped school ties, holes in his shoes.. etc.... so, i told him when his ex starts accounting for what SHE buys with HIS money.. then i will account for what I buy for MY children... i have even offered that when there IS additional monies, we can do family activities, put some away, or even pay bills.. but this isn't good enough for him.. he wants to control me... how in the world do i make him see the REAL situation.... ????

This has nothing to do with your situation, and I would drop it when discussing this with your husband.

I think there is some of this control going both ways. Because -
This is not going to work. You have to set up a budget together, not you telling him what will happen. Especially you are not going to be able to say that some part of your income doesn't get counted and all of his does.

You set up a budget by deciding how much you have to spend each month, and how much you receive as income each month. If you can't count on child support every month, then it doesn't get included. You WILL have to account for the $150 a week for your husband's son.

But you sit down with a pay stub for the previous month for you and your husband. Add the two net totals together. That is your monthly income. Then you decide that you need to spend so much on food, so much on the rent or the mortgage, 10% to save, 10% to donate to charity or the church, so much on clothes, $600 a month for child support, etc. If your husband wants to give you gifts or diamonds, fine, but that has to be accounted for in the budget too.

Add up the total you received in child support for the previous year. Divide that by 12, and you have the average to expect from that source. If you want to put it into a separate bucket and spend it on children's clothes or whatever, that is fine too, but it needs to be included in your budgeting.

Do the same with the rest of your bills. If you budget $100 a week on food, and spend $110 this week, fine, but then you will need to spend $90 next week. If you say "we buy the kid's clothes from the child support money", fine, but then you have to wait until the child support money gets built up far enough that you can afford to buy the new jeans or whatever.

This is Budgeting 101 for Couples, and I was astonished when I was first married that everyone didn't do that as a matter of course.

They say that most marital fights are about money, sex, children and in-laws. My experience is that this is quite true, and therefore it behooves you to set up a plan to deal with money issues right from the start. And NOT by telling your husband how things are going to be. That's a Disrepectful Judgement, which is a big no-no by MB standards.
But you aren't any more. Now you are a couple, and need to figure out how you will spend your money as a couple.

If you see what I am saying. You are not 100% right and your husband 100% wrong here. Nor is it the other way around. You need to find a solution that you both can agree is worthwhile.

Regards,
rs0522

my husband has asked me to do the budget.. that's the issue... he doesn't do anything for himself... makes me do everything.. then when i do it, it's wrong.... my child support come whenever it comes.. that's when i buy my 16yo and my 12 yo their clothes.. i do not take from my pay to do this... it's my husband's reluctancy to do a budget.. he has not paid one penny toward any bills since july.... not a penny... i pay for everything... and his child support that he pays IS included in our budget... he's 100% fine with the budget.. its' the child support that i receive that he is not happy with.. my children's so-called supplies are not added into OUR budget....and just as a side note, i didn't receive child support for over three years.. how do you account that into a budget from a previous year? my husband is verbally abusive and physically violent when it comes to MY belongings.. he is seeing a therapist weekly...at this point, i don't have any reasons to stay... i'm just trying to get by at this point.... hoping things will change....

I don't see any either. Good luck to you.

Regards,
rs0522